Forms of abuse of Muslim Women

Discussion in 'Women, Family, and Marriage' started by JenGiove, Mar 28, 2011.

  1. JenGiove
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    JenGiove Junior Member

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    :salam2: Brothers and Sisters,

    I belong to a group on facebook called "Muslim Marrage". This is from them and I thought I'd share it with you...

  2. bari
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    bari Junior Member

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    :salam2:
    Thanks for sharing this. I personally believe, if we ask spouses if he/she has complain against one another and try to rectify, then a lot of these issues will not surface. The best of conduct is the one who is best with their spouse. Most of us forget this. May Allah save us from doing injustices.
  3. MohammedMaksudul
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    MohammedMaksudul May Allah Forgive us

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    :salam2:

    On one side it says Islam does not teach this and on the other hand it says that a MUSLIM MAN does this and that. Domestic violence and injustice towards women is common in the part of the world I live in, it is because the people have moved away from Islam and not into it. The problem is clear that it is lack of knowledge that is clearly the reason for such events to take place. And about muslim women leaving Islam for that, well it is baseless. What is it to do with you being in Islam with what you receive from the sinning people? Leaving Islam is always related to how much faith you have in Allah.
  4. MohammedMaksudul
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    MohammedMaksudul May Allah Forgive us

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    :salam2:

    Please provide the link to that group, I would like to check it out.
  5. alf2
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    alf2 Islam is a way of life

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    I do not deny that there isnt abuse in Muslim marriages or househoulds.
    But I would also like to point out that there is abuse in every country and to every religion. I was sexually abused by an uncle at 16 years old by my super Christian uncle.

    My family "turned the other cheek" on that entire situation.
  6. JenGiove
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    JenGiove Junior Member

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  7. JenGiove
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    JenGiove Junior Member

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    :salam2: Sister,

    I understand completely. I too have suffered sever abuse and torture at the hands of super religious people. My mother, for most of my life and sexual abuse at the age of 4 and then again when I was 15. I only posted what I posted not as a judgment but simply because it is needed information for my sisters here who have, in recent past, requested more information regarding the right of wives/women over husbands. I had access to the information and thought I'd pass it on.
  8. bari
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    bari Junior Member

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    I guess mostly it is cultural, but do not deny ignorance of religion plays a part. In fact, during the marriage, the responsibilities need to be clearly mentioned allowed by Islam,do don'ts etc by the qadhi clearly as a reminder.
  9. JenGiove
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    JenGiove Junior Member

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    :salam2: Brother,

    My own personal opinion is that unless someone has incredible strength to break the cycle of abuse, violence within the home can be perpetuated by both men and women. You do what you know unless you learn differently later on in life. I respectfully disagree though with your statement regarding women leaving Islam due to the violence as being baseless. Maybe it is less common in the case of born Muslims, but if a revert enters Islam and then marries an abuser, sometimes...and I stress sometimes...if the revert feels unprotected by those around them and they are told over and over again that the abuse is allowed by Qur'anic verses, the abuse could have such a damaging impact on the confidence of that person. Especially if they marry a born Muslim. Thoughts that "maybe they are right and I'm wrong" in, relation to the interpertation, that the abused may run away from Islam in order to save themselves.

    ...but again, this is all only my personal opinion. I am certainly not in a position to state facts in regards to Islam..I just know how abuse has effected my own life. My first memories, at the age of 3, is packing my suitcase because I had the intention of running away.
  10. Ahsen
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    Ahsen Junior Member

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    Most of the time the men have ego problems and they can't see the women being better than them.

