The problem with Islam is...

ShyHijabi

Junior Member
...the Muslims. :)

Salaam,

Now that I've got your attention I wanted to post some thoughts that have been rumminating in my head lately. First some basic background on myself, I converted about 2.5 years ago to Islam and the price was my family and most of my friends. Many people will say "Well those aren't real friends then" but those same Muslims would distance themselves from apostates of Islam, so do not be too quick to judge.

Since converting I have had the unique point of view of looking from the inside out and seeing if people mean what they say. I have witnessed tribalism that would make the Hindus with their caste system shake heir head in amazement. I read 2-3 posts weekly here on TTI about people desiring to marry someone of another race/ethnicity but their parents are opposed and even threaten with disownment. They speaking mincingly of "language barriers" and "cultural differences" even when the person seeking marriage is willing to adapt and flex to their norms. The truth of the matter is they feel their culture/tradition is superior to Islam but would never outright say it. Actions my friends....that is how we measure true intention.

I have spent most of my Ramadaans alone and breaking fast by myself as most Muslims suddenly become occupied with the festivities within their own family....forgetting the Muslim that has no one. I was just mocked last week in the grocery store by a "born-Muslim" female when she asked where I was from. I responded "from here" to which she rolled her eyes and in a thick accent said so was she. (obviously she was Arab...later she informed me she was from Syria....but she simply couldn't beliive a Hijabi would be from America and in the South) She then said, "Oh you must've married an Arab and converted for him." To which I informed her I am not married nor ever have been married to a Muslim. She pretty much accused me of lying. I would like to point out she wasn't wearing hijab but had no problem tearing apart an obvious convert in front of a bunch of non-Muslims.

At my place of employment I face constant ridicule from customers and also insults. But for now it is the only way to feed myself and keep a roof over my head so I endure. There is no mosque close by that I can attend (the closest one is almost an hour drive and my vehicle is on it's last leg presently) so I can't even find some kind Muslims to fellowship with.

Meanwhile I read and hear from other Muslims (online mostly since there aren't many Muslims locally) about everything we converts "do wrong." Many times instead of receiving encouragement we are criticised and corrected quite harshly. It can really make a person doubt that they amde the right decision to become Muslim if only to be constantly berated and torn down.

Lastly there is the marriage prospect. The brother that showed interest in me spent a long battle with his parents and last Fall finally got permission. But a few weeks later his father said, "You guys can do whatever you want but I won't be part of it." So while we have "permission" we do not have "approval." Basically his father has an issue with my skin color and that I am a convert. Apparently these two details make me unacceptable. I've given the brother a time limit to square things with his father then I am cutting ties as I can no longer stand still and need to find a husband and insh'Allah, one day have children.

I am weary my brothers and sisters. So very weary of this long and lonely road. I know Allah swt only test those he loves but sometimes I wish he didn't trust me so much to be strong enough. So please consider your convert brothers and sisters and extend a hand of compassion and patience. if possible, have your parents read this post so they can understand how the elders are effecting new converts to this religion. Maybe they will finally look past their tribalism and truly....truly welcome their new brothers and sisters into their homes, family, and ummah.

Wasalaam
 

IslamIsLight

Islam is my life
Staff member
salam aleikum
Ah... sister ,I feel what you are going through ,SubhnaAllah its really hard sometimes ,with nobody by your side ...
Is there any way for you to move to a different state ,with bigger community? ...Ususally in every community there are a lot of reverts and most of them Americans and usually it helps a lot ,coz most of us get together from time to time ....
But I have to agree ,that many Muslims are very judhemental towards converts ,thinking they convert for their husbands and etc and that they don'tknow anything ... What a mentality ...
But anyway ,life is a test for us all ,and we have to take it ,whether we want it or not ..
Take care sister and stay strong ,everything will be solved for you inshaAllah ...
There is wisdom behind every difficulty..

waaleikum salam
 

IbnAdam77

Travelling towards my grave.
:salam2:

Subuhaanallah my sister. May Allah (swt) reward Jannathul Firdaus for your patience sister. If you can see me now, you will see someone who is trying to prevent his tears from flowing infront of many people.

I know it will be difficult for you to believe if I say even. But trust me I always have a special place in my heart for my brothers and sisters who are converted to islam. They joined the Religion after paying very high prices which we born-muslims even cannot think about. They are those who joined Islam by knowing the Truth from falsehood and by making own research. That could be the reason why I sometimes think about marrying a converted Muslimah. But who knows my heart except Allah? Its not easy to put those things into words really.

