Marriage,what to do if there love no more?
- Thread starter hayat84
- Start date
Assalaam walaikum,
So glad you asked that question. I have just finished reading a book on al-Nushooz.
Ok...here we go...discord in marriage can happen if a woman has a fairy tale misconception of marriage. That whole notion of romantic love.
Marriage in Islam is not the happy ever after bliss that is advertised to make people spend money for romantic fulfillment. There is a need to always do something to make your spouse feel special. The getaway weekend to add spice to your stale marriage. Wrong wrong thinking.
Marriage is a contract. Love grows with time and acceptance of the role of wife as defined in Islam.
Before divorce you need an arbitrator.
But, the question I ask before we get into the legalisms is why did the person fall out of love. It takes a long time to fall out of love. Something must be very wrong and for a very long time.
So glad you asked that question. I have just finished reading a book on al-Nushooz.
Ok...here we go...discord in marriage can happen if a woman has a fairy tale misconception of marriage. That whole notion of romantic love.
Marriage in Islam is not the happy ever after bliss that is advertised to make people spend money for romantic fulfillment. There is a need to always do something to make your spouse feel special. The getaway weekend to add spice to your stale marriage. Wrong wrong thinking.
Marriage is a contract. Love grows with time and acceptance of the role of wife as defined in Islam.
Before divorce you need an arbitrator.
But, the question I ask before we get into the legalisms is why did the person fall out of love. It takes a long time to fall out of love. Something must be very wrong and for a very long time.
SALAM SO GLAD YOU ASKED THIS QUESTION ...i wonoder this too...not just about not loving him the same,, but if you go through serious problems and your marriage can never be the same again,,,what then does she have a right to ask for divorce
saifkhan
abd-Allah
as-salam 'alaikum warahmatu-llah
I think we all need to recall the concept or marriage and love, better if we go through this amazing lecture of sulaiman mullah
at least watch from 3:28min and the story of ayyub alaihis salam onwards
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i hope it will help insha Allah
wassalam
I think we all need to recall the concept or marriage and love, better if we go through this amazing lecture of sulaiman mullah
at least watch from 3:28min and the story of ayyub alaihis salam onwards
[yt]sxlb6mRbg0c[/yt]
i hope it will help insha Allah
wassalam
Assalaam walaikum,
Yes, the couple meets with two arbitrators. It is suggested that arbitration is asked to bring the couple to reconcile. If they can not bring harmony to the couple than divorce is permissible. I have shortened the steps.
However, it is advised to seek reconciliation.
But, remember love in Islam and marriage are not the Cinderella meets Prince Charming...this is the real stuff.
Yes, the couple meets with two arbitrators. It is suggested that arbitration is asked to bring the couple to reconcile. If they can not bring harmony to the couple than divorce is permissible. I have shortened the steps.
However, it is advised to seek reconciliation.
But, remember love in Islam and marriage are not the Cinderella meets Prince Charming...this is the real stuff.
a_stranger
Junior Member
Just like what sister Apa said in islam :Marriage is a contract. You make a family and have children . I don't think that love and emotions can continue forever, but a woman have a responsibilites and duty . If each of us follow emotions and desires then our world will collapse. We must have sabr : patence, we should try to keep our houses and renew love within.
Asja
Pearl of Islaam
Just like what sister Apa said in islam :Marriage is a contract. You make a family and have children . I don't think that love and emotions can continue forever, but a woman have a responsibilites and duty . If each of us follow emotions and desires then our world will collapse. We must have sabr : patence, we should try to keep our houses and renew love within.
:salam2:
Dear sister I am not married yet, so I do not know well about this. :shymuslima1:. InshAllah.
But I think that one should not live without loving her husband Alhamdulilah, because that can lead to no harmony in one marriage,and Islam is teaching us that marriage is half of one deen and it should bring to husband and wife peace and contement in thier lifes. Alhamdulillah we as Muslims know that we also get marry for keeping our chasity, having our children and rising good Muslim family, but Alhadmulillah our Deen Islam is also teaching us that marriage is given from Allah to bring peace and happiness for one spouses, husband and wife.
And Allah knows the best.
May Allah forgive me if I said anything wrong.
Assalaam walaikum,
If one is deeply unhappy and the other is not troubled, the unhappiness is not from the spouse. The root of the unhappiness is not tied to marriage.
