I need to count to 1000000000!!!!!

[Isra]

As salamo alaikome

Inshallah my brothers and sisters are all well and in a state of strong Iman! I pray your fasting is easy this Ramadan!

I have a problem that I didnt even know I had until just about an hour ago literally! I have been living in this situation for a little over a year now and have held everything inside each time it has happened but today I just couldnt!

Of course it has to all come to a head when Im fasting Ramadan! That is the story of my life!

What it is that is bothering me soooo much is I guess cultural? Im not even sure! I dont understand people who talk about the world as if they have been out of their little bubble they were born in with no knowledge and only their closed minded assumptions to go on!!!

I will give an example. Since I have gotten to Morocco I have noticed that it is a very rare person who actually knows the English language. Now thats fine since this is not an English speaking country I never expected to find alot of English speaking people and in fact I feel genuinely ecstatic when someone even says 2 words of English.

My problem comes in when the local people hear me and my husband speaking to each other in english that they literally charge us more for merchandise or taxi/bus fare! Or they simply stare as if we are circus creatures!

Now the area we live in is a huge tourist attraction with people from all over Europe walking around as if they belong here! There should not be any surprise amoung the locals that other languages are being spoken! Yet it never fails that MY language is ALWAYS spotlighted!!!!

Well I have come to accept this as a way of life here in Morocco and I am careful not to talk most of the time when I am out with my husband. When we go shopping I usually make a list ahead of time and he buys what is on the list. If I see something I want I wait until we leave that particular stand and then whisper to my husband so he goes back and buys it for me.

That is the way of my life here in Morocco. Ok I accept that. No problem. BUT tonight everything came to a head when one of the distant relatives came to Iftar dinner! He hung around for a few hours before the actual dinner time so he happened to overhear me and my husband speaking in the next room. Then my husband got a phone call from his friend in France who he hasnt seen in a long time so he was speaking to him in French.

The relative made a snide remark as if he were making a huge joke (HAHAHA) that this house (my husbands parents house) is like one of those big hotels downtown. Because he hears english and french being spoken he just felt the need to say something sarcastic!

Well my husband got freaked out by the relatives statement because he is very superstitious as most Moroccans are and he made his sister bring our food to the room and we ate alone!

Normally even that wont bother me because you know........Im used to it already! But what gives this guy the right to make a sarcastic remark like that in someones home when he is a guest coming to eat their food????

I think we all need to be reminded that there are people with other nationalities and other cultures and other languages in this world and we should all be tolerant!

I speak to myself before anyone and now that I have it in writing I feel much better! I will hold my temper and breath (count just count) and soon I will feel fine once again. Life goes on in beautiful Morocco! <SIGH>

Jazakallah for listening to my rant. Sorry it got so long winded!

Wa salam

 

[JenGiove]

:salam2:

Dearest Sister, I know your feelings well and I'm sorry that this has happened to you during this holy month of Ramadan. Being singled out simply because you are different is no fun and certainly isn't the behavior that a God fearing person should model.

If I could, I would hug you and I would love to "break THE fast " with you and your wonderful husband...

Pass me some more soup please?

 

[esperanza]

ifeel for you sister....i know how it can be in a differnt culture,,,and however much tyou will be part of family..there is always someone who might have different feelings about foreigners,,,we do not expect those things in a muslim country wiht muslim family but sadly it happens

 

[Isra]

As salamo alaikome

@Jen: Yes the soup was still delicious even though we had to eat it alone in our room as if WE were the ones who did something wrong!

@Esperanza: Actually his immediate family (father, mother, sister and 3 brothers) couldnt be nicer to me or treat me more like I am a part of their family. Alhamdulillah! Its the relatives that dont live here and come from far villages to visit! Most of them I have never met so when they come to the house maybe they heard "rumors" of an American living amoung them so they come out of curiosity! Its bizzare to say the least when you feel like some kind of circus freak!

 

[Asja]

Assalamu allaicum wa raahmatullah wa baarakatuhu

Ramadhan is month where we as Muslims should try to keep more sabur in our behaviour toward other Muslims,and even if some other Muslim may do something wrong toward us, we should try to forgive him Inshallah.