May Allah make your life easy my respected sister. Believe me people like me loves you all for the sake of Allah.

wassalam

-brother IbnAdam-
 

safiya58

Junior Member
:salam2:

sister u r totally right... our tradition is more important for us than our religion and we don´t follow to the rules of our deen but to our tradition... we are scared what people might think about us but we don´t give a damn what Allah will think about us.... still we say la illahe il´Allah.... no God worthy of worship but Allah..... we are deef, dump and blind and do not regognice the danger we put ourself in (into shirk)... may Allah guide us... and may Allah give u patience and a good pious husband and all the best in dunya and ackira aswell...

:wasalam:
 

sazk

Banned
I guess at the end of it all, there is only one place where you can find solace is the fact that the Quran states again and again that this life is a test for the hereafter.

By Al-'Asr (the time).

Verily! Man is in loss,

Except those who believe (in Islamic Monotheism) and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth (i.e. order one another to perform all kinds of good deeds (Al-Ma\'ruf �����e�)which Allah has ordained, and abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds (Al-Munkar ������)which Allah has forbidden), and recommend one another to patience (for the sufferings, harms, and injuries which one may encounter in Allah\'s Cause during preaching His religion of Islamic Monotheism or Jihad, etc.).

muslims cannot make Islam look great for you, but Islam can make muslims look great.

- Always remember the palestinian children in your duas.
 

cmelbouzaidi

Junior Member
:salam2: dearest sister, I have been thinking of you and I have not been on tti really for quite some time now... I am busy trying to defend Islam on youtube and help out some of the younger reverts to Islam on that channel.... it is a constant challenge but Alhamdulillah. I have never come across a more sincere and wonderful sister as you! Don't let people's prejudice and outright ignorance get you down, please sister. You are a precious jewel and Satan is well aware of that. He must be working frustrated night and day to try and plant doubt in your mind. You are in my duaa, you are a great example of a Muslimah, born or revert, a wonderful example to so many of us :) Recite Qur'an at any given opportunity and especially Ayat al Kursi and Surahs 112, 113 and 114 to ward of anyone who does not wish you well. Stay strong, sis, I pray that you will have a more reliable set of wheels soon so you can get to the masjid there in Florida, there is a tremendous Islamic community in Florida and I do miss them so myself :) Keep in touch, wassalam.
 

Musulmanin

Junior Member
:salam2:

Sister Sarah, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Try to move to a big city with lots of Muslims, you can make more friends inshAllah. I'm sure there are lots and lots of sisters in the same situation as you are, you more likely to meet righteouos people in the areas with lots of muslims.

with regard to your old friends, but if they were your friends in kufr, surely they will leave you. Why do you feel bad your friends left you? Personally I feel better without some of my former friends ( I am not a convert, but I didn't grow up practicing my religion and made some friends that were only distracting me from Islam). Also, know that it's hard not only for converts, believe me many muslims go through almost the same difficulties even with their non-practicing muslim families. And it can be even worse than in your case. InshAllah with every hardship comes ease. I'm sure early muslims were going through even tougher times, they too often lived in areas without any muslims around, their families disowened them.

Sister, find a wali and announce that you're looking for a husband, there is no wrong in doing so ( properly of course inshAllah). I'm sure there are lots of single brothers looking for their second halves. It saddens me how single muslim brothers and sisters can not find each other.

May Allah help you in your journey!

:wasalam:
 

ummi h

Junior Member
assalamu aleykum

my dear sister im so sorry you were made to feel that way, how dare the sister talk down on you like that..

i had a similar experiance in a baby shop..where an emirate sr was serving me,
she kept looking at me and then had the cheek to say to me ''arent you hot in all that jilbab thing'' i replied ''hell-fire is hotter''..she was wearing skinny jeans and a black top...this was in london.

im nobody to judge for allah is the best judge, so i couldnt reply look at what you are wearing you look no different to kaffirs astaqfurrullah..

sister its a shame you dont have a good muslim network to support you...
allhamdulilah where i live there is so much stuff for new-muslims..i love going to the masjid to see revert muslim making shahada, it so emotional, and alhamdulilah im always there so i can also offer any support they need like hijab+abaya shopping and going with them to new-muslims halaqas..in return i get new freinds and learn new things about islam alhamdulilah.

sr allah does not test believers with a test they cant cope and handle..inshallah our rewards is increase in emaan and more love for allah.
and its humbling to realise that allah choses to test those whom he loves and he chose you my dear sister.allahu akbarr!!..please be patient for the reward is sweeter..
may allah make your test easier and bless you with sweet success inshallah amiin. wasalam:hearts::hearts::hearts::hearts:
 

ShyHijabi

Junior Member
Salaam,

Firstly thank you borthers and sisters for your kind words.

