My husbands family and Hijab....??

[trying2learn]

I love being around my husbands family, they are very kind to me. I went to visit my sister-in-law yesterday so our children could play together, and she was telling me that her husband (my brother-in-law) refused to go anywhere with her if she did not take off her hijab, in which her response was to take it off!! My other sister-in-law lives in Jordan with her husband and he told her it was ok to wear hijab while in Jordan but once they come back to the states she had to "leave the hijab in Jordan". I do not understand, all of them are "born" muslims, why are the men making their wives remove their hijabs and dress more "american"? My husband likes the fact that I cover up now when I get dressed but he told me the same thing that his brother told his wife, that he will not go out with me if I wear a hijab, and he said I look like a "gypsy" when I wear one. He laughed at me when he saw me in a hijab, this hurt my feelings, and his daughter laughed at me too. I told him he should not have laughed especially in front of his daughter because of the difficulty we are having trying to get her to even learn about Islam. But anyway, could anyone help me with this topic? I do not know what to do, I think my husbands family will laugh at me for wearing a hijab, (my husband said I do not look right wearing one, that I am too "white", and that only women who are tan look ok with hijab) to which I responded you are not supposed to be looking at the women in that way! I am the only "white" girl in a family full of arab muslims, and they already kind of single me out because I come from a different culture than they do, and I am still learning their culture without losing my own. I am just perplexed and I don't know how to approach this situation. Thank you all.

 

[saifkhan]

Salam alaikum wa rahmatu-llah

may Allah help you, sister.
Muslimahs dont put hijab because their parents/children/family/society/husbands said so.
but true Muslimah is she, who wears it as per the Commandment of Allah subhanahu wa ta'la.
one problem with us, we Muslims, almost everywhere in the world, we mix culture and religion. whenever you see this, get away from it. it can be ruinary of faith. Innovation and polyeithism comes from this misguidance.

I hope you can understand,
pray to Allah, that He keeps you away from every problems.


wassalam

 

[Hilal Said]

I am really proud of you. You try to follow Islam and implement it in your life whereas your Muslim husband ask you to take off hijab. obey Allah and ignore their comments.

I am really surprised of your husband's family behaviour. May Allah guide them to the right way.

Be patient with them and remember to obey Allah regardless of what people say about you.


:salam2:

 

[a_stranger]

:salam2:

Dear sister try to be patient , I think Allah subhanahu wa taala is sending you to this family to teach them sincerity and true Uboodiya towards their creator. AlhamduliAllah that there is on our earth someone like you : dear sister be firm and obey your creator ........InshaAllah things will be better.

 

[ansari]

:salam2:

Sister, do everything for the sake of Allah

Inshallah this lecture will help.

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[ShyHijabi]

:salam2:

No offense but your husband's words and actions are completely personal opinion and nothing to do with Islam. He thinks you're "too white" to wear hijab and it only looks right on tan females? I think I just rolled my eyes so hard they fell out of my head.

I am ultra white and alhumdulillah, I've been wearing hijab since I converted over 4 years ago. I really don't care what people think it looks like, it was commaned in the Quran and the Hadiths and said nothing about jursidictions or complexion. So many Muslims are busy worrying about what non-Muslims think that they are gambling with their eternal lives to impress pathetic humans.

Your husband needs a wake up call. That he would laugh at your attempts to be a better Muslim is appalling to me. Does he attend Jummah prayer? Does he listen to the hukbah about all the fitnah and destruction of the basic family unit? He wants men to look at his wife and find her attractive?? It is no wonder his daughter is so lost in her behavior, her father isn't even clear on what it means to be a Muslim.

I am proud that you are fighting your jihad even in the face of laughter and misunderstanding. Remember that Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him) dealt with the same thing and much worse. So you will receive huge reward for your struggles, especially given that you have your heart in the right place. Do not remove your hijab because your husband says so, we are not to obey our spouses if it contradicts the commands of Allah swt.

 

[zinirah]

:salam2:

Sister don't listen to these ignorant people. You continue to do what is right, & wear the hijab. Do it for Allah & and don't do it because of any man or culture, or because someone told you to wear it. You should wear hijab, because you must wear it as a muslim woman it is a command from Allah. If you see woman not wearing it or a man saying that he wont go with you places because you are wearing it then ignore them...(excuse my language). Just i hear many stories like this, and it's time the sisters need to learn to be strong willed, & not care what the people are saying about them. Wear hijab and no one can stop you. Yes people can give dirty looks...but let them give dirty looks,who are they?... because they know they are wrong. Anyways sis i ask that Allah make it easy for you insha'Allah.

p.s. No offence to anyone, but i dont understand what it is with these Arab men these days(not all)....and their woman obsessions

 

[kayleigh]

This is ridiculous. Whether or not you want to wear hijab is your choice and your business and your husband has no right to tell you not to wear it. If you want to wear hijab, do it. Even if your husband gets mad or your in-laws laugh at you. They're the ones being ignorant, not you. How can one even be too white to wear it? That makes no sense, and wearing hijab isn't about looking good.

