The cliques

[Globalpeace]

:salam2:
I live in Canada too and sadly this is a typical situation here

Asslamo Allaikum,

Not sure where you live in Canada but compared to UK, you live in a paradise of community cohesion and integration.

NOT all communities are perfect but those are the bits about US & Canada that I miss...

And then there are bits that UK excels in...

 

[dianne]

Salam brothers & sisters,
Alhamdulillah i live in the world peace EVER! j/k lol -(Malaysia) in my family theres so many races-arabians,malays,native,chinese,ibans,bugis,eurasian & hispanic.but for sure we are all muslim!
My neighbor is christian,her family is just like my family,their kids can come anytime they wanna because my dad didnt made a partitions at the backyard.sometimes when my dad came back home brought something like fruits etc- so we share it together.
Respect each other beliefs - good for everybody.we already being like this since generation tradition cultures.
I dont think i wanna live other place than here-where i belong.BUT most important thing is we have our own place that we couldnt live without this things!
It called HOME-the paradise for everybody!(the place we sleep,eat,with family etc)

Wassalam

 

[Aapa]

Salaam Sister Dianne,


It is very difficult to convey what it is to live as a Muslim in a country where the Muslim population is under 5%. We are very isolated. A metropolitian area such as the Washington,D.C. area has a wonderful multicultural element. You see Muslims everywhere. The colors of the clothes, the smells of the foods, and the joy of being together is wonderful.

I have described in earlier posts that I reside in an area that covers three counties. We have 45 families. 40 of the families are phyiscians. That leaves a few of us that do not share the same socio-economic status. We are blessed with a few stray students.

Often profession limits one's ability to communicate. Like kinds remain together. We suffer from this sickness. I ignore the ignorance. And the members of my masjid do not share my passion for justice. Let me put it politely they are not as radical as I am. I have to limit my passions for the likes of a forum like this and often my passions are too much and my thoughts are deleted.

What assists me is knowing that Allah subhana talla has placed me here ( or else I would go crazy). I will attend the masjid as it is the house of Allah subhana talla. But, a forum like this is critical in my world. So when I attend the masjid and a sister smiles or a brother holds the door open, yes, I am grateful.

 

[dianne]

Salaam Sister Dianne,


It is very difficult to convey what it is to live as a Muslim in a country where the Muslim population is under 5%. We are very isolated. A metropolitian area such as the Washington,D.C. area has a wonderful multicultural element. You see Muslims everywhere. The colors of the clothes, the smells of the foods, and the joy of being together is wonderful.

I have described in earlier posts that I reside in an area that covers three counties. We have 45 families. 40 of the families are phyiscians. That leaves a few of us that do not share the same socio-economic status. We are blessed with a few stray students.

Often profession limits one's ability to communicate. Like kinds remain together. We suffer from this sickness. I ignore the ignorance. And the members of my masjid do not share my passion for justice. Let me put it politely they are not as radical as I am. I have to limit my passions for the likes of a forum like this and often my passions are too much and my thoughts are deleted.

What assists me is knowing that Allah subhana talla has placed me here ( or else I would go crazy). I will attend the masjid as it is the house of Allah subhana talla. But, a forum like this is critical in my world. So when I attend the masjid and a sister smiles or a brother holds the door open, yes, I am grateful.

Salam sister,

Yea i understand your situations living in the contry that Muslim population is under 5%.feel like an alien lol.ive been the same situation like you before.
I live in San Diego for 3years back before, i dunno how imagined,because us in here - malaysia - used to open the house door open for friends,neighbors.but when i live in san diego,i just stay at home.doing own stuff,no communications with other neighbors coz they is the place use to be.
sometimes when we pass by we just say good morning,have a good day- such like that.and then we just go!
how sick i am on this situation,but thats the life going to be.we cant complaint much.Allah swt must have a reason why.

Wassalam

 

[TheKnowledgeSeeker]

assalamu alaykum

Asalaamu Alaikum

After being muslim for almost 16 yrs now I still notice that this clique thing is not going away. If you aren't arab or married to an arab or pakistani or married to a pakistani, be prepared to spend most of your time friendless..this apparently mostly happens with women I'm told. Frankly I'm sick of it..and the whole, well they can't speak english thing, is getting really old..their english is excellent and the well they feel more comfortable with their own people is getting old too..that's called racism. Is anyone else going through this? I've started to hang around my own people even though they are not muslim because of this. I don't intend on spending my lifetime alone without friends. Plus its good for dawah.

