hey brother,your poem is full of rythm,rap music is not my favourite one,but in this case what can I say?if you like potry so much,there is a section dedicated to this matter,where you can also read how many poems I've written and how much beautiful are the others.
Look at this one:
what a beautiful feeling would it be
if between the sky and me,
there was just one step to fly there.
I would run everywhere
and look at humans from a cloud.
But I'm here,locked at the ground,
where the only sound
is the keyboard of my computer.
It was just a dream,but it was super.
hallo brother,I hope you're ok,I read your poem,thanks for asking me advices!!I'm not so good in english as you,by consequence I can't give any judge about what you wrote,because by myself in your poem there is a little of confusion between what you meant to express and what you wrote.it was like your words had been written with a feeling of anger(this is what I felt)...the poetry has always been one of my prefered matters,but I can't give you any advices,because I'm not a teacher.I fear you might be offended,so wish you to continue your training.if you feel inspired and you wish to write a poem(on tti you can only use islamic inspirations,not something else like love,murder,war),just check the words you want to put in your verses,if you want to share your emotions through the poetry,you have to "talk" to your heart;it will help you to express better your feelings.may Allah help you.wa salam