Muslim woman in love with a Christian man

Umm_Ibrahim

La Ilaha Ilalah
:salam2:

i said this because you never indicated that you were going to end the relationship if it is considered a haram one. you've been waiting for someone to give you or say it's perfectly ok. and any muslim that is serious about their deen, will all say that dating is haram and that a muslim marrying a non muslim man is haram. we can't change what ALLAH SWT and his messenger muhammad:saw: have decreed. you wanted our opinion and we have given them to you. don't get mad at us if you don't like our answers. we were being honest because you wanted us to answer honestly and we have.

:wasalam:

TOTALLY AGREE !!!!!!!
 

cihan

Left The Website
I asked the question because I wanted views from people who went through this before (which I cannot specify enough!!). Which, obviously I presume you have not gone through. So you replied to the wrong person, don't blame me for being defensive when you're the one barking at the wrong tree.


No please don't lie...u asked if there are some ways to solve the problem...this is so clear ...why u lie?...and also you say that i am barkinng to you...right?...look i don't bark i talk as a human but maybe you are a sheep that can not give any meaning to the words maybe you just hear some sounds and you call them "barking"...
 

Istella

Junior Member
Plz sister be more delicate with people that just want to help u
I see that in many posts u r being rude and sarcast with people who are just aswering and tring to help u as ur frist post ask

I'm sorry but can you please read every post? Can't you see that most of the "advice" given are those who clearly just want to judge and obviously not fulfilling my request in getting advice from those WHO HAVE GONE/IS GOING through the same predicament?

So am I being rude/sarcastic or am I being judged for something that all of you are so fanatic about?

If it was someone else that posted this, I would only either answer it if I was going through it myself or find out more about the situation before giving out advice or in this case, blasting or judging someone.

Didn't it say in the Quran that one shouldn't judge another?
 

Optimist

قل هو الله أحد
la hawla wa la kowata ella billah

May Allah guide us all to his right path. Amin.

Dear sister, you have had yoru answer. What you are doing is not allowed.

Now about your 2nd question.

I'm married and I had a "semi-arranged" marriage & I'm very happy in it alhamdulellah. i have been truely blessed in my marriage.

The picture protrayed in the movies about people loving each other and then getting married after years of "love" is pure falsification of the reality. Divorce rates are higher in sexually permissive society. Fornication -in all its shapes- is a big threat to family structure, therefore all that leads to it (fornication) is a threat to families as well.

Purify your intention. If you feel the need to be with a man then this is natural. Allah SWT has shown us the way to fulfill this desire since He created us with it. Allah SWT will insha'allah grant you a reward for fulfilling this desire in the way he ordained.
 

Istella

Junior Member
No please don't lie...u asked if there are some ways to solve the problem...this is so clear ...why u lie?...and also you say that i am barkinng to you...right?...look i don't bark i talk as a human but maybe you are a sheep that can not give any meaning to the words maybe you just hear some sounds and you call them "barking"...

A perfect example of ignorant people.

Btw, "barking at the wrong tree" is a phrase and not to be taken literally.
 

Umm_Ibrahim

La Ilaha Ilalah
I'm sorry but can you please read every post? Can't you see that most of the "advice" given are those who clearly just want to judge and obviously not fulfilling my request in getting advice from those WHO HAVE GONE/IS GOING through the same predicament?

So am I being rude/sarcastic or am I being judged for something that all of you are so fanatic about?

If it was someone else that posted this, I would only either answer it if I was going through it myself or find out more about the situation before giving out advice or in this case, blasting or judging someone.

Didn't it say in the Quran that one shouldn't judge another?
I honestly didn't see anyone judging u , but maybe none gave u the aswer that u wanted, cause it don't exist
 

Istella

Junior Member
la hawla wa la kowata ella billah

May Allah guide us all to his right path. Amin.

Dear sister, you have had yoru answer. What you are doing is not allowed.

Now about your 2nd question.

I'm married and I had a "semi-arranged" marriage & I'm very happy in it alhamdulellah. i have been truely blessed in my marriage.

The picture protrayed in the movies about people loving each other and then getting married after years of "love" is pure falsification of the reality. Divorce rates are higher in sexually permissive society. Fornication -in all its shapes- is a big threat to family structure, therefore all that leads to it (fornication) is a threat to families as well.

Purify your intention. If you feel the need to be with a man then this is natural. Allah SWT has shown us the way to fulfill this desire since He created us with it. Allah SWT will insha'allah grant you a reward for fulfilling this desire in the way he ordained.


