Love Before Marriage

[Asja]

Assalamu Allaicomu Wa Rahmatullah Wa barakatuhu

I need to say that before saying anything or giving our own subjective opinions we should stict to the Holy Quran and Sunna hof our beloved Prophet s.a.w.s and its saying about Muslim marriege.And it is also very importante to seaperate Muslim marriege and Kuffar marreige.

One sister said that she does not belive in love marriege but I would not agree with that,because Muslim marriege needs to be fullfilled with great love Mashallah,and when you are getting married with someone you are getting married for the persone who you love for the sake of Allah,and every love which is protecteed from Allah is pure SubahnAllah,it is a love which is innocnet and clean from everything which is wrong and from any difficilites,Inshallah.
Islamic rules regarding Islamic marreige are very clear,and Alahdmulilalh Islaam strictly forbides dating before marriege eetc Astagfirullah,which ofcourse does not mean that we can not meet with our future husband but ofcourse with Islamic rules,ethics and normes.

In the time of Prophet Mohammed s.a.w.s.,when beloved Ali r.a. asked a hand of hazrat Fatima( may Allah peace and blesssings be upon them) she did not loved hazrat Ali yet,but after theri marriege was fullfilled with great love SubahnAllah,,with joy,happiness and blessings,and Allah Almighty always protected thier marriege as they were on of the best Muslims,and beloved hazrat Fatimah like one of the best 4 choosen womens in Islaam.

I can not say that love before marriege can not exist at all becasue it can exist litlle part of it Masahllah,but Alhamdulillah taht love need to be pure and above everything which is not which is not comletely clean SubahAllah.And real love comes in marriege,Inshallah te ala.

And"......."he leaves you after that" has nothing to do with our Islaam.

May Allah guide us all

 

[Robab]

i agree with u

Aslam o alicom warahmatuallahi wabarakatuho.
My dear dear sister ur thread is very important because it is current issue of our society.love before marriage is nothing only destruction of time and feelings.so the true love start after marriage.
jazakallah for this sharing sister.May allah give u best reward.Ameen

 

[Robab]

details

Aslam o alicom.
i want to clear some points because i did not read many replies.so i want to give some details about this topic.
First of all one family send purposal to a girl family.if they like each other.
second step is that when islam give permission boy came to girl,home and can look her with family.now there are many ummah give description a boy can see her face,her hands and foot only.this is the detail of imam abu hanifa.
if boy and girl like each other then go to marriage.
but one thing is that if a boy already like a girl he should to tell his family and send his purposal.many boys give promise to a girl but do not marriage because of his family.noooooooooo islam does not like to disheart to any one.Allah live in the heart of man.so avoid it.before marriage a man can see a girl and also can talk but the mahram should available at that time.i think my brothers and sisters can understand what i want to say.actually my english is weak so i am trying to improve it.

 

[Yousef83]

you explained properly sister Robab and i totaly agree with you

 

[kiki18]

i met a boy in my school he came as an exchange student, we became a couple and he proposed to me, inshallah we will get married after our college graduation which is a long way to come. i really do think i love him, and we have an advantage, because now he is back in turkey and don't have the physical aspect of a relationship. i think this takes away from commiting sins and not from the love we have for each other. do you think it's a healthy thing to do? please comment or pm me.

 

[revert2007]

Aslam o alicom.
i want to clear some points because i did not read many replies.so i want to give some details about this topic.
First of all one family send purposal to a girl family.if they like each other.
second step is that when islam give permission boy came to girl,home and can look her with family.now there are many ummah give description a boy can see her face,her hands and foot only.this is the detail of imam abu hanifa.

foot is aurat.u can't show it to any man except ur husband.plz be inform about this.

 

[revert2007]

i met a boy in my school he came as an exchange student, we became a couple and he proposed to me, inshallah we will get married after our college graduation which is a long way to come. i really do think i love him, and we have an advantage, because now he is back in turkey and don't have the physical aspect of a relationship. i think this takes away from commiting sins and not from the love we have for each other. do you think it's a healthy thing to do? please comment or pm me.

do u think about him before u sleep?do u miss him?do u get restless when u didn't get any message from him????am wondering whether this is allowed in islam....to miss someone that ur not sure of whether he will be ur husband or not.only Allah knows the best.

 

[Hard Rock Moslem]

foot is aurat.u can't show it to any man except ur husband.plz be inform about this.

But Hanafi school says foot not an aurat...my wife enquire oen Hanafi sheikh why their women praying with their foot is visible, I enquired too, and the sheikh said it is not aurat in Hanafi fiqh.

For those following Hanafi madzab, pls correct this if I'm in the wrong.

 

[revert2007]

But Hanafi school says foot not an aurat...my wife enquire oen Hanafi sheikh why their women praying with their foot is visible, I enquired too, and the sheikh said it is not aurat in Hanafi fiqh.

For those following Hanafi madzab, pls correct this if I'm in the wrong.

our prophet said that the face and palm is not aurat.other than that is aurat.follow the prophet.

