Married 56 times
- Thread starter moonnah
- Start date
shaheeda35
strive4Jannah
:salam2:
This is not from Islam.:astag: Marriage is a serious commitment and should not be taken as just something to do. He will be accountable for this before Allah. We have good and bad in every religion. Allah knows best!
This is not from Islam.:astag: Marriage is a serious commitment and should not be taken as just something to do. He will be accountable for this before Allah. We have good and bad in every religion. Allah knows best!
TheKnowledgeSeeker
A Believer In Heart
Hello,
Weren't you told not to judge religions by people's actions in your other thread? A sisters, masha'Allah did good job giving you example why you shouldn't do that but It seem to me like you are just reading and not taking this into consideration. You should seriously stop and think about what the members of this site write to you. I am not going to answer this because i think you should read the post in your other thread.
Good luck!!
Weren't you told not to judge religions by people's actions in your other thread? A sisters, masha'Allah did good job giving you example why you shouldn't do that but It seem to me like you are just reading and not taking this into consideration. You should seriously stop and think about what the members of this site write to you. I am not going to answer this because i think you should read the post in your other thread.
Good luck!!
blackivy393
Junior Member
did the guy say his reasons for the divorces ?
blackivy393
Junior Member
oh so are you asking why the saudi government has done nothing to this man because of frequent marriage ?
A Kashmiri
Junior Member
Dear Moonah,
As per the statistics, in US alone there is one rape after 34 seconds.
Is it better that a person marries with women legally takes her as his wife, and supports and looks after the kids, than he goes out on serial killings and rapes.
Also how has the exceptions started to be taken as common things.
I think Christians couldnt find anything bad in common and now they want to take exceptions and misinterpret them as common findings.
May Allah help you in your steps to find the truth.
As per the statistics, in US alone there is one rape after 34 seconds.
Is it better that a person marries with women legally takes her as his wife, and supports and looks after the kids, than he goes out on serial killings and rapes.
Also how has the exceptions started to be taken as common things.
I think Christians couldnt find anything bad in common and now they want to take exceptions and misinterpret them as common findings.
May Allah help you in your steps to find the truth.
there is good and bad people everywhere, including the moslim-community
there will always be people that abuse the bit of status and power they have in order to please themselves.
this however has nothing to do with the teachings of islam, it is not allowed..and islam teaches us how prescious and important marriage is..it completes a muslim individuals religion|!
and to reply to ur question..this person may get away with everything he does evil on this earth...but nobody will get away with anything when facing ALLAH ta3ala
the watcher AL RAQAAB
there will always be people that abuse the bit of status and power they have in order to please themselves.
this however has nothing to do with the teachings of islam, it is not allowed..and islam teaches us how prescious and important marriage is..it completes a muslim individuals religion|!
and to reply to ur question..this person may get away with everything he does evil on this earth...but nobody will get away with anything when facing ALLAH ta3ala
the watcher AL RAQAAB
Mairo
Maryama
Hello Moonah,
You have already received many responses to your post, I also thought to respond to your original questions:
"How can this be "ok" and especially in the "Holy Place" such as S.E."
This example is not "OK". Islam specifically condemns this type of action. Unfortunately there is no place in the world today that is completely "holy" or safe from corruption and wrong doing anymore. But there are still upright people in the world, including in Saudia Arabia to be sure. I wonder if in your research you could find a good example from Saudi Arabia to share with us as well, it might be enlightening and beneficial for us all.
"I dont recall the Quran making a mockery of marriage. This man is NOT a good man so how can his fellow Muslims allow it?"
Good question. In Islam we are instructed to enjoin good and forbid evil. And you are correct, marriage is a sacred union in Islam. Perhaps one of his muslim brothers has tried to explain to him the error of his ways but he rejected it and decided to continue on in his ways. It is not always possible for one person to enforce the ending an evil action upon another. Ultimately, each one of us has to take responsibility for our own choices and actions and to a certain extent.
"If it was a women it would not be tolerated as such.
Why the double stander ed?"
Another good question. In Islam it is equally wrong for a man or a woman to do such things. Some would like to believe that it is OK for a man but not a woman to be involved in these things. That deduction is not correct.
"I have learned that Islam is a way of life not just a religion; so if thats true why is this way of life allowed ? Why is he not in trouble or something?"