 

[Munawar]

:salam2:
Sister,
Your Hijab is for Allah, not for your husband or his family. And you are alone answerable to Allah on the Day of Judgement.

Many revert are confused about the so-called born-Muslims. They think that born-Muslims know more about Islam or they have better understanding of Islam. This is not true... Many many so-called born Muslims have no clue what Islam is. because they never studied it, never understood it and never followed it.
Do you think all these born-Muslims will go to Jannah? I don't think so... They are more at risk of going to Jahanum because Allah brought them up in a Muslim family but they still went astray, never truely believed in Allah. That is why Allah says in Quran that O people who believe, believe in Allah. Ask your husband and his brother if they fear Allah more or the people?

You are doing good sister. Continue on this straight path. Inshaallah you will be successful. Ameen.

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

:salam2:wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu...

sister with all due respect to your husband he's talking nonsense.it's straight and obvious,Allah azzu wajal have not revealed the Quran to be followed by whites,very whites,tan or black.it is for everyone who believes in One Allah and the prophet.Don't let them throw their wrong ideas at you.our religion is above all that.He may be a born muslim but he needs correction on pretty much everything and YOU,who is a revert,with more love for her deen,will do it inshaa'Allah for the sake of Allah.

Stay strong dear sister.Don't let their laughter get to you as this will die out if you are stubborn on your belief.Be kind and respectful,Yes.But don't be weak...

May Allah help you in following your deen.

 

[arzafar]

what a joke! I mean what happens to muslims when they live a few years in kaafir lands.

i know this friend and they are all brother who are huffaz. they shifted to the US and now the beards are barely visible and the wife wears the latest liberal muslims outfits. wonders of integration.

so why the transition. had they been irreligious from the very beginning i wouldnt be bothered.

 

[BrotherInIslam7]

what a joke! I mean what happens to muslims when they live a few years in kaafir lands.

:salam2:

Brother, give that logic a rest for a while.

Also, all the advices are sound and InshaAllah will help the sister. However, let's not forget that it is her family members we are talking about, so let's show a little bit more respect to them. We don't want the sister to feel hurt.

And it could be that the brother in laws might have their reasons (though unacceptable Islamically). It could be that they are worried that their women will be mistreated if they wear Hijab openly in public. Let's not jump to conclusions and pass judgements on them InshaAllah.

May Allah azz zawajal guide all of us. Ameen

Wasalaamalaykum waa rahmatullahi

 

[MohammedMaksudul]

:salam2: Sister tryingtolearn

I just read your post and I am quite sad. This is in fact the reality right now, which even I am facing at home (where I belong to a muslim family by birth). This is due to ignorance, less knowledge and obviously less belief in Allah Subhana Wa'ta 'ala. If somebody really loved Allah or even feared His punishments in the least, they wouldn't dare say something like that. Men who ask their wives not to cover up are just trying to make a display out of them. They want other men to see, how beautiful their wife is. And they fail to understand that their wife by covering up is only keeping her beauty for her husband. But no these men don't like that. No offense sister. What you should do right now is remind your husband of what Allah has commanded and try to convince him that it is better that you and him should follow Allah's command. You should not in any case leave your hijab. Don't let anybody, anybody in this world make you defy your Creator. For sister, these mortal beings can not harm your except by Allah's will and can not help you except by Allah's will. This is indeed a test for you from your Creator. Even if he denies going out with you or even tries harder ways, don't give in. Islam does not subjugate women. You have full rights to disobey anybody who disobeys Allah, even if it is your husband or your father or your brother. You should understand sister that, in Islam women do not do hijab for their husbands but in fact for Allah. Stick to your hijab sister, as you would stick to your most precious thing. And also don't forget to remind those sisters who say that Hijab is ok in Jordan and not in USA, that Allah does not only watch over us in Jordan or any other country where there is a majority of Muslims. Or its not even that Allah has given us an excuse to go out of the rulings that He Has laid down upon us. May Allah guide you and increase you in patience. May Allah help you out through the difficulties and the tests before you. May Allah guide your husband and his family and you live peacefully with them. InshAllah, I know you will stick to the truth and not falsehood.

