Assalamu Aleikom
If I may have a few minutes of your time please.
I am not here to defend vehemently Sister Dianek, but would like to try to explain where she is coming from, her mentality. Or at least try too, after all, we are two different people. We do however, share something in common, we are both converts.
First, I really don't believe she meant to incite anger or imply that the predominate Western View of Islam is in fact correct. I think that when she posted this thread, it was a knee-jerk reaction. (though I do not speak for her)
I think that she read it and her first instinct was to post it with "see, look what these Muslims are doing over here and you want me to be one?" A little hard to understand probably from your side, but for me...I understand.
When she first joined I would read her threads and I kept getting angry. I was thinking, why is she here? If she disagrees so much with Islam and it's teachings then why even bother...just stay away. I realized that I needed to take a break from TTI because one day I responded to one of her posts and I was sooo angry. It was not right of me to act that way towards her because here was a woman...a HUMAN BEING lost and searching for answers to her questions. THAT'S ALL! . Anyhow, during my break from TTI I did not sign in but did hang around and kept reading her threads. Most were controversial and did arouse anger, even though..there were those few people who remained patient with her and she eventually converted. I was surprised to say the least and felt ashamed of how I reacted and my thoughts because now not only was she a fellow human being who deserved my respect no matter our differences, but now she was my fellow Sister in Islam. She took that step to become a Muslim and now that she is, we cannot in no way expect her to be perfect or to know all the answers, OR TO UNDERSTAND this new way of life completely .
I have to admit, most of the time...I totally relate to her. How is what you may be thinking and so I will try to explain.
Like her, I come from a Christian background and it is no secret that most Christians do not follow the teachings of the bible...if they did, then Islam wouldn't even be a question and when people decide to convert to Islam..there would be a very smooth transition. They would understand...but they don't understand and this is not the case. Why? Because they are not very good Christians(most, not all). They pick and choose what they want to follow and in Islam, that is not an option.
Anyway, when we convert...we have to erase all our old beliefs. We have to conform to a new way of life. This is extremely difficult. I am sure if for one minute you could imagine how it would be if you had to convert to Christianity. You just wouldn't get it. You wouldn't understand. You would get angry at all the little things that you find totally outrageous and ridiculous, but yet, your fellow brothers and sisters in Christianity don't see anything wrong with. Understand?
So you see, she is struggling. She is trying very hard to understand and what she is doing is what most converts do. They focus only on the negative. It is so hard to implement this new way of life into your existing life that you focus on the minute details, the horror stories, the things that really don't apply to you at this stage...you try to know everything and when you see bad things, you want to say "wait a minute...I didn't sign up for this! Why are you people allowing this to happen? I thought Islam taught forgiveness, acceptance and so on".. and what it does is, it pulls you away from Islam. When you try to voice your concerns or your opposition, you are faced with severe backlash. Other Muslims just don't want to hear it. Why? Because as a Muslim, more stronger in their Imaan than her, we just can't fathom that someone would think so negatively about this beautiful religion. We are quick to say, "if you don't like it, leave...there's the door"..when what we should do is...take a step back, gather our composure and say "ok..I don't think you understand so let me explain"..in a calm manner.
Perhaps if we try to approach those who disagree on controversial topics with patience and understanding, we can relate and get to them on the same level. This is very difficult for us. Almost as difficult as accepting certain things are for her.
I will tell you a story...not long ago I saw something about an honor killing in India. I was outraged. I yelled and yelled for like two hours...how could someone do that? What is wrong with those people? I even wrote an email to my husband that was filled with anger and poor man had nothing to do with the story..he didn't even know what I was talking about. lol. It was funny now that I think about it..and ridiculous at the same time.
Anyhow, the very next day I happened to be passing by my t.v. and there was a story unfolding of a woman who just killed her three babies. I started to cry. Only after, later in the evening did I realize something. I realized that just that day before I was outraged over a Father killing his daughter in another country and here it was happening in my own backyard. What an eye opener! How could I convict a WHOLE COUNTRY for one incident and it happened right here, with an American too?
See, we are quick to judge. Quick to say our way of life, our country, our culture, whatever it may be..is better than another person when in fact, everyone is the same. There are atrocities taking place all over the world and yes, even in our own backyards. But until we can come to this realization, we will focus only on another persons faults. We will focus only on the bad that is in another country or religion.
