Arrange marriage or love marriage???

[SwordofAllah16]

It will be useful if you can or some one else can provide the procedure of arrange marriage.

It is extremely important to understand the proper procedure or method and to recognize the difference between the 3 marriages.



Please BACKUP (support) this statement by providing dalel. It will benefit many.


There is another question that pops up. How you can marry some one you dont know? What about if he/she does not like you?

:salam2:

Ok the question about how can you love someone you don't know...and what if that person doesn't like you

first of all when a guy approaches a mahram of the sister he wishes to marry, there will be a point when the sister and the brother have a chance to talk to each only when her mahram is present in the room [this is when the parents usually meet], at this point the sister is allowed to be looked at only once without hijab, for the sake of the brother to see if he likes what he sees, but the main thing the brother and the sister look for is first piety, then beauty, then wealth then family.
this is a point for both of the people get to say whether they like the person or not and because they barely know each other it makes it easier for them to say no, and it saves them from developing some inappropriate feelings for each other.
And later once they get married they have all the time they need to get to know each other, if they get married for the sake of Allah then they will start off with the one thing they have common, which is the deen...sooner or later they will get to know each other and the rest we make du'a for Allah to make it a successful marriage, if you get married for the sake of Allah then you will learn to love each other for the sake of Allah...similarly if two enemies where to come into islam they infact must love for their brother what they love for themselves, because Allah says "the believers are nothing but brothers.."
if however they try but fail then thers the concept of talaq (divorce) which is a whole different topic in it self.

i will be searching for a scholory description of the proceedure of marriage rather than putting it up maself i know it but my explanations is like a kids compared to theirs

hope that answered the question you posed if not then i'm sorry i couldn't be more clearer

detail of love marriage not being a part of the sunnah is in the seerah of the Prophet Muhammad i suggest the book "the sealed necter" for brothers and sisters...its a fat book but very benificial



p.s just because you don't know a person before getting married to her doesn't mean we need to get to know the person before marriage and go against Allahs orders (not suggesting that you implied this) this ummah will only be successful when they stick to the Qur'an and sunnah even if somethings don't make sense to us, Allah is the knower of everything and knows what is best for us in all circumstances

 

[safiya58]

:salam2:

back to the topic: in my opinion "love marriage" is not the right describtion. I would say "fun marriage"..... cuz in a marriage like that man and woman lived in a free relationship first before deciding to get married... their intention from the beginning was not serious, yani marriage. they go out just for fun.... and there is the huge diffrence to the "muslim-style"... when the muslim man wants to speak to a sister than only when he is serious and is intending to marry her... his family goes to her family and they make their intention clear... and this is the best way... for woman specially... cuz like that they are protected from being exploited and keep their value doesn´t matter if they will get married or not.... so the arranged marriage deserves to be called love marriage cuz in it is rahmat!

 

[helpinghumanity]

:salam2:
this point the sister is allowed to be looked at only once without hijab, for the sake of the brother to see if he likes what he sees"

This was strange and new to me that a guy can look at a girl whom he wishes to marry in near future without a hijab..

hope that answered the question you posed if not then i'm sorry i couldn't be more clearer

Brother/sister:

I am not covering this topic for my sake. Alhamdolilah sum alhamdolialah i have been taught these thing since i was nearly teenager. And Mashallah i have a good grasp at it.
The main purpose of this is for the Muslims who are living in western culture. When they go to school and college, they are taught completely opposite through books (indian authors mostly) and movies. As i told you, when i was in high school arrange marriage was looked at one of the worse thing until i gave them the difference between these marriages.

Some of the Muslims at that time even believed that they could have sexual relationships with the girls they want to marry.Meaning that they could have GF. ASTAGFIRALLAH. (May Allah protect us from these fitnahs)

If it was only for my sake then i would have stopped it after the first page. I would n't have let it so far.

 

[helpinghumanity]

:salam2:

back to the topic: in my opinion "love marriage" is not the right describtion. I would say "fun marriage"..... cuz in a marriage like that man and woman lived in a free relationship first before deciding to get married... their intention from the beginning was not serious, yani marriage. they go out just for fun.... and there is the huge diffrence to the "muslim-style"...