Brother Musukmanin,
Please do not feel I am centering you out but I wanted to inject the harsh reality of my life and why your advise is so hard to follow. You advised me to find a wali, how and who? I've met maybe 4-5 Muslims in this city (many millions of people live here) but they were not practicing and treated me as an imposter due to my convert status. So it presents a challenge when searching for even one practicing Muslim, nonetheless someone who can be my wali.

A few people have mentioned moving to another city but don't really explain how I am to accomplish this feat on such limited funds and no connections. I am not seeking for donations so please don't PM offering me money, it kind of embarrasses me. :shymuslima1: The fact is one cannot simply move to a new city without someone to help them settle there or even enough money to get an apartment. And even if someone did help out, what then when next month's rent is due?

I live in a friend's office right now. (Christian friend from highschool) For all intents and purposes I am homeless until I get my school situation straightened out. (financial aid paperwork is stalled presently) It makes me very frustrated when people advise me to just move or find Muslim friends. I have been trying to do this very thing for a year but it is much harder than you would think when you are all alone in the world.

Please do not think I am trying to be inflammatory, that is not my intent. I just wanted to shine a light on the challenges of being a convert among a people who cling to tribalism and elitism. I am eternally grateful to Allah swt for blessing me with a job that pays enough money for me to eat and pay the small rent for living here. But I am tired and just wish the road didn't feel like it was all uphill sometimes.

If I have offended anyone I ask your forgiveness, I never want to cause my brothers and sisters pain or embarrassment. But I wanted to show you my lfie and maybe soften the hearts of our ummah just a bit.

Wasalaam
 

ummi h

Junior Member
sister ShyHijabi, regarding a wali, you can ask at the masjids, like talking to the head of the sisters area to talk to the imam for you..
many new-muslims i befreinded struggled to a find a wali, but alhamdulilah they found succsess when they approached the head of the sisters area to assist them..and some went straight to an imam themselves..mashallah.

i hope this is of help to you inshallah.
 

ShyHijabi

Junior Member
sister ShyHijabi, regarding a wali, you can ask at the masjids, like talking to the head of the sisters area to talk to the imam for you..
many new-muslims i befreinded struggled to a find a wali, but alhamdulilah they found succsess when they approached the head of the sisters area to assist them..and some went straight to an imam themselves..mashallah.

i hope this is of help to you inshallah.

Thank yous sister for this advice, but as I stated earlier my car is literally due to die anyday. A mechanic told me as much and said it was a good thing my job is walking distance from my residence as most likely I will be walking back and forth very soon. He said the repairs needed are so extensive that it would be more economical to buy a new car. Which given small income is not going to happen anytime soon.

The nearest masjid is almost an hour away. My car begins acting strangely just driving it to work (a few miles) so driving it farther is out fo the question. I tried calling the masjid once but the woman who answered spoke very weak English and took my phone number down to get a callback....that never happened. So here I sit. I pray my little jummah of one. :)
 

ditta

Alhamdu'Lillaah
Staff member
Assalaamu'Alaykum,

Sister, i was thinking of your situation after reading your post and those of others (and when I have difficulty), I sometimes look at a book I have which I will post a few quotes from which falls into the three situations you find yourself in,

You may not be able to prevent people from attacking your honour, but you are able to do well, and ultimately, to ignore and turn away from their criticism and scorn. Another poet said:

"I move past the fool who curses me,
And I continue on my previous course saying: he does not refer to me!"


And yet another said:


"When the fool speaks, then do not respond to him,
For better than to answer him is silence."


Idiots and fools clearly feel insulted by those who shine, those who are noble, and those who display genius.

"If the strengths and good points that I possess,
Were my sins, then pray tell me, how can I make amends."


Do not respond to an injurious statement that is made about you. Forbearance buries faults, tolerance is superior, silence conquers the enemy, and forgiveness is honour for which you shall be rewarded.

A wise person said,


"People are oblivious of you and me, and are busily striving for their bread. And if one of them is thristy, he will forget my death and yours."



Do not be said, for do you not see how the black clouds disperse and the violent winds subside? Your hardships will be followed by comfort and your future is bright.

Do not be sad, for the blaze of the sun is entinguished by luxuriant shade; the thrist of noon is refreshed by fresh water; the pangs of hunger find relief in warm bread; and the anxiety of sleeplessness is followed by calm repose; the pains of sickness are soon forgotten after the return of heath. It is only upon you to forbear for a short time and to be patient for a few moments.