Dear sister, Inshallah the guest which you have invited in your home for iftaar did not had any bad intentions,and we as Muslims should not be quick in judging others, before asking them for reason and making sure that something is truth, because you can never know for sure someones intentions.

Please forgive me sister if I may say something wrong, but I need to say that it is wrong of you and your husband to leave other Muslim to have iftaar alone. Alhamdulillah there is also great khair in having iftar together with others Muslims.

Regarding that people in Marroco do not speak English, it is probably because it is not their own langauge and I am sure that youth is educating themselfe like in any country of the world Alhadmulilah. I pray to Allah that He increase our Ummah with knowledge Inshallah.

May Allah forgive me if I said something wrong to you sister,and I hope Inshallah that I have adviced you with Islamic manners.

Alhadmulilah it is duty of us as Muslims to correct and advice each others for the sake of Allah.

May Allah bless you sister and give you sabur. Ameen ya Rabby

 

[Isra]

Assalamu allaicum wa raahmatullah wa baarakatuhu

Ramadhan is month where we as Muslims should try to keep more sabur in our behaviour toward other Muslims,and even if some other Muslim may do something wrong toward us, we should try to forgive him Inshallah.

Dear sister, Inshallah the guest which you have invited in your home for iftaar did not had any bad intentions,and we as Muslims should not be quick in judging others, before asking them for reason and making sure that something is truth, because you can never know for sure someones intentions.

Please forgive me sister if I may say something wrong, but I need to say that it is wrong of you and your husband to leave other Muslim to have iftaar alone. Alhamdulillah there is also great khair in having iftar together with others Muslims.

Regarding that people in Marroco do not speak English, it is probably because it is not their own langauge and I am sure that youth is educating themselfe like in any country of the world Alhadmulilah. I pray to Allah that He increase our Ummah with knowledge Inshallah.

May Allah forgive me if I said something wrong to you sister,and I hope Inshallah that I have adviced you with Islamic manners.

Alhadmulilah it is duty of us as Muslims to correct and advice each others for the sake of Allah.

May Allah bless you sister and give you sabur. Ameen ya Rabby

Wa alaikome salam

Dear sister I do believe by your response that you have TOTALLY misunderstood my original post.

Number one: I didnt lose my cool.........instead I came here to post about my frustration AND breath!!!!!!!!

Number two: I didnt invite the relative and its not MY home. My husband and I are staying with his parents in THEIR home for Ramadan. In fact his parents did not even invite the relative as it is a custom here in Morocco for friends and relatives to just drop by with no invitation needed.

Number three: My husband and I ate alone! The relative ate with the rest of the family in the other room. It was not rude at all as I had never met or spoken to this relative and even though he was in the house I never saw him and he never saw me. In Morocco they are very superstitious people who believe in black magic and what is called "evil eye" and their belief in it is very strong. I never believed in any of that until I moved here and experienced it myself. Anyway I respect my husbands beliefs even if they are not my own and he was the one suggesting that we eat Iftar alone and so I accomodated his wishes.

About Moroccans not speaking english: no disrepect intended dear sister but you obviously either didnt read my post or you did not understand at all what I said in it. If you go back and read what I posted you will clearly see that I fully expected before even coming here that nobody would speak english. That is not the problem I have. The problem is that they will charge more than regular prices if they hear us speaking english simply because they think we must have money since I am American or European! THAT is my problem!

Yes sister it is most definately a Muslims responsibility to advise your brothers and sisters if they have errored BUT you should read and UNDERSTAND everything that they say before you speak up!

I know you have good intention sister and may Allah reward you for them but please if you want to advise someone be sure what they are saying. Im sorry if I have said anything wrong to you and please forgive me if I sound harsh because that is not my intention. I love you for Allah's sake sister and I am just pointing out the issues you were wrong with most of your post to me.

wa salam

 

[ShahnazZ]

My problem comes in when the local people hear me and my husband speaking to each other in english that they literally charge us more for merchandise or taxi/bus fare! Or they simply stare as if we are circus creatures!