Thank you so much for your kind response.

My relationship with him is a long distance one so there isn't any form of fornications in this picture. The examples I have given are all based on real life experiences and it all worked out well.

Like my aunt that I mentioned, they were happy together till the day my uncle passed away. I believe that any marriage that ends up with a divorce can be of many reasons - not just because one is formed out of an inter-religion marriage.
 

manOfpeace

Junior Member
:salam2:


I'm a Muslim. If he converted, which will definitely be based on his love for the religion - obviously he will be a Muslim too??

Putting two and two together, if HE AND I are Muslims, I believe our kids would be borne Muslims... or am I delusional??

Please... someone kick me in the head! Please think before responding with your emotions.

Dear sister Istella i have one question for you, if i am not wrong you said IF HE CONVERTED so my quesrion is what about if he didn't convert to islam? what you think you gonna do?

Just think take your time
 

Istella

Junior Member
I honestly didn't see anyone judging u , but maybe none gave u the aswer that u wanted, cause it don't exist

No, it's not that nobody gave me the answer I wanted but nobody I wanted gave me an answer as none of them have been through or are going through this situation.

I can take criticism and advice... any time of the day, just from the right people who know what they are talking about.

I may come across as rude to some of you but come on, life isn't as black and white as you want it to be or as you see it.
 

Istella

Junior Member
:salam2:

Dear sister Istella i have one question for you, if i am not wrong you said IF HE CONVERTED so my quesrion is what about if he didn't convert to islam? what you think you gonna do?

Just think take your time

I meant to include this in my other post - if he didn't convert, I would end it as I put my religion before him. I would not risk my religion.
 

justoneofmillion

Junior Member
:salam2:well sis i know that it has got less of a direct answer to your question but inshallah it will be just an open window for a little relativism it helped me when i needed advice and lucidity in my caos of feelings down here between hell and heaven may it inshallah keep you and i and all the brothers and sisters focused it is in no way meant to be judgmental it is part of the deen please take it this way share it if you want;)
ps someone told me that the word insaan which means human being in arabic had the same root as the word nassiya which means to forget do you think it is true it would imply that insaan
could also mean he who forgets:confused:

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Reasons for the punishment in the grave

=====================================


There are many reasons for which people may be punished in their graves, which Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) listed and said:

Some people may wonder about the reasons for which people may be punished in their graves. This may be answered in two ways: in general and in detail.

In general terms, they may be punished for their ignorance of Allaah, their ignoring His commands and their disobedience towards Him. Allaah does not punish any soul that acknowledged Him, loved Him, obeyed His commands and heeded His prohibitions, nor does He punish the body that was inhabited by that soul.

Punishment in the grave and in the Hereafter are due to the wrath and anger of Allaah towards His slave. Whoever angers Allaah in this world and does not repent, and dies like that, will be punished in al-Barzakh to a level commensurate with Allaah's anger with him.

As for the detailed answer:

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us about two men whom he saw being punished in their graves. One of them used to walk around spreading malicious gossip among people, and the other failed to take precautions to avoid getting urine on himself. So the latter failed to purify himself as required, and the former did something that creates enmity among people by talking, even if what he says is true.

Thus it may be noted that the one who stirs up enmity by telling lies and making false statements will be punished even more.

Failing to keep oneself clean from urine indicates that the one who neglects prayer, for which cleansing oneself from urine is a requirement and condition will be punished even more. In the hadeeth of Shu’bah it says: “One of them used to eat the flesh of people,” which refers to backbiting or malicious gossip.

According to the hadeeth of Ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) a man was struck with a whip and his grave was filled with fire because he offered a single prayer without having purified himself, and he passed by one who was being wronged and did not help him.

According to the hadeeth of Samurah in Saheeh al-Bukhaari, a person who told a lie that spread far and wide was punished.

A man who read Qur’aan then slept at night and did not act upon it by day was punished.

Adulterers and adulteresses are punished.

The one who consumes riba is punished in al-Barzakh, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) testified.

According to the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him), the heads of some people will be crushed with rock because they were too heavy for them to get up and pray.

Some will graze on al-daree’ and al-zaqqoom (horrid types of food in Hell) because they withheld the zakaah of their wealth.

Some will eat putrid, rotten meat because of their zina.

Some will have their lips cut off with iron scissors because they caused fitnah (fighting, civil war) with their words and their speech.