Wa Salaamu Alaikum
D4E

I never heard. I never had any arab or pakistani friends and i am not friendless. I real don't thing being arab, pakistani or marry to them has anything to do with being friendless. I think building friendship depend on your communication skills or personality. If you don't find friends among a groups of people than go to the next group that is why Allah SAW bless us be from diffferent countries and have different cultures and it is good to have friends from around to the world it expands your mind. Hey sometimes your own people or muslim sisters/brothers are the one who are going to misguide you.I don't see this as racism just as opinion and very judgmental thing. I personal don't care for friendship as i long as we are cool and have respect for each other it doesn't matter. And who knows you might be btter off without them as long as you have your love ones. I live in the USA and i live in one place so for those who live in two do you guies have to change yourselfs?And the last time i remember UK is not friendly country it scary me to even visit there. Anyways if you need a friend you have TTI to count on!!

 

[Mabsoot]

I have not seen much of this "clique" phenomenon. And having been to the two most important Muslim places in the World (Makkah and Madinah), i know that the Muslims are very much united alhamdulillah. You will see and find many good friends from all over the world inshaAllah, if you go there.

And also, this website itself is a mixture of all sorts of people, why should it be different in a Masjid? If the Masjid is truly a place for worshipping Allah properly, and the people who go there are upon the sunnah, it should be fine.

A True Muslim would welcome anyone, of any colour or background.. and even it is good for us to be kind and friendly to those of different faiths. Afterall, if they are harmless and good people, we should show them what a Muslim is truly like.

The best example, is that of our blessed Prophet Muhammad and his Companions. They were of all backgrounds and races. From Ethiopian, Persian through to Roman. - They were all equal, alhamdulillah.

There is many examples of this in Islam. - However, Muslims are weak and distant from these practises because they have not even got a clue about Aqeedah. They dont even have correct understanding of who Allah is, and how to stick to the Qur'aan and Sunnah.. So, how do we expect them to not have any racism, exaggeration, "modernism" etc. - All these are things that come from the ignorance of True Islam. - These can all be alleviated by us teaching ourselves, our families and our friends about Tawheed and worshipping Allah properly, sticking to the Quran and the Authentic Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad with the understanding of the early Muslims. The first three generation of Muslims.

So, lets cut this Arab, Pakistani malarchy and see ourselves for who we are, human beings. - Creation of Allah, the Children of Adam Alayhi Salam. And we are all created for one purpose, to worship Allah alone, without associating any partner to Him. And, we are commanded to be good to each other and we must try our best to be like the Prophet and his Companions, May Allah's blessing be upon them all.

Wasalam.

 

[najbc]

Assalamu alaykum,

Very interest experience. I live in the US and it really is not that bad at all. I went middle and high school in US, so for those of you that do not live in US, let me break down for you how the muslim kids in the place I live present themselves. I have different friends Asian, Egyptian, Africa and American and muslim and non muslim. Living in American, I learned you can be anyone and have a lot of friends, it just depend on how you present yourself. I do not mean to offend any ethical but this is how it is. I went to school with Muslim of different races and ethical, you have the Somali kids ones that act like American that they forget there language and pretend they do not speak Somali or the new ones that talk about tribes and do not like American people. And you have Arabic kids, some that lied about where they are from that they told their own American friends they are Americans and was born in American and you have the African Muslim kids who eat pig food. So, it really is not very surprising to see good Muslim that does not have Muslim friends. And in the Masjib, the sisters are very rude, they do not accept each other and if you do not go to majib very day, you are outcast. in America it really is hard to find Muslim friends your own age that are good, actually the good muslim that you can be friends with the elders, that loves everyone of us. You can have many friends it just depend on how you presentyourself and your values on who friends should be. I am go sometimes majib and the sisters really respect because of how I present myself to them. I always say Salaam and I do not worried or look to see if they answer or no, off course there are will always be sisters that look at you as if you pull their hearts out. I am not friendless, even though I do not many Muslim friends. I have non muslim friends and that have good character better the some muslim. Do not become friends with anyone just because they are muslim or non muslim, it was say the friends are what guide and misguide us. Find a friend that will guide you to the right path in life maybe if not in religion. in American, you will learn as Muslim teenage it is the hard to find friends well good muslim friends and the American kids as long as you respect yourself and them, you will not be friendless. This is how it is in American, at least the part I live in.

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

As people get older it becomes harder to communicate. People build up walls. The experinces of those who wrote including myself can not be discounted. These situations exist. I am one that is always crying for unity. It can start at the masjids on a very local level. All we have to do is extend a simple salaam. Each one of us needs to take responsibility on a personal level.
To the sweet sister from Ohio..often when immigrant families get together they see others as foreigners in this crazy world...as for people like me..we are always foreign to any group at any time..once in a while I just like to get if off my chest..and as I stated before forums like this are important as they open up the eyes of many who would otherwise not be sensitive to the needs of fellow Muslism. You keep saying salaam and extending your sweetness as it is charity.