Well I have come to accept this as a way of life here in Morocco and I am careful not to talk most of the time when I am out with my husband. When we go shopping I usually make a list ahead of time and he buys what is on the list. If I see something I want I wait until we leave that particular stand and then whisper to my husband so he goes back and buys it.

:salam2:,

I had to laugh at this part, Ukhti. Unfortunately this is EXTREMELY common in many under-developed countries, not just Islamic ones. They usually feel that foreigners can be taken advantage of and ripped off easily because it is assumed that they do not know how the system works there. Your best bet is to go with a local resident (I.e. Your hubby).

I'll give you an example of when I went to Pakistan some years ago. My mother actually sat my sister and I down and told us how we were to behave in the local bazaars. This included:

1. No speaking English - not only would this indicate that we were foreigners but there were chances they would milk us for every single penny on us.

2. No speaking Urdu - we didn't speak the language as well as the natives, despite the fact that it's my second language.

3. No wearing jeans or western clothing - obviously this screamed "tourist"

4. No going into stores alone - according to my aunt, the "hagglers" would eat us alive

and if my aunt had had her way, the fifth rule would be:

5. No WALKING - Apparently, my walk is "too American" (whatever that means)

So naturally, I followed this code of conduct.

And guess what?

They STILL knew we were foreigners!

They would try to charge us extra but since we always had my aunts around (who btw, were locals), they would get killed in the haggling department.

Bottom line: You're not alone .

 

[JenGiove]

5. No WALKING - Apparently, my walk is "too American" (whatever that means)

American's have a WALK!?!?!?!?!

 

[JenGiove]

They have no right to do that, it is discrimination. how disgusting!

:salam2: Sister, you have to keep in mind that while 'we" may find it despicable, over there, there is some truth in the idea that English speakers=more money. When you are living foot to mouth, you do what you can to survive. My husband tells me this story about when he was in the Navy and left ship to go shopping in the markets, he bought something w/o haggling over the price and the vender took the money and touched all the goods in his stall to "bring good luck"...

yeah! Like American dollar bills ever brought ME any luck...HA!...its green paper.

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

Asalamoalaikom wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu. . .

Speak a different language and be treated like a specie discovered almost a second ago. Yeah, I understand. If I utter a word of my language here, I get the looks like "Was that gibberish"?

Inform them what is was and they'll refuse to believe it. Apparantly I'm not like my people. I don't know what's missing. I've often asked what is it that my people lack, that I have, horns or a tail?

Although different from your case, here I'm lectured for acting a fake ethnicity or in some cases nationality ("Oh yeah! you don't sound Pakistani!"- *rolleyes*). But it's almost the same as it's all about being singled out!

 

[JenGiove]

i was talking about those who charge others that they don't like without even knowing them ...


by the way i am a brother.

i understand what you mean though. i still think it is wrong to do that to them




wa alaikum salam

:salam2:

Brother, I'm sorry...I just read your revert story and discovered that little fact about your gender. My Sister-in-humanity <since I'm not a Muslim>, is the one named Revert2007 <mentioned in your revert thread> and so YOUR name reminded me of her and I made an assumption....ooooooops.

As for charging them without knowing them...most likely, the people being dupped probably aren't even aware of it...not that it makes it right...but it makes it a little more understandable. The problem here is that my dear sister Isra has been there for over a year now and lives in a VERY small community and so the people there should at least recognize that she is a Muslimah and a resident. Her husband is going to get a bit of a culture shock though when they come to the states and he finds out that here, you DON'T haggle over price...its fixed. That will be hard for him to adjust to, as well as the weather since they are going to be moving to a state that has LOTS and LOTS of lake snow...the poor man. He can't even stand a rotary fan in the middle of Moroccan summers! lol! How is he going to handle snow that goes up to the waist!! lolololol!!!!!!!

 

[Isra]

:salam2:,

I had to laugh at this part, Ukhti. Unfortunately this is EXTREMELY common in many under-developed countries, not just Islamic ones. They usually feel that foreigners can be taken advantage of and ripped off easily because it is assumed that they do not know how the system works there. Your best bet is to go with a local resident (I.e. Your hubby).