There is a natural phenomena to project unto the spouse the causes of unhappiness. The moive in the mind finds the spouse as being the bad guy.
There is a void in the person who is unhappy. Personally, I know divorce is not the answer. Because the root of the unhappiness is a disease of the soul. I know I sound like a malfunctioning disc but what is being described here has little to do with marriage.
However, I am an individual. I am not known to those who ask questions and I am not in their shoes.
Sister Asja....in Islam all efforts are made to reconcile the couple. Love is not automatic. Love takes time and it is much,much harder to fall out of love. Even after divorce many couples continue to love each other. The romantic nonsense of love that fills our heads has nothing to do with love. Nothing. Couples divorce for reasons other than love. That is the reason why in Islam we have the solutions of guidance, to admonishing to light beating and temporary separation before divorce.
As an older sister in faith I strongly suggest that sisters wait and pray. It is easy to get divorced. But the road alone is hard..very hard and very lonely. And the color of the grass is the same, green.
Another human being can not make you unhappy or happy. Only you can .
If one is deeply unhappy and the other is not troubled, the unhappiness is not from the spouse. The root of the unhappiness is not tied to marriage.
There is a natural phenomena to project unto the spouse the causes of unhappiness. The moive in the mind finds the spouse as being the bad guy.
There is a void in the person who is unhappy. Personally, I know divorce is not the answer. Because the root of the unhappiness is a disease of the soul. I know I sound like a malfunctioning disc but what is being described here has little to do with marriage.
However, I am an individual. I am not known to those who ask questions and I am not in their shoes.
Sister Asja....in Islam all efforts are made to reconcile the couple. Love is not automatic. Love takes time and it is much,much harder to fall out of love. Even after divorce many couples continue to love each other. The romantic nonsense of love that fills our heads has nothing to do with love. Nothing. Couples divorce for reasons other than love. That is the reason why in Islam we have the solutions of guidance, to admonishing to light beating and temporary separation before divorce.
As an older sister in faith I strongly suggest that sisters wait and pray. It is easy to get divorced. But the road alone is hard..very hard and very lonely. And the color of the grass is the same, green.
Another human being can not make you unhappy or happy. Only you can .
a_stranger
Junior Member
HTML:
:salam2::salam2:
Dear sister I am not married yet, so I do not know well about this. :shymuslima1:. InshAllah.
But I think that one should not live without loving her husband Alhamdulilah, because that can lead to no harmony in one marriage,and Islam is teaching us that marriage is half of one deen and it should bring to husband and wife peace and contement in thier lifes. Alhamdulillah we as Muslims know that we also get marry for keeping our chasity, having our children and rising good Muslim family, but Alhadmulillah our Deen Islam is also teaching us that marriage is given from Allah to bring peace and happiness for one spouses, husband and wife.
And Allah knows the best.
May Allah forgive me if I said anything wrong.
Dear sister what you said is right , but sometimes emotions are decieving . A woman may feel something then she may turn 100 percent another time. As long as your husband is a good muslem man you should love him for Allah subhanahu wa taala . Suppose a woman love a man and marry him and they have chidren, then after a while her emotions changed ,and she divorced and married other man and they have children ........after a while the same happen................. Houses are not build on emotions and the love they present in movies is unreal . Life is kind of test and big resposibility . We can make love and good life if we obey Allah subhanahu wa taala and his prophet salla Allah alaihi wa sallam, we can loose everything by following our whims. By the way i think your future husband is the most lucky inshaAllah.and Allah knows best.
hayat84
I'm not what you believe
Mashallah!thank you for the posts.I read many different opinions,watched a little part of the video,but I have to disagree with who says that marriage is a contract and with marriage we make family and children:we are not machines of babies.the Prophet himself(SAWS)recommended to men to treat their wives goodly,to be tender to love them.if there wasn't Love,I would have never got married,because I could choose between being a wife or stay single,but Love made me believe that I could make a step that couold change all my life as I imaged.
if a woman had only the duty to be wife and mother,maybe she would have never chosen to get married to someone who she doesn't estimate neither love.I think that love is in a certain way the "engine" of our existence,because if there wasn't this kind of feeling(even terrestrial)the world would be "frozen,indifferent"to what it happens.Allah gave to human Being the chance to fee Love as something "romantic""breathtaking",as something poetical,because in this illusion it's a good thing to demonstrate one's devotion towards Him Who created everything is all around him.
