those who are in Medical school or phd

[a_brother]

:salam2:

is there any sister (or brother) who is studying in medical school (or doing his/her phd "Permanent Head Damage") and married...

is it possible to have a life... what is your comments
is it not recommended to study at a high level and get married...
can the two have a good religious life, or the school would take most of time and caring...

please comment and let us know what field u in if applicable...
Jazakomo-Allah Kair

 

[iislam4ever]

i want to study medical so i hope Allah helps me,,,

 

[ShyHijabi]

Salaam,

Though I am not yet married I am engaged to be married. I am presently completing my second year of medical school and he is completing his third year of medical school. There a quite a few brothers and sisters married while going to med school, a few even have children. Frankly I think it would be easier to be married and also going to school at the same time as marriage is half your deen. How can fulfilling half your religion ever be a bad thing?

I don't think it would be a distraction but rather a comfort knowing you have someone supporting you emotionally as you battle your way through books and tests.

Wasalaam

~Sarah

 

[Doris]

Bismilah,

Insha'Allah it is possible to do Medical School even if you are married sometimes even with a kid so go ahead with patiene and get good grades we need doctors and nurses in the ummah. One thing though Medical school does not give you much life for fun espacially in the first two years after that it get a bit relaxing. Don't forget that medical school is good and all that with the money, but if you don't like it don't do it bec of the moeny cause you are going to hate later on.

 

[Southrn_Muslimah]

:salam2:

Even though I am not in medical school or wish to pursue it, I do have a mother who did nursing for 20 years then went to medical school when I was 5. I am now 22. My parents are still together alhamdullilah. They had many rough patches (LOTS), but eventually they would work it out. I also have a brother who is 27, so luckily I had him to lean on for emotional needs.

Now how is life without having a parent? It is rough, but I was able to grow more independent (i.e. excel at many academic things because that is all I had and not depend on mommy doing my project).

Of course I suffered the longing to be by my mom, but today we have a beautiful relationship. Would I change anything at all if I had to? Not at all. My mom is a great mom even though she spent 90 plus hours a week at the hospital or school. My dad assumed the role of mother,father, and playmate lol.

I think you should go for it. My brother is engaged to his girlfriend for 10 years. She is in her 2nd year of medical school.

If your relationship can last through those years, then congratulate yourself because you definitely know that the person is the one to be if they supported you throughout your endeavor.

Allah knows best, but if you have a passion for medicine then stick with it.

 

[muharram23]

salamu alaykum

just an adivice, dont wait until 35 years of age to get married. The best years for a women to get married is the younger she is. The younger she is, the more little babies she can bare. Personally, who is going to marry a women in her thirties. Im not saying, that there wont be someone. It's just that everyone loves to marry a younger women cause she can bare more kids. The women used to marry at younger ages throughout centuries. Women used to give birth to 10-15 kids or even more in their life times. How do u think the muslim ummah had always a bigger ratio than non-muslims in number of kids? This has helped us alot, especially us in bosnia. If our grandmas werent giving birth to plenty of kids we would have been exterminated by the serb army. The whole population of muslims in bosnia before the war was about 3-5 million and 250000-300000 were exterminated in 3 yrs. Since most sisters used to give birth between 7-15 kids, we outnumbered them alhamdulullah. Even though we lost many, but we still defeated the dirty scared serbs. So, dont let the dunya stop u from doing that which brings u closer to ALlah and protects ur chastity. In this fitnah being married is very important.

Further, Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) says,

“Get married (and reproduce) for I will boast of your large numbers in front of other nations (on Judgment Day) and do not lapse into Christians’ monasticism.”


“It spares one looking at what one should not, or lapsing in adultery.”

“If Allah grants a Muslim a righteous wife, this helps him preserve half of his religion (faith)

“The whole world is pleasure, and the best pleasure of the world is the righteous woman.”

"O you young people, men and women! Whosoever can bear the burden of marriage, let him or her get married. It [marriage] is indeed contentment to the eye and a protection to the modest parts."

"When one is married, he secures half of his religion. So let him fear God in the other half."


These are just a few of the hadeeths mentioning the benefit of marriage and there are many more. So, inshaAllah we should practice the sunnah of our prophet svs and not follow the footsteps of the kuffar. This system in the western countries is made that way that people dont get married but commit adultery and fornication.

Allah knows best

Wasalam

 

[huda2]

:salam2:


Its possible to do, but I guess it will be hard especially the first two years, but nothing comes easy right? I would really want to heard from someone who is actually in medical/dental or PHD and also married or have children, so that he/she would tell us how challenge it is insha allah.

