2nd wife OR pleasure of Allah (SWT)?

[Globalpeace]

Asslamo Allaikum,

Ok, enough faffing around with 2nd wives & Alfa-Romeos; I am a grown up & this is what I really think...

• It is fact that we men lust after women
• It is a fact that after our wives have a few children; they are not in such a great physical shape as they once were
• It is fact that we men are permitted to have a 2nd wife; even for lust

But let’s think about this for a minute here…

Our wives have sacrificed their well being, health and carried our children in their wombs for nine months; should be then abandon them?

Allah (SWT) commands us (men) to be merciful and kind to our wives and ask yourself honestly; is it kindness to abandon her when she has worked herself to death and no longer (as) attractive?

Allah (SWT) commands us to payback favours with bigger (and greater) favours. Is that how we pay them back?

Why can’t we make a pact with Allah (SWT) & say, Ya Allah! You know that my wife is unable to satisfy my desires fully but I will guard my gaze and I will put my desires in check and I will do this to payback all the things that she has done for me for the years; in return I ask for your pleasure & I ask for Jannah!

If your wife has supported you through building a career or university then it’s even worse (morally) to abandon her & upgrade to a newer, prettier, cuter model!

Even if your wife gets disabled (Allah forbid) why can’t we do a deal with Allah (SWT)? Let’s help someone and stick by them through thick and thin till forever and forever…

Now! Lets get to the subject of sisters needing husbands…

When we meet such a Sister...

Why can’t we say “You are my Sister in Islam and in need; I will support you in everyway I can (Islamicaly permissible) for the sake and pleasure of Allah”. I want nothing in return but Jannah. Sister! Think about this…Do you really want to be my 2nd wife JUST because I can financially support you?...Do you think you will be happy? Why can’t we support Sisters in need without asking for favours? Don’t we think that its pretty cheap motives? Why can't we rise above pettiness.

Remember! A sister in a dire situation is NOT thinking straight! Help her get to happinees & have your reward with Allah (SWT).

If she is attractive why can’t we say (honestly), “Sister you are more beautiful then my wife and you are attractive to me. BUT do you really want to build your happiness upon the shattered dreams of another woman”? My brother (Alkhathiri ) is also looking for a wife and he has none! I think you should prefer him over me.

Anyway I really think like this & I have probably offended someone on the way.

If 1st wife is happy/willing & 2nd is happy and everything is hunky-dorey & no ones' feeling will be hurt; then go for it....BUT I can sure this is almost nonexistent. Most women learn to COMPROMISE and that is different to being HAPPY!

Also physical needs of a sister are a different story as well! If a woman happily finds someone attractive and wants to be a 2nd wife & 1st one realises the situation & understand the needs of the husband; then that’s also a different story.

Comments Welcome!

Remember Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) said to Ali (RA) that it would hurt him if he took a 2nd wife as Fatima (RA) was his favourite daughter...So why hurt people's feelings for our lusts! (Can't find the reference, now!)

 

[Globalpeace]

Asslamo Allaikum,

Almost forgot! Because most men have “other” motives;

Sisters don’t and can’t trust anyone who says that want nothing in return & that is a damn shame!

Muslims used to do things for the pleasure of Allah (SWT) and they used to abstain from TAKING ADVANTAGE of desperate women; look at the Hadeeth, below!

