guiding to marriage

[slaveofAllah88]

:salam2:
i hope all my brothers and sister are in best imaan and health - ameen

I was listenning to Dr Zakir Naik lecture on women's right in Islam , i think its called Women right, modernizing or outdated in islam.

He said to one of the questionaire that parents are only allowed to guide their children into finding a suitable husband/wife, now that is quite the contratrary that is actually practiced sadly

anywayz i was wondering if thats true, then could someone provide me with references from the Quran or Sunnah, i dont think he provided any references due to the lack of time ?
thank you brothers and sister
jazakAllah khair

 

[yellowFlower]

walaikum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh, dear brother.

here are the two results i found from islamqa.com, in'sha'Allah, these will answer your question.


I am muslim. I have to ask a question about my friend who is being forced to marry someone by her parents. She wanted to marry someone else. The guy who she is being forced to marry is more educated and wealthy than the one who she wanted to marry. Her parents has disapproved of her choice and they are forcing her to marry that guy. The guy who she likes is also muslim and very much devoted into islam. But just because the society would not talk about them they don't like the guy who she loves. Any suggestions??

Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permissible for a woman to be made to marry someone she does not want. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A previously-married woman should not be married without being consulted, and a virgin should not be married without asking her permission.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, how is her permission given?” He said, “By her silence.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6455).

‘Aa’ishah reported that a girl came to her and said, “My father married me to his brother’s son in order to raise his social standing, and I did not want this marriage [I was forced into it].” ‘Aa’ishah said, “Sit here until the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) comes. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came and she told him about the girl. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent for her father, then he gave the girl the choice of what to do. She said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I have accepted what my father did, but I wanted to prove something to other women.” (Reported by al-Nisaa’i, 3217).

So, both the guardian and the woman must agree to the marriage. With regard to your request for our advice regarding the problem mentioned in the question, so long as this marriage has taken place, it is better for the woman to try to keep it going as much as she can, and to try to accept this husband. She should seek reward through pleasing her parents and also try to reform her husband through a gentle approach and praying for guidance for him. And Allaah is the Source of Strength.


and another fatwa:
http://islamqa.com/en/ref/98768/parents%20marriage

salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

 

[Hard Rock Moslem]

Just to add following verse which maybe relevant to the question:

An-Nisa' (4:19)

O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will, and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the bridal money you have given them, unless they commit open illegal sexual intercourse. And live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good.

Hope someone can help to tafseer the above verse from the Holy Qur'an.

 

[yellowFlower]

assalamu alaikum.


Meaning of 'Inheriting Women Against Their Will'

Al-Bukhari recorded that Ibn 'Abbas said about the Ayah, "O you who believe! You are not permitted to inherit women against their will" -- Before the practice was that when a man dies, his male relatives used to have the right to do whatever they wanted with his wife. If one of them wants, he would marry her, give her in marriage, or prevent her from marriage, for they had more right to her than her own family. Thereafter, his Ayah was revealed about his practice, "O you who believe! You are not permitted to inherit women against their will"


Women Should Not Be Treated With Harshness

Allah SWT said, "nor to prevent them from marriage, in order to take part of what you have given them" -- Allah SWT commands: Do not treat the woman harshly so that she gives back all or part of the dowry that she was given, or forfeits one of her rights by means of coercion and oppression. Allah SWT's statement "unless they commit open Fahishah" -- Ibn Masud, Ibn 'Abbas, Said bin Al-Musayyib, Ash-Sha'bi, Al-Hasan Al-Basri, Muhammad bin Sirin, Said bin Jubayr, Mujahid, Ikrimah, Ata' Al-Khurasani, Ad-Dahhak, Abu Qilabah, Abu Salih, As-Suddi, Zayd bin Aslam and Said bin Abi Hilal said that this refers to illicit sex. Meaning that if the wife commits adultery, you are allowed to take back the dowry you gave her. You are also allowed to annoy her, until she gives back the dowry in return for a Khula. In Surat Al-Baqarah, Allah SWT said,

"And it is not lawful for you (men) to take back (from your wives) any of what you have given them, except when both parties fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah" [2:229]

Ibn 'Abbas, 'Ikrimah and Ad-Dahhak said that Fahishah refers to disobedience and defiance. Ibn Jarir chose the view that it is general, encompasses all these meanings, adultery, disobedience, defiance, rudeness, and so forth. Meaning that he is allowed to annoy his wife when she does any of these acts until she forfeits all of part of her rights and he then separates from her, and this [view] is good, and Allah SWT knows best.


