:'( Need desperate advice on getting back with ex-husband!! please help!!

[xhina87x]

:salam2:

:salam2:

My name is Hina and I am 20 years old, a divorcee from London. I got married at the age of 18 and everything was fine!! My hubby was the best person ever!! I didnt even have to say anything to him and he would know what I would be thinking!! The few months I spent with him were the best ever, but then he listened to his mum and gave me divorce!! The reason was because I was diagnosed with diabetes and his mum thought i couldnt have kids!! Even though that was not true, but she made my life hell. Then she started to say that I cannot have kids, I am this and that. I was beaten by my father-in-law to a point where I had to be hospitalised for 2 weeks. My hubby couldn't even say anything. I didnt expect him to because I knew how much he loved his parents. I had to take it.

But then, it got to a point where my busband was fed up of me complaining, and decided to give me divorce because I was a DIABETIC??!! I still don't believe that but that is what he said to everyone!! Even after that, my parents wanted me to get married to one of my cousin, but that proposal didn't seem promising either. So, my parents are thinking all sorts of things that maybe no one would accept me, plus, recently I have started to wear the hijab so its really getting to them and they don't know how to react!! I have tried showing the hadith related to hijab; they didn't expect me to make this transition all of a sudden and specially because I belong to a family where dancing, singing, is normal and unfortunately I was a part of this some time ago. Worse thing is that I am the eldest in my family and no one at all wears a hijab!!

MY PROBLEM ISN’T AS MUCH ABOUT THE HIJAB, BECAUSE I CAN SEE AN IMPROVEMENT IN MY HOUSE, BUT THE PROBLEM NOW IS THAT MY EX-HUSBAND WANTS TO GET BACK TO ME!! HE CALLS ME EVERYDAY AND I HAVE TO KEEP DISCONNECTING THE PHONE BECAUSE I KNOW IT IS HARAM FOR ME TO TALK TO HIM. HE DOESN’T GET THE FACT THAT HE HAS DIVORCED ME AND I CANNOT RE-MARRY HIM UNLESS I MARRY SOMEONE ELSE FIRST AND GET DIVORCE FROM THEM. BUT THIS ISNT RIGHT!! I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. MY PARENTS ARE STILL IN THE PHASE OF ACCEPTING THAT THEIR DAUGHTER IS A DIVORCEE BECAUSE MY HUBBY WAS INFACT MY COUSIN, SO FOR MY PARENTS TO ACCEPT HIM AGAIN WOULD BE A 50-50 CHANCE.

The question is: IS THIS RIGHT? I DON’T THINK ANY GUY WOULD MARRY ME KNOWING THAT I WOULD WANT A DIVORCE TO GET BACK TO MY EX-HUSBAND. This is wrong, I know that, but what can I do?? I want to get back with him, but not by hurting or misusing someone else!! Even if I was to tell the guy that I am marrying you to get back to my ex, is that not haram because I am marrying him with the wrong intention??

Please someone help me!! I cannot stop crying; I don’t want to hurt anyone and want to do everything properly. He doesn’t quit calling me and I can’t even change my number because he always manages to get hold of it. I cannot even tell my parents, as my father is already a heart patient after this all.

Someone please, please advice me what to do??
Jazak’Allah Khaiyrun

 

[Al-Salam]

salam sister. im really sorry for waht happend. do u want to get back woth him after what he's done?`if u do then did he say talak three times? have u been married three times? unless he hasn't said talak three times u could remarry him without marrieng someone else. i hoop u nothing but the best. does he want u to live with his parents? take care sis...

sister do not keep things like that frm ur family he has divorced u. u should tell them so that they could be there for you. and it is harram to marry someone else inorder to take talak and marrieng ur exhusband if u were divorced from him 3 times.

 

[salahzos]

Dear sister,

As poster "Al-Salam" has stated if your husband has stated the divorce 3x you can't re-mary unless you get married and divorced by another. That is the Islamic Law.

I do however want to bring your attention to the following:

What your ex-husband and his mum and father did is not an Islamic act. It is clear that he has shown lack of responsibility and respect to you. The responsibility of every muslim husband toward his wife is clear. He must be respectfull, understanding, gentle, supporter, protector, loving.

My advice to you is not to let your emotions guide your path. :ma:

Take good care and Allah will guide you.

 

[a_brother]

Asalamo alaikom sister... May Allah make your tests easy for you... what ever happened was meet to happen... we all get tested, sister... have patience and ALWAYS make salat istikara in your decisions http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=2217&ln=eng&txt=istikhara

 

[xhina87x]

That is the problem!! When his family found out I had diabetes, they all turned against me!! He was fine with it but he had no guts to stand infront of his parents and say that they were in the wrong!! I don't blame him for that because they are his family and he was stuck!!