At first maybe marriage between 2 who really feel love is full of tenderness and romanticism,but then it come the children,maybe the job is not more sure as before,the husband can behave in consequence of his "Bad days" and this behaviour can influence the equilybrium of the whole family,and I am pretty sure that a good 60% of the couples fail in its marriage because there is love no more.how can 2 people share good and bad moments,sleep on the same bed and have a breakfast together,if there is only a contract between them??Maybe I'm too romantic or I have interpreted Islam in this way,because as I'm really devoted to my husband,I also love him very much,because on the contrary way I would have not taken the responsibility to deliver 4 children,if I didn't feel love for him.I disagree with the fact that a woman should do her duty as wife and mother like if it's the only one thing she can do in her life.But what to do if the husband doesn't give to his wife the attention she needs(as a hadith says,the women are like children,they cry as they smile,they are son fragile that they need to be always ensurened and substained)and the desire she had toward him before,is little by little gone away because of his indifference?a woman isn't obliged to marry a man,but how to behave if that man showed to her woman the sweet part of him just to make her to fall in love,and then he just behave toward her like if she doesn't exist?can she separate from him?
it's a topic that interests me much,there is no silly intent in this question,by the way Islam gives rights and duties to women,I'd like to know which are the rights of women in matter of divorce.
if a woman had only the duty to be wife and mother,maybe she would have never chosen to get married to someone who she doesn't estimate neither love.I think that love is in a certain way the "engine" of our existence,because if there wasn't this kind of feeling(even terrestrial)the world would be "frozen,indifferent"to what it happens.Allah gave to human Being the chance to fee Love as something "romantic""breathtaking",as something poetical,because in this illusion it's a good thing to demonstrate one's devotion towards Him Who created everything is all around him.
At first maybe marriage between 2 who really feel love is full of tenderness and romanticism,but then it come the children,maybe the job is not more sure as before,the husband can behave in consequence of his "Bad days" and this behaviour can influence the equilybrium of the whole family,and I am pretty sure that a good 60% of the couples fail in its marriage because there is love no more.how can 2 people share good and bad moments,sleep on the same bed and have a breakfast together,if there is only a contract between them??Maybe I'm too romantic or I have interpreted Islam in this way,because as I'm really devoted to my husband,I also love him very much,because on the contrary way I would have not taken the responsibility to deliver 4 children,if I didn't feel love for him.I disagree with the fact that a woman should do her duty as wife and mother like if it's the only one thing she can do in her life.But what to do if the husband doesn't give to his wife the attention she needs(as a hadith says,the women are like children,they cry as they smile,they are son fragile that they need to be always ensurened and substained)and the desire she had toward him before,is little by little gone away because of his indifference?a woman isn't obliged to marry a man,but how to behave if that man showed to her woman the sweet part of him just to make her to fall in love,and then he just behave toward her like if she doesn't exist?can she separate from him?
it's a topic that interests me much,there is no silly intent in this question,by the way Islam gives rights and duties to women,I'd like to know which are the rights of women in matter of divorce.
Assalam aleykom
I am not going to answer your question, because I cannot. Only some advices; marriage in Islam is first of all - Not based on Love, First of all it is based on our belief! And everything has to be for Allah swt! So by marrying your husband is for Allah! First of all, your love must be for Allah. And then of course a couple must "feel" something for eachother. But you're saying fall out of love, that means there was love before? I have to agree with others, something must be very wrong, because everyone could feel "not in love" when troubles comes. But we are acctually in love, and women (and Allah knows best) have a tendence to act on feelings. Therefore it is easier for a man to divorce and not a woman.
I have learn that patience, and surrender to the role as a muslim wife according to quran and sunnah is Not easy! But it give me so much it is worth every "sacrifice". Be like a slave to your husband, and he will be yours! Trust me, it does work! I am trying my best to be a good wife according to what Allah swt have told, and I can see my husband therefore is becoming a better husband. So dont wait for him to make the move, start with yourself by surrender to your role as a wife. And remember - everything you do for him and seek reward for it you will have!