Abu 'Abdu'r-Rahman 'Umar ibn al-Khattab said, "I heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, "Three men of the past were travelling and took refuge for the night in a cave. They entered it and a rock fell down the mountain and blocked the entrance. They said, 'The only thing that will rescue us from this rock is to call on Allah invoking good actions we have done!' One of them said, "O Allah, my parents are both old and it is my habit never to give milk in the evening either to my family or friends before giving it to them first. One day I went a long way in search of something and did not reach them until they had already gone to bed. I milked their evening drink but found them asleep. I did not want to wake them nor to give my family or friends their evening drink before they had had theirs, so I remained with the cup in my hand waiting for them to wake up until dawn came. The children were at my feet, crying because of hunger. Then they woke up and drank their drink. O Allah, if I did that out of the desire for Your Face, then rescue us from the situation we are in regarding this rock." It opened up a little but they still could not get out. The second said, "O Allah! A cousin of mine was the person I loved more than any other. (Another variant has, "I used to love one of my uncle's daughters with the most intense love it is possible for a man to have for a woman.") I tried to seduce her and she refused me until, one year when she was in dire need, she came to me and I gave her a hundred and twenty dinars provided that she would let me do what I wanted with her. She did that but when I was about to have my way with her, (One variant has, "when I was between her legs.") she said, 'Fear Allah and do not break the seal without having the right to do so.' Then I left her alone in spite of the fact that she was, of all people, the one I loved the most and also left her with the gold I had given her. O Allah, if I did that out of the desire for Your Face, then rescue us from our situation!" The rock moved a little further but they still could not get out. The third said, "O Allah, I employed some workers and gave all of them their wages except for one man who went off without taking what he was owed. I invested his wage until it multiplied in value. After a time he came to me and said, ''Abdullah, pay me my wage!' I said, 'All the camels, cattle, sheep and slaves that you see here have come from your wage.' He said, ''Abdullah, do not make fun of me?' I said, 'I am not making fun of you.' He took them all and drove them off, not leaving anything. O Allah, if I did that out of the desire for Your Face, then rescue us from the situation we are in!" The rock moved away and they walked out.'" [Agreed upon]

 

[amyaishazouaoui]

:salam2:

What if the wife wants her own space??? LIke only see you for half a week and have the rest of the time for herslef. This does not mean that he loves any less, it simply means that she needs her own space, for self reflection, ibadah, building herself into a better person inshallah. Maybe her husband is driving her crazy after a big change in her life???

Alot of "plural marriages" I know of are actually initially sugested by the woman. She wants time/space/cannot satisfy him enough
etc etc etc.

Its not all from the man and 2nd/3rd wives again should not feel ashamed, Infact i dont think they should be refered to as 2nd 3rd wives, because they are derogatory term in themselves!!

OK GP shoot me now!!

 

[misalat]

:salam2: brother,
I personally do not agree with your understanding of this points.... I believe there is sufficient reasons why men are permitted to marry a second wife. Still there are some conditions before one opts for the second / third or even fourth one ... so i do not see why you forbid what Allah S.W.A has permitted.
There other brothers / sister who may misunderstand this issue, especially those of us who are less educated and in this propaganda western world always trying to target offending islam by only the this point of a men marrying more than one wife without reasonably thinking more depth into the topic ... this is just my points of view, if pointed the right things it's from Allah and if not it's from my own soul and shaitan.:astag:

:salam2:

 

[Globalpeace]

Conscious Decision!

Asslamo Allaikum Brother,

I understand that you disagree with me; BUT where have I digressed from Quraan/Sunnah; please point it out.

I have no problems with a sane sister making the choice; all I am saying is that give her the help to reach a certain level of sanity without asking anything in return.

:salam2: brother,
I personally do not agree with your understanding of this points.... I believe there is sufficient reasons why men are permitted to marry a second wife. Still there are some conditions before one opts for the second / third or even fourth one ... so i do not see why you forbid what Allah S.W.A has permitted.
There other brothers / sister who may misunderstand this issue, especially those of us who are less educated and in this propaganda western world always trying to target offending islam by only the this point of a men marrying more than one wife without reasonably thinking more depth into the topic ... this is just my points of view, if pointed the right things it's from Allah and if not it's from my own soul and shaitan.:astag:

:salam2:

 

[farhopes]

Assalamo alikom

Allah, SWT, never gives the permission of something unless He knows that there will be a bad need of it in some specific time.


We all know that there is a big problem in Muslim communities today. There are huge numbers of unmarried sisters who can't find husbands.

One of the reasons of that big problem is that the number of young men in such countries is much less than that of young women.

We agree that the majority of women need marriage not only for financial support, but also for many other very important reasons.
I always ask myself ; why should most married women be sooooo selfish and refuse that another Muslim sisters share them their husbands??? and why should this hurt their feelings???

We all know that our prophet was and still is the most considerate human being and the one who is on a great morality.That great prophet and his unique companions practised polygamy and gave us great models of achieving justice and being fair.

 

[Globalpeace]

Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam)

Asslamo Allaikum,

We know that Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) married someone 16 older then him in the prime of his life, & stuck by her through everything; despite having the manliness of ALL of US put together.

