A'salaam aleikom Brothers and Sisters.
Ashley is now home again, hopefully this time for good.
I have been reading your posts and I thank you all for your concerns and Du'as.
Some have asked how I could have let her go again. Ashley has become extremely distressed and depressed about her Mothers continued rejection of her. At the time, she had asked her Mother if she could stay with her, for a couple of nights. Her mother's reply? "No go home to your father".
She went a house where she believed the person was was friend. She did not realise that he is a predator, one who preys on the vulnerability of very young girls. He had convinced her that he loved her and had built up her trust in him. Psychologicaly speaking, in her mind, he was offering her something she was missing, and that is Stability. Being naive and young, she did not see any further than what he was offering.
Believe it or not, in this society, this is common among teens, who are involved in parental breakups.
He also opened up the possibilties of "Adventure" to her. A change from the norm.
My Home, while not being dictatorial, is still strict in certain areas. Particularly in the areas of Morality, chores, education and obedience. Allowances must be earned, profanity is banned and, rightly or wrongly, religion is optional. She is thirteen, old enough to ask questions and make decisions in that area. I am trying to guide her, through example, to Islam. And yes, she is curious.
When she returned the first time, I forgot to be a parent, to be suspicious, I was so happy to see her again. I did not realise that he had arranged for her to come home, and get some money. So when she asked, I, being the doteing father, willingly agreed to her request for some pocket money. What else could I do? Should I have been angry, and shouted at her? ( I would never strike her, or anyone else). No, I accepted the lie, as being the truth,
The love of a parent can be just as blind as the love between adults can be. We see what we want to see, not what is real. Just as she saw in him only what she perceived as being good. Sometimes those little words, "I love you" can be as empty of meaning, as a dry creek is empty of water.
I cannot forcefully detain her in the house, that is against the Law here in Australia, a crime for which I would be sent to prison, (up to ten years), and her to a Juvenille detention centre, until she turns eighteen.
When she left again, she said she was just going outside for some air. It took all of two minutes for me to realise what was going on, when I heard the car outside, I rushed outside but was to late to stop her.
It turns out he was using her to get money from me so he could buy drugs to sell. He also gave her marujuana to smoke.
He is now in prison serving six months. However the Police have informed me that further charges are to be brought forward, and when he is released, he will be immediately re-arrested and taken before the court.
Ashley has been diagnosed with Bi-Polar, (used to be known as manic depression), displaying a Major Manic Episode, which alternates between the more dangerous Periodic Manic Episodes, which are totally unpredictable in nature and manifestation. she is also suffering a psychosis which manifests itself as feelings of a lack of self worth, with possible tendency towards self harm and self destruction.
Much of this has been brought on by her feelings of self blame and self guilt over her parents separation, and the recent rejections where her mother let her know that
" I haven't got the time or space for you, I don't want you here so don't ask again".
Added to that, she found out from her step siblings that, while she was 'Missing", Instead of joining the search, her Mother went to the Club, gambled, got drunk, flirted and danced intimately with strange men. She only contacted me twice, by SMS, to ask if I had found our daughter. And did not co-operate with the Police.
Ashley is now receiving psychaitric help and counselling. But I have been informed that she may never be fully recovered. This is something of which I am aware, as a Qualified Therapist and Counsellor myself.
Her Counselling is being handled by others, as I do not feel comfortable, that I could ignore my own predjudices and emotional ties to the case.
As for myself, on Sunday morning, while driving around at 3 in the morning, suffered a minor heart fluctuation which required urgent Hospital Treatment. I awoke with more tubes sticking out of me than a NASA Astronaut.
I am ok now, I just need to take things a bit easier until I heal. I have no prior history, and medicaly speaking, I am not a high risk for a major incident.
It was just the stress. I have raised five Daughters, with a partner. This is the first time I have done it on my own.
As a Male, raising a Female on my own, I have realised , regardless of what others may say or judge, just how important it is, to have a female influence in a young Girl's life.
Thank you all once again, for you Love, Support and Du'as through all this turmoil.
I pray that Allah, Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, shall reward you justly and treat you kindly in reward for your love. Ameen
W'salaam
Ibrahim