I'll give you an example of when I went to Pakistan some years ago. My mother actually sat my sister and I down and told us how we were to behave in the local bazaars. This included:

1. No speaking English - not only would this indicate that we were foreigners but there were chances they would milk us for every single penny on us.

2. No speaking Urdu - we didn't speak the language as well as the natives, despite the fact that it's my second language.

3. No wearing jeans or western clothing - obviously this screamed "tourist"

4. No going into stores alone - according to my aunt, the "hagglers" would eat us alive

and if my aunt had had her way, the fifth rule would be:

5. No WALKING - Apparently, my walk is "too American" (whatever that means)

So naturally, I followed this code of conduct.

And guess what?

They STILL knew we were foreigners!

They would try to charge us extra but since we always had my aunts around (who btw, were locals), they would get killed in the haggling department.

Bottom line: You're not alone .

Wa alaikome salam

Oh sis your post had me cracking up! "No Walking" :lol: Wow! But the rest I can actually identify with as my husband has been teaching me this whole past year!

The problem with me is that even if I dont speak english in public most locals think of me as a foreigner simply because of the color of my skin and eyes. They usually dont think "American" right away because it is very rare to find an American here in Morocco (although with sister Jamila and myself maybe we are starting a trend :wink but they usually think that I am from Europe and still a "tourist"!

Unfair as it might seem its the reality of living in another country and I have accepted that I must act differently than I would in my own country so that isnt really the problem. The problem is because of the unfair treatment of charging more for the same goods that the locals pay half of what we need to pay! That just isnt right in any language! It had gotten so bad at first my husband was leaving me home for the most part when we needed groceries and he would go alone to buy what we needed. I knew it wasnt his fault but it made me feel shunned and really left out!

Things have gotten better the longer I have been here. Not because the locals changed the way they treat us but because I have learned what I am able to do and what I am not able to do and have accepted it.

Its just when it came down to a distant family member that it really got to be overwhelming for that moment because first I have to deal with this outside the home and I just felt that I dont need to deal with it inside the home too. But after Iftar the relative left and everything was good again.

My mother in law is the greatest woman on the face of the earth I have to say! She goes out of her way to make me feel so welcome and loved here within the family. I pray every prayer that Allah will reward her so much for everything she does. She is an amazing woman! Alhamdulillah!

wa salam

 

[Isra]

They have no right to do that, it is discrimination. how disgusting!

Brother its beyond discrimination it is actually against Islam and I would say 99 percent of the people doing it are practicing Muslims!!!! That is what is so disgusting to me!

I dont think they look at it as something bad. They just need to feed their families so they see me and in their mind is opportunity! Cha-ching!!!

wa salam

 

[Asja]

Wa alaikome salam

Dear sister I do believe by your response that you have TOTALLY misunderstood my original post.

Number one: I didnt lose my cool.........instead I came here to post about my frustration AND breath!!!!!!!!

Number two: I didnt invite the relative and its not MY home. My husband and I are staying with his parents in THEIR home for Ramadan. In fact his parents did not even invite the relative as it is a custom here in Morocco for friends and relatives to just drop by with no invitation needed.

Number three: My husband and I ate alone! The relative ate with the rest of the family in the other room. It was not rude at all as I had never met or spoken to this relative and even though he was in the house I never saw him and he never saw me. In Morocco they are very superstitious people who believe in black magic and what is called "evil eye" and their belief in it is very strong. I never believed in any of that until I moved here and experienced it myself. Anyway I respect my husbands beliefs even if they are not my own and he was the one suggesting that we eat Iftar alone and so I accomodated his wishes.

About Moroccans not speaking english: no disrepect intended dear sister but you obviously either didnt read my post or you did not understand at all what I said in it. If you go back and read what I posted you will clearly see that I fully expected before even coming here that nobody would speak english. That is not the problem I have. The problem is that they will charge more than regular prices if they hear us speaking english simply because they think we must have money since I am American or European! THAT is my problem!

Yes sister it is most definately a Muslims responsibility to advise your brothers and sisters if they have errored BUT you should read and UNDERSTAND everything that they say before you speak up!