If that is not controlling desires; I don't know what is?

Allah, SWT, never gives the permission of something unless He knows that there will be a bad need of it in some specific time.


We all know that there is a big problem among the Muslim communities today. There are huge numbers of unmarried sisters who can't find husbands.

One of the reasons of that big problem is that the number of young men in such countries is much less than that of young women.

We agree that the majority of women need marriage not only for financial support, but also for many other very important reasons.
I always ask myself ; why should most married women be sooooo selfish and refuse that another Muslim sisters share them their husbands??? and why should this hurt their feelings???

We all know that our prophet was and still is the most considerate human being and the one who is on a great morality.That great prophet and his unique companions practised polygamy and gave us great models of achieving justice and being fair.

 

[justoneofmillion]

assalam, i believe we should promote it and encourage whom ever is able to take a second wife especially in these times of war i wonder what is happening with the iraqi and afghani widows left alone with children if i ever take a second wife one day it will certainly not be for pleasure purpose auzubillah i get down that far brothers but if i do it it will be to help them and nothing else wallahi i wouldn`t even wanna touch them but i guess it will be a must then... for now am still studying ...so the question doesn`t really arise for me hope didn`t offend anyone

wassalam

 

[farhopes]

Asslamo Allaikum,

We know that Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) married someone 16 older then him in the prime of his life, & stuck by her through everything; despite having the manliness of ALL of US put together.

If that is not controlling desires; I don't know what is?

There is no debate here.

We are talking about solving a big problem of huge numbers of Muslim sisters by applying something that is completely permissible from Allah and used to be His prophet's Sunna.

 

[Muhammad_A]

:salam2:

What if the wife wants her own space??? LIke only see you for half a week and have the rest of the time for herslef. This does not mean that he loves any less, it simply means that she needs her own space, for self reflection, ibadah, building herself into a better person inshallah. Maybe her husband is driving her crazy after a big change in her life???

Alot of "plural marriages" I know of are actually initially sugested by the woman. She wants time/space/cannot satisfy him enough
etc etc etc.

Its not all from the man and 2nd/3rd wives again should not feel ashamed, Infact i dont think they should be refered to as 2nd 3rd wives, because they are derogatory term in themselves!!

OK GP shoot me now!!

Well? What are you waiting for? Shoot her now, shoot her now!

 

[Globalpeace]

W-Salam,

Bro! You have the right intentions so don't apologise.

If I can legally marry a 2nd wife from Iraq/Afghanistan and then get her into US/UK; I am for it....But I can't.

I have lived in Saudia & I have seen tons of Indonesian/Phillipino/Indian 15-16 year olds & guess what they are there for?

assalam, i believe we should promote it and encourage whom ever is able to take a second wife especially in these times of war i wonder what is happening with the iraqi and afghani widows left alone with children if i ever take as second wife one day it will certainly not be for pleasure purpose auzubillah i get down that far brothers but if i do it it will be to help them and nothing else wallahi i wouldn`t even wanna touch them but i guess it will be a must then... for now am still studying ...so the question doesn`t really arise for me hope didn`t offend anyone

wassalam

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Brothers I know it must be hot in the UK.

Here I go again. One of the most impressive aspects of Islam it the liberation of women. The choice is the wife's. In Islam, marriage is not at all what we consider in the west to be marriage. Marriage is an affair of this world. Marriage promotes community and society. It is sacrifice. It is giving of yourself to others for a stronger ummah.
There comes a point in a womans life where she needs comforts beyond a physical relationship. The comfort of a husband is a friend. A confident. There is no such thing as a soul mate. Ayisha was only jealous of the Prophet's (swas) first wife. He told her not to be. He loved and honored them both. The wife of the Prophet (swas) who gave up her nights so he could be with Ayisha; that is love.
A husband protects his children. That is what women want. And to the sister that wrote women need space...after giving birth, raising chidren, keeping house...I just want a little peace and quiet...If there is another sister who will attend to you for a little while..

 

[Globalpeace]

Asslamo Allaikum,

Like always some great comments and rebuttals, Masha'Allah. Good to know all of your opinions.

 

[aseel]

Asslamo Allaikum,

Ok, enough faffing around with 2nd wives & Alfa-Romeos; I am a grown up & this is what I really think...

