I need help and advice...

[Amanda.Green]

Salaam everyone. I hope you are in the best of health and mind.

I am a recent convert and am having many problems with the people around me. Actually in truth it is only my mother that is having a melt-down. I just wanted to know if anyone else has dealt with this and how. I also haven't told my father and not sure how.

So this is my rant :angryred:: My mother absolutely hates me right now. She wants me to be only allowed to wear hijab in a style that makes me look like a cancer patient, whenever I am with her. She doesn't what me to go to prayer on Friday's (in truth she doesn't want me praying at all, but door locks are helpful). I want nothing more than to be happy (which I am) with where God (SWT) has brought me, but it is very hard to live in a house that doesn't want you to have anything to do with God (SWT). She actually told me to be atheist "because they are normal". Though she won't tell me directly, I truly believe she is atheist. I know the Qu'ran says not to be friends with non-believers, but this is my mother and I am not old enough (well rich enough) to move out and live with friends. I feel horrible everyday. She told me that she felt like a failure as a mother because I am Muslim. She also has compared me to a hooker, as in I am asking for trouble. She said that it was a slap in America's face and a slap in her's (because of the war in Iraq). I am so conflicted inside because I know that "this" God in the best for me, and I don't want to keep making her mad. Oh, one last bit. She thinks that I am going a terrorist sect and being brainwashed SMILY27.

End of Rant

I need help to explain this to her in a calm rational way. I need help explaining that Muslim are not terrorist (though evident, just not to her). And I need help explaining to a parent that now matter the child's decision you should be supportive (unless it was life-threatening). Also would like help to break it to my father (which would happen over a phone call or e-mail).

Thank you to anyone that can help.

SALAAM ALIKUM,

Amanda

 

[sazk]

As salam alekum,

Indeed Allah is with those who are patient.

well sister maybe an american revert might be able to give u better advice but my two cents would be that you explain to her that you are still the same person you were before. that you are just as american and just as patriotic before. would she have been more supportive if you had instead told her something like "Hey mom, guess what, i am a lesbian" ? isn't being a muslim a much better news?

through your own patience and good manners, she might be able to see that being a muslim can make you a better daughter.

u can also watch the videos posted here about american reverts. Maybe that might give you something.

also if there is a mosque nearby, i suggest you can go and talk to people over there about this. A lot of muslims love helping new muslims because its their duty to help their brothers and sisters.

May Allah show you His mercy and blessing.

salam alekum

-Always remember the palestinian children in your duas

 

[IbnAdam77]

:salam2:

Although we choose Islam as a way of life, our mothers will be the same. It is strongly advised in Islam to obey our parents unless they ask for something against Islam. So sister my advice is to be polite to your mother although she seems to be an Atheist. Obey her and be very kind to her.

Patience is very important in this situation. Try to tell her about your decision little by little. Or you can tell to a sister of you (if you have any), so that she might help you if she agrees with you. Never let any negative change sees by them from you. Be the same person as you were.

I can see how difficult this will be for you sister. But be firm on your Deen. Do share this with most trusted friends so that they might be able to help you.

wassalam

-brother IbnAdam-

 

[slaveofAllah88]

aslam o alikum sister,
I know this must be very hard for you i have a friend who is doing thru the same situation as you are, but she tells me that yes her mom says all these means things and she gets really angry too but the point is basically she has alot of misconceptions about Islam which need to be cleared, so be patient and show her how Islam has changed your life and inshallah one day she will calm down and realize its for the Good. Ameen

 

[a_stranger]

:salam2: young sister

AlahmduliAllah for his guidance (keep firm)
May be if you start act towards your mother in a perfect islamic manner she will accept your turning to Islam : I mean being good towards her as much as you can , Be patient with her, help her , give her presents ....Who knows Allah swt may guide her because of your good manners.

 

[masihuddin]

Please be patient . The growth of Islam in America s mind boggling .I believe it has quadraled since 9/11. The un believers cannot extinguish the light of Islam by mouth or bombing innocent civilians in Gaza Afganistan and Pakistan Please do not be discouraged by the hostile attitude of your mother

 

[Munawar]

:salam2:
Sister what you are doing is really great. It is also good for you in the sense that you are achiving great rewards. Be patient with you mother and be kind to her and obey her except in the matters of Islam. Soon she will notice this positive change in you and then she will be interested in Islam.
This has happened to many reverts.

