Marriage Advice Needed

[tic_tac_toe]

I'm getting conflicting opinions. One side says I shouldn't get married because I'm too young, not financially stable to support a spouse and don't have the emotional ability to handle marriage. The other side says I should get married because deen is more important over being financially stable etc. I do my very best to fulfil Islam but when I hear the same so called "solutions" like fasting and spending time with the pious I get frustrated become they seem unrealistic. Yes fasting is a great solution to diminish sexual desires but it only lasts temporarily because once a person refuels their body by eating and drinking the desires come back just like before they began fasting. It's the same with spending time with the pious. Once a person leaves the company of the pious the sexual desires come back. It's extremely difficult to fulfil Islam because I don't live in an Islamic household or am surrounded in an Islamic environment. These conflicting opinions make me feel as if I should just give up because it seems like a joke that no one can seem to agree on anything.

:salam2:

You are getting conflicting advice because advice is based on knowing the full facts and their analysis. This is a forum and people hardly know you.

The basics on this matter is :Allah: has created us to long for companionship and at your age your hormones are raging and your intellectual and maturity levels haven't quiet caught up to them yet. As a Muslim man you need to fulfill multiple roles, firstly you need to be able to satisfy your physical, emotional and psychological desires, secondly you need to be able to financially provide for your household as it is your responsibility and thirdly you need to transform yourself from being a passenger into "Head of a Household" and be able to take care of someone's daughter, sister etc.

The first need is what is foremost in many people's mind.

The second need requires a lifestyle change on your part and forum members don't know you enough to figure out your responsibility etc.

The third need requires an evaluational of your personality and lifestyle which can't be done on the forum and only the people who know you can judge.

This is exactly why you need to go through a Wali in Islam because the Wali will determine your suitability to fulfill needs 2 & 3 respectively. There are many Sisters who tear apart the protection which :Allah: (ie Wali) has granted them abandon the Sunnah and then pay the price; all because some man tickles their heart and lines up the road ahead with Gold nuggets!

 

[tic_tac_toe]

Its amazing as to how many marriage disputes I have sat through in my life where couples once "loved" each other and then sat in front of me telling me how they hate each others guts. Its stupid to base a marriage on love, alone! because it may die, it may become stronger but it is certain to become weaker but every single person in love believes that their love will never end! And their relationship since Sayyidina Adam (AS) until the last day is the most precious!

 

[hayat84]

there is maybe the 1 on 100 situations where the love never finishes,and it is maybe mine.I'm sorry brother Tic_Tac_toe,but I have to remark that if there is Taqwa,there is also respect,love.Allah recommended us to be gentle with each other,to treat the wife with respect and kindness,I regret that there are couples who swear eternal love,but they later shout how they hate each other:that's because they really didn't perceived what they should have done.it could be destructive for a marriage if the husband is not in love but he "sleeps" beside his wife.it's like living a lie and a wife needs to be loved.And if there is no solution it's better to stay alone.when the moment will arrive,brother Ata95,you'll know what to do.your young age make me think that you ,at the moment,are too much phisycally involved.huma pulsion are normal but it should be needed a dose of control.there are muslim men who are old but have no partner.by myself it's better living the experience of marriage with all its "coloured" moments,than living it with hypocrisy,just to fill one's deepness.I respect all members opinions,that's why I can't be offended,everyone has his own experience,trying to be helpful.

 

[Ahsen]

@ATA95 Listen to tic tac toe. He gives valuable advice. The reason why most people differ is because they all have seen different sides of the same story. You think you are the only one having this problem? 18 is the peak of a man's sexual arousal. We all men have went through it.

And about love. You are 18. What do you know about love? It's not what is written in books or u see in movies.If you look around you ,you will find many people who "loved" each other,got married then hated each other so much that they divorced. Why? Because the other side of the person was only revealed to them after marriage. If you think you love a woman then after marriage she is the total opposite then will you suffer that love or leave it?

If still you want to marry then don't let your marriage become a burden on your parents or anyone. Everyone wants to marry young but it's your maturity that matters.

 

[wannabe_muttaqi]

I'm getting conflicting opinions. One side says I shouldn't get married because I'm too young, not financially stable to support a spouse and don't have the emotional ability to handle marriage. The other side says I should get married because deen is more important over being financially stable etc. I do my very best to fulfil Islam but when I hear the same so called "solutions" like fasting and spending time with the pious I get frustrated become they seem unrealistic. Yes fasting is a great solution to diminish sexual desires but it only lasts temporarily because once a person refuels their body by eating and drinking the desires come back just like before they began fasting. It's the same with spending time with the pious. Once a person leaves the company of the pious the sexual desires come back. It's extremely difficult to fulfil Islam because I don't live in an Islamic household or am surrounded in an Islamic environment. These conflicting opinions make me feel as if I should just give up because it seems like a joke that no one can seem to agree on anything.

ASAK Bro,
I just thought of giving you the pragmatic aspects of life as I feel like you need to be told.

Please note that this is just my opinion from a brother to a brother with the limited understanding of your issue and very limited knowledge of islam. The very fact that you are asking for an opinion on this issue and getting confused with two split opinions on this, makes me feel that you are not in a position to get married. This is a public forum and people tend to give their advices based on their knowledge and inclinations. You should be in a position to know what is good for you and take it accordingly with sincerity towards ALLAH SWT.

As for the "falling into ZINA" part, bro everyone of us (brothers') have gone through this fear and have successfully overcome it by the proven methods which are given above. I am sure you must have given it a try, Inshallah be persistent and after you have to put in some efforts, you will get rid of that fear.

I think you should talk to your parents on this and take their opinion. They know you very well and give you the advice what is best for you.

You said earlier that you have a meager job and it will definitely not take care of the family. So are you confident enough that you will be able to take care of a family from all aspects of life? ( financially, emotionally, materialistically, physically etc) . What if your wife falls sick and will you be able to take care of that ? Don't push it to your parents. the question is will you be able to handle all this?

Moreover we are all discussing this without even knowing if the girl wants to marry you now or even later?

Allah SWT knows what is best for you and May HE guide you to that. Ameen.

Wassalam

 

[Ahsen]

@ATA95 Just to be clear I didn't meant to be harsh on you but truth needs to be told.

 

[ouddene bouziane]

Jazakom Allh kheir
We ask Allah sincerely to help us all and forgive our sins.
This useful discussion reminds me Hadith of the prophet saying
Ask your heart and it will be enough for you even you ask this and that
Because some times contradictory proposals make as confused. So ask your heart deeply and sincerely. Then take the right decision.