Live With Women Honorably

Allah SWT said, "And live with them honorably" -- by saying kind words to them, treating them kindly and making your appearance appealing for them, as much as you can, just as you like the same from them. Allah SWT said in another Ayah, "And they have rights similar over them to what is reasonable" [2:228]

The Messenger of Allah PBUH said, "The best among you is he who is the best with his family. Verily, I am the best one among you with my family"

It was the practice of the Messenger of Allah, PBUH, to be kind, cheerful, playful with his wives, compassionate, spending on them and laughing with them. The Messenger PBUH, used to race with Aisha, the Mother of the Faithful, as a means of kindness to her. Aisha said, "The Messenger of Allah, PBUH, raced with me and I won the race. This occurred before I gained weight, and afterwards I raced with him again and he won that race. He said, 'This [victory] is for that [victory]'"

When the Prophet PBUH, was at the home of one of his wives, sometimes all of his wives would meet there and eat together, and they would then go back to their homes. He and his wife would sleep in the same bed, he would remove his upper garment, sleeping in only his lower garment. The Prophet PBUH, used to talk to the wife whose night it was, after praying Ishaa and before he went to sleep. Allah SWT said, "Indeed in the Messenger of Allah you have a good example to follow" [33:21]

Allah SWT said, "If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good" -- Allah SWT says that your patience, which is demonstrated by keeping wives whom you dislike, carries good rewards for you in this life and the Hereafter. Ibn 'Abbas commented on this Ayah, "That the husband may feel compassion towards his wife and Allah gives him a child with her, and this child carries tremendous goodness." An authentic Hadith states, "No believing man should hate his believing wife. If he dislikes a part of her conduct, he would surely like another" [Muslim]

hMmmm.....

 

[slaveofAllah88]

aslam o alikum
JazakAllah khair for all the answers,
may Allah (swt) reward u guyz dearly - ameen

 

[A gift]

:salam2:

i listened to a lecture where the lecturer said that if you wanted to marry someone and your parents dont want her you better obey them no matter how hard is it for you . obeying parents is a must .

 

[allah is with me]

i think its true...but i dont have any proof, so its better if you dont trust me...i just said what i thought...i am sorry if its wrong

 

[ahmed_indian]

:salam2:,

parents cant force their children against their wishes. its sad that many muslims just promise with their relatives/friends that they will give their child in their family without asking their children.

it is the husband-wife who will have to live together forever. their choice matters a lot.

 

[allah is with me]

:salam2:,

parents cant force their children against their wishes. its sad that many muslims just promise with their relatives/friends that they will give their child in their family without asking their children.

it is the husband-wife who will have to live together forever. their choice matters a lot.

ya ur right bro..parents cannot foce thier children against thier wishes..mostly girls.......(i dont know)

 

[slaveofAllah88]

:salam2:

i listened to a lecture where the lecturer said that if you wanted to marry someone and your parents dont want her you better obey them no matter how hard is it for you . obeying parents is a must .

:salam2:

thank you, but i would like to see proof, cuz it clearly says in Surah AL-Nisa women cannot be married without their own will, what ur saying is forced marriage , I really dont think parents are allowed to do that Islam is not that cruel.

 

[Asja]

:salam2:

i listened to a lecture where the lecturer said that if you wanted to marry someone and your parents dont want her you better obey them no matter how hard is it for you . obeying parents is a must .

:salam2:

Dear sister,

Forced marriege is not alowed in Islaam Alahdmilillah. And regarding your statment sister that you should obey to your parents if they do not alow you to marry for rightnoues Muslim man for who you wish to marry is also not correct.Alahdmulillah,we should obey to our parents but there are some cases like marriege where we should be asked and make deccision.
For example,if your parents tells you that you start drinking acohol Astagfirullah,would you obey to them??? Ofcourse not.

