LoL I would've said something, but toady I'm feeling kinda down and boozed up in the head. Head has been spinning, felt like I might go berserk at school, until I raised my hands into my ears, closed them, and started imagining myself reciting the Quran, as a Sheikh in my early 20's, in a large and beautiful masjid, my dream place. I also fell to sleep when I came hom after school and and stuff, and my Zuhr Salat was late, and I woke up at 5:50. But anyway, the good thing is that I was still alive in my Eman, and even when my mind was weak, my rememberance in Allah stayed on it's ground (well, sort 'av
), and the Waswas was coming into me, but Mashallah my feet were firm on the ground, even though I felt like I couldn't stand up, LoL.
So anyway, LoL alot of the sisters got great things that they'd like. LoL Mashallah none of them are asking for a guy with a tight six-packs and abs, and chest muscles, and "muscular arms," LoL.
And whereas I hope a brother doesn't say something like, "A white Muslimah, skinny, drop dead looking, stunning looks, and, well....you understand, the "body" and those other dumb things, like "being young," like I don't know, half his age, maybe? LoL like maybe they might think for 15 when they're over 30, LOL!
LoL that's gonna go after I've done as much as I could for my Ummati, and for Allah Ta Allah. Well, after I become a Hafez and Sheikh and stuff, maybe sacrifice myself, like get oppressed, so I can shed my blood in my love for Muhammad SAW, my Ummah, and most importantly, Allah Ta Alla. One drop of blood meaning one drop of blood that a Muslim sister who's in oppression, will not have to shed. One drop that a baby Muslim will not have to shed when oppressed, one drop that a Muslimah and Islamic mother will not have to see come out of her child, each drop of blood is how much evryone in my Ummah will not have to go through.
But I do ahve dreams in this life. I have two futures, I can saty in school, and become a rich guy and be "happily married, have a nice house, good wealth, and a pleasent Duniyah" or I can either become a Hafez and Alim, then a Sheikh, and then lose the "happy things" in this Duniyah like a wife and great wealth for happiness, to staying un married (I don't think any Musmah's gonna want a guy who doesn't have a decent home or money, which I'm gonna sacrifice for Allah Ta Alla to be pleased with me) and I can live on little thingsx, just so I can get to the happiness and pleasure of Allah Ta Alla, which is what I'm willing to do.
Many people wouldn't want me to do that in my life. But my life is in Allah's hands, and I've been created to worship him, and that I will do, even in the Akirah, and I shall live my life to pelase him, not myself, and Mashallah I don't have a Nafs either. Because I asked Allah Ta Alla to completely destroy it so I can stay focused. Oh well, now Waswas and "inner self's desires" don't rammage around in my head.
And if I DON'T get married in this Duniyah, then that can wiate till the Akirah, or never. I might just want to continue existing on and worshipping Allah Ta Alla (from my own choice to do so), or I can do that, AND jsut get married. And not with Hurl Yan either. Man I don't care what she got, she got nothing at her but looks. Like a weddingcake. Might look extravagant and beautifull, but inside it's nothing and bland. And so goes to that I'll marry a Muslimah that I dreamed to ahve if I ever could have had her in the Duniyah.
Smart, intelligent, nice, loving, sweet, smiles alot, I'm her shoulder to elan on, she'sx mine, I'm ther for her, she's there to comfort me, I'm equally nice looking to make her happy, and her, well her greatest beauty is her love for Allah Ta Alla, and that's the main reason why I love her, she loves me, I love her,
I want to be calm and gentle and sweet to her, quiet and gentle, never gonna be displeased with her, even if she ever messes something up like burning the food, never want to even THINK of yelling at her, and by Allah Ta Alla, I'd rather stab myself hard in my hand if I ever hit her.
I'd ask her if I could evr hang out with my firends from the masjid, I'd ask her if I can go for Jamaat, or go anywhere, and when that time comes (obviously not now, LoL) and she's having a baby child (alright DON'T laugh, LoL, this is waht goes into the mins of guys at this 14 yr age, but I just understnad and know it), I'm ther for her, feeling her pain, feeling her crys, feeling the anxiety that she's feeling, and I'd be there for her, her hand in mine, and I'd make sure she doesn't have to face any problem alone, that Allah is there for her, and I am also, to the last breath I take.
ANd if she ever died... alter in check now!!