According to the hadeeth of Abu Sa’eed, those who committed these crimes will be punished. Some of them will have bellies as big as houses; they are those who consumed riba. Some will open their mouths and have stones thrown into them that will emerge from their nether regions; they are the ones who consumed orphans’ wealth. Some will be hung up by their breasts; they are the adulterers. Some will have their sides cut and will be fed with their own flesh; they are the one who engaged in backbiting. Some will have nails of copper with which they will scratch their faces and chests; they are the ones who impugned people’s honour.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said that the one who stole a cloak from the war booty will be wrapped in a cloak of fire in his grave. This is despite the fact that he was entitled to a share of the booty, so how about those who wrong others unlawfully?

The punishment of the grave is for sins of the heart, the eye, the ear, the mouth, the tongue, the stomach, the private parts, the hand, the foot, and the entire body.

Those who spread malicious gossip, tell lies, backbite, give false witness, slander those who are chaste and innocent, spread fitnah, promote bid’ah (innovation), say things about Allaah and His Messenger without knowledge, and speak in a reckless manner.

Those who consume riba, consume orphans’ wealth and consume haraam wealth such as bribes and the like.

Those who consume the wealth of their Muslim brothers unlawfully, or the wealth of non-Muslims living under Muslim protection, or consume intoxicants.

Adulterers, homosexuals, thieves, traitors, betrayers and plotters.

Those who consume riba, those who pay it, those who record it and those who witness it; those who enter into a marriage merely to divorce the woman so that it will become permissible for her to return to her former husband, and those for whom this is done; those who seek to waive the duties enjoined by Allaah and transgress His sacred limits.

Those who seek to harm the Muslims and seek to expose their faults.

Those who rule by something other than that which Allaah has revealed, those who issue rulings based on things which Allaah has not prescribed, and those who help others in sin and transgression.

Those who kill souls whom Allaah has forbidden us to kill, those who deny the names and attributes of Allaah, those who give their opinions and ideas precedence over the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah.

Those who wail for the dead and those who listen to them, those who will wail in Hell are those who sing songs that are forbidden by Allaah and His Messenger and those who listen to them. Those who build mosques over graves and set up lamps in them; those who try to take more when they take what they are owed and try to give less when they give what they owe.

Tyrants, the arrogant, those who show off, slanderers and backbiters, those who slander the salaf.

Those who go to soothsayers, astrologers and fortunetellers to ask them things and believe what they say.

Those who help wrongdoers, who have sold their Hereafter for the sake of others in this world.

Those who, if you remind them to fear Allaah do not pay any heed, but if you try to scare them by mentioning another person like themselves, they pay heed and refrain from what they are doing.

Those who are told of the words of Allaah and His Messenger but they do not pay any attention to it, but if they hear it from one of whom they think well, who may be right or wrong, they seize it and do not go against it.

Those to whom Qur’aan is recited but they are not affected by it, and it may be burdensome for them, but when they heard the “qur’aan” of the shaytaan or that which calls to zina (i.e., music) and words of hypocrisy, they feel good and it cheers them up, and they wish that the singer would not stop.

Those who swear by Allaah and tell lies, but when they swear by their shaykhs or relatives, or the life of one whom they love and respect, they will not lie, even if they are threatened and tortured.

Those who boast of their sins in front of their brothers.

Those from whom you do not feel that your possessions and dignity are safe. Those who engage in obscene speech, whom people shun for fear of their evil.

Those who delay prayer until the end of its time, and then peck out the prayer, remembering Allaah but little therein. Those who do not pay the zakaah of their wealth willingly. Those who do not perform Hajj even though they are able to, and do not do the duties required of them even though they are able to.

Those who are not cautious with regard to what they look at or say or eat or where they go, and they do not care what wealth they acquire, whether it is halaal or haraam.

Those who do not uphold the ties of kinship or show compassion towards the poor, widows, orphans, or animals, rather they forsake orphans and do not urge others to feed the poor. They show off to people, withhold small kindnesses, and seek out people’s faults and sins whilst ignoring their own.

All of these and their ilk will be punished in their graves for these sins, according to how great or small they were. Because most people are like this, most of the inhabitants of the graves will be punished, and those who succeed will be very few.

The outside of the grave is just earth, but inside it is regret and torment.

The outside may be earth and carved stones, whilst inside it is disaster and calamity, boiling with grief and sorrow like a kettle, and no wonder, when they no longer get what they want of their desires and wishes.

There are lessons in this world which need no further exhortation.