    And in some cases it happens that the woman talks a lot and hurts her husband's feelings with her words.So problem is on both sides.Not just men.
  11. Shak78
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    Shak78 Junior Member

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    That may be but that does not justify a man striking a woman out of anger.
  12. Valerie
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    Valerie Junior Member

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    I agree. Hurt feelings from words and responding with violence.. I just don't know where to begin explaining why that is wrong.
  13. JenGiove
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    JenGiove Junior Member

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    :salam2: Brother,

    I'm not sure if I'm interpreting the meaning of what you said incorrectly but, women are *not* better then men, we are different and but equal. I think men forget that they are psyically more powerful and thus, have the duty to protect women, even if it against themselves. I agree though that women are skilled at using words that can hurt a husband's feelings. Maybe, in some way, we think that its the only "weapon" we have to protect our hearts? I don't know. Hormones can do interesting things to our minds and emotions. :)
  14. hayat84
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    hayat84 I'm not what you believe

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    :salam2:
    a pious muslim woman never uses her words to hurt her husband's feelings.how can you agree with that thought?if you want to treat matters about the rights of muslim women,you should firstly think like muslim women!we are not those submitted persons you may suppose.did you knocked at the doors of muslim families and asked them if the husband makes any kind of violence to his wife?I know many situations in which the husband abuses his wife in a status of drunkness,and there is no Islam there.in a good pious family there isn't what you wrote.if you want to make know to the world the private businesses of a muslim household,then you should make a reportage by youself and refer us how many muslim women receive the violence you meant.Violence comes from ignorance.but as you're not muslima,you can't really know what it really happens.I'm sorry JenGiove,but as reverted muslima,I don't agree what you wrote.I don't even want to hide an eventual reality of domestic violence,but this forum wants to treat topics about peace and knowledge about Islam.forgive my "freezy" words.:shymuslima1:
  15. Bawar
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    Bawar Struggling2Surrender

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    Assalamu alaikum brothers and sisters in Islam and hello everyone,

    Strangely enough, I was watching a four-part video on youtube about the homeless Russian children. Bearing in mind, Russia (former USSR) was the country that invaded my country (Afghanistan) and killed 1.5 million men, women and children.

    But when I saw these Russian children on the videos, I weeped like a baby. To cut it short, most of these children blamed the drunken behaviour of their parents for their miseries.

    Islam has given protection to vulnerable people, particularly children and why Alcohol is so strictly forbidden in Islam. And it is because of this that children of Muslim families are safe from the abuse of drunken parents (Praise be to Allah). I come from poor background and have lived in extremely poor neighbourhoods, but I have not seen children living in such conditions.

    So here is my main point. Why is it that all the beauties and blessings of Islam are not pointed out, but like the popular media, there is that characteresticly sneaky attempt to put a Muslim family in bad light? Only Allah knows the true intentions.

    the link to the videos stated earlier is: (Warning: these videos are not for the faint hearted)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4d7nZzg90s
  16. justoneofmillion
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    justoneofmillion Junior Member

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    Wa aleimumu asslam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

    It is not a cultural problem at all,that is just a brush racists have learned to use to point the finger at some ethnic groups and stigmatize them,they did the same with Blacks who still use the N words against themselves today.The word individual would be more adequate .The sisters involved in these kind of groups should keep the whole society they live in in check,Inshallah.On the other hand, you are right that the ignorance of Islam is part of it in the whole society no just among muslims.

    Domestic violence is a problem worldwide among all cultures,religions,races..etc.How many non Muslim ,psychos or drunkards have beaten their wives or raped their daughters or sons , and done other things that are nearly unheard of among Muslims, like mothers putting their babies inside fridges or burying others children alive in one's garden like in the Belgium Dutroux case?!

    How many times I ended up at the police station after beating up a husband or a pimp that was abusing his wife or girlfriend and nobody would say a word?At least four or five times,till now( Some women have a big mouth and think they can get away with everything tough,when it is not true,they wanna be equal in benefits but not in disadvantages ,that is not smart at all).Wallahi ,I have seen some men crying like babies after the wife went away and took their children to another man,still waiting for him to pay every month!Imagine the humiliation a man goes through in these moments.Often times there is a huge lack of justice in the opposite direction as well,let us not forget that.It is not black and white.As Muslims we are required to keep in mind the Psychological and spiritual dimensions of the abuse as well,that if we truly understand the reasons we have pledged to think beyond matter.Therefore turning it into a gender issue is also reductive and short sighted.

