Distressed_Siste
New Member
Assalamu'alaikum Brothers and Sisters,
What can I say? Your posts have made me weep. I cannot tell you the strength I find in your words. Those of you who have gone through these types of situations have renewed my belief that I'm not alone, and somewhat gives me hope for the future.
Brother Virtualeye, you asked that I be honest to my mediators. The mediation only happened once a couple of years ago. There's something all of you have to understand, my husband has NO desire of being with me. This marriage has become a one-way street, if I want to keep it, I have to work at it. As stupid as I may sound, I feel like its a personal failure if I can't make it work. And I know I can't make someone love me, and in truth, I don't know if I love him. I think it's more to do with pride than anything.
The reasons for trying to make it work are:
1) My parents: they're so old - Mother hardly has any years left after being diagnosed with Liver disease and heart failure. I don't want to be the one that sends her to her grave unhappy. If she found out about the infidelity, it would be disasterous.
2) I don't want to lose the wonderful relationships I've created through this marriage. In most marriages there is either the family is good and the husband/wife not so good and vice versa that keeps people planted. In my case, I'm afraid of losing those relationships.
3) Personal failure. And I feel like my husband is making a grave mistake.
I try so hard at this. I'm not a new Muslim, I was born into it, but have been studying it more intently for 4 years now, seeking deliverance from my issue.
I cook everyday, clean, do everything a wife is supposed to do. I also work full time so my husband doesn't get stuck with paying for our mortgage alone or is stressed financially, even though my dream is to own my own business like the rest of the family.
I know about what Islam says the rules of divorce are. My husband is a Muslim as well, and used to be quite religious, in fact this marriage was one he had prayed for (he prayed to be married here in the US and it happened) while he was at a Ijtama. He's not so religious anymore. He's given up on everything.
I feel pain for him. And want to help him. The more stress I'm relieving of his, I'm creating for myself by pardoning his actions and asking him not to do it again. There is no attraction left in the marriage. There never was. Our marriage was a forced arranged marriage. And to be honest, some of these issues are self created - Allah (swt) is just in what punishment I am getting now. I made my husband feel like I didn't love him for the first year of our marriage.
I will call our local imam tonight, he is a just man and hope that he can help me. I will also take your advice and do Istikhara, however I'm not sure of how this is performed? Is it praying two nafil and then making dua for an answer to this problem? Is there special Surahs I'm supposed to read?
Jazakallah Khair for all your kind words.
Khuda Hafiz
What can I say? Your posts have made me weep. I cannot tell you the strength I find in your words. Those of you who have gone through these types of situations have renewed my belief that I'm not alone, and somewhat gives me hope for the future.
Brother Virtualeye, you asked that I be honest to my mediators. The mediation only happened once a couple of years ago. There's something all of you have to understand, my husband has NO desire of being with me. This marriage has become a one-way street, if I want to keep it, I have to work at it. As stupid as I may sound, I feel like its a personal failure if I can't make it work. And I know I can't make someone love me, and in truth, I don't know if I love him. I think it's more to do with pride than anything.
The reasons for trying to make it work are:
1) My parents: they're so old - Mother hardly has any years left after being diagnosed with Liver disease and heart failure. I don't want to be the one that sends her to her grave unhappy. If she found out about the infidelity, it would be disasterous.
2) I don't want to lose the wonderful relationships I've created through this marriage. In most marriages there is either the family is good and the husband/wife not so good and vice versa that keeps people planted. In my case, I'm afraid of losing those relationships.
3) Personal failure. And I feel like my husband is making a grave mistake.
I try so hard at this. I'm not a new Muslim, I was born into it, but have been studying it more intently for 4 years now, seeking deliverance from my issue.
I cook everyday, clean, do everything a wife is supposed to do. I also work full time so my husband doesn't get stuck with paying for our mortgage alone or is stressed financially, even though my dream is to own my own business like the rest of the family.
I know about what Islam says the rules of divorce are. My husband is a Muslim as well, and used to be quite religious, in fact this marriage was one he had prayed for (he prayed to be married here in the US and it happened) while he was at a Ijtama. He's not so religious anymore. He's given up on everything.
I feel pain for him. And want to help him. The more stress I'm relieving of his, I'm creating for myself by pardoning his actions and asking him not to do it again. There is no attraction left in the marriage. There never was. Our marriage was a forced arranged marriage. And to be honest, some of these issues are self created - Allah (swt) is just in what punishment I am getting now. I made my husband feel like I didn't love him for the first year of our marriage.
I will call our local imam tonight, he is a just man and hope that he can help me. I will also take your advice and do Istikhara, however I'm not sure of how this is performed? Is it praying two nafil and then making dua for an answer to this problem? Is there special Surahs I'm supposed to read?
Jazakallah Khair for all your kind words.
Khuda Hafiz