A wise person once said:


"What has he found who has lost Allaah, and what has he discovered who has found Allaah? They can never be equal; the one who has found Allaah has found everything and the one who has lost Him has lost everything."

Do not blindly feel grief; instead, make sure you know the value of the thing which you feel sad.

The Prophet :saw: said:


"For me to say, 'How perfect is Allaah, All praise is for Him, there is none worthy of worship except Him, and Allaah is the greatest,' is more beloved to me than all that the sun rises upon."


In the words of a poet:

"The first night in the grave causes one to forget,
The castles of Khasrau and the treasures of Caesar."


If you hear the beating of resentful words in your ears, do not worry - jealousy is not something new. As a poet said:

"Devote yourself to the gathering of virtues, and work,
And turn your back on someone who cools his jealousy by giving you censure,
Know that your life's-span is the season of good deeds,
In it, they may be accepted, and after is death, when all jealousy ceases."


A wise person said:

"When facing criticism or the unjust rebuke, those who have sensitive feelings must pour a certain amount of coolness into their nerves by force."




I will stop here. (There were other bits that I wanted to add, but Insha'Allaah this should be okay.)

Remember everything is from the Qadr of Allaah, whether it is good or bad.
Say,

It is the Decree of Allaah and He does whatever He wills.

(Muslim, 4/2052)

Walaykum Salaam.
 

Musulmanin

Junior Member
Salaam,

Firstly thank you borthers and sisters for your kind words.

Brother Musukmanin,
Please do not feel I am centering you out but I wanted to inject the harsh reality of my life and why your advise is so hard to follow. You advised me to find a wali, how and who? I've met maybe 4-5 Muslims in this city (many millions of people live here) but they were not practicing and treated me as an imposter due to my convert status. So it presents a challenge when searching for even one practicing Muslim, nonetheless someone who can be my wali.

A few people have mentioned moving to another city but don't really explain how I am to accomplish this feat on such limited funds and no connections. I am not seeking for donations so please don't PM offering me money, it kind of embarrasses me. :shymuslima1: The fact is one cannot simply move to a new city without someone to help them settle there or even enough money to get an apartment. And even if someone did help out, what then when next month's rent is due?

I live in a friend's office right now. (Christian friend from highschool) For all intents and purposes I am homeless until I get my school situation straightened out. (financial aid paperwork is stalled presently) It makes me very frustrated when people advise me to just move or find Muslim friends. I have been trying to do this very thing for a year but it is much harder than you would think when you are all alone in the world.

Please do not think I am trying to be inflammatory, that is not my intent. I just wanted to shine a light on the challenges of being a convert among a people who cling to tribalism and elitism. I am eternally grateful to Allah swt for blessing me with a job that pays enough money for me to eat and pay the small rent for living here. But I am tired and just wish the road didn't feel like it was all uphill sometimes.

If I have offended anyone I ask your forgiveness, I never want to cause my brothers and sisters pain or embarrassment. But I wanted to show you my lfie and maybe soften the hearts of our ummah just a bit.

Wasalaam

:salam2:

Ok sister, obviously you are already living in a big city. Have you tried to go to a masjid? Look for masjids and islamic organizations around your area using this site. www.islamicfinder.org

You can email them or call them and ask them what kind of help you can get as a new muslims. If one masjid does not answer or does not return calls, try again, try other masjids. Ask them if someone can carpool with you on Saturday or Sunday or other days. Also, Imam is a good choice of Wali, try to find a masjid following proper aqeeda and then meet sisters their during halaqa or other events inshAllah. You can approach Imam and explain your situation, I am sure you would not be the first person he met who is in the same situation.

Masjid is your center point for muslims. The imam may introduce you to other sisters etc. But sister you need to be active about it.

I'm not trying to say it is easy to move around etc. But imagine that immigrants without English manage to survive in the new country.

Sister, don't let some ignorance of other make you feel bad. These people know they should be covering themselves and they know that there are muslim all over the world. Some people feel threatened by a convert following Islam, while they think being born into muslim family is enough. :astag:

You're truely blessed to see the Light of Islam in the darkness of ignorance and kuft around. May Allah help you and all of us!