As you know, there are many examples of deviant behavior in the US regarding committing sexual relations outside of marriage. Also people getting married and then subsequently committing adultery. But there is nothing the courts or government does to enforce protection against these wrongs. This example may be like some similar occurence in Saudi Arabia, this may not be something that they will agree to sort out in court these days.
But rest assured, if justice is not properly carried out in this world (as it often is not), God Almighty will dispense justice accordingly on the Day of Judgement. Although unrepentant wrongdoers may escape penalty on earth, they will not escape ulitmate punishment from Allah, and Allah is severe in retribution.
[40.16] (Of) the day when they shall come forth, nothing concerning them remains hidden to Allah. To whom belongs the kingdom this day? To Allah, the One, the Subduer (of all).
[40.17] This day every soul shall be rewarded for what it has earned; no injustice (shall be done) this day; surely Allah is quick in reckoning.
[40.18] And warn them of the day that draws near, when hearts shall rise up to the throats, grieving inwardly; the unjust shall not have any compassionate friend nor any intercessor who should be obeyed.
[40.19] He knows the stealthy looks and that which the breasts conceal.
[40.20] And Allah judges with the truth; and those whom they call upon besides Him cannot judge aught; surely Allah is the Hearing, the Seeing.
[40.21] Have they not travelled in the earth and seen how was the end of those who were before them? Mightier than these were they in strength-- and in fortifications in the land, but Allah destroyed them for their sins; and there was not for them any defender against Allah.
[40.22] That was because there came to them their apostles with clear arguments, but they rejected (them), therefore Allah destroyed them; surely He is Strong, Severe in retribution.
um_mustafa
sister in Islam
salams all, I also found this answer very intresting and helpful..from Q and A
of course it is very wronge for thi sman to do this and also to be allowed to practise this. May Allah ta;laa guide him.
He talks about marriage secrets and gets married with the intention of divorcing the woman
I'm married to a muslim to whom I'm losing trust. We've been married for a few years. I knew him prior to marriage and I (we) did repent for that. But he has gone off on (2) different occasions to acquire a second wife. On both occasions the sisters that he married seemed more out of desire and assuming that things would be different with marrying a less than knowledgable individual that lack basic manners and deen. Even after knowing this at the time of marriage, he consumates then complains that he wants this second wife to have similar manners and deen as I do. My concern is that he has reveiled his past (I know that as muslims we should keep these things to ourselves) and he was married several times as a kafir, and cheated on these wives and now it seems that he's using Islam as a justification for doing this (having mutiple wives). He's says that he loves me, but I feel that he's just used to me and my good manners and resourcefulness, but he doesn't attempt to treat the second spouse the way he treats me. He is very open to tell me things about the second spouse that I don't want to hear.
Both marriages were seemed to be performed in a very sneaky and questionable manner. I don't have a enough space to go into the details. He has stated on occassions that he has to have a second wife. Is it allowed in Islam for a man to marry and divorce as many women as he wants (I know no more than 4 at one time), but one every few months, even if he's just marrying another woman for the purpose of having something different temporarily? With the intent of using one of her negative qualities as a reason for divorce? We do not have children. Am I allowed to request a divorce on the grounds that I cannot continue to cope with these situations and I'm losing the love and desire for my husband. Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
It is obligatory for both spouses to keep the secrets of the marriage, especially anything that has to do with their intimate relationship in bed. The wife is entrusted with the husband’s secrets and the husband is entrusted with the wife’s secrets.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) turned to the men and said, “Is there any man among you who, when he comes to his wife, he locks the door, throws his blanket over himself and conceals himself with the cover of Allaah?” They said, “Yes.” He said, “And does he sit after that and say, ‘I did such and such, and I did such and such?’” They remained silent. Then he turned to the women and said, “Is there anyone among you who speaks (of private marital matters)?” They remained silent. Then a buxom young girl sat up tall so that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would see her and hear her words, and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, (the men) speak and (the women) speak.” He said, “Do you know what the likeness of that is? The likeness of that is that of a female devil who meets a male devil in the street and he fulfils his desire with her when the people are looking on.”
Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2174. Classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7037.
Secondly:
With regard to your husband’s other marriages, if that is for the purpose of “having a change” as you say, then this is marriage with the intention of divorcing, which is deceiving the woman and her guardians (walis).