I know you have good intention sister and may Allah reward you for them but please if you want to advise someone be sure what they are saying. Im sorry if I have said anything wrong to you and please forgive me if I sound harsh because that is not my intention. I love you for Allah's sake sister and I am just pointing out the issues you were wrong with most of your post to me.

wa salam

Assalamu allaicum wa raahmatullah wa baarakatuhu

Dear sister, I have completaly understood your words.

I need to say again sister that it was not good of you and your husband to leave a guest alone to have iftaar, does not metter is he your guest or your parents in law guest, especialy because it is month of Ramdhan and we as Muslims should take care more of our deeds.

Regarding superstitious of your husband, I do not know is that is related with culture, but Alhamdulillah it is far away from Islamic teaching. May Allah protect us from these kind of things. I know dear sister that you needed to listen your husband and not let him have iftaar alone, but Alhadmulillah it is duty of us also to correct and advice our husband if he do something wrong and not in accordiance with our deen teaching. And Allah knows the best about everything.

Inshallah your guest did not had wrong intentions and that you and your husband forgiveen him.

May Allah forgive me if I said anything wrong or if I have hurt you sister or anyone with my words.

May Allah bless you

 

[Isra]

Assalamu allaicum wa raahmatullah wa baarakatuhu

Dear sister, I have completaly understood your words.

I need to say again sister that it was not good of you and your husband to leave a guest alone to have iftaar, does not metter is he your guest or your parents in law guest, especialy because it is month of Ramdhan and we as Muslims should take care more of our deeds.

Regarding superstitious of your husband, I do not know is that is related with culture, but Alhamdulillah it is far away from Islamic teaching. May Allah protect us from these kind of things. I know dear sister that you needed to listen your husband and not let him have iftaar alone, but Alhadmulillah it is duty of us also to correct and advice our husband if he do something wrong and not in accordiance with our deen teaching. And Allah knows the best about everything.

Inshallah your guest did not had wrong intentions and that you and your husband forgiveen him.

May Allah forgive me if I said anything wrong or if I have hurt you sister or anyone with my words.

May Allah bless you

Wa alaikome salam

Sister you did not hurt me in anyway so there is no forgiveness necessary. The point that you seem to be missing over and over is that the guest DID NOT have Iftar alone! There were 6 other people having Iftar with him! How could that possibly be considered eating alone when 6 other people are eating beside you and there is much laughter and talking and watching television? It was MY HUSBAND AND I on the other hand who ate alone!

Im sorry but I sincerely dont think neither my husband or myself did anything wrong. It was as if we were in our own home and nobody got hurt so what is the problem?

wa salam

 

[JenGiove]

Assalamu allaicum wa raahmatullah wa baarakatuhu

Dear sister, I have completaly understood your words.

I need to say again sister that it was not good of you and your husband to leave a guest alone to have iftaar, does not metter is he your guest or your parents in law guest, especialy because it is month of Ramdhan and we as Muslims should take care more of our deeds.

Regarding superstitious of your husband, I do not know is that is related with culture, but Alhamdulillah it is far away from Islamic teaching. May Allah protect us from these kind of things. I know dear sister that you needed to listen your husband and not let him have iftaar alone, but Alhadmulillah it is duty of us also to correct and advice our husband if he do something wrong and not in accordiance with our deen teaching. And Allah knows the best about everything.

Inshallah your guest did not had wrong intentions and that you and your husband forgiveen him.

May Allah forgive me if I said anything wrong or if I have hurt you sister or anyone with my words.

May Allah bless you

:salam2:

Sister Asja,

First off, allow me to commend you on having concern for Sister Isra's proper conduct as a Muslimah. May Allah remember you for your intentions because I know that it is because you have love for her and her love of Allah.

Sister Isra herself was a guest in her mother-In-Law's home and so, one guest insulted the son of the homeowner and so the husband took his wife, whom he loves deeply and wishing to protect her from insults and harm, directed her to eat with him in the room that they share when staying at his mother's home.