• It is fact that we men lust after women
• It is a fact that after our wives have a few children; they are not in such a great physical shape as they once were
• It is fact that we men are permitted to have a 2nd wife; even for lust

.....


Ok wait a minute !!! It's not because you have children that you are in bad physical state !!!!!! It all depends on how you take care of your body!

My mum has had four and she is in better shape than me and i`m only young!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Fardowsa]

I agree with Global Peace

speaking for myself, if my husband was to inform me that he wanted to take a second wife, I would not like that at all. I know Allah has made polygamy permissible, but he also gave us women the choice to stay or to leave, and in my situation I would definetly get a divorce (yah I know its not the best of things, but trust me I know myself, and getting a divorce would probably be the best thing) unless, I (Allah forbid) cant have children, then he can go ahead and marry who ever he wants. I just dont agree with having to go through all the burdens (pregnancy, childbirth, etc., etc.,) and perhaps not being in shape and after all this if my husband would want to take up another wife, I would be MAD. Anyways, I believe that most men take up 2nd, 3rd, or 4th wife's just cause they are bored and they want something new, something different.....which is totally not fair by the way.

BTW: Allah has made polygamy halaal, and because of that I do not have an opinion on the matter, but I do have an opinion on men taking up other wife's because of the fact that they want a "newer" u know....wife. Actually, isnt it the sunnah to marry a divorced or widow woman if one would want to take another wife?

 

[wannabe_muttaqi]

this is a joke which i would like to share here to ease few things .........plssss plssssss take it just for fun......

One day a man died and went up the heaven and knocked the doors of paradise there came the doorkeeper's voice from inside "who is it?" he said his details in which he says that he was married...so all of a sudden the doorkeeper opens the paradise door and asks him to get in. Later one more person died, he went up the heaven and knocks at the doors of paradise then again there was doorkeeper's voice from inside "who is it?" he started giving his details and as soon as he said that he had two wives the door opens suddenly, the doorkeeper comes out and says "two wives!!!!" man you have suffered a lot you deserve this place come in and have a peaceful life here.

Again after few days there was a third person who followed the same......when giving the details he said had 3 wives then the paradise doorkeeper said......"3 wives!!!!!!" you have no right to enter this place as this place is not meant for people who have mental disorders.

 

[Globalpeace]

Old Fashioned!

Asslamo Allaikum Brothers/Sisters,

I feel old, left out and depressed & can’t believe what I am reading.

When I read the Qur’aan/Sunnah I encounter the following stories of LOVE amongst others:

• Daughter of Shuaib (RA) & Moosa (RA)
• Story of Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) marrying a woman 16 years older then him
• Story of Aitka (RA) & Son of Abu-Bak’r (RA)
• The story of a man/women being stoned to death for committing fornication & the man leaning forward to protect the women from the stones (till he died)

I am NOT against 2nd marriage; but I am saying that it should be done with a sound mind and right reasons and 100% commitment and passion.

What happened to singing in the rain?

What happened to littering bright red post-it notes with “I MISSED YOU” in her path when she goes out somewhere and comes back?

What happened to writing poetry and hiding it for her to get when you are at work?

What happened to bouquet of roses?

What happened to candle-light dinners?

What happened to littering her pillow with rose-petals?

What happened to capturing a pure, innocent drop of rain when you are 75 and sharing it with her & she is 70 (something)?

Just because she has had a relationship or is disabled or has children from previous relationship doesn’t mean that she MUST compromise and take a husband!

She has an equal right to happiness and joy; like the rest of us.

Forgive me; but I am old fashioned and I was taught to take my responsibilities seriously:

• Take care of your wife financially, emotionally, physically etc. etc. etc. till death do you part
• Take care of children financially, emotionally, physically etc. etc. etc. (yours, hers, somebody else’s) till death do you part

I fully understand that there are lots of unmarried sisters (spinsters, windows etc.) but I see Srs. Umm_Hussain, Appa Mirajmom & AAZ embarking on a Shariah compliant Taliban style social re-engineering program with absolute horror.

You have your 3 days, I have my 3 days! What?

So the husband wants a hug, wife wants a cuddle & they have to synch their palmtops!