So we can not say that we must obey to our beloved parents in everything.Good Muslim parents who love his son/daughter would not forbid to marry for good and pious Muslim wife(husband).Islaam wish heathy society Alahdmulillah,and our Prophet Mohammed s.a.w.s. has said that we can chose by ourselfe Muslim husband or wife,ofcourse the pious one.So it is alowed for us to not to obey our parents if that waht they are saying is not right.

May Allah guide us all:tti_sister:

 

[A gift]

:salam2:

thank you, but i would like to see proof, cuz it clearly says in Surah AL-Nisa women cannot be married without their own will, what ur saying is forced marriage , I really dont think parents are allowed to do that Islam is not that cruel.

you wont die if you dont marry who you want but what would you do if you marry a girl that your parents doesnt want and you died and thy are angry and mad at you .
i am not talking about crulity i am talking about OUR PARENTS who cant not be found anywhere else but you can find another girl and many actually

he didnt say its forbidden but he talks to us because he is sure that we wont disobay our parents in order someone i cam find somewhere else and they are satisfied with

Allah says "[23] And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor. [24] And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young."


you will not find another parents but you will find another girl and Allah will be there for you becuas you obeyd your parents

 

[A gift]

:salam2:

Dear sister,

Forced marriege is not alowed in Islaam Alahdmilillah. And regarding your statment sister that you should obey to your parents if they do not alow you to marry for rightnoues Muslim man for who you wish to marry is also not correct.Alahdmulillah,we should obey to our parents but there are some cases like marriege where we should be asked and make deccision.
For example,if your parents tells you that you start drinking acohol Astagfirullah,would you obey to them??? Ofcourse not.

So we can not say that we must obey to our beloved parents in everything.Good Muslim parents who love his son/daughter would not forbid to marry for good and pious Muslim wife(husband).Islaam wish heathy society Alahdmulillah,and our Prophet Mohammed s.a.w.s. has said that we can chose by ourselfe Muslim husband or wife,ofcourse the pious one.So it is alowed for us to not to obey our parents if that waht they are saying is not right.

May Allah guide us all:tti_sister:

sister to marry someone you parents dont want is totally different from drinking alcohol . there should be no comparrison and if you read my post above you will know what i meant

 

[slaveofAllah88]

aslam o alikum,
sister, A gift, i apologize but i have to disagree, 1st of all parents love is very important no one will disagree you on that, their love respect and their value is extremely high, but this is a diffferent matter.
Islam forbids forced marriage, this was practiced by manafiq before Islam, and islam gave women and men rights, these forced arranged marriages are all part of non muslim ideas, in Islam permission from both is allowed and there should be some form of likeness or LOVE (? im not sure if ppl wil understand this appropriately), thats why Prophet (PBUH) said
“We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624)*!

and men were told to look at the women for love,

Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create love between you.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1087; classed as hasan by al-Nasaa’i, 3235)*!


also these are the guidelines of picking a spouse,
A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, or her religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5090; Muslim, 1466).*!

Now if the parents are rejecting their kids to marry someone without reason then there a hadith regarding too that

“If there comes to you (to propose marriage to your daughter) one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him, for if you do not do that, there will be fitnah (tribulation) on earth and widespread corruption.”

i hope u understand sister, marriage is a decision based on someone ego, or status, it shud be based on the deen, thats why parents are told to guide kids, not force them

Good article below worth a read, plz note it says HELP get marry not FORCE to marry lol hope u forgive me if i caused any grieve

JazakAllah khair for ur answers, but as muslims we need to follow Allah (swt) and his Rasool (PBUH) first before we follow our parents, i can give u examples regarding beard and sister Asja beautifully explaind as well.

How to Help Muslims Get Married:
Tips for Parents and Imams

http://www.soundvision.com/Info/Islam/mar.help.asp

 

[Asja]

sister to marry someone you parents dont want is totally different from drinking alcohol . there should be no comparrison and if you read my post above you will know what i meant

Assalamu Allaicomu

Sister I only gave this example to make you understand that it is not always that we must obey to our parents if they are not right in something Alahmdulillah.This is excelent comparassion.
If you wish to marry for some Muslim man and he is very good and pious,and your parents are not alowing you than they are not doing good for you,which is not good in Islaam Alhamdulillah.Than if you parents does not aloow you that you marry for good Msulim man,it will mean like they are choosing a husband for you,it is like they are forcing you.And this is haram in islaam,and not alowed.Brothers and sisters already prove it with ayah Alahmdulillah.Allah Almighty loves the marraige fullfilled with love.