:wasalam:
 

ummi h

Junior Member
sister i just want to help you so much. i hope i didnt offend you in any way and if i did please forgive me inshallah....

sr please dont feel embarrased if people want to help you.. there is a revert sister a group of us are helping..poor girl was found by a couple sleeping in a car park, at the moment she is staying with them..we have passed on information about her situation to a lot of people we know and alhamdulilah we are raising enough money to pay for 1 year rent inshallah...
i dont even know her or met the sister but we all need to help everyone in-need in any way we can regardless their colour...and may god reward all the sisters and brothers for thier donations inshallah..
 

Muslimah16

ServantOfAllah*
Aaw sister sarah i really feel for you.
I hope and pray Allah makes everything easy for You. Aameen.
Take care

Your sister
 

ditta

Alhamdu'Lillaah
Staff member
Thank yous sister for this advice, but as I stated earlier my car is literally due to die anyday. A mechanic told me as much and said it was a good thing my job is walking distance from my residence as most likely I will be walking back and forth very soon. He said the repairs needed are so extensive that it would be more economical to buy a new car. Which given small income is not going to happen anytime soon.

The nearest masjid is almost an hour away. My car begins acting strangely just driving it to work (a few miles) so driving it farther is out fo the question. I tried calling the masjid once but the woman who answered spoke very weak English and took my phone number down to get a callback....that never happened. So here I sit. I pray my little jummah of one. :)

Assalaamu'Alaykum,

Sister how about public transport?

Would it be good enough for what you need to do?

If the Masjid is 1 hour away, walking distance, public transport could cut that down to 30mins, maybe?

That is if there is a bus that goes near there.

Stay strong sister.

Walaykum Salaam.
 

Rashadi

Junior Member
Salaam aleykom sister, wow I am seriously speechless because this is how I feel and what I go through. The problem is not Islam but some Muslims and the problem occurs because they are not doing Islam to begin with. I been a Muslim for about 4 years now and believe it or not apart from a few associates at work I don't even have any Muslim friends. It was hard for me too because I lived in an area before where there were hardly any Muslims and I later moved to Atlanta where there are many but they pretty much stick with themselves or with their own.

I think it's almost impossible for a revert to get married to a born Muslim because of family, etc. At times I get so frustrated but I always remember that I was guided to Islam by Allah and in a place with no Muslims. Even if every Muslim left Islam(astaghfirullah) I wouldn't renounce it because I know it's the truth but some Muslims are far from it. It has always fascinated me when a non practicing Muslim or Muslima is rude to a revert. I ran into a Muslim who openly admitted that he is not ashamed of doing drugs, fornicating etc. I asked him if he didn't fear Allah or hell and he was very calm about it and said no Muslim will stay in hell forever so he sees it more like a prison sentence for a short time. I said wow, lucky you that you happen to be a "Muslim" without even making the choice. People like that will call every non-Muslim kafirs and say they are going to helll, even the ones who never knew or heard of Islam but this lucky fella will get a free ticket to jannah because he was born a Muslim without a choice.

Must be nice to have it that easy. Don't worry about it my sister we are Muslims because Allah guided us and not because of the actions of others. After all, Muslims are humans too and imperfect. There are good born Muslims and there are also those I wouldn't even associate with. I have basically lost all my friends, family and all the people I knew but I gotta do what is right. It is hard not seeing my family or friends anymore but I try to maintain everyday. I can totally relate to your situation and the only difference between us is our gender but the struggle is one and the same.

May Allah guide us all amin.
 

IslamicGirl24

Junior Member
Assalam-o-alaikum sister Sarah!

Your post made me sooo sad AND angry! Angry at that muslim woman you met at the shop! How dare she talks to her sister in Islam in such a way.
I sometimes feel sooo angry at the muslim brothers and sisters who, instead of learning and acting upon their religion insult those who are actually trying to become better muslims. one may tolerate what non-muslims say but when you actually hear such things from muslim, your tolerant level breaks up.

I am soo sorry for you sister Sarah..... I literally can never even imagine the situations of muslim converts. They are really wonderful people as you are MashaAllah. May be thats why I admire them too much.

From this point onwards, I will InshaAllah never forget to remember you in my prayers.
May Allah give you the highest level of jannah. Ameen.
Take care.
Wassalam.
 

ummi h

Junior Member
assalamu aleykum br Rashadi,

my in-law's live in atlanta gorgia(bad spelling) mashallah they are so many new-muslims and born muslims living there...iv never been but my husband goes there once a year to visit his mummy... he loves it there,the weather the nice brothers he meet mashallah, but prefers london as there a masjid at every corner lol..because your masjids is always a car journey away lol.
the ones he went to were al-faruq in city centre, and al-muminun,..
wow imagine you guys probably walked past eachother!!
fiamanillah..wasalam
 
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