It is Ramadan and so, not wishing to cause a disturbance, sister Isra did what she thought was best and obeyed her husband. We do not know what conversations when on between husband and wife after they ate alone but it was Isra and her husband who were alone, NOT the relative. He had the rest of the huge family there to have Iftar with.

Forgive me if I have overstepped my bounds with you but I cherish Sister Isra like a sister..please understand.

 

[Asja]

Wa alaikome salam

Sister you did not hurt me in anyway so there is no forgiveness necessary. The point that you seem to be missing over and over is that the guest DID NOT have Iftar alone! There were 6 other people having Iftar with him! How could that possibly be considered eating alone when 6 other people are eating beside you and there is much laughter and talking and watching television? It was MY HUSBAND AND I on the other hand who ate alone!

Im sorry but I sincerely dont think neither my husband or myself did anything wrong. It was as if we were in our own home and nobody got hurt so what is the problem?

wa salam

Assalamu allaicum wa raahmatullah wa baarakatuhu

Alhadmulilah dear sister that I have not hurted you with my words.

I do not know why you can not understand my words sister and I really do not wish to disscuss because we are Muslims and we should try to less argue, especialy during Ramadhan. May Allah help us and keep our hearts away from that. Ameen ya Rabby

Dear sister, what I was trying to tell you is that it is wrong to leave guest alone does not metter how many persones more are sitting with him and having iftaar, but Islam is teaching us that we welcome every guest with a loot of attention, sit and spend time with him, and behave with accordiance of Islamic manners.

And Allah knows the best

May Allah forgive me if I said anything wrong, because Alhamdulillah we should all advice each others for Allah sake and say the truth.

May Allah bless you

 

[uddim004]

why?

my mum would tell me a story of when i was in bangladesh as a kid. my mum would want to by me something (a toy) but a relative(not going to say who) would say that that we are from england we can't have these. there kids would also take things from our luggage and end up breaking them. since we were guest we couldn't exactly say anything. my mum doesn't really like them lol.

also my dad has lived in england for over 20 years and he sometimes still tries to haggle with the fixed prices, gets me every time

 

[JenGiove]

my mum would tell me a story of when i was in bangladesh as a kid. my mum would want to by me something (a toy) but a relative(not going to say who) would say that that we are from england we can't have these. there kids would also take things from our luggage and end up breaking them. since we were guest we couldn't exactly say anything. my mum doesn't really like them lol.

also my dad has lived in england for over 20 years and he sometimes still tries to haggle with the fixed prices, gets me every time

:salam2: ROTFL! I think it depends on the store. While you can not haggle over food in the stores, street markets and in small "ethnically owned" shops sometimes you can. I used to get my pashmina's at a store in the mall for a cheaper price because I befriended the owners and started haggling.... I miss them...and their pashmina's. I only have 13..WAY not enough in my book!!! lol!!!

 

[Asja]

:salam2:

Sister Asja,

First off, allow me to commend you on having concern for Sister Isra's proper conduct as a Muslimah. May Allah remember you for your intentions because I know that it is because you have love for her and her love of Allah.

Sister Isra herself was a guest in her mother-In-Law's home and so, one guest insulted the son of the homeowner and so the husband took his wife, whom he loves deeply and wishing to protect her from insults and harm, directed her to eat with him in the room that they share when staying at his mother's home.

It is Ramadan and so, not wishing to cause a disturbance, sister Isra did what she thought was best and obeyed her husband. We do not know what conversations when on between husband and wife after they ate alone but it was Isra and her husband who were alone, NOT the relative. He had the rest of the huge family there to have Iftar with.

Forgive me if I have overstepped my bounds with you but I cherish Sister Isra like a sister..please understand.

Wa allaicumu saalam

Jennifer, you have completely misunderstood my words because I was not judging sister Isra behaviour as Muslimah Astagfirullah, niether I would never do something like that toward my own sister or brother in Islaam, because Allah is ordering us to behave always with kindness toward our Muslim brother and sisters,and we as Muslims feel honest love for each others for the sake of Allah.

That also includes teaching and advicing each others about Islam normes and Allah knows that was only what I was trying to do.