It calls out: O dwellers of the earth, you have focused on building a realm that will soon pass away, and you have neglected the realm to which you are moving quickly. You have built houses in which others will live and enjoy them, and you have neglected houses for which there are no other inhabitants but you.

This is the place where you will abide and bid farewell to work and toil. This is what matters, one of the gardens of Paradise or one of the chambers of Hell…

End quote from al-Rooh (95).this was posted by brother islamicfajr may allah swt reward him

wassalam
respectfully your brother
Jameel
 

Istella

Junior Member
But i am sure why did you choose that phrase....look... u think u r so smart?

Honestly, I am not that smart but "barking at the wrong tree" is a very common phrase, used widely all around the world.

Since you have no advice for me, let me give you one : stay out of a thread that you can't relate to the topic. You are of no help et al (at all).:SMILY231:
 

Optimist

قل هو الله أحد
sister ... you are confusing us with yourself and I feel this is heading towards becoming an argument for the purpose of arguing ... this is jaddal and are ordered not to get involved in it.

I'd suggest you put your problem in a detailed Q to a scholar you trust instead.

May Allah guide us all to the right path.
 

Umm_Ibrahim

La Ilaha Ilalah
No, it's not that nobody gave me the answer I wanted but nobody I wanted gave me an answer as none of them have been through or are going through this situation.

I can take criticism and advice... any time of the day, just from the right people who know what they are talking about.

I may come across as rude to some of you but come on, life isn't as black and white as you want it to be or as you see it.

I live in a "cristhian" contry with a cristihan family, for me would be very easy find a cristhian or fail in love for him, but i know i can't and wouldn't be god, so wat u should do is down ur eye to those people, and u don't need to be so rude with people that's not the solution,
u know the aswer, u knoiw wat do so ok ! may ALlah Swt guide u
 

cihan

Left The Website
Honestly, I am not that smart but "barking at the wrong tree" is a very common phrase, used widely all around the world.

Since you have no advice for me, let me give you one : stay out of a thread that you can't relate to the topic. You are of no help et al (at all).:SMILY231:

sure i have no advise for you coz u ask a question that most of the people in the world already know...however u r a muslim...also later u told that in your other reply that u know it is haram to marry christian as a muslim lady...in Quran Allah tells that more then 1 time...and you come here and ask "What solutions do we have in handling this matter or would his converting be the only way out for us?" ...This is your question..isn't it?...Allah's order is clear...only way about your marriage is very clear...then you want advise?..what advise? Allah gave your answer in Quran and we have nothing to say other then Allah's word...So why you still ask this to people..do you want to get permision from people here?...your question is so simple and answer is so simple and clear... But still you don't accept your wrong...arrogant...
And don't try to play with words against me ok? Allah knows why u used that phrase...
 

Istella

Junior Member
I think I am in the wrong forum as none of you are taking into account nor acknowledging the examples I have given, clearly because you all are extremists or close-minded people.

Religion is the core of one's life, however you have to take into account other external factors as well. You say that I do not accept or want to hear what you have to say, just as much as you do not want to accept my opinions on how I see things. Islam isn't about forcing people to see things their way, I may be wrong but most of the Muslims I know believe in that.

It was nice chatting with all of you. It has been truly refreshing.
 

Umm_Ibrahim

La Ilaha Ilalah
:salam2:

What solutions do we have in handling this matter or would his converting be the only way out for us?

Thank you in advance.

Is very clear here that wat u wanted was know wich solution u could have, not wat people who passed for it think
 

manOfpeace

Junior Member
I meant to include this in my other post - if he didn't convert, I would end it as I put my religion before him. I would not risk my religion.

Ok sister tell me what makes you to cotinue this relantionshib?

and one more question what do you like to hear from all these Brothers and sisters? i think there is no answers of your questions....
 

Umm_Ibrahim

La Ilaha Ilalah
I think I am in the wrong forum as none of you are taking into account nor acknowledging the examples I have given, clearly because you all are extremists or close-minded people.

Religion is the core of one's life, however you have to take into account other external factors as well. You say that I do not accept or want to hear what you have to say, just as much as you do not want to accept my opinions on how I see things. Islam isn't about forcing people to see things their way, I may be wrong but most of the Muslims I know believe in that.

It was nice chatting with all of you. It has been truly refreshing.

U HAVE NO POINT, WE ARE NOT EXTREMIST WE ISLAM IS ONLY ONE ! WE ARE SAYING WAT QURAN AND SUNNA TELL US TO DO !!!!!!!
 
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