Yes i agree with you on that.

However this is one type of love marriage. Now we have divided love marriages into different categories. So we can't really say that all love marriages are like that.


Is there anything such as "FIRST SIGHT LOVE". If there is then WHAT Is it? permissible or not..???does it work or not?
This is not only for sister safiya but also for the rest of the members

 

[a_muslimah86]

This was strange and new to me that a guy can look at a girl whom he wishes to marry in near future without a hijab..

Brother SwordofAllah is talking of what is called "Al-Nadhra Al-Ahari'iyya" (literally: The Look of Sharia)

It is allowed when the parents on both sides *initially* agree of the marriage (or even before they do)...

The brother may ask to see the sister he is proposing to..and she comes in...and sits with him so he may see her and she may see him and so they talk to each other (so they would even *hear* how each other's voices sound like)...but of course they won't be *alone* a mahram of the sister or even a couple sit with them..and it won't be something excessive..as in..they won't sit there and talk to the whee ours of the night..it's just a small little conversation..such as.."what's your major in college?".."do you memorize the Qura'an?".."where do you work?"..etc.

Also..many people put a period of nikah from 3 months up to a year (depending on the families and what they are comfortable with) *before* the *wedding*...during which the brother and the sister are allowed to get to know each other through phone..msn..small visits..small hang-outs..etc...because after nikah..they are husband and wife and it is halal for them to be talking to each other and being around each other (the sister doesn't even have to wear her hijab or niqab)..

So yeah..really..even in "Islamic arranged marriage"..you do have the chance to get to know your partner and create with them memories and feelings that are "fully halal" and completely "worry and guilt free"

It's really beautifuly how Islam did not leave *anything* out for its people

 

[a_muslimah86]

Is there anything such as "FIRST SIGHT LOVE". If there is then WHAT Is it? permissible or not..???does it work or not?

It can happen..though I wouldn't call it *love*...I would say..*attraction*?..*attachment*?..*liking*..*comfort* (as in you feel peaceful when you see the person)..at first sight???

Love is a deep emotion..and a powerful one..it cannot be born out of a *first sight*...perhaps you can like someone..or feel attracted to them like I said..because sobhanallah..He had instilled beauty in many of His servants (and I mean inner and outer beauty here)..so it can happen..and it can vary in degree..

But definitely not *love*..no..I don't think that can happen

 

[helpinghumanity]

Also..many people put a period of nikah from 3 months up to a year (depending on the families and what they are comfortable with) *before* the *wedding*...during which the brother and the sister are allowed to get to know each other through phone..msn..small visits..small hang-outs..etc...because after nikah..they are husband and wife and it is halal for them to be talking to each other and being around each other (the sister doesn't even have to wear her hijab or niqab)..

Yes that definitely makes sense. Because after Nikah they are husband and wife of each other. They can do whatever they want..

But before that ..i dont think so....

 

[safiya58]

Is there anything such as "FIRST SIGHT LOVE". If there is then WHAT Is it? permissible or not..???does it work or not?

some people believe in it and some not... I don´t know if this is possible but it can be. the prophet (saw) said the souls are like an army whether they go astray or they attract each other (not word by word)
Regarding the question wheter if it is premissible or not... well it is up to one self how u deal with your feelings.... whether one choose the halal way or the haram...
our beloved mother Chadija (ra) was the one who offerd marriage to nebi Muhammed (saw) bec she noticed that he is a very special person... she noticet that he (saw) has such good qualities that noone exept him has.. and they lead a happy marriage...

 

[IslamIsLight]

Brother SwordofAllah is talking of what is called "Al-Nadhra Al-Ahari'iyya" (literally: The Look of Sharia)

It is allowed when the parents on both sides *initially* agree of the marriage (or even before they do)...

