A_Happy_Convert
New Member
Assalamo alaikum,
Brothers and sisters, I don't know what to do. This is my story:
Last year (during Ramadan) I found a man online and told him I just accepted Islam but hadn't said the Shahada yet. I told him I was sick of western life and wanted to move to a place where I could be free in my religion, free to wear hijab, and where mosques existed. We began emailing back and forth every day and he was VERY helpful. He was full of kind and encouraging words and offered me all types of useful sites about learning to pray, English translations, hadeeths, everything.
I decided to move to his country (before I ever contacted him) and he invited me to stay with him and his family in their home. Long story short, before I even left, we were talking about marriage. We had both fallen in love (which is haram, I know) but this was not a typical situation.
I moved in December and stayed with him and his family. I had my own room on a separate floor of the house and his family took care of me very well. He did, too. He treated me like a princess. Alhomdolillah, we never had any relations or anything like that. We'd hold hands once in a while and at first we had a few small kisses. We felt guilty right away and invoked Allah and promised we'd not do that again. So we stopped.
Well I had a hard time adjusting when I first got here-- new culture, new language, new food, new lifestyle, I was away from all of my family and friends--not to mention: new religion, praying 5 times a day, memorizing many specific things in Arabic, wearing hijab every day, I changed my name, and the weight of not telling my parents I reverted was still on my mind. I also didn't have a job and I was out of money. As you can see, I was stressed. There was no "easing into things" -- everything happened all at once.
So despite how kind he was to me, sometimes I would get angry at things that were not his fault and take it out on him. Eventually we started arguing (95% of the time it was my fault) and one day we got into a HUGE fight. It was the worst day for me. By this time I had my own apartment, and he left and swore he'd never come back.
The problem is, my only friends here are his friends. So we'd both always hear about what the other one was doing. 2 months passed without talking. It was the hardest 2 months of my life. I mean, I'm in a 3rd world country alone, with no friends and family and the person I want to marry hates me. So I spent 2 months alone in prayer and learning more and more about this beautiful deen. I prayed, read hadeeths, watched videos and made du'a. Alhomdolillah Allah completely changed me from the inside!
A few weeks ago, he sent me a message saying he wanted to meet me to talk. He apologized for what he had done and said that even though he loves me very much, we're not a match. True, the OLD ME and him are not a match, but the NEW ME finally, finally understands how Islam works in the society and the role of a man and of a woman. Everything I was confused about before makes sense to me now. My heart is now soft and not hard like before. I've let go of everything I still was clinging to: Western dress, makeup, music, etc. So now...I'm finally the way I SHOULD HAVE BEEN before.
I've been spending Ramadan with his family and him and I have repaired our relationship and keeping everything halal. We walk to and from the mosque everyday, read Quran, he teaches me stories about the Prophets (may Allah be pleased with them) and my heart is happy again.
Here's the problem: He's afraid I will move to go back home (NEVER!!) and he said he has trust issues with me. Since marriage is a lifetime commitment he is hesitant to marry me and says he's not ready. But then he'll say he is. Then he's not. Then he is. He also thinks he's "too poor" to get married, but I keep telling him I'm not marrying him for money. I'd rather live poor with him as my husband than to some rich guy in a miserable relationship.
I keep telling him that since marriage is 50% of our deen and we both love eachother, let's do it! We've started the paperwork (from before) and I'd like to follow through with this. He still thinks he's not ready. I say, "Have a halal marriage with me and Allah will provide all what we need as long as we're obedient to Him!" He PROMISES us this and He never ever breaks His promises to us. I am 100% happy living poor the rest of my life...but he thinks I have western standards and need a life of luxury. I've learned through Islam that a good marriage is not about where you live, how much money you have, or which country you were born in. It's about mutual respect, love, and always keeping Allah first in your heart and in your home.
So now I'm here and he's in one of his moods and is angry at me and I don't even know why.
I love him very much and I know that I have to be patient with him. I feel like Allah is testing me to see if I love him enough to be patient. Every time I make du'a and pray, something always happens. Usually not right away, but Allah works on His time, not mine.
Can everyone PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make du'a that he sees the true me? That he sees that all I want to do in this life is take care of him and be loyal to him? My heart has been cleaned out by Allah and my intentions are good and pure. I want nothing in life but to be his wife. Allah has made my heart happy in this beautiful religion and I'm soooo happy to be Muslim. I have this sense of peace on my heart but as far as earthly life...the only thing missing is him.
I get sick over this. When he's not around my heart aches so bad and then I pray to Allah to soothe me. This can all be solved if we just make a halal marriage! I don't even want a ceremony. I want a SIMPLE life. The perfect marriage would be us, his family, and the Imam. That's it! I don't want a tent, a catering company, haram music, makeup, 5 dresses, none of that!
Please everyone, I know Allah answers du'a and if anyone who reads this could take a few minutes of their life to help a sister out, I'd be sooooo thankful! I just need some Muslim love.
Thanks for taking the time to read this long one.