 

[zinirah]

Hijab is not a choice, but a command from Allah to wear it, so even if the woman decides not to wear it even if she feels she's a good muslim, and she thinks she doesnt need it. She is wrong. Keep the hijab on.

“And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what must ordinarily appear therof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, or their brothers' sons or their sisters' sons, or their women or the servants whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex, and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O you Believers, turn you all together towards Allah, that you may attain Bliss.” (Quran 24:31).
“O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks close round them (when they go abroad). That will be better, so that they may be recognised and not annoyed. Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.” (Quran 33:59)

 

[ShahnazZ]

Honestly it's just so embarassing to have born-Muslims behave in this way. Sister, the reason why they act like such morons (I'm sorry but that's what they are and it's not just in your family either!) is half because these are people who are not entirely educated about Islam and half because they're slaves to Western culture and believe that Western culture is superior to any other.

It's not "western" to wear hijab, so take it off.

This is extremely common in many Islamic countries as well, where more and more Muslim girls are not wearing hijab because they think it puts a limit on their freedom. Additionally, many of their male family members not only support this but encourage it as well! Why do they believe this preposterous sentiment? Because that's how they see the West. They want to be western so they want to believe exactly what the west does. These same girls usually end up wearing less modest clothing as well because they believe its an expression of their freedom. Where are they getting this definition of freedom? From the west of course.

I personally am speaking from experience. My family members and I are born-Muslims but I still had to listen to their criticism about me implementing so many Islamic practices. Why? Because according to them, it wasn't what Americans did. And that's it. No brain of your own, just be a blind, faithless sheep in a herd of sheep following a shepherd whose taking you to God knows where. Perfect.

When I went to Pakistan, the first question the Pakistani-born girls asked me was "Why do you wear hijab?" Naturally, they themselves didn't and couldn't understand why I did. When I asked them if they were familiar with the concept of hijab in Islam, they replied that they were but still wanted to know why I, an AMERICAN, was wearing it. I can't begin to tell you how violent I was feeling towards them that day lol. I literally had to force myself to walk away.

Basically, Muslim countries and many who live there view the West as the epitome of freedom and domesticity. Additionally, it's also easy for these people to have this view because of lack of deen. Lack of deen leads to Muslims easily giving up Islam for the dunya.

My mother has a saying, "Whenever you try to do something good, YOUR OWN PEOPLE are the first to try and stop you." Why? Because it calls their actions into check and they don't want their behavior or actions to be questioned. This is THEIR insecurity and THEIR problem, NOT yours. Don't be discouraged by these people. Surround yourselves with good pious Muslims like yourself who want to learn more about their deen and inshAllah you'll have all the strength you need when facing critics like this. Also, don't let anyone make you feel as if hijab isn't for you. Islam is a beautiful religion with millions of followers worldwide. That includes European and caucasian regions as well. Do "white" people not exist in those areas? What about reverts? Are they to abstain from the Commandment of Allah because they're "too white"? Tell your husband (if you feel comfortable) that his definition of Muslim is very narrow and that he needs to see that ISLAM HAS NO COLOR. "Tan" people are not the only people who wear hijab and he's not getting anywhere by believing so.

Sorry for the rant. But it struck a chord.

 

[MohammedMaksudul]

Honestly it's just so embarassing to have born-Muslims behave in this way. Sister, the reason why they act like such morons (I'm sorry but that's what they are and it's not just in your family either!) is half because these are people who are not entirely educated about Islam and half because they're slaves to Western culture and believe that Western culture is superior to any other.

It's not "western" to wear hijab, so take it off.

This is extremely common in many Islamic countries as well, where more and more Muslim girls are not wearing hijab because they think it puts a limit on their freedom. Additionally, many of their male family members not only support this but encourage it as well! Why do they believe this preposterous sentiment? Because that's how they see the West. They want to be western so they want to believe exactly what the west does. These same girls usually end up wearing less modest clothing as well because they believe its an expression of their freedom. Where are they getting this definition of freedom? From the west of course.

I personally am speaking from experience. My family members and I are born-Muslims but I still had to listen to their criticism about me implementing so many Islamic practices. Why? Because according to them, it wasn't what Americans did. And that's it. No brain of your own, just be a blind, faithless sheep in a herd of sheep following a shepherd whose taking you to God knows where. Perfect.