Shaykh Muhammad Rasheed Rida (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The fact that the scholars of the earlier and later generations emphatically forbade mut’ah (temporary marriage) implies that marriage with the intention of divorce is haraam, even though the fuqaha’ said that a marriage contract is valid if the husband intends it to be temporary but did not state that as a condition in the marriage contract; but his concealing that is regarded as a betrayal and deceit, and this contract deserves to be annulled more than one in which he stipulated the condition that it be temporary with the agreement of the husband, the wife and the wife’s guardian. This leads to many evil consequences as it is abusing this great bond which is the greatest of human relationships, and going along with one’s whims and desires. When this condition is not stated clearly, that is cheating and betrayal which leads to other bad consequences such as enmity, hatred and loss of trust even of sincere people who want to get married in the real sense, which means protecting the chastity of both partners and cooperating in establishing a righteous home…
Quoted from Fiqh al-Sunnah by al-Sayyid al-Saabiq, 2/39
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) spoke similar words on the prohibition of such marriages. He said:
Moreover this view – the view that (such marriages) are permitted – may be exploited by those who are weak in faith for evil purposes, as we hear that some people have started to go on vacation, during time off from studies, to other countries to get married with the intention of divorcing soon. I have been told that some of them marry several wives on these trips, as if they go there only to satisfy their desires which are more like zina (adultery, fornication) – we seek refuge with Allaah.
Because of this we think that even if there is a view that it is permitted, it is not appropriate to open this door because it has becomes a means that leads to that which we have mentioned.
With regard to my opinion on this matter, I say that this marriage contract is a valid contract, but it involves deceit and betrayal, so it may become haraam because of that.
It is deceit and betrayal because the wife and her guardian, if they knew the intention of this husband, and that his intention is to enjoy intimacy with her and then divorce her, they would not adept this marriage. So in that sense he is deceiving and betraying them.
If he tells them that he wants her to stay with him for the duration of his visit to that country, and they agree to that, then this marriage is mut’ah (temporary marriage).
Hence I think that it is haraam, but if anyone goes ahead and does it, then the marriage contract is valid, but it involves sin.
Liqa’ al-Baab al-Maftooh, Question 1391.
But if he married you with the intention of making the marriage permanent, and he has no intention of divorce, but then something happens which is a reason for divorce, then there is no sin on him in that case.
Thirdly:
With regard to his getting married in secret, if that is in the presence of the woman’s guardian and two witnesses, and the marriage contract is done in that fashion, then it is a valid marriage. But if it is done without the woman’s guardian or without the presence of two witnesses, then the marriage is not valid. See questions no. 7989 and 2127.
Fourthly:
We advise your husband to fear Allaah with regard to his family, and to fear Him with regard to people’s honour. He should note that it is not permissible for him to fool about in this manner, for marriage is love, tranquility and compassion, so he should not make it merely a means of satisfying his desire and then abandon the woman.
We also advise you to be gentle in denouncing your husband, and to preserve the stability of the home, and be sure of what you mention about his intention in taking several wives and what you do not like about him. Remember that a woman’s jealousy towards co-wives may lead her to make mountains out of molehills, and the waswaas (whispers) of the Shaytaan may make it worse, with the aim of disrupting the stability of Muslim families.
So look at the matter with a little wisdom, especially the matter of his intention, which you cannot really know. Ask Allaah to show you the truth of the matter, and pray istikhaarah with regard to either staying with him or asking for separation. Think about your situation if you get divorced and what the consequences of that would be, then decide whether it is better for you to leave him or to stay and put up with it. If you cannot bear it because of the things you have mentioned, then you have the right to ask for separation.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
of course it is very wronge for thi sman to do this and also to be allowed to practise this. May Allah ta;laa guide him.
He talks about marriage secrets and gets married with the intention of divorcing the woman
I'm married to a muslim to whom I'm losing trust. We've been married for a few years. I knew him prior to marriage and I (we) did repent for that. But he has gone off on (2) different occasions to acquire a second wife. On both occasions the sisters that he married seemed more out of desire and assuming that things would be different with marrying a less than knowledgable individual that lack basic manners and deen. Even after knowing this at the time of marriage, he consumates then complains that he wants this second wife to have similar manners and deen as I do. My concern is that he has reveiled his past (I know that as muslims we should keep these things to ourselves) and he was married several times as a kafir, and cheated on these wives and now it seems that he's using Islam as a justification for doing this (having mutiple wives). He's says that he loves me, but I feel that he's just used to me and my good manners and resourcefulness, but he doesn't attempt to treat the second spouse the way he treats me. He is very open to tell me things about the second spouse that I don't want to hear.