A_H_C
Brothers and sisters, I don't know what to do. This is my story:
Last year (during Ramadan) I found a man online and told him I just accepted Islam but hadn't said the Shahada yet. I told him I was sick of western life and wanted to move to a place where I could be free in my religion, free to wear hijab, and where mosques existed. We began emailing back and forth every day and he was VERY helpful. He was full of kind and encouraging words and offered me all types of useful sites about learning to pray, English translations, hadeeths, everything.
I decided to move to his country (before I ever contacted him) and he invited me to stay with him and his family in their home. Long story short, before I even left, we were talking about marriage. We had both fallen in love (which is haram, I know) but this was not a typical situation.
I moved in December and stayed with him and his family. I had my own room on a separate floor of the house and his family took care of me very well. He did, too. He treated me like a princess. Alhomdolillah, we never had any relations or anything like that. We'd hold hands once in a while and at first we had a few small kisses. We felt guilty right away and invoked Allah and promised we'd not do that again. So we stopped.
Well I had a hard time adjusting when I first got here-- new culture, new language, new food, new lifestyle, I was away from all of my family and friends--not to mention: new religion, praying 5 times a day, memorizing many specific things in Arabic, wearing hijab every day, I changed my name, and the weight of not telling my parents I reverted was still on my mind. I also didn't have a job and I was out of money. As you can see, I was stressed. There was no "easing into things" -- everything happened all at once.
So despite how kind he was to me, sometimes I would get angry at things that were not his fault and take it out on him. Eventually we started arguing (95% of the time it was my fault) and one day we got into a HUGE fight. It was the worst day for me. By this time I had my own apartment, and he left and swore he'd never come back.
The problem is, my only friends here are his friends. So we'd both always hear about what the other one was doing. 2 months passed without talking. It was the hardest 2 months of my life. I mean, I'm in a 3rd world country alone, with no friends and family and the person I want to marry hates me. So I spent 2 months alone in prayer and learning more and more about this beautiful deen. I prayed, read hadeeths, watched videos and made du'a. Alhomdolillah Allah completely changed me from the inside!
A few weeks ago, he sent me a message saying he wanted to meet me to talk. He apologized for what he had done and said that even though he loves me very much, we're not a match. True, the OLD ME and him are not a match, but the NEW ME finally, finally understands how Islam works in the society and the role of a man and of a woman. Everything I was confused about before makes sense to me now. My heart is now soft and not hard like before. I've let go of everything I still was clinging to: Western dress, makeup, music, etc. So now...I'm finally the way I SHOULD HAVE BEEN before.
I've been spending Ramadan with his family and him and I have repaired our relationship and keeping everything halal. We walk to and from the mosque everyday, read Quran, he teaches me stories about the Prophets (may Allah be pleased with them) and my heart is happy again.
Here's the problem: He's afraid I will move to go back home (NEVER!!) and he said he has trust issues with me. Since marriage is a lifetime commitment he is hesitant to marry me and says he's not ready. But then he'll say he is. Then he's not. Then he is. He also thinks he's "too poor" to get married, but I keep telling him I'm not marrying him for money. I'd rather live poor with him as my husband than to some rich guy in a miserable relationship.
I keep telling him that since marriage is 50% of our deen and we both love eachother, let's do it! We've started the paperwork (from before) and I'd like to follow through with this. He still thinks he's not ready. I say, "Have a halal marriage with me and Allah will provide all what we need as long as we're obedient to Him!" He PROMISES us this and He never ever breaks His promises to us. I am 100% happy living poor the rest of my life...but he thinks I have western standards and need a life of luxury. I've learned through Islam that a good marriage is not about where you live, how much money you have, or which country you were born in. It's about mutual respect, love, and always keeping Allah first in your heart and in your home.
So now I'm here and he's in one of his moods and is angry at me and I don't even know why.
I love him very much and I know that I have to be patient with him. I feel like Allah is testing me to see if I love him enough to be patient. Every time I make du'a and pray, something always happens. Usually not right away, but Allah works on His time, not mine.
Can everyone PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make du'a that he sees the true me? That he sees that all I want to do in this life is take care of him and be loyal to him? My heart has been cleaned out by Allah and my intentions are good and pure. I want nothing in life but to be his wife. Allah has made my heart happy in this beautiful religion and I'm soooo happy to be Muslim. I have this sense of peace on my heart but as far as earthly life...the only thing missing is him.
I get sick over this. When he's not around my heart aches so bad and then I pray to Allah to soothe me. This can all be solved if we just make a halal marriage! I don't even want a ceremony. I want a SIMPLE life. The perfect marriage would be us, his family, and the Imam. That's it! I don't want a tent, a catering company, haram music, makeup, 5 dresses, none of that!
Please everyone, I know Allah answers du'a and if anyone who reads this could take a few minutes of their life to help a sister out, I'd be sooooo thankful! I just need some Muslim love.
Thanks for taking the time to read this long one.
A_H_C