 

[a_brother]

:salam2:

Jazakomo-Allah-Kair for sharing

there is no doubt that been a doctor is a good thing
and of course, we need to have sisters who are doctors

BUT, if a sister is a doctor, how can a couple make a family (have kids and a life)

now a days, one would "have" to go to school to get education so he/she can keep up with the world. but by doing so, people are not able to get married in the early age as in the old days, at the same time "puberty does not come at a later time to compensate for the "mandatory" time spent in education:angryred:"

WHAT IS THE SOLUTION!!????

 

[muharram23]

:salam2:

Jazakomo-Allah-Kair for sharing

there is no doubt that been a doctor is a good thing
and of course, we need to have sisters who are doctors

BUT, if a sister is a doctor, how can a couple make a family (have kids and a life)

now a days, one would "have" to go to school to get education so he/she can keep up with the world. but by doing so, people are not able to get married in the early age as in the old days, at the same time "puberty does not come at a later time to compensate for the "mandatory" time spent in education:angryred:"

WHAT IS THE SOLUTION!!????

salamu alaykum

solution? to get married We have plenty of doctors, but that still doesnt help the condition of this ummah. Do u know that 50-60% of US doctors are indo/pakistani?

Wasalam

 

[ShyHijabi]

Personally, who is going to marry a women in her thirties

Salaam,
Firstly, remember that Rasool (pbuh) married Kadijah (ra) when she was 40 and he was 25 and she bore him six children. Secondly I am 30...going on 31 this April and literally have to beat the brothers off with a stick sometimes. There are MANY brothers in search of a wife and couldn't care less if she is in her thirties.

BUT, if a sister is a doctor, how can a couple make a family (have kids and a life)

It's quite do-able but requires both partners to work together. One important factor is the family support system. If even one of them have very supportive parents then the children can be raised quite happily with the extended family helping out. When two people get married they are literally joining two families and with that comes an abundant source of support.

Besides, if both the husband and the wife decide to wait two years (if one or both of them want to complete basic sciences) then they are permitted to do so. Birth control is permissible in Islam (according to the scholars) as long as both the husband and wife agree to these terms.

There are options, will things be a struggle sometimes? Yes, but most worth while things are worth the struggle.

Wasalaam

~Sarah

 

[liaa]

I'm sorry because i can't answer to the question of our brother, because this i what i was trying to find out for a long time : it's possible to be in medicine school and also have family and kids?! my parents insist that i should go to medicine univ. , they say that it's the best one and i don;t have any others chances except medicine . but medicine is just too too long, it can go to more than 10 years of study !! (in romania) and i am really not that type of person that can manage two things in the same time . so this means that i will have to wait until i finish university and then start my real life and have a family and be ale to have kids ( when i will be 28 lol ) i even told tmy father about stomatology ( only 6 years of studies) but he started to laugh of me saying that it's stupid! ( what can i do? aprove to what they say and go to medicine univ or chose another one? and i forget to say that here doctor are very bad paid , really bad acording to how much some of them have to work . But dad is based on the fact that we will work in his private consultory, my brother is already in 1 year at medicine, based on the same ideea !
i don't think i am ready for medicine , it's hard and to long, but i am afraid to go to another univ. and not manage thingss, and then my father will tell me that it happened to me because i didn;t listen to him!

i'm really sorry for putting my problems in our brother's post , but they are both about the same thing, so i didn't wanted to open a new thread with almost the same thing

 

[ShyHijabi]

Salaam,

If you are not interested in medicine then I would strongly suggest you find another field of study. If the drive is not in you then you will most likely fail the academics because your heart will not be into the sacrifices required to succeed. Could you go into another area of medicine such as nursing?

Parents want what's best for their child but I also think sometimes they also want to look good in the eyes of the community. We had students at my med school who really didn't desire to go into medicine but their parents forced them because it would be so respected amongst their peers to have a child who is a doctor. Almost without exception these students failed.

So to compound the problem they now have a huge debt and the embarrassment of failing medical school. If the parents would've just listened to their child and let them go into a career they desired this could've all been avoided.