And last; in everything we do, we have to remind ourself that we do this good deeds so that we can have a good next life! Beeing a good wife to your husband, and means maby you have to sacriface some things of your own, will be rewarded when our judgementday comes! Do not be amongst the loosers sister. Although Allah swt has given to us, including the wife, as a last resort - the right to get divorced if you cannot live together. But also remember, it is lawful, but it is the lawful thing Allah hates the most.
Sister, may Allah swt make it easier for you!
I am not going to answer your question, because I cannot. Only some advices; marriage in Islam is first of all - Not based on Love, First of all it is based on our belief! And everything has to be for Allah swt! So by marrying your husband is for Allah! First of all, your love must be for Allah. And then of course a couple must "feel" something for eachother. But you're saying fall out of love, that means there was love before? I have to agree with others, something must be very wrong, because everyone could feel "not in love" when troubles comes. But we are acctually in love, and women (and Allah knows best) have a tendence to act on feelings. Therefore it is easier for a man to divorce and not a woman.
I have learn that patience, and surrender to the role as a muslim wife according to quran and sunnah is Not easy! But it give me so much it is worth every "sacrifice". Be like a slave to your husband, and he will be yours! Trust me, it does work! I am trying my best to be a good wife according to what Allah swt have told, and I can see my husband therefore is becoming a better husband. So dont wait for him to make the move, start with yourself by surrender to your role as a wife. And remember - everything you do for him and seek reward for it you will have!
And last; in everything we do, we have to remind ourself that we do this good deeds so that we can have a good next life! Beeing a good wife to your husband, and means maby you have to sacriface some things of your own, will be rewarded when our judgementday comes! Do not be amongst the loosers sister. Although Allah swt has given to us, including the wife, as a last resort - the right to get divorced if you cannot live together. But also remember, it is lawful, but it is the lawful thing Allah hates the most.
Sister, may Allah swt make it easier for you!
dear sister
im with you on so much of this ..be;lieve me because im also living the same thing
but if ur talking about yourself then its very sad...
becasue ur not married so long and you have young children
of course life will change wiht the responsibility of children,,,,and the man has big responsibility to take care of wife and children..they cannot just think of one another ..as many other demands
but yes the husband should treat the wife with kindness and affection
and understand her needs
imagine also you change your whole life and go to a new country and away from family and friends then it is hard
if you find it hard now ....imagine you go to his country how that will be
be pateint dear sister please
im with you on so much of this ..be;lieve me because im also living the same thing
but if ur talking about yourself then its very sad...
becasue ur not married so long and you have young children
of course life will change wiht the responsibility of children,,,,and the man has big responsibility to take care of wife and children..they cannot just think of one another ..as many other demands
but yes the husband should treat the wife with kindness and affection
and understand her needs
imagine also you change your whole life and go to a new country and away from family and friends then it is hard
if you find it hard now ....imagine you go to his country how that will be
be pateint dear sister please
Sister, I saw now you have already posted today.. If it comes to that (divorce) You have rights; say to your husband you want a divorce. If he does not approve of that, talk to an Imam or other, and they will help you. Worst, you have to take it to court. And at last, be prepared to give up your gift he gave you when you got married.
May Allah help you sister!
May Allah help you sister!
hayat84
I'm not what you believe
oh yesI'm patient,I have no problems with my husband,amybe you thought that I'm in crise...noooo.I'm happily married.before making this step I felt in love,then I chose to get married because I wanted to share everything(problems,laughs...)I knew Islam before getting married but I wasn't so informed about the "surrenderness" of a wife,by the way I came from a world of disbeliever,I was pride,aggressive because I feared the judge of others...I acquired sureness after getting married and after having accepted Islam,I surrended only to Allah's Will,s if Death will come,I'll be here to wait,but to my husband...how can I be slave of the man I love???yes,I'm slave of love,but never his slave,I can't allow to anybody to put his feet over my head,because believe to me,I suffred too much when I was a girl...and now,I'm like that child to whom has been denied his childhood.I'm fortunate to a man who is loyal,sensitive,in love of me.if he didn't love me,why should he maintain me in his house?could you tolerate somebody who offends you everyday or never give tou a flower??mayb you can surrender for few months,but in front of the indifference it's better to finish the marriage.