 

[dawahforever]

Asalaamu Alaikum

I think the brothers don't really understand what its like to be a muslim woman convert..its like being an alien in 2 worlds. You are not accepted by other muslim women and in small towns there are basically two groups..its a fact, there are pakistanis and there are arabs..there are not other groups to choose from. The pakistanis are well established and have been here since I was born, the arabs are newer but also are doing quite well. They are content with each other in their own groups and feel no need to include us the strange convert women who are into Islam but not their culture. Teenagers get along quite well cuz frankly they are "Canadian" and don't care about their parents countries. They are open minded and friendly and I usually sit with them because of that which looks weird at my age but hey! I wish the parents were like the kids. Imagine being me..you walk in the mosque and there is the pakistani table, the arab table and the youth table. YOu don't know what to do! If I sit with one group I offend the other group for some reason even though neither are all that interested so I sit with the youth. I guess I'm just like them..I've been muslim as long as they have been on this earth and they have grown up in the same country. My husband on the other hand is from another country but whoops its not where the other guys are from and he's not from CAnada either. Such a sad situation. Is it right to always be alone and your kids too except at the mosque. That's a whole other story..most of the kids are busy studying or playing sports or hanging out with their rich cool friends. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one with this problem. Its not a case of not knowing how to be sociable ...we were Christian before and we never knew what it felt to be unpopular! But now we are snubbed by our own people and snubbed by the immigrant muslims. NOt so fun!

Wa salaamu Alaikum
D4E

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Sister you raise our sensibilities. What you write is true. What I gain strenght in, and please know I am born Muslim, is part of our jihad is to learn to love all Muslims, even if we be treated like strangers. The faith increase as the heart opens. We treat others with love and respect simply because we do not want others to experience the aloneness we have been through.

 

[sumaya_graham]

Assalam alaikum,

Assalam alaikum,

Well my experience has been slightly different. I went to the mosque, because I actually wanted to pray, and the place was full of moroccan women. They were always inviting me to go to their houses etc. i thought it was great but......there is always a but!!! I found them only to be total gossipers!!! Their only interest of me going was to find out all my business and then speak badly about me!! This happened last year and it really affected my Iman because I just couldn't believe what was happening, masha allah.

Also even if they are friendly they expect you to sepak not rabic but moroccan dialect, eat like them, cook like them, dress like them etc etc etc They confuse the fact that I have reverted to Islam not to being moroccan. I've had some not very nice experiences and have chosen not to go to the mosque again. And i don't even want to be seen in the area of the mosque cos I always bump into women and then they start asking me all my private stuff and act as if I'm evil cos I don't go to the mosque anymore, masha allah. As far as I know it is obligatory for women anyway......it really boils my blood when I think about it.

I have to be honest though and say that it has all deeply affected me and don't "trust" anyone now. May Allah forgive me but Insha Allah he understands why I just can't let people close to me again.

There is an "Algerian" mosque (isn't it ironic how there are algerian and moroccan mosques?) and they have a section for women now so Insha Allah I will go there. But I've learnt my lesson and shall stay well clear of people. I just want to go and pray,I don't want to be included in the local womens gossiping circle!!! May Allah show us all the right path.

Oh, just something else I've learnt too, if I just happen to meet a muslim woman in a shop or something and we just chat a little, if they then want to meet me, it is always because they have a cousin, brother, etc that they want me to marry. Most of the time there are either in Morocca and "want" to come here or live here and "want" papers, however they always try and sell you "he can't find a nice girl to marry where he lives" or "he would very much like to marry a revert, he is very religiuos" and later you find out they don't even pray!!! So I stay clear of funny women who want my phone number jajajaja. It is true what I say, but I just laugh about it now.

Fi amanillah,
Sumaya

 

[Globalpeace]

Pakistani, Arabs, Reverts (Blacks, White, Hispanics & Asians)

Asslamo Allaikum,

Pakistani, Arabs, Reverts (Blacks, White, Hispanics & the latest addition to the US Revert scene i.e. Asians (Hindus, Sikhs, Far-Easterns)) all have a different set of issues/problems and require different set of social skills/tools to deal with.

And depending on whether Born Muslims & Muslimahs are immigrants or 2nd or 3rd generation is also a factor.

Social & educational classes also complicate the issue.

And yes Muslimahs have different set of issues & I will not pretend to know them completely but I do have some inkling and knowledge of the issues.

This is one of my most interesting areas of study but I am unable to discuss it openly because it requires people to think out of the box & address issues head-on which is something the Ummah lacks!

We generally don’t like hearing the truth, confronting stereo-types and addressing issues…We would rather walk around with our heads in the cloud….