Wasalaam

~Sarah

 

[justmuslim]

Asalamu alaykum,

I agree sis shyhijaby 100%, if two ppl agree helping eachother they can do anything and is Allah who can give children who ever he wants and it has nothing to do with age, and the proof is prophet pbuh. beside that it's not fair to say that women can't bare children and no body wants to marry if she is over 30th, there are many bros who don't care the age. anyway, i will incourage any sis who wants to go higher education to go and don't worry stereotypes just have faith on Allah swt. I myself going to 30th and want to go medschool inshaAllah eventhough, i'm not marry but going to marry soon inshaallah.


wasalamu alaykum

 

[liaa]

Salaam,

If you are not interested in medicine then I would strongly suggest you find another field of study. If the drive is not in you then you will most likely fail the academics because your heart will not be into the sacrifices required to succeed. Could you go into another area of medicine such as nursing?

Parents want what's best for their child but I also think sometimes they also want to look good in the eyes of the community. We had students at my med school who really didn't desire to go into medicine but their parents forced them because it would be so respected amongst their peers to have a child who is a doctor. Almost without exception these students failed.

So to compound the problem they now have a huge debt and the embarrassment of failing medical school. If the parents would've just listened to their child and let them go into a career they desired this could've all been avoided.

Wasalaam

~Sarah

yes.. i know that ! but... i fell like if i don't go to med school i'd reallly disapoint them , and my dad has always told my relatives from syria that i'll go to this university and.. indirectly they are prepairing me for medschool. Since i started highschool i go to excelence centers at biology and different competitions , i don,'t know what to doo.. because they didn;t let me the chance to really think at smth else beside medicine !! i hope that Allah(swt) will guide my steps and make me chosee good , inshallah 1000 times.
And by the away, i now s several ppl in my town that are in medicine university and also have families, i know real cases, like an afghan man who's in the 1 year. he's married and has 2 kids, but his dad is helpping him with money!
p.s. thank u very much for ur advice sarah! i hope so much to manage things ok!

 

[xohanifaxo]

Salaam,

If you are not interested in medicine then I would strongly suggest you find another field of study. If the drive is not in you then you will most likely fail the academics because your heart will not be into the sacrifices required to succeed. Could you go into another area of medicine such as nursing?

Parents want what's best for their child but I also think sometimes they also want to look good in the eyes of the community. We had students at my med school who really didn't desire to go into medicine but their parents forced them because it would be so respected amongst their peers to have a child who is a doctor. Almost without exception these students failed.

So to compound the problem they now have a huge debt and the embarrassment of failing medical school. If the parents would've just listened to their child and let them go into a career they desired this could've all been avoided.

Wasalaam

~Sarah

saalam,
wht u said is EXACTLY what my parents want...i am in 10th grade(highschool)...my parents really want me to be a doctor...i have told them that the only reason u guys want me to be a doctor is cuz u want everyone to know that ur daughter/son is a doctor....to get all the praising ect....they still don't care and they REALLY want me to be a doctor....i kinda want to be a doctor but i am not sure...i really wanted to be in the F.B.I or C.I.A...but NO my parents won't agree with that...
so i guess i am stuck ....and who knows (besides Allah (swt))....if i will pass or fail medical school, and of course it isn't cheap...tons and tons of money $$$$$$ and lots and lots of HARD WORK!!

very worried,
xohanifaxo

 

[TheKnowledgeSeeker]

Salaam,

If you are not interested in medicine then I would strongly suggest you find another field of study. If the drive is not in you then you will most likely fail the academics because your heart will not be into the sacrifices required to succeed. Could you go into another area of medicine such as nursing?

Parents want what's best for their child but I also think sometimes they also want to look good in the eyes of the community. We had students at my med school who really didn't desire to go into medicine but their parents forced them because it would be so respected amongst their peers to have a child who is a doctor. Almost without exception these students failed.

So to compound the problem they now have a huge debt and the embarrassment of failing medical school. If the parents would've just listened to their child and let them go into a career they desired this could've all been avoided.

Wasalaam

~Sarah

The sad isthing this happens a lot especial on us immigrant people. I am freshman in college and want to go to medical school not because of money nor of my parents in fact they think i should do any related health filed that wouldn't take long time but lucky for me my parents know when not the cross a line and tell me to do this or that as a major/career. Both my parents grow with one parent so they never were told to educated themsleve but had because they were the oldest of their families . So they value our opinions/voices more than anything but not in everything but mainly when it comes to our happyness. No parent should tell their child what will bring them happyness or decide for them. So major in what you want and soon or later your parents are will come aroudn.

Then there are those who do it for the money but they forget that money is the root of all evil things and doesn't bring happyness to the topit off sepcial in families. So why don't you just find something you will wake up eveyday and look forward to do? I mean you may disappoint your parents but no matter what they still love you.