If we were to turn the tables, we can see from a Muslims point of view and take a look at the Christian faith. We can look at the priests being accused of child molestation. Muslims cannot for the life of them understand how Christians can stand and defend a faith that supposedly accepts pedophilia? Right? Muslims will focus on this..they will focus on all the wrong in Christianity and stand by whatever they say. They see only the wrong things...if they were to convert to Christianity, then allllll these wrong things will have to be overlooked and accepted. HOW CAN WE EXPECT THEM TO DO THIS? Can you for a minute imagine how hard it would be. Then you turn on the news and you see yet another story involving Christians and something unimaginable? And this is YOUR new way of life. Your new religion you will have to defend among your Muslim family and friends. Wouldn't you agree that this would be hard to do? Wouldn't you agree that in time, you would get discouraged? That you would want to pull away...go back to Islam because it was so much easier for you..and nothing MAJOR was wrong with it ( in your eyes) Yet, others see differently.
All the same thing. I hope I am not confusing ya'll by jumping back and forth. I don't claim to be good in writing essays lol
I am trying to make a point where...everyone will always disagree about something. It's inevitable and what we can do is to try to keep our emotions in check, try to respond to one another with patience. Especially if that someone is coming from a totally different world than we are. A totally different way of life and religion. We have to try to understand and try not to respond with hostility because it will only hurt the situation rather than help it. Until that person can come to the realization on their own, we really have to be patient.
I will tell another story..I know, I know, you all are saying "man won't this lady shut up...I've been reading for a year and a day"
Or some of you may have stopped already for bathroom breaks lol
So yeah, my Husband called me last week and said he was so mad that day because someone at his work, a non Muslim, was asking him over and over why he prays five times a day. Why he doesn't eat pork and just went on and on. My husband said that it escalated into an argument. I was listening and when he said that...the only thing that ran through my mind is..."you shouldn't have done that." Of course I didn't say anything..I listened because had I said something, he would not have seen it from my point of view and would have thought I was defending that man. Which in no way was I. I was a little angry too...but the point is...
When you encounter someone like that, born Muslims especially (NOT ALL!!), get so angered that they will not even try to respond with reason. They immediately go on the defensive. And us on the other hand, see it as hostile... it shows us automatically that Islam is exactly what the media portrays, Muslims are exactly the hot headed, illogical people the media portrays. Why? Because the tone of the response. The response that lacked composure.
The response that lacked some definitive scripture to back it up. Some comparative scripture. (Bible/Qur'an) A response that contained some of this would have been more beneficial, it would have enlightened at least ONE MORE person to the true Islam. Instead, now this man walks away with his original view. Nothing accomplished from that argument. Nothing at all. Sad really don't you think?
Now you may ask "is it really our job to enlighten EVERYONE?" "How can you expect me NOT to get angry when someone is putting down my religion?"... I am not saying don't defend it, just choose your words wisely. Make sure you are approaching a person like this with sincerity. Otherwise, things will never change. It is our duty as Muslims to speak the truth right? Not to yell and argue back and forth over who is right and who is wrong. That does nothing for Islam but prove to those who are ignorant to it's teachings that we are all just a bunch of fanatical Islamists trying to spread hatred for anyone other than Muslims.
I hope I did not offend. I hope I did not cause someone to fall asleep because it is so much..what I really wanted to do was to kind of explain the views of a convert and let you all know that even when there is controversy...we have to try and explain where both sides are coming from in a calm manner because we are dealing with people who have grown up in a completely different way.
When stories such as this come about..we need to remember that it is EVERYWHERE...not just there. We need to try to remember that things happen in EVERY RELIGION, EVERY CULTURE, and EVERY COUNTRY..and the only way it will change is if we approach things in a way as to educate instead of pushing away. We don't want to fuel someones rage and misunderstanding and confusion by responding with hostility and "well in your country ya'll do this...in your religion ya'll say that."
I love you all for the sake of Allah. I do not mean to offend or single out...I only wish to express MY view on the topic at hand and hope that those who have endured this 5 hour lecture can see the good intentions behind it.
MAN......I think I have carpal tunnel syndrome now..I need to go take some Advil. lol
PEACE OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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lol