Both marriages were seemed to be performed in a very sneaky and questionable manner. I don't have a enough space to go into the details. He has stated on occassions that he has to have a second wife. Is it allowed in Islam for a man to marry and divorce as many women as he wants (I know no more than 4 at one time), but one every few months, even if he's just marrying another woman for the purpose of having something different temporarily? With the intent of using one of her negative qualities as a reason for divorce? We do not have children. Am I allowed to request a divorce on the grounds that I cannot continue to cope with these situations and I'm losing the love and desire for my husband. Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
It is obligatory for both spouses to keep the secrets of the marriage, especially anything that has to do with their intimate relationship in bed. The wife is entrusted with the husband’s secrets and the husband is entrusted with the wife’s secrets.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) turned to the men and said, “Is there any man among you who, when he comes to his wife, he locks the door, throws his blanket over himself and conceals himself with the cover of Allaah?” They said, “Yes.” He said, “And does he sit after that and say, ‘I did such and such, and I did such and such?’” They remained silent. Then he turned to the women and said, “Is there anyone among you who speaks (of private marital matters)?” They remained silent. Then a buxom young girl sat up tall so that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would see her and hear her words, and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, (the men) speak and (the women) speak.” He said, “Do you know what the likeness of that is? The likeness of that is that of a female devil who meets a male devil in the street and he fulfils his desire with her when the people are looking on.”
Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2174. Classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7037.
Secondly:
With regard to your husband’s other marriages, if that is for the purpose of “having a change” as you say, then this is marriage with the intention of divorcing, which is deceiving the woman and her guardians (walis).
Shaykh Muhammad Rasheed Rida (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The fact that the scholars of the earlier and later generations emphatically forbade mut’ah (temporary marriage) implies that marriage with the intention of divorce is haraam, even though the fuqaha’ said that a marriage contract is valid if the husband intends it to be temporary but did not state that as a condition in the marriage contract; but his concealing that is regarded as a betrayal and deceit, and this contract deserves to be annulled more than one in which he stipulated the condition that it be temporary with the agreement of the husband, the wife and the wife’s guardian. This leads to many evil consequences as it is abusing this great bond which is the greatest of human relationships, and going along with one’s whims and desires. When this condition is not stated clearly, that is cheating and betrayal which leads to other bad consequences such as enmity, hatred and loss of trust even of sincere people who want to get married in the real sense, which means protecting the chastity of both partners and cooperating in establishing a righteous home…
Quoted from Fiqh al-Sunnah by al-Sayyid al-Saabiq, 2/39
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) spoke similar words on the prohibition of such marriages. He said:
Moreover this view – the view that (such marriages) are permitted – may be exploited by those who are weak in faith for evil purposes, as we hear that some people have started to go on vacation, during time off from studies, to other countries to get married with the intention of divorcing soon. I have been told that some of them marry several wives on these trips, as if they go there only to satisfy their desires which are more like zina (adultery, fornication) – we seek refuge with Allaah.
Because of this we think that even if there is a view that it is permitted, it is not appropriate to open this door because it has becomes a means that leads to that which we have mentioned.
With regard to my opinion on this matter, I say that this marriage contract is a valid contract, but it involves deceit and betrayal, so it may become haraam because of that.
It is deceit and betrayal because the wife and her guardian, if they knew the intention of this husband, and that his intention is to enjoy intimacy with her and then divorce her, they would not adept this marriage. So in that sense he is deceiving and betraying them.
If he tells them that he wants her to stay with him for the duration of his visit to that country, and they agree to that, then this marriage is mut’ah (temporary marriage).
Hence I think that it is haraam, but if anyone goes ahead and does it, then the marriage contract is valid, but it involves sin.
Liqa’ al-Baab al-Maftooh, Question 1391.
But if he married you with the intention of making the marriage permanent, and he has no intention of divorce, but then something happens which is a reason for divorce, then there is no sin on him in that case.
Thirdly:
With regard to his getting married in secret, if that is in the presence of the woman’s guardian and two witnesses, and the marriage contract is done in that fashion, then it is a valid marriage. But if it is done without the woman’s guardian or without the presence of two witnesses, then the marriage is not valid. See questions no. 7989 and 2127.
Fourthly:
We advise your husband to fear Allaah with regard to his family, and to fear Him with regard to people’s honour. He should note that it is not permissible for him to fool about in this manner, for marriage is love, tranquility and compassion, so he should not make it merely a means of satisfying his desire and then abandon the woman.