Nobody did not said sister that we do not love our parants.Alahdmulilalh we do,but before our parents we obey to Allah Almighty and His Messanger s.a.w.s.
My dear brother Shaheer exaplain that very well Mashallah,with example of wearing beard for Muslim man.And they are many other examples.

As long us we and our parents stick to Holy Quran and Sunnah their should not be any problems.Our parents can advice us but still the final decission is on us.

I hope Inshallah I did not said any thing wrong sister.:tti_sister:

May Allah bless you

 

[A gift]

:salam2:

ok first of all two against one thats not fair at all
second of all i am not ready to fight yet:fighta: so give me a break . kiddin

no seriously thats what i believe in i wont marry someone my parents dont want and miss thier blessings but if you did its up to you and you are not committing a sin by doing so and i am not here to prevent anything from happening i just wanted to tell you about the other point of view but thanks anyway . you did a great job both of you so may Allah bless you both

 

[Asja]

:salam2:

ok first of all two against one thats not fair at all
second of all i am not ready to fight yet:fighta: so give me a break . kiddin

Allaicumu Salam dear sister

My dear nobody is takeing sides here becouse we all are on the same side, on the side of Islam and that what is right.

You have made me smile wallahi, he he he Jazzak Allah khair


It is our duty to hear and respect opinions of others but that does not mean that we need to agree with the same.

And Inshallah when I decide to get marry with Allahs will I will have blessing of my parents becouse they will respect my decision and may choice, just like Islam teaches us to do.

May Allah bless you

 

[~Ali_]

Assalamualaikum first off brother "shaheerpak" where can I grab a high quality version of that lecture (I got the low horrible quality one - its so horrible it doesnt even convert well)


Ok.. now about the subject um...everyone uptil now has very good points but this is my personal view of everything (ofcourse with accordance to the Quran and Sunnah)

Now I fully whole heartdly agree that you cannot force someone in marriage and force someone away from marriage.

===
eg.
The mother doesnt let the daughter marry a guy ...because.. the mother doesnt like the guy lol thats forcing someone "away" from marriage...

But in a situation like that of the above its quite situational ...example the mother is 80-something and shes old and shes sick and she doesnt want you to get married...and if you do marry she aint gonna talk to you...

So you gotta ask yourself..... (girls POV - lol)
Do I want to please my mother in her old age?
Do I want this dunya or the hereafter?

If I give this guy up Inshallah Allah swt will grant me with a better husband...
====

I hope the above makes sense. - its all situational in a manner of speaking and for each and every individual its a different story - but the idea of being forced into marraige male or female without love is just wrong and I dont reckon that is situational no matter what kind of individual you are, because your selling yourself for life basically....im in uni so i hope this makes sense im ina hurry

 

[slaveofAllah88]

:salam2:

ok first of all two against one thats not fair at all
second of all i am not ready to fight yet:fighta: so give me a break . kiddin

no seriously thats what i believe in i wont marry someone my parents dont want and miss thier blessings but if you did its up to you and you are not committing a sin by doing so and i am not here to prevent anything from happening i just wanted to tell you about the other point of view but thanks anyway . you did a great job both of you so may Allah bless you both

:salam2:
aww sister please dont feel alone that wasn't the intention of me or sister asja lol muslims shudn't fight we are brother and sister, i apologize if it felt i was being offensive, but i was just telling you what Quran says.
Sister, you just have to be careful, not to mix our opinion with the real teaching of Islam,

and
brother Ali~ which video are you talking about brother ?

JazakAllah khair for you beautiful words sister Asja, Same to you,
May Allah (swt) guide the whole ummah towards islam inshallah

 

[~Ali_]

:salam2:
brother Ali~ which video are you talking about brother ?

Women right, modernizing or outdated in islam. the audio if there is a possible good quality version out there