I would agree that it is getting better & will get better because of more & more kids growing up in the West…

Lastly, I still assert that US & Canada are a million times better then Europe in terms of social cohesion and integration amongst Muslims.

P.S: To say that Muslims should learn to behave according to Sunnah is the PERFECT ANSWER (off course and no doubt) but HOW do you get from the point where we are AT to the point of following Sunnah? That is the million dollar question and most people who tell you the solution (i.e. following the Sunnah) don’t have a road-map or a clue! It is very difficult for a single Muslim mother in New York taking care of a drug-addict son to envisage the path…She know where she needs to be (i.e. following the Sunnah) but doesn’t know HOW she can get out of the rut she is in!


P.P.S: 1st step in solving the problem is asking tough questions but we as an Ummah loathe tough questions...our predecessors (Salaf) didn’t but we do! We come from a history and precedence of open-dialogue and constructive criticism upon the leaders (as abundantly evident in the lives of Muslim Khalifas where their writ, domain and power were challenged again and again and again by common men and women) and now we are at the mercy of Saudi Islam (where you can be imprisoned, tortured and even killed for asking for financial figures)…

I hope that I have not offended anyone....but I am sure that I have...O well!

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Brother you are right. At least in the US it is an issue of the number of generations you have been here. I will be open. To the first generation immigrants who arrived in the US after 1980 I am a total American. Let me put it simply I have no Pakistani ways. How can I? I lived in Pakistan for one year of my life.
Yes, I have in the past made fun of the off the boaters. Who hasn't. I can still detect by the way a woman dresses how many years she has lived in the States. The process of assimilating into another culture takes at least a decade.
What happens is the immigration barrier. The majority of the people at my masjid were adults when they arrived to the states. The women are often horrified at my western ways. It is easier to talk to the two sisters who are reverts and the children of the immigrants.
I was discussing a wonderful rap nasheed group out the US. I had captivated the teenagers. I was yacking about various websites for teenagers etc. The Arab mother pulled the girls away from me.
In the masjid people do use the mother languages. I was listening to some Pakistani women and could not understand their Urdu. These women are from Punjab. Not UP. The Arabs speak Arabic.
And there is small group of us that speaks American English. The spoken language is very different from the written language.
If anyone is awake, this is what I am saying:
1. We find comfort in our langauge.
2. We find comfort with likes.
3. We have barriers that are difficult to cross.
4. Often the 1st genration immigrants see a 2nd/3rd genration immigrant and see the reality of the outcome of total assimilations. They have a very visceral reaction.

If you could follow that, please someone let me know.

 

[dawahforever]

Asalaamu Alaikum

I think I know what you mean Mirajmom. Where are you anyway? I think we could be great friends insha Allah..well at least online if you are so far. I'm in Ontario.

Wa Salaamu Alaikum
D4E:muslim_child:

 

[Aapa]

Salaam sister,

I live in what is called : Almost Heaven. I live in Appalachia. I live in wild and wonderful West Virginia. If you know anything about the jokes of West Virginia you can laugh at a woman running around in hijab here. We stop the four wheelers!
For my brothers and sisters who are unaware: it is stunningly beautiful. We have no escalators in my city. We make have two elevators. And there are very few sidewalks. We have random beauty. From my porch I can see cascading moutain tops. We are at 3000 feet above sea level give or take 500 feet.

Anyways, we just have to be forgiving if we wish for Allah to forgive us.

 

[jabba]

Salam Alaikum Sumaya
SIster if that happened to me, I would do the same thing you did. I cannot believe this, people are always whinning about the state of the ummah, but we really have to change the small things around us and our behaviour before we can change the world. I'm sorry you can't trust anymore, I feel like I can't trust a lot of the time either. It's hard to trust when people are constantly disapointing you......But sister Mirajmom is right, we have to be able to forgive....

 

[Aapa]

Sister Jabba,

What I have learned to live by is : I put my Trust into the protection of Allah subhana talla. Short of Allah there is little trust. I still listen to the words of my mother.

 

[muslim_4_life]

It truly is hard finding a friend

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

But we call eachother sisters. So let us not look for friends when we have each other. I really feel as we met at a masjid..the men would have a right to put us out..we would be laughing, crying, clapping hands and making those women sounds of joy.

 

[najbc]

Assalamu alaykum,

It depends on your definition of friends and friendship. Because all of you in here and every Muslim out there is friend to me in heart and I will be there for everyone who needs me because we all are friends in heart and soul. do not worried finding friendship, just be happy, nice and friendly and you never know who‘s friend you might be in their heart or look up to you as good role model of a friends. To all the sisters and brothers out there I wish you the best luck on everything. Keep your head up and be a good example to those misguide or lost others sisters and brothers.

:tti_sister: