Christian married to Muslim Man

[dianek]

Hello All! I am a christian, American woman married for 6 years to a muslim man. We have 3 children together and I have 1 from a previous marriage. I try to look into people who "revert" to islam that are like me (American and Female) and most that I have seen do so because they married muslim. I would really like to hear from a some who just read and reverted on their own, not for, as I and others may feel were to please her husband. Sometimes I think about becoming muslim simply to make life with my husband more barable, easier. Other times I am so put off by him that I think I will NEVER convert for any reason. I am stubborn and don't want to miss the truth (in either direction) because of pride and "having to be right". My husband can't discuss religion with me without getting forceful or angry and raising his voice. And this makes me see muslims in a negative light. But then viewing videos on here, I don't see them that way at all. ALSO, why is it that those that convert to Islam also seem to change their ways culturally and begin identifiying as Arabic? If I were to convert, I would still want to have my AMERICAN way about my life, not surround myself and adorn myself in arab clothes......I am so confused. Are there others here that understand?

 

[alkathiri]

:salam2:

Islam is not equal to arab.
There is no compulsion in religion . No one can force you to become muslim.

You can still have your american life, your culture. you dont have to instil arabic culture into you.

Arab is a race , not religion . Just like we have African muslims, Chinese Muslims , Malay Muslims and many many more....

You dont have to wear any arabic clothing....

 

[Peace2u]

:salam2:

Islam is not equal to arab.
There is no compulsion in religion . No one can force you to become muslim.

You can still have your american life, your culture. you dont have to instil arabic culture into you.

Arab is a race , not religion . Just like we have African muslims, Chinese Muslims , Malay Muslims and many many more....

You dont have to wear any arabic clothing....

Providing you stick within the limits of Islam you can still be American

 

[alkathiri]

Providing you stick within the limits of Islam you can still be American

As long as it is within the islamic rule or sharia. You are correct ,akhi

 

[IslamIsLight]

Hi there,

would still want to have my AMERICAN way about my life, not surround myself and adorn myself in arab clothes......I am so confused. Are there others here that understand?

The clothes that muslim women wear is not arabic .
Its just the way we cover
Im not arab ,Im not american but I live here in US .Yes I cover ,But Im wearing and always buying a normal clothes ,The only differense is that yes I put a proper hijab (a scarf)...
Hijab is not for arabs, its not an arab dress .Hijab or scarf is a muslim dress,its not cultural or traditional .Yes some muslims just taking it that way...
By becoming a muslim u are not becoming an arab .u still the same person ,yes u may have some chages in your life ,your dress for the sake of Allah SWT only ,not your husband or any other reason ...
And the main thing we convert for is because of submission to one God (Allah in arabic)
I converted to Islam ,because I found the truth ,the true religion ,not for anybodyelse .Yes I was about to marry a muslim one day ,but it didnt happen because I didnt want to convert because of him ,and I did way later after leaving him ...because I saw the true Islam and not how muslims represent it ..
There many of us here on this site ,who converted to Islam
I will direct u to one thread ,there many convert stories
And want to add smth .Only 15% of muslim are arabs

Bye

 

[dawahforever]

A lot of converts did find out about islam because of a guy..its a fact but they didn't convert just to get married..there are some though..they are the minority. Most converts were already disenchanted and searching for something else. You don't have to change your culture, like you can still wear jeans but wear baggy ones..you can still wear shirts but make sure they are long...western yet islamic. YOu can still eat the same food as long as there's no pork or alcohol...I still eat burgers, pizza (the pepperoni is beef though), eat bacon (its made from halal chicken though) etc..a good book for you to read is called Believing as Ourselves...its written by a convert who realized that you don't have to change your culture or your personality to become muslim. Some converts do throw themselves into the culture..I think they want to make everyone happy but it doesn't make themselves happy. I didn't do that though. I'm proud to be Canadian..sometimes I wear clothes or eat food from my husband's culture but mainly I'm just myself. Variety is the spice of life. Keep asking questions..we'll try to help you out.

D4E

 

[dianek]

I didn't mean to make it sound the way it did, but I have noticed that a lot of my husband's friend's wives who converted also adopted their husbands arabic culture including types of clothing, constant cooking of ethnic foods, trying to speak the language, just about anything you can think of.....I guess they are trying to please their husband. But my point or question was moreso geared to, are there American women out there without the influence or relationship of a muslim man, who seek out and convert to islam?
My husband is VERY compulsive and quick tempered over religion so much so that he scares me.

 

[IslamIsLight]

Hi there
Here is nice thread with converts stories

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=20400

Bye

 

[dawahforever]

Aminah Assilmi
Yvonne Ridley

I think their videos are on here.

 

[alkathiri]

But my point or question was moreso geared to, are there American women out there without the influence or relationship of a muslim man, who seek out and convert to islam?

Sister aisha 1114 is one of them. There are lots more here

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=20400

 

[IslamIsLight]

Aminah Assilmi
Yvonne Ridley

I think their videos are on here.

yep here is this beautiful story

[vg]-4929046509315492036[/vg]

Yes Im not married and Im a convert ,Im totally americanized ,even though Im russian and Muslim I just get fine with any culture or language .I dress islamically but people still call me a church lady cant believe Im muslim

Ask us any questions
and I forgot to say in my first post WELCOME to the site

 

[UmmOf3]

I married my first husband because I was a muslim. I did not become muslim because I married him. I came to islam more than a year before I meet him, and I must say, sometimes I feel insultet, or not really insulted, but judged maybe, when I hear people (muslims or non-muslims alike) who asume I came to islam because of a man hehe...

 

[chaandani]

Hi there,

The clothes that muslim women wear is not arabic .
Its just the way we cover
Im not arab ,Im not american but I live here in US .Yes I cover ,But Im wearing and always buying a normal clothes ,The only differense is that yes I put a proper hijab (a scarf)...
Hijab is not for arabs, its not an arab dress .Hijab or scarf is a muslim dress,its not cultural or traditional .Yes some muslims just taking it that way...
By becoming a muslim u are not becoming an arab .u still the same person ,yes u may have some chages in your life ,your dress for the sake of Allah SWT only ,not your husband or any other reason ...
And the main thing we convert for is because of submission to one God (Allah in arabic)
I converted to Islam ,because I found the truth ,the true religion ,not for anybodyelse .Yes I was about to marry a muslim one day ,but it didnt happen because I didnt want to convert because of him ,and I did way later after leaving him ...because I saw the true Islam and not how muslims represent it ..
There many of us here on this site ,who converted to Islam
I will direct u to one thread ,there many convert stories
And want to add smth .Only 15% of muslim are arabs

Bye

i'm kind of in the same boat as you are. my boyfriend is muslim, but so are many of my closer friends and i've been giving islam a lot of thought lately and i'm an american! just make sure you arent converting for your husband, you should do it for yourself and for the sake of allah (swt). i just got in this similiar discussion with my boyfriend about the culture that seems to be associated with islam (he's pakistani btw), and he told me just what aisha said: you dont have to change who you are. the only thing that really "changes" about you is that you dress according to islamic code. and dont forget, guys have "Dress codes" too.

hope that helps!

 

[IslamIsLight]

i'm kind of in the same boat as you are. my boyfriend is muslim, but so are many of my closer friends and i've been giving islam a lot of thought lately and i'm an american! just make sure you arent converting for your husband, you should do it for yourself and for the sake of allah (swt). i just got in this similiar discussion with my boyfriend about the culture that seems to be associated with islam (he's pakistani btw), and he told me just what aisha said: you dont have to change who you are. the only thing that really "changes" about you is that you dress according to islamic code. and dont forget, guys have "Dress codes" too.

hope that helps!

Hi there
I want also to welcome u to the site
The most important is to believe and understand that There is no God But Allah and Muhammad is his Messanger ...
We believe in Allah alone without associating any patners with him
This is most important thing to understand before anythingelse
the Onness of Allah

This is from where best to start to learn about Islam ,all other things will come gradually,and they are not as impotant as this main concept

He is Allaah

The First: Nothing is before Him.

The Last: Nothing is After Him.

The Most High: Nothing is Above Him.

The Most Near: Nothing is beyond His Reach.

He Begets Not, Nor was He Begotten.

The Creator, Provider, and All-Rich.

The All-Seer, The All-Knower.

He is One and Self-Sufficient.

He is not Nature, or any part of it.

He ascended above His Throne, High above the Seven Skies.

No Vision can encompass Him, but
His Grasp is over all vision...



[img=right]http://www.turntoislam.com/images/tti/misc/flowers.jpg[/img] Say: "He is Allaah, {the} One. "Allaah

us-Samad {self-Sufficient}. "He begets not, nor was He begotten; "And there is none co-equal or comparable unto Him."] Soorat Al Ikhlaas {112:1-4}


[ Allaah is He Who has created the heavens and the earth and sends down water from the sky, and thereby brought forth fruits as provision for you; and He has made the ships to be of service to you, that they may sail through the sea by His Command; and He has made rivers {also} to be of service to you.] Soorat Ibraheem {14:32}

[img=left]http://www.turntoislam.com/images/tti/misc/Allah.gif[/img]


[ And it is He Who spread out the earth, and placed therein firm mountains and rivers and of every kind of fruits He made Zawjain Ithnain {two in pairs - may mean two kinds or it may mean: of two sorts, e.g. black and white, sweet and sour, small and big, etc.} He brings the night as a cover over the day. Verily, in these things, there are aayaat {proofs, evidences, lessons, signs, revelation, etc.} for people who reflect.] Soorat Ar Ra'd {13:3}


[ Allaah is He Who created you, then provided food for you, then will cause you to die, then {again} He will give you life. Is there any of your {so-called} partners {of Allaah} that do anything of that? Glory be to Him! And Exalted be He above all that {evil} they associate {with Him}.] Soorat Ar Ruum {30:40}

[ And He has made the sun and the moon, both constantly pursuing their courses, to be of service to you; and He has made the night and the day, to be of service to you.] Soorat Ibraheem {14:33}

 

[kayleigh]

You don't have to take on another culture to be Muslim. If your husband is arab, you'd probably take on more of the culture through marriage than you would through religion. Most Muslims aren't even arab.

You SHOULD completely separate religion from culture, otherwise you're not practicing real Islam. There are certain aspects of the american culture you won't be able to partake in (ie, going to a beach in a bikini, having a beer during the football game, etc.) because of Islam, but it's because of the religion - not because you're taking on another culture.

I know the stereotype is that if you're a woman who converts, it must be because of a boyfriend or a marriage, and people say it's so common. But honestly, I've never met or actually heard of a convert through any of my friends who converted for a relationship. Everyone I know or have heard of converted on their own.

 

[gazkour]

dear Dianek,

I'm not american but I did convert to Islam years before meeting my husband. I understand exactly what you say. I also don't agree on becoming arab or asian as sinonym of Islam. That's not right. But if I wear or cook something "arab" it is because I like it as well I like my own food and clothing (as long as it's islamic!). I do want to lean Arabic as well, but not because of any pressure or something, it is beacuse as muslim I would love to be able to read the Holy Coran in its original language and so do I for my kids enshaAllah. Besides it's not wrong to learn your husband's country cooking to please him; Allah will reward you for that!
In the other hand I think as reverts we find ourselves many times married to someone not giving the best example of what real Islam is. Unfortunately we will always find people like that everywhere! But that's nothing to do with Islam itself. We have to put our eyes in Allah and we have to find peace and wisdom so we can show them (the bad examples!) what Islam is really about.

 

[najbc]

Wait a minutes; you get to decide how you want to be identify. It is non-Muslim that sometimes call you Arabic because you are Muslim and dress like them. Off course, there are people that when they become Muslim that would like to be identifying as Arabian and adopt Arab culture but it is option. I am proud Muslim and NOT ARAB I love them, yes they are my brothers and sisters but I am proud and true African. Once, I had this teacher of course he is not Muslim, he thought I was Arab well the whole class thought I was and I had to explain how I am not Arab and that my culture is not the same as Arabian but similar jug because I am Muslim. Hey, you have get out more because it will mind your eyes to see some many good Muslims who have different way of lving and culture; some culture I did not know exists. Just because you are Muslim does not mean you can not have your own culture or follow your non Muslim parents’ culture. Muslims come in different ways with different identification and culture and that is what makes each person unique. The love we have for Allah and Islam is what brings as together and makes us better Muslims. I hope Allah guides you and you find whatever you are looking for.
:tti_sister:

 

[Southrn_Muslimah]

Wait a minutes; you get to decide how you want to be identify. It is non-Muslim that sometimes call you Arabic because you are Muslim and dress like them. Off course, there are people that when they become Muslim that would like to be identifying as Arabian and adopt Arab culture but it is option. I am proud Muslim and NOT ARAB I love them, yes they are my brothers and sisters but I am proud and true African. Once, I had this teacher of course he is not Muslim, he thought I was Arab well the whole class thought I was and I had to explain how I am not Arab and that my culture is not the same as Arabian but similar jug because I am Muslim. Hey, you have get out more because it will mind your eyes to see some many good Muslims who have different way of lving and culture; some culture I did not know exists. Just because you are Muslim does not mean you can not have your own culture or follow your non Muslim parents’ culture. Muslims come in different ways with different identification and culture and that is what makes each person unique. The love we have for Allah and Islam is what brings as together and makes us better Muslims. I hope Allah guides you and you find whatever you are looking for.
:tti_sister:

:salam2:

I wear full hijab alhamdullilah and I get very harsh comments from people because I do not fit this stereotype that "All Muslims are Arabs". My professor insulted me the first week of class in front of 40 people telling me my name did not fit the attire. I was hurt and personally wanted to throw my shoe at her.

Most Muslims at the masjid always ask though if I am Syrian lol..and I am like just plain old Caucasian...so I guess it works on both sides of the spectrum.

The most popular question I have received is "Where are you from"...most people are shocked when I speak 1. they are probably shocked I speak english haha. 2. that I was born and raised in the same city as them

Insha Allah the ummah will unite.

 

[dianek]

Christian married to a muslim

I appreciate everyone's response......anytime I come close to considering the religion, I look at my husband and his terrible attitude and his harsh opinions and judgements on people and it just really turns me away. I met my "muslim" husband in a bar/night club. I was just separated from my first husband. He and I were both drinking. We married within 4 months. We got along great and had a wonderful time together UNTIL that first Ramadan and news that our first son was coming. He did a 180 turn. He became difficult to deal with and stopped doing the things he did when we met. He was trying to be a good muslim, and is trying. But that isn't the person I married. I miss him. Not the drinking, so what if we don't drink anymore, but I miss having a friend and a non-judgemental person in my life. Anything that I talk to him about comes back to being preached to. I am so tired of it. For example, yesterday I took my kids to see the Nightmare before Christmas 3D.......because my oldest daughter wanted to see it. I couldn't send her by herself so I took all of us. Well, my husband threatened me with bodily harm last night and called me every curse word in the book. All for a stupid movie. I don't understand how he can be this way. So, it makes me think, why would I want to be Muslim if this is how it is?
I do believe God is one......but I don't believe that Mohammed was a prophet. I don't believe in the Trinity and I NEVER believed Jesus was god incarnate.....How could he pray to himself?

 

[Sakeena]

Don't give up.

I appreciate everyone's response......anytime I come close to considering the religion, I look at my husband and his terrible attitude and his harsh opinions and judgements on people and it just really turns me away. I met my "muslim" husband in a bar/night club.

Sister, may I suggest... that maybe your first meeting with your Muslim hubby in a bar is haraam. It is haraam for a Muslim (man or woman) to enter such a place. I'm sure you know this by now but if he is treating you like this, it is wrong. He should be kind and loving and gentle with you and NEVER hurt/harm or even threaten to do these horrible things to you. Perhaps sister, I'm only suggesting, that maybe you could bring him back. You know, if you research Islam and if you embrace Islam (For Allah (SWT) anf not for anyone else, perhaps he will feel guilty and that you will be a BETTER Muslimah that him and he will be sorry for what he has done and will love you like he sould...


I was just separated from my first husband. He and I were both drinking. We married within 4 months. We got along great and had a wonderful time together UNTIL that first Ramadan and news that our first son was coming. He did a 180 turn. He became difficult to deal with and stopped doing the things he did when we met. He was trying to be a good muslim, and is trying. But that isn't the person I married. I miss him. Not the drinking, so what if we don't drink anymore, but I miss having a friend and a non-judgemental person in my life. Anything that I talk to him about comes back to being preached to. I am so tired of it. For example, yesterday I took my kids to see the Nightmare before Christmas 3D.......because my oldest daughter wanted to see it. I couldn't send her by herself so I took all of us. Well, my husband threatened me with bodily harm last night and called me every curse word in the book. All for a stupid movie. I don't understand how he can be this way. So, it makes me think, why would I want to be Muslim if this is how it is?

Sister, I've seen the way Muslim met act and they can be mean and cruel. But please, don't look at the Muslims, we aren't perfect only Prophet Muhammad (SAW) is perfect. Look at Islam, the Love and Mercy of Allah (SWT), look at the benefits, the forgiveness we show toward other ppl and Hajj. What do all these blessing mean to you when you hear/read/talk about them? Don't blame all your problems on this beautiful rich faith.

May Allah aza wa ja'al bless you and guide your hubby. Amen.

Salam,

Sakeena take care and remember that we are here for u whenever u need us. You don't have to be Muslim to be loved by Muslims.. I love you for the sake of Allah (SWT) I deeply pray that you embrace Islam in the Light insha'Allah ima. Amen.

I do believe God is one......but I don't believe that Mohammed was a prophet. I don't believe in the Trinity and I NEVER believed Jesus was god incarnate.....How could he pray to himself?

When I was growing up, I was taught abt trinity, God, Jesus, Spirit, but I didn't like it. Amazing that Islam there is no other god, son, spirit, etc. Just Allah (SWT). And Muhammed (saw) he is good and you should give him a chance because Allah (saw) sent him to be our final Prophet.