The brother may ask to see the sister he is proposing to..and she comes in...and sits with him so he may see her and she may see him and so they talk to each other (so they would even *hear* how each other's voices sound like)...but of course they won't be *alone* a mahram of the sister or even a couple sit with them..and it won't be something excessive..as in..they won't sit there and talk to the whee ours of the night..it's just a small little conversation..such as.."what's your major in college?".."do you memorize the Qura'an?".."where do you work?"..etc.

Also..many people put a period of nikah from 3 months up to a year (depending on the families and what they are comfortable with) *before* the *wedding*...during which the brother and the sister are allowed to get to know each other through phone..msn..small visits..small hang-outs..etc...because after nikah..they are husband and wife and it is halal for them to be talking to each other and being around each other (the sister doesn't even have to wear her hijab or niqab)..

So yeah..really..even in "Islamic arranged marriage"..you do have the chance to get to know your partner and create with them memories and feelings that are "fully halal" and completely "worry and guilt free"

It's really beautifuly how Islam did not leave *anything* out for its people

salam aleikum
sorry I didnt read all the posts ,but im little confused here
From my understanding and all the fatwas that I read,the one who is proposing is not allowed to see the sister without hijab ,even if there are Mahrams on both sides and even if families agree...

waaleikum salam

 

[a_muslimah86]

salam aleikum
sorry I didnt read all the posts ,but im little confused here
From my understanding and all the fatwas that I read,the one who is proposing is not allowed to see the sister without hijab ,even if there are Mahrams on both sides and even if families agree...

waaleikum salam

The point of al-nadhra al-shari'iya ukhti is to have the brother and the sister only *see* each other...the sister is not even supposed to beautify herself (put make up on..etc.)..because like you said..when she enters upon the brother..he is not her mahram yet..and many sisters unfortunately think they can do otherwise..they even perfume themselves and walk in on the brother

The sister is supposed to enter upon the brother wearing modest clothing with hijab...showing her face and her hands only (the hanafis allow showing the feet as well) and the brother is supposed to look at her height and her body shape as she walks in..and then fix his gaze upon her face when she sits with him..that is the Sunnah of Rasulullah (saw)..to fix the gaze on the face of the woman who is being proposed to...

So yes..you are right in your pointing out the *need* of hijab..baraka allaho feeki...I didn't say anything regarding the matter..assuming that brother SwordofAllah (who first mentioned the matter) was talking about a sister who wears niqab...because many people consider niqab *the hijab*..and perhaps he meant..that she uncovers her face for the brother

We'll wait and see for a clarification on his part..if he has misunderstood something..then either you or I can maybe provide him with fatwas regarding the matter inshallah

The sister can take off the hijab only and only *after* nikah is performed..because then..she is the wife of the brother..and she is halal for him..as he is for her

and Jazaki Allah Khair for being more keen than I am on pointing this out dear sister

 

[AlQurtubi]

"*...during which the brother and the sister are allowed to get to know each other through phone..msn..small visits..small hang-outs..etc."

Sister, where did this come from? Its not allowed

 

[a_muslimah86]

"*...during which the brother and the sister are allowed to get to know each other through phone..msn..small visits..small hang-outs..etc."

Sister, where did this come from? Its not allowed

La Hawla Wala Qowta Illa Billah...

Akhi..I wrote *after* nikah...

when *nikah is completed*...

when all matters are settled..and the brother and sister are husband and wife waiting for *ish'haar*..or *the wedding*

They *can* do these things...kindly go back and read my post again

 

[SwordofAllah16]

:salam2:
sister a_muslimah86 for telling me the name of that proceedure
im so happy to see soooo many people with soo much knowledge you guys make me seem like a child i wish i had as much knowledge as you guyz

 

[AlQurtubi]

"Also..many people put a period of nikah from 3 months up to a year (depending on the families and what they are comfortable with) *before* the *wedding*...during which the brother and the sister are allowed to get to know each other through phone"

I guess the way of your writting is confusing here. A narrow escape!