Please read this story of Aminah Assilmi. How she struggled and finally became successful. Hopefully this will give you plenty of strength, InshaAllah.

http://www.welcome-back.org/profile/aminah1.shtml

 

[daud]

My advice would be to react as the way the companies of the prophet (SAW) did when they experienced a similar situation to urs (which i believe they did).

Sometimes silence and not fighting back is the best way to make people understand ur Innocence.

Make dua, because dua are special, especially when u experience difficulties.

 

[mhamzah]

Maybe this might help

Salam alakum sister,

Congrautaltion for returning to the straight path. When a person accepts Islam, actually he/she does not converts, rather he/she Reverts as all are born Muslims.

As for experiencing trials and tribulations, you should be patient as Allah (swt) says He will surely test you. In one verse it says ‘Do you think, you will be left alone if you believe, nay We will surely test you.’ Others verses on this subject include;

2:214 - Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such [trial] has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said,"When is the help of Allah ?" Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near.

2:155 - And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient,
3:142 - And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient,

67:2 - [He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is
best in deed - and He is the Exalted in Might, the Forgiving –

The criteria to be succesful is given in Surah Al-Asr;

1. By time
2. Indeed, mankind is in loss,
3. Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience.

Quran tells us to be good to our parents, even though if they are Non-Mulsims, however only time you can disobey your parents is when they prevent you from worship Allah. Even in this case, you have to be good to them in others aspects.

Actually Quran does not really says not to take Non-Muslims as Friends, rather we should not take them as allies, as they are allies to one another.

5:51 O you who have believed, do not take the Jews and the Christians as allies. They are [in fact] allies of one another. And whoever is an ally to them among you - then indeed, he is [one] of them. Indeed, Allah guides not the wrongdoing people.

5:57 - O you who have believed, take not those who have taken your religion in ridicule and amusement among the ones who were given the Scripture before you nor the disbelievers as allies. And fear Allah , if you should [truly] be believers. O you who have believed, take not those who have taken your religion in ridicule and amusement among the ones who were given the Scripture before you nor the disbelievers as allies. And fear Allah , if you should [truly] be believers.

As far as I guess the best method to change your mother's opinion is to pratice Islam as it should be praticed. If you are nice to your partners, care for others etc, you will Inshallah be able to change her opninion. However guidance only comes from Allah, what you can do is do 2 D's i.e. Dawah and Dua (prayer). During day time you should do dawah (invitation or calling to Islam) through your actions and speech and during night (well you can do that during day too) pray to Allah to guide them (your parents) to the straight path.


May Allah Guide us closer to the Truth

Ameen

Salam Alakum,

 

[mhamzah]

Sorry some one has already mentioned most of them things I have said before.

 

[islamforhumanity]

the solution

:salam2: sister.

Welcome to islam.may Allah bless u in this world and the hereafter.ameen,
the same question was posed to dr. Zakir at peace conf 2009 and for the answer you have to seen his video on you tube by the topic "Purpose of life"
actually my english is not good so i cannot write his answer but i can send you the link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDivP36hFM4

and how to convincce your family that muslims are not terrorists then u have to see the video of Dr.Zakir naik of topic " is terrorism a muslim monoply" it is very convincing i am sure this will help u a lot,

:salam2:

Salman

 

[faustobiason]

Salaam everyone. I hope you are in the best of health and mind.

I am a recent convert and am having many problems with the people around me. Actually in truth it is only my mother that is having a melt-down. I just wanted to know if anyone else has dealt with this and how. I also haven't told my father and not sure how.

So this is my rant :angryred:: My mother absolutely hates me right now. She wants me to be only allowed to wear hijab in a style that makes me look like a cancer patient, whenever I am with her. She doesn't what me to go to prayer on Friday's (in truth she doesn't want me praying at all, but door locks are helpful). I want nothing more than to be happy (which I am) with where God (SWT) has brought me, but it is very hard to live in a house that doesn't want you to have anything to do with God (SWT). She actually told me to be atheist "because they are normal". Though she won't tell me directly, I truly believe she is atheist. I know the Qu'ran says not to be friends with non-believers, but this is my mother and I am not old enough (well rich enough) to move out and live with friends. I feel horrible everyday. She told me that she felt like a failure as a mother because I am Muslim. She also has compared me to a hooker, as in I am asking for trouble. She said that it was a slap in America's face and a slap in her's (because of the war in Iraq). I am so conflicted inside because I know that "this" God in the best for me, and I don't want to keep making her mad. Oh, one last bit. She thinks that I am going a terrorist sect and being brainwashed SMILY27.