We also advise you to be gentle in denouncing your husband, and to preserve the stability of the home, and be sure of what you mention about his intention in taking several wives and what you do not like about him. Remember that a woman’s jealousy towards co-wives may lead her to make mountains out of molehills, and the waswaas (whispers) of the Shaytaan may make it worse, with the aim of disrupting the stability of Muslim families.
So look at the matter with a little wisdom, especially the matter of his intention, which you cannot really know. Ask Allaah to show you the truth of the matter, and pray istikhaarah with regard to either staying with him or asking for separation. Think about your situation if you get divorced and what the consequences of that would be, then decide whether it is better for you to leave him or to stay and put up with it. If you cannot bear it because of the things you have mentioned, then you have the right to ask for separation.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
Whoever you are you sent a VERY rude and insulting PM to me and I would like you to not contact me again. Shame on you!!!
JUST because my profile says non-muslim you think its ok to insult and humiliate me?
JUST because my profile says non-muslim you think its ok to insult and humiliate me?
blackivy393
Junior Member
sometimes i think people have a misconception about rape. people who are going around raping are not sex crazed individuals, they are people who have been victims of rape themselves or enjoy humiliating people and takin power away
A Kashmiri
Junior Member
blackivy393
Junior Member
q8penpals
Junior Member
Salam A Kashmiri
When a person is raped or abused (sexually, physically, or verbally), especially when it happens repeatedly to children, they begin to believe that that is "normal" behavior. It is like any behavior - for example, if a child was raised in a household that said that BLACK PEOPLE ARE EVIL (***this is an example, I am NOT SAYING THIS PERSONALLY!!!***), and the child hears and lives that mantra everyday, when they are grown up, they will believe it. There was a study done with a group of kids in the late 60s or early 70s to show the effects of beliefs on behavior - a teacher took her students and told them that brown-eyed people were less smart and dirtier than blue-eyed people. She made comments throughout the day about the smart blue-eyed kids and "what do you expect from a brown-eyed child?" - by the end of the day, the children were ALREADY BELIEVING her and changing their behaviors http://www.love-shy.com/Gilmartin/Chapter03/elliot.html - we studied this case in college.
Similarly, if a child is repeatedly hit (or sees their mother being hit) for anything they do wrong, they will assume that if someone does something wrong, they need to be hit. If a child is repeatedly sexually abused (or sees their mother sexually abused), they will assume that is normal sexual behavior. Children repeat and copy what they see being done.
When it is perceived as "normal" that is what is done. Why is this difficult to "un-do" when people are older? Why is it hard to stop biting your nails? It becomes a habit, a part of you. And with situations like the ones I mentioned, it is especially hard because for you to change, you have to admit that not only are YOU YOURSELF WRONG, but you need to admit that the way you were raised was WRONG and your family was WRONG and your lifestyle was WRONG - and that is a lot for people to admit.
If you don't believe in this "chain reaction thing", that is your choice. But that does not make it any less (unfortunately) realistic.
Humbly,
Lana
TheKnowledgeSeeker
A Believer In Heart
To sha587
What? :angryblue: sha587 you don't not have the right to insult her. What in the world are you thinking. If you are a Muslim shamed on you if not tti is not a place for you to insulte others so go find another web. And we will not tolerate anyone who insults or sends rude remarks to members although you disagree. So apology to the lady.
What? :angryblue: sha587 you don't not have the right to insult her. What in the world are you thinking. If you are a Muslim shamed on you if not tti is not a place for you to insulte others so go find another web. And we will not tolerate anyone who insults or sends rude remarks to members although you disagree. So apology to the lady.
Albint_Almuslima
Im Proud 2 B Me!
Asalam Alakum,
If u truely Believe in Islam... U wont have all these doubts in ur heart... i read ur recent posts and they Mostly talk about the bad in Islam... which i disagree with... there is no bad in Islam... Its the actions of those who believe in Islam thats wrong...
We do not judge a person by the color of his/her face, by his/her background, by his/her ethnicity, etc... So we should not Judge Islam by the people that believe in it...
Dont judge a religion by the actions of others..
salam,
If u truely Believe in Islam... U wont have all these doubts in ur heart... i read ur recent posts and they Mostly talk about the bad in Islam... which i disagree with... there is no bad in Islam... Its the actions of those who believe in Islam thats wrong...
We do not judge a person by the color of his/her face, by his/her background, by his/her ethnicity, etc... So we should not Judge Islam by the people that believe in it...
Dont judge a religion by the actions of others..
salam,