what to look for in a partner

[umm hussain]

I came across these ads in an Arab news paper. Some people looking for a marriage partner for their family member. the funny thing is there is no mention of deen it seems all dunya. Are we forgetting that we are not here to stay but on a journey why are our priorities so dunya focused: I am not going to add the peoples contact numbers or emails

1. A father, working in MNC Riyadh, seeks alliance from parents of qualified professional boys for his Urdu speaking daughter from Gulbarga, studying in II year BE (Information Science), Iqama holder, did her schooling in International Indian School Jeddah.

2. Alliance invited for a Sunni Muslim boy, age 28 years, Quaf degree, tall, handsome and working in Saudi Arabia, having family visa facility. Girl should be very fair, beautiful with decent family background. Those who are interested please send bio-data and picture

3. Indian Sunni Muslim parents invite suitable alliance for their daughter (MBBA/D. Anesthetist) working in Maharashtra from well-settled boy (professional) with reputable family background, of Indian origin.

Of the 4-5 that were there only one mentioned deen.

 

[hussain.mahammed]

well you are right sister.The problem doesnt lie in Arab countries but in India, pakistan, Indonesia and some other countries as well, where there are a number of muslims.
May Allah give us Hidayah and guide us with His Noor.

 

[Destiny_Jannah]

these people carry cultural baggages around and not seem to remember what the prophet S.A.W said regarding partner.

my pakistan friends can't marry non-pakistan Muslim brother because the parents said they must marry Pakistani..Interesting.

 

[aishamohamud]

:salam2: it is a piety to see such things amongst the muslim ummah in fact it is the parents that are deciding on behalf of their children this will just increase the fitna when people dont follow the prophet's examples

 

[Destiny_Jannah]

may Allah guide the parents to the right path..Ameen...

 

[koala]

salam

:salam2:

maybe these people just want their daughters/sons to get married to someone of the same nationality, not because they consider them superior, but because its much easier...i mean if it was a new nationality there would be so many things to get used to like language and customs and traditions....

 

[BintMuhammad]

Assalamu alaikum,

Personally, I don't think it's good to use newspapers or ads to look for a partner for your child or for anyone else. The people who responds are 99.9 % strangers and they might pretend to be someone who meets the criteria on the ad but in reality they're the opposite or worse they could be a serial killer or have mental disorders. It's best to look for someone whom you could easily trace the family background. Probably your friend's son/daughter/nephew/neice. Even your own nephews/neices will do.

 

[faiz_fauzi]

Assalamualaikum!

spouse,soul-mate is Allah decision.So He know who is the perfect match for us.There is guidelines to find a suitable spouse.Married someone with his/her deen and it is better for u.So no worry let He find u the right one.And trust me His choice is the best choice.Ur spose already decide by ALLAH long time ago before we were created and it is in His knowledge.No worry bout it.The thing that we should concentrate is doing what He ask u to do and leave what He forbid u to do.

JazakALLAHU khair!

 

[alkathiri]

Nothing wrong in looking for marriage partner, seriously.I think some of us should change our perception.
We should not say that just because this person say that his children is clever or from wellrespected family , the children is poor in islamic knowledge, does not pray 5 times a day....No way..

Similarly, we can never say we are on the straight path because only Allah knows best

Wassalam

 

[nadhera]

at a right time and a right place

we all believe that everything is pre_ordained by allah..so we dont have to set for a date for the time of marrying..i mean like we dont have to rush..time will decide..only allah knows!!

 

[Globalpeace]

Asslamo Allaikum,

Its proven that a number (but not all) of the matrimonial ads are a SCAM and its rather unfortunate because a lot of people (particularly in the West) have no choice but to rely on matrimonial ads in the paper or on the web.

In my experience a lot of our Brothers/Sisters don’t investigate the matter fully and if you ask most practising Brothers/Sisters their criteria for choosing perspective partners would be “Someone who is practising…”

Many go beyond that and actually say, “I don’t really care about anything else as long as they are practising…”

Off course that has to be the first and foremost criteria for any Muslim BUT even practising people have likes/dislikes/habits/temperaments/inklings etc.. I explain to many Brothers/Sisters that if the Islamic Shariah was meant to simply have you marry the first “Practising” person that comes your way then there would be no point in Ahadeeth which encourage you to see the person and speak to the person?

There would also be no point in Sisters selecting a Wali (guardian) to look after their affairs in dealing with a potential spouse; what affairs are there to look after if you are meant to “find the 1st practising person and marry (no ifs, ands or buts)”?

This view (in my opinion) is rather naïve and there are a lot of problems in people’s marriages because they have NOT done their homework OR the advice that they have received from practising Brothers/Sisters/Imams/Scholars is also often skewed; as every married person knows that after the honeymoon period wears off; your relationship actually begins!

I personally know Muslim Brothers who are having HARAM affairs (some have children from these relationships) outside of their marriage life which tells me that there is something wrong and we need to revert back to the injunctions of the Qur’aan & Sunnah in choosing partners, maintaining a relationship and then reaching the objectives defined in the book of Allah (Love, compassion, mercy i.e. happy household)

I also “know of” Sisters who are affected by the same ills

Another thing that ticks me off is the “Pressure” placed on Brothers/Sisters who start practising & reverts (particularly Sisters) to marry…Marriage is meant to be a life-long decision and requires some serious consideration; just because a person reverts to Islam 1 week doesn’t mean that they should be married the next week….Many people have not really seriously thought about marriage before reverting to Islam so lets give them TIME to settle in their new faith and life…Positive encouragement about marriage (it is Sunnah and protects your faith) is good; pressure is certainly NOT!

P.S: These are my opinions and off course everyone has the right to disagree; particularly the more knowledgeable Brothers/Sisters.

May Allah (SWT) protect us all. Ameen!