 

[IslamIsLight]

The point of al-nadhra al-shari'iya ukhti is to have the brother and the sister only *see* each other...the sister is not even supposed to beautify herself (put make up on..etc.)..because like you said..when she enters upon the brother..he is not her mahram yet..and many sisters unfortunately think they can do otherwise..they even perfume themselves and walk in on the brother

The sister is supposed to enter upon the brother wearing modest clothing with hijab...showing her face and her hands only (the hanafis allow showing the feet as well) and the brother is supposed to look at her height and her body shape as she walks in..and then fix his gaze upon her face when she sits with him..that is the Sunnah of Rasulullah (saw)..to fix the gaze on the face of the woman who is being proposed to...

So yes..you are right in your pointing out the *need* of hijab..baraka allaho feeki...I didn't say anything regarding the matter..assuming that brother SwordofAllah (who first mentioned the matter) was talking about a sister who wears niqab...because many people consider niqab *the hijab*..and perhaps he meant..that she uncovers her face for the brother

We'll wait and see for a clarification on his part..if he has misunderstood something..then either you or I can maybe provide him with fatwas regarding the matter inshallah

The sister can take off the hijab only and only *after* nikah is performed..because then..she is the wife of the brother..and she is halal for him..as he is for her

and Jazaki Allah Khair for being more keen than I am on pointing this out dear sister

salam aleikum
Thank you sister for your clear explanation...
I just mentioned it because its very common now days ,that sisters take off their hijab in front of the one who is proposing,and they say it is islamically ok ,which is not...

waaleikum salam

 

[SwordofAllah16]

Woah sorry i didnt read the thread properly i just read it
yes i meant the face not anything else im jus alitle cranky when it comes to explaining stuff...but i did learn something new thank you sisters i hope i havnt offended anyone, a close brother recently went through this proceedure i musta got maslf mixed up

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,


As I read the responses it dawned on me that none of you is married. Why not ask those who are married and know something about marriage to respond.

 

[Asja]

Salaam,


As I read the responses it dawned on me that none of you is married. Why not ask those who are married and know something about marriage to respond.

Allaicomu Salam dear sister.

Dear sister there is no any need to discuss further on this thread as we all know rules of Islamic marriege by Sharia(Allah Low) and Sunnah of our Prophet Mohammed s.a.w.s.SubhanAllah.

May Allah bless you all.

Salam.

 

[a_muslimah86]

:salam2:
sister a_muslimah86 for telling me the name of that proceedure
im so happy to see soooo many people with soo much knowledge you guys make me seem like a child i wish i had as much knowledge as you guyz

Wa Iyak akhi..alhamduliallah I was of help to you...and believe me...when it comes to knowledge of deen..we are all children..beginners..who struggle..misunderstand..forget..and misjudge...do not view any sort of knowledge you have as insignificant compared to others..knowledge is not measured by its *quantity and variety*..it is measured by *its quality and soundness*

and Baraka Allaho Feek

Salaam,


As I read the responses it dawned on me that none of you is married. Why not ask those who are married and know something about marriage to respond.

I don't think *anybody* has to be married to comprehend marriage..with all due respect..I find your comment a bit belittling...when you strip away the commonalities..each couple will have a life of their own...why would I resort to another married person to learn from them?

Especially with all the rates of *divorces* we hear about..why would we resort to *other* married couples to learn from them???

If anybody wants to learn about marriage..then we have a prophet who's marriage life had been documented practically to the letter and a Qura'an of divine origin containing the most perfect of directions on how to lead a life of marriage...we can look into them..and earn lessons to use in our marriages through *them* (whether we're single or *already* married)...once we have that solid foundation of knowledge through these infallible sources...then the married couple will have *each other* to *build onto* that foundation

 

[IslamIsLight]

Salaam,


As I read the responses it dawned on me that none of you is married. Why not ask those who are married and know something about marriage to respond.

salam aleikum sister
You are right. We need to learn from the people who are married also..
We need to see both sides...
Sometimes we learn from mistakes also,from our own or from others...

Dear sister there is no any need to discuss further on this thread as we all know rules of Islamic marriege by Sharia(Allah Low) and Sunnah of our Prophet Mohammed s.a.w.s.SubhanAllah.

Dear sister Asja ,there is nothing wrong with this thread and nothing wrong if sister mirajmom wants to discuss her point of view...

waaleikum salam