    We are ordered to fight evil everywhere.When you see injustice happening,you don't ask yourself "Oh wait let me ask em if they are Muslim'.You just do it.And this is why we need to be made aware of the wider tendencies in our environment.At times I say to myself, let em all rot in hell down here I don't care but there are also beautiful things that happen in life that make one wanna strive and get involved to change and change the world for the better...,Alhamdulillah.


    This is a human problem not a religious or ethnic one.When a non Muslim girl goes clubbing and ends up thrown in some bush like it happens probably every week all across Europe,their religion is never mentioned though....Don't buy it brothers and sisters and get yourself cornered .
    Open up the whole wider perceptive on this kind of phenomenon and fight it.We live in the same world and are affected by basically the same socio economical and psychological contexts that go on to shape our relationships with one another, as men, Women or relatives .We are not from the moon.Here are some statistics from the United states below.


    Of all pedagogical approaches that can be taken to understand,challenge and eradicate this kind of problems from the roots worldwide,Islam is, will and has always been the only solution.once this is understood Prozac and *!*!*!*!*!*!(potency pills) will eventually end up being swallowed down by their own manufacturers,to sum it all up and end it on a positive , funny note if you will.


    Wallahu Allam Wa alla Wa ahkam
  17. hayat84
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    hayat84 I'm not what you believe

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    I've just seen the video.No comment!how bad,sad and bitter reality is out of the walls of our houses...and we focus to the domestic violence?I thank Allah for having a home and a good husband and to live like a queen.there is no comparation with those poor unfortunate children,'cause many families live in the warmth of the home,while they hope not to die...the abuse over women go to the second place,by my opinion,because a child is innocent and needs more protection than a woman.:tti_sister:
  18. Noor El-Huda
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    Noor El-Huda Junior Member

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    It's not right to say hurtful words to a husband. But sometimes a woman is ignored by her husband, and she bottles up and bottles up until the words come out all at once, all blown out of proportion. That doesn't justify violence. A husband has to tolerate a woman as she is required to tolerat him. She is a human being, and has her ups and down moments just as he does too. I recently heard an explanation for tha aya below that the husband must expect the wife to go wrong. She cannot be expected to be right all the time.

    “And live with them (your spouses) in kindness. For if you dislike them, perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.” (4:19)[iii]

    A man went to Omar ra to complain about his wife because she raises her voice at him, when he reached the door of omar’s house, he heard omar’s wife raising her voice at Omar ra, so he turned to leave, when Omar ra saw him he asked him what he wanted, the man told him that I came to complain about my wife raising her voice at me but I saw the same from your wife.. Omar replied, should I not tolerate her , she does so and so for me ...(see the actual story)


    I believe that this issue should be addressed properly and frequently by sheikhs in friday khutba so that it is made clear to husbands who use violence as an excuse for their misconduct, where they do not allow room for the woman to make mistakes.

    Such a thing is not from Islam, which encourages good behaviour, morality kindness. Their behaviour is because they are away from Islam.
  19. saifkhan
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    saifkhan abd-Allah

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    as salam'alaykum

    the 'mistake' the media does, mix with religion which doesn't belong to religion. and people go mad about these issues.

    Islam came to remove these, so then why to Islam have to go on trial?

    and every religion came before Islam, former Islam I mean.


    so why religion/religions have to go on trial?

    you know why?

    because media is upto establishing the concept of Atheism, they are eliminating God, actually the concept of God.

    and the big joke is here:

    "Although Islam promises women protection from such problems, the reality in many Muslim homes is different"

    what does it mean by although.

    they might have doubt, we don't have.
    we are happy with the finest teaching given to us.

    you feel that 'although' headed doubt, we don't.

    and anyone who does that deserve condemnation.
    where comes the issue of 'although'

    media is doing nothing but deceiving people.


    but they should remember, if they have, i guess they have, but the problem is they don't believe in, is Islam gonna take over the world, because Allah is the Planner of the planners

    wa-llahu a'lam
    wassalam
  20. Ahsen
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    Ahsen Junior Member

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    What about mental abuse?That's also an abuse.And it leaves deep wounds.

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