The third thing is age. What i don't get is why people think a woman who is thirty wouldn't find a brother who would marry her? I believe in destiny so if you are 40 years old and single and Allah SWT put a husband in your destiny you are going to get a husband so why sweat ourselve over that when we Muslim should believe anything Allah SWT wills happens. Then comes educatins. I believe no one is old for education. If you are 60 years old and all of sudden figure out you want to be a doctor, GO FOR IT. Age should never matter in life, but sadly people choose to live by age.

At the end, those are my opinions. Good luck with all your educations and May Allah SWT make it easy for us all. Be safe!!

 

[OsMaN_93]

i'm not a university student yet ,but i dont wana get married till the last cople of years of my midicine learning,cuz' its gona be hard and distracting to my studies

 

[OsMaN_93]

i get to learn 4 free in my country , so i dont have to worry bwt money
alhamdulelah

 

[muharram23]

yes.. i know that ! but... i fell like if i don't go to med school i'd reallly disapoint them , and my dad has always told my relatives from syria that i'll go to this university and.. indirectly they are prepairing me for medschool. Since i started highschool i go to excelence centers at biology and different competitions , i don,'t know what to doo.. because they didn;t let me the chance to really think at smth else beside medicine !! i hope that Allah(swt) will guide my steps and make me chosee good , inshallah 1000 times.
And by the away, i now s several ppl in my town that are in medicine university and also have families, i know real cases, like an afghan man who's in the 1 year. he's married and has 2 kids, but his dad is helpping him with money!
p.s. thank u very much for ur advice sarah! i hope so much to manage things ok!

salamu alaykum

so, ur going to school to statisfy ur parents? U should go for that which will satisfy ur needs inshaallah. If ur not happy with going to medicine, why should u do that. Infact, ur parents want u to go there so they can tell other parents "my daughter is in medical school. She is gonna be a doctor". I myself was in a plan of going to medical school but then i said, i dont have the time for that. I dont have the money to pay for that. Here in america u have to go 4 yrs undergraduate school, then 4 years of medical school which costs over 250,000 dolars. Then, 4-7yrs of residence with 100 hrs per week in the hospital. So, i was like "when am i going to go to masjid, make salah, memorize quraan. What if Allah s.va takes my soul right now and i am in debt over my head. Is not easy to be married and go to medical school. Unless ur wife/husband can be with u on campus all the time. Then, when u become a doctor, responsibilities really start to come. Ur on call constantly. People can call u anytime of the day/night and u have to be ready. Then i asked, "when am i going to go to masjid, make salah, spread this deen, learn about my religion, memorize quran and spend time with my family? Another thing is, i dont need my wife to spen 24/7 in hospital. I wanted my wife to be a mother, someone that will raise my kids and teach them islaam. I dont need a babysitter that will raise my kids. Verily all muslims are going to become doctor to help muslims right ? So, our intentions also have to be clear. If all what we do is not for the sake or pleasure of ALlah but for fame and so others think of us as high, then it will not be acceptable from us. I work in medical field and i see so called muslim doctors. They have the worst attitude. Everyone hates them, and say they are the worst. Anyways, may Allah sva give us what is best. Ameen

wasalam

 

[ShyHijabi]

Salaam Muharram,

It is very do-able to be a good Muslim woman and be a physician. I pray my five prayers (I pray them in my clinicals in a quiet office) and also do dawah, learn about my religion and read Quran. A medical degree should not prevent a person from worshipping Allah swt properly and doing dhikr.

I will not be using a babysitter to raise my children but will be depending on my (future) in-laws to help me out. Extended families are a great advantage to raising children in a loving, nurturing enviroment. However I will also be the primary caregiver and my children will be raised by me and their father, Inshallah.

I pray everyday for Allah swt to keep me humble and also for my patients to view me as compassionate and caring. I think my profession will give me a great opportunity to show Muslims can be a gentle, peaceful, and humble people. It is a shame the Muslim doctors you know have been so harsh and uncaring. May Allah swt soften their hearts and give them wisdom.

Will this career require sacrifices? Yes,but it is not as extreme as some would believe. Depending on what specialty you want to go into can determine how much of your time and energy need to be expended. I will be working in Reproductive Endocrinology (Inshallah) and my hours will be very family friendly. It's basically a 9-5 jobs. I do think no one should go into medicine if they do not desire to be a doctor.....those are probably the bitter, rude physicians you've met...the ones who went into medicine to please their parents.

Wasalaam

~Sarah