Everyday my mother-in-law would say to my hubby GIVE HINA DIVORCE, SHE WON'T BE ABLE TO HAVE KIDS!! :'( Despite the fact that my hubby never said anything to them infront of me, alone he would explain to me to ignore his mum and that he would never leave me. But one day his mum really had a go at me and she was swearing like crazy!! My hubby said THAT'S IT, THE PROBLEM IN THIS HOUSE IS HINA, SO, HINA I AM GIVING YOU DIVORCE, TALAAK TALAAK TALAAK! :'( :'( He said it without any breaks and then just left the house!! staright after that his sister and his mum pulled me out of the house!! :'(

This happened nearly 2 years ago and ever since then I am living with my parents!! for a whole 1 and a half year he didnt contact me (even though he is my second cousin) but the past few months he has been persistantly calling me. Infact last night he was standing outside my house and texting me to come out!! :'(

many of my friends have said to me to go to an imaam because it may be the case that this talaaq may not be considered as three because he said it in anger!! He keeps calling, emailing me saying how hw wants to re-marry me and will take me away from his family and my family, and live somewhere far!! I know its not right to use someone and that is what he doesnt understand!! I avoid his calls but the amount of time he calls me is countless!! :'(

I am doing my 1st year of medicine because I got married early, I couldnt study then; Because of this all I cannot concentrate on anything!! I will go crazy!! :'(

 

[Al-Salam]

sister consentrate on ur studies for now. he said talak three times i don't know about the anger part if it doesn't count, all i know that he said it three times. sister u should marry someone who will not use ur illness against u, even if u said that he didn't care about it, he did divorce u for that.
- salam, what god wants will be done. don't worry allah wil not let us leave miserable. everything allah does for us is for the best.

 

[a_brother]

Asalamo alaikom sister

check those links

http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=6125&ln=eng&txt=divorce anger
http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=22034&ln=eng&txt=divorce anger
http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?pg=rslt&txt=divorce+anger&st=2&fld=7&pglist=0&ln=eng


Question:
I would like to ask you about an incident happened 4 days ago to my muslim brother. He said to his wife that, he is giving her three talak at once and sweared after that. But after couple of hours he regret for saying that, and also claiming he was angry at the moment he was talking to his wife. So sheikh my brother wants to know if is he allowed to go back to his wife because it is its first time to say that or is not allowed? according to islamic sheria. I would like some qoutations on your decision because I heard different views from people but with no evidence from the sharia.

Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.

Anger is of three types:

1 – when anger is so intense that are person is no longer aware of what he is doing or saying, and becomes like one who is insane or mad. In this case the talaaq (divorce) does not count, according to all the scholars, because he is like one who is insane and mad, who has lost all power of reason.

2 – when his anger is intense but he understands what he is saying and doing, but his anger is intense and he cannot control himself because the argument trading of insults or fighting has gone on too long, so his anger may be intense because of that. In this case there is a difference of opinion among the scholars, but the most correct view is that divorce does not count in this case either, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no divorce and no freeing of slaves when it is done by force or in a state of intense anger.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 2046; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Irwa’, 2047)

3 – mild anger, which is what happens when the husband is upset with his wife, or he is disappointed about something that his wife has done, but it is not so intense that it makes him lose his power of reasoning or self-control. Rather it is the ordinary kind of anger and is mild. In this case the divorce is valid according to the all the scholars.

This is the correct answer regarding divorce uttered in anger, as was stated by Ibn Taymiyah and Ibn al-Qayyim, may Allaah have mercy on them.

And Allaah knows best. May Allaah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad.

 

[a_brother]

:salam2:

take your time and don't rush... make salat istikara and put your trust in Allah and you'll never lose

 

[xhina87x]

Jazak'Allah Khayrun Bro and Sis Al-Salam!!

You have no idea how relieved I am to read that!!! I know he was angry at the point but not at me!! he even says that!! I mean I know him inside out and I knew for a fact that he never gave me divorce (or rather just said talaaq) with the intent, but said it because he was angry!! The thing which got to me was the way his mum and sister just kicked me out of the house and continuously claimed that its a divorce, and that really disturbed me!!! :'(

Sister Al-Salam, you say that I should marry someone else?? I cannot do that!! If I have loved someone I cannot love someone else!! even if it means that he gave me divorce (or maybe not). I know he should not have done that, but I do understand what he was going through!! Anyway I cant argue with him on that!!

Brothers and sister please do pray dua for me!! I will let you know once I speak to an imaam!! Inshal'Allah!
Wasalam

 

[samiha]

:salam2:

Just thought i'd put....

Giving talaaq (divorce) three times at once is bid’ah

Question:
Could you please let me know according to the Shafi mishep, if a man can give his wife Talaaq tree(3) times at once.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Giving talaaq (divorce) three times at once is bid’ah, and goes against the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): “… When you divorce women, divorce them at their ‘iddah (prescribed periods)…” [al-Talaaq 65:1]. If a Muslim wants to divorce his wife, he should divorce her according to the Sunnah, which is to give one talaaq at a time when his wife is taahir (not menstruating) and he has not yet had intercourse with her following her period, or when it is clear that she is pregnant. According to the Shaafi’i madhhab and the majority of other madhhabs, giving three talaaqs at once counts as