When I went to Pakistan, the first question the Pakistani-born girls asked me was "Why do you wear hijab?" Naturally, they themselves didn't and couldn't understand why I did. When I asked them if they were familiar with the concept of hijab in Islam, they replied that they were but still wanted to know why I, an AMERICAN, was wearing it. I can't begin to tell you how violent I was feeling towards them that day lol. I literally had to force myself to walk away.

Basically, Muslim countries and many who live there view the West as the epitome of freedom and domesticity. Additionally, it's also easy for these people to have this view because of lack of deen. Lack of deen leads to Muslims easily giving up Islam for the dunya.

My mother has a saying, "Whenever you try to do something good, YOUR OWN PEOPLE are the first to try and stop you." Why? Because it calls their actions into check and they don't want their behavior or actions to be questioned. This is THEIR insecurity and THEIR problem, NOT yours. Don't be discouraged by these people. Surround yourselves with good pious Muslims like yourself who want to learn more about their deen and inshAllah you'll have all the strength you need when facing critics like this. Also, don't let anyone make you feel as if hijab isn't for you. Islam is a beautiful religion with millions of followers worldwide. That includes European and caucasian regions as well. Do "white" people not exist in those areas? What about reverts? Are they to abstain from the Commandment of Allah because they're "too white"? Tell your husband (if you feel comfortable) that his definition of Muslim is very narrow and that he needs to see that ISLAM HAS NO COLOR. "Tan" people are not the only people who wear hijab and he's not getting anywhere by believing so.

Sorry for the rant. But it struck a chord.

:salam2:

I so agree with you sister. And yes it is exactly what you say. I too belong to a born Muslim family and reside in Bangladesh. Women and girls here are taking more and more of their modesty away here. It is really hard me to walk down the street and truly I almost find no difference between the west and the women here. And yes I love what your mother said, as it is so true. This is what I am facing, whenever I try to implement more of Islam. May Allah guide us all and forgive us of our shortcomings.

 

[MaybeMe]

My husband don't want me to wear hijab, because women have been attacked here in the biblebelt. But one day inshallah.

 

[BrotherInIslam7]

When I went to Pakistan, the first question the Pakistani-born girls asked me was "Why do you wear hijab?" Naturally, they themselves didn't and couldn't understand why I did. When I asked them if they were familiar with the concept of hijab in Islam, they replied that they were but still wanted to know why I, an AMERICAN, was wearing it.

:salam2:

You could have asked them " Does Allah's attribute of All seeing not apply if someone is living in America ? Is that person not accountable to the Almighty, Creator of Heavens and the Earth ? "

It would have made them think for a while.

I have encountered similar sentiment when I visit my friends back home too. I find it quite amusing to be honest.

 

[samiha]

Assalaamu 'alaykum

When I went to Pakistan, the first question the Pakistani-born girls asked me was "Why do you wear hijab?" Naturally, they themselves didn't and couldn't understand why I did. When I asked them if they were familiar with the concept of hijab in Islam, they replied that they were but still wanted to know why I, an AMERICAN, was wearing it. I can't begin to tell you how violent I was feeling towards them that day lol. I literally had to force myself to walk away.

SubhanAllaah I also faced a similar situation, even though it wasn't explicitely said - I was always put up against another one of my cousins who came from here and was the "real American" because she actually dressed and looked like one...whereas I did not.

But the effect was actually amazing in different places as well. When my mother and I were in the more country areas (in Bangladesh) and decided to have some halaqaat on Islaam and such, women flocked from places all over to come see, some waiting for a long time in heat. We were like tourist attractions - being from America and teaching Islaam! lol

I read through this thread a few times actually, but I could find no words to express those feelings. I think many of the brothers and sisters have taken those feelings and expressed them much better than I ever could, so I ask the sister to seriously think over them.

Your husband is merely a creation, and it must be remembered that the words of the creation have no place over that of the Creator. Because on the Day of Judgment, every single person will be for themselves. Your husband will not stand on your behalf and ask Allaah to excuse you because he was the one who told you to disobey Him! So think very carefully my dear sister, and look into what Islaam says. Then I suggest speaking to him and trying to see if he will understand, but even if he does not continue trying and remember your obligations and InshaAllaah Allaah will make a way easy for you.

wasalaam

 

[MohammedMaksudul]

:salam2:

I live in Bangladesh and yes the situation here is worsening everyday. Girls at my University and all over my city (Dhaka) has hardly any shame and any realization of what Allah has commanded us to do. May Allah guide us all.