End of Rant

I need help to explain this to her in a calm rational way. I need help explaining that Muslim are not terrorist (though evident, just not to her). And I need help explaining to a parent that now matter the child's decision you should be supportive (unless it was life-threatening). Also would like help to break it to my father (which would happen over a phone call or e-mail).

Thank you to anyone that can help.

SALAAM ALIKUM,

Amanda

Hi Amanda

I am a Christian man with a Muslim wife.
From her family I have never had too many problems, the only slight problem is that her Imam (usually a quite friendly person) refused to celebrate the marriage in the mosque, so we had to resort to the civil ceremony at the local Registrar Office.

However here in Britain, where I live, there have been lots of honour killings of Muslim girls who wanted to have a non-Muslim partner.
In Italy, where I was born, there were few cases of honour killings in the past 3 years that provoked a huge uproar, just have a look at the link below:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/7093020.stm

Also Muslim girsl here in Britain (or wlsewhere in Europe) who wanted to convert to the Christianity have been victims of honour killings.

I don't know if this helps answer your question, but the reality is that HUMANS ARE TRIBAL BY NATURE.
And MIND YOU, as a secularist human being I ferociously oppose Islamophobia, Kuffarophobia and any kind of phobias under the sun.

Take care for now

Fausto

 

[Search4Truth]

I'm reminded of a story in the Qur'an which I've just been reading.

Abraham (peace upon him) asked his father that he should forget the pagan gods he was worshipping and join Abraham in worshipping the One True God. He spoke to his father only in words of kindness to his father's harsh ones.

I think the major thing to do here is be a witness: treat her with kindness even as she is harsh to you. In this way, by seeing the way you act even in the face of all that she aims at you, your faith will shine through and she may see the error of her ways.

 

[sharazad]

wa aleikum assalam best sister Amanda.

I hope your situation is better since the first post InshAllah. I am in a similar situation with my mum, even am not living at home, but came to visit them and stay at my mums house. She cried, and i never see my mum cry as much, and she told me i chose Islam just because i wanted to make her feel bad (she is islamophobist) and that she raised me bad. She event threw in MENTAL DISORDERS and BRAINWASHED as she was waiting for me have a bombbelt on or something..

Sister, feel free to PM me at any time and talk Allah with you and keep you steadfast in your faith.

 

[Talat]

salam allaykum
Dear sister congratulation on embracing islum:ma:. I am a born muslim and might not understand the difficulties you are going through, but watching videos of new reverts to islum. Almost all parents of reverts are afraid and unhappy at first and as you have mentioned they even think this is a cult type brainwash change, but almost all of them have said that after some time they have realized their child has become a better person and they were happier with the changes. Just be patient and do your good deed and your mum will inshaallah see that Islam has made you a better person.

 

[Talat]

Hi Amanda

I am a Christian man with a Muslim wife.
From her family I have never had too many problems, the only slight problem is that her Imam (usually a quite friendly person) refused to celebrate the marriage in the mosque, so we had to resort to the civil ceremony at the local Registrar Office.

However here in Britain, where I live, there have been lots of honour killings of Muslim girls who wanted to have a non-Muslim partner.
In Italy, where I was born, there were few cases of honour killings in the past 3 years that provoked a huge uproar, just have a look at the link below:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/7093020.stm

Also Muslim girsl here in Britain (or wlsewhere in Europe) who wanted to convert to the Christianity have been victims of honour killings.

I don't know if this helps answer your question, but the reality is that HUMANS ARE TRIBAL BY NATURE.
And MIND YOU, as a secularist human being I ferociously oppose Islamophobia, Kuffarophobia and any kind of phobias under the sun.

Take care for now

Fausto

:salam2: Brother faustobiason
Islam does not encourage honour killing and honour killing is a cultural thing. I have seen the news of the Kurdish father charged with the murder of his daughter(in UK) , he killed his daughter because she was going out with a boy from a different sect of Islam, and I don’t believe they were true Muslims , as this was evident from the family video taken in a wedding. The way they were dressed , dancing and drinking in that wedding was not Islamic at all.

 

[Latifabonu]

May Allah help u my dear sister Amin i will pray for u !!!!:tti_sister:

 

[Aisya al-Humaira]

Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullah,

I would just like to point out that Im afraid that the starter of this thread hasnt been online for some time.

Wassalam.