Honey! Wednesday is not looking good because I got an early shift, how about Thursday? Na! I got an assignment on Thursday …Friday it is then!
What about the cuddle? Gee! I don’t know; next Friday. Cool…Cool…I am glad we resolved that! We are a great tem, don’t you think?

Taking time to build a relationship with Allah (SWT)? That is some Sufi thought because Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) didn’t take the time out; he built his relationship with Allah (SWT) WHILE he dearly loved and cared for his family.

I see rainbows all the time and I believe the Hadeeth of Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam), “There is nothing better for two people in love then the institution o Nikah”…I am recalling it in Arabic & don’t have time to search to give the reference.

I see the command of Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) to look at the potential partner so some LOVE can develop!

I read the writing of Maulana Mawdudi (RA) and I know that reverts are brought up on a healthy diet of his books; but his stuff is so horrible:

• Hajj is where the Ummah gathers to get to know each other and know the issues
• Salah trains you physically and spiritually like the Military
• Fasting is like a training to control your Nafs
• Zakat is Islam’s answer to socialism

What?

How about you find a poor person and pay them Zakat because of the love of Allah (SWT)?

How about going for Hajj and yearning to see the house of Allah (SWT)?
How about setting your alarm and waking up in the middle of night, praying & making dua for someone?

Nothing BUT the pleasure of Allah (SWT) in everything.

P.S: My words are confused because I am confused after reading thoughts of others. We have so many single Brothers/Sisters here & they are reading this stuff about 3 days for you; 3 days for me so I can get on with my life; horrible, horrible, horrible;

I know what you are saying; BUT please be considerate and don't let people marry and live in card-board boxes.

The west has destroyed romance, caring for people and loving them FOREVER & EVER!

I come from the EAST where the sun rises & not the WEST; where the sun sets!

ENCOURAGE brothers to take 2nd wives but don't call it or treat it like social-reengineering. I may be wrong with my thoughts but Sisters please tell people that life is beautiful and you can still see rainbows if you try hard enough.

P.P.S: I am a PATHAN and we don't abandon our women (or anyone else) for younger, prettier, cuter models...I am again stressing that I understand when there is total and sincere compliance and agreement from all parties; there can be nothing better

 

[amyaishazouaoui]

:salam2:

Ohhhh you old romantic you!!!!!!!!!

I get your point bro but there aint nowt wrong with plural marriages!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes you get to a point where you think.......any one will do, as long as they treat me with dignity and respect!!!!!!!!!!!! Even if I get 2 days to hug a week its beter than where I am now.... kinda situation.

I dont need to go one coz I think you understand me....... can we also have some "romance training" in the master plan....what ya think??

 

[Globalpeace]

W-Salam,

I agree that there is nothing wrong with Ployga"n"y. How can it be when Allah (SWT) has commanded it? And He is the Creator!

All I am saying; please don't be horrible about it. Encourage Brothers to take 2nd wife & encourage Sisters to be 2nd or 3rd wives etc. but let the institution of Nikah be sacred, romantic and passionate. There is nothing wrong with that; is there?

Forgive me! But I refuse to take romantic advice from someone who boff’ed on Shakespeare!

As long as I write it in the training plan & you get to have nothing to do with it!

:salam2:

Ohhhh you old romantic you!!!!!!!!!

I get your point bro but there aint nowt wrong with plural marriages!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes you get to a point where you think.......any one will do, as long as they treat me with dignity and respect!!!!!!!!!!!! Even if I get 2 days to hug a week its beter than where I am now.... kinda situation.

I dont need to go one coz I think you understand me....... can we also have some "romance training" in the master plan....what ya think??

 

[junaid hasan]

two wives!!!!" man you have suffered a lot you deserve this place come in and have a peaceful life here.

Again after few days there was a third person who followed the same......when giving the details he said had 3 wives then the paradise doorkeeper said......"3 wives!!!!!!" you have no right to enter this place as this place is not meant for people who have mental disorders.

brother i think this joke is good and also not against woman.

its shows that how tough it is to have 2 wife and also to give their rights.

if one is not able to give his wives rights equally after his death he has to face a lot hard situation.

so better only 1 wife. if we are worried about widow or divorce or about girls who are poor then we should marry them first time.

not first time 18 year old virgin girl marry and then a divorce or widow woman.