 

[Hard Rock Moslem]

our prophet said that the face and palm is not aurat.other than that is aurat.follow the prophet.

Of course.

 

[ahmed_indian]

our prophet said that the face and palm is not aurat.other than that is aurat.follow the prophet.

of course we shd follow the prophet (peace be upon him).

but we cant undermine the efforts of our early pious scholars (may Allah have mercy upon them all). they were more nearer to Allah and His messenger (pbuh) than us.

they were mujtahid and they are rewarded even if they are wrong.

 

[ahmed_indian]

Well, Love is something pure and true and it is one of Allah's amazing gift.Love is fun,undeniable.But if u misuse it,it will only destroy yourself.

As Allah's creation,we should live and act according to His rules.
There is always the correct path to channel your love.
Love before marriage is the love which will lead you to syaitan's path.

Love someone because of Allah and it is not because of lust.
The true love comes after marriage.Don't do anything before marriage because Allah will take away ur marriage barakah.

there's always middle path in Islam.

love can develop before marriage but shd be within limits of Islam. (dating, physical relations, of course haraam!)

i think i remember one incident when one companion (ra) came to prophet (saws) to discuss a marriage matter. so prophet (saws) adviced him to look at the girl so that love can grow between them.

u r permitted to look at ur wife-to-be, to talk to her (with mahram present). all this helps in the positive development of love and compassion between them.

the seed germinates before marriage and after marriage it can grow into a strong beautiful tree if its given proper nourishment and care.

 

[a_muslimah86]

But Hanafi school says foot not an aurat...my wife enquire oen Hanafi sheikh why their women praying with their foot is visible, I enquired too, and the sheikh said it is not aurat in Hanafi fiqh.

For those following Hanafi madzab, pls correct this if I'm in the wrong.

You are correct akhi..I am not a follower of any *particular* madhhab..but I am aware of the "foot issue" (for lack of a better description) in the Hanafi madhhab..I learned about it while researching another topic

 

[Robab]

ohohoooooooooooooooooo

Aslam o alicom.
brother and sisters why u r making it difficult??? i said through fiqhi book.i have read this matter through university.emam abu hanifa give permission that a boy can look a woman,face,both hands and foot only.so that he can guess the compluction of a woman and her beauty.but he can look only with the present of both families.i think u can understand ok.

 

[revert2007]

Aslam o alicom.
brother and sisters why u r making it difficult??? i said through fiqhi book.i have read this matter through university.emam abu hanifa give permission that a boy can look a woman,face,both hands and foot only.so that he can guess the compluction of a woman and her beauty.but he can look only with the present of both families.i think u can understand ok.

ur right partially but the foot part i don't agree because there was once our prophet pbuh said to a woman about aurat my showing his face and two palms saying that these two are not aurat.foot is aurat my dear sister that is the reason women wear socks.better follow the quran and prophet's sunnah

 

[Robab]

check it

dear sister i said through orginal fiqhi book.this book is read all over the world.i am not saying from myself.u can check it.(abn-e-rushd) this book is famous all over the world.i can give further opinions of other imaam.i think it is enough for my tti.ohooooooo

 

[allah is with me]

it depends how strong is ur iman...only Allah knows.but i would strongly say that the phenomena of love before marriage is more to kafir's thing.during our prophet itself there is no such thing as love or dating before marriage.Remember how Khadijah,our prophet's wife proposed him?
it is every individual's choice.

please read an-nur ayah 30 and 31:

30# Order the Muslim men to lower down their sights a little and to guard their private parts. This is cleaner for them, undoubtedly, Allah is Aware of their deeds.

31# And order the Muslim women to lower down their sights a little and guard their chastity and show not their adornment but as much which is itself apparent and remain putting their head coverings over their bosoms. And disclose not their adornment but to their husbands, or to their fathers, or the fathers of their husbands, or to their or the of sons husbands or their brothers or the sons of their brothers or the sons of their sisters or the women of their religion or their handmaids who are the property of their hands or servants provided they are not men of sexual desire or the children who are unaware of the private parts of the women; and put not their feet forcibly on the ground that hidden adornment may be known. And repent to Allah, O Muslims all together, haply you may get prosperity.

yes sister your right .. its better not to love someone before marriage... but i just had a doubt

 

[muslims.helper]

Asalamo Aleikum,

Love is part of the marriage equation, I feel without it marriage won't be very successful. As for me, I can not talk to somebody who I don't stand or feel comfortable with, so leave alone living with that person and I would have too look after.

For me Love is not a point. I mean, it is NOT true that you either love somebody or you don't love him. I believe love is a range (for example you love somebody from 1 to 10 where 10 is the highest). Inshaa Alalh when I am getting married I need to know that I am in love with that person (I would like to in love 2 or 3 out of 10), then through our marriage we would work to increase that up the range (maybe after many years we can exceed the range

As brother Shaheer said (May Allah bless him) love doesn't necessary means physical attraction. Love is a feeling between two people, you can make use it in a correct way (like brother love each other here and Sister loves each other and like parents love their kids) and in a wrong way (like using it as an excuse to do haram thing). Inshaa Allah when I get married it is good to know that both of us goes fine together, we like each other, we want happiness for each other, we feel comfortable talking to each other, ...etc , isn't this called love? maybe first and simple stage of love but still love. what if two people agreed to get married ONLY because both are good Muslims, have strong religion, ....etc but they miss the link between then, this marriage would fail.

So the up shot, I believe before marriage couples should balance between finding a good person with good religion and having a link between them. Marrying ONLY based on love there is a fair probability that won't work and marrying ONLY based on religion still have a probability to fail as well. Mixing and matching between the too (being done in the right religious way) is a good idea.

One guy went asked the beloved prophet to marry one of the ladies. The prophet asked him if he saw her. The Guy replied with a no. The prophet told him to go and see her. When he did, they guy told the prophet that his heart was opened to her and felt peace toward her (which is a type of love - innocent love). So I believe in the religion there is nothing wrong in Islam to have innocent love toward the other person you want to marry as long as it is not done in a bad way or in a way that might hurt somebody in the future, and not done in the darkness (like sneaking behind parents to meet) but in the right religious way.

May Allah always protect you from haram things, show you the righteous way and give you the strength and means to follow it

 

[Hard Rock Moslem]

Aslam o alicom.
brother and sisters why u r making it difficult??? i said through fiqhi book.i have read this matter through university.emam abu hanifa give permission that a boy can look a woman,face,both hands and foot only.so that he can guess the compluction of a woman and her beauty.but he can look only with the present of both families.i think u can understand ok.

Is not about making it difficult, it is about making it right. I'm incline to Sister Revert2007, woman foot is aurat.

The issue here is different, the Prophet did gave permission but I don't remember about foot. I'm not so pious to argue what Imam Abu Hanifah permitted but it will be good if you can provide his referrence. What about during prayers? Is women allowed to show their feet during prayers?

 

[slaveofAllah88]

Asalamo Aleikum,

Love is part of the marriage equation, I feel without it marriage won't be very successful. As for me, I can not talk to somebody who I don't stand or feel comfortable with, so leave alone living with that person and I would have too look after.

For me Love is not a point. I mean, it is NOT true that you either love somebody or you don't love him. I believe love is a range (for example you love somebody from 1 to 10 where 10 is the highest). Inshaa Alalh when I am getting married I need to know that I am in love with that person (I would like to in love 2 or 3 out of 10), then through our marriage we would work to increase that up the range (maybe after many years we can exceed the range

As brother Shaheer said (May Allah bless him) love doesn't necessary means physical attraction. Love is a feeling between two people, you can make use it in a correct way (like brother love each other here and Sister loves each other and like parents love their kids) and in a wrong way (like using it as an excuse to do haram thing). Inshaa Allah when I get married it is good to know that both of us goes fine together, we like each other, we want happiness for each other, we feel comfortable talking to each other, ...etc , isn't this called love? maybe first and simple stage of love but still love. what if two people agreed to get married ONLY because both are good Muslims, have strong religion, ....etc but they miss the link between then, this marriage would fail.

So the up shot, I believe before marriage couples should balance between finding a good person with good religion and having a link between them. Marrying ONLY based on love there is a fair probability that won't work and marrying ONLY based on religion still have a probability to fail as well. Mixing and matching between the too (being done in the right religious way) is a good idea.

One guy went asked the beloved prophet to marry one of the ladies. The prophet asked him if he saw her. The Guy replied with a no. The prophet told him to go and see her. When he did, they guy told the prophet that his heart was opened to her and felt peace toward her (which is a type of love - innocent love). So I believe in the religion there is nothing wrong in Islam to have innocent love toward the other person you want to marry as long as it is not done in a bad way or in a way that might hurt somebody in the future, and not done in the darkness (like sneaking behind parents to meet) but in the right religious way.

May Allah always protect you from haram things, show you the righteous way and give you the strength and means to follow it

:salam2:
I agree with my brother here, see alot of people are taking love the wrong way cuz the word love is really misused and misunderstood.
I think its extremely important to have love, some sort of understanding or likeness towards a person.
Many sister especially feel like guyz are just using the love word to get close to them but its not true in many cases, i feel like in order to spend the life with someone you should atleast have some liking or love, you put two extremely stubborn people together and they will just fight day and night, if the guy does not have any love for the women he might look for other girls to fulfill his desires.
Im sorry but everyone feels so wrong about Love than look around us we have developed a sickness, where we believe in blindly marrying someone cuz of what we are told, I dont see how is that different from online meeting someone cuz online too you are told stuff you cant verify, and in real life if u believe in things that are told then well i feel like ur doing the same thing.

may Allah (swt) bless you with a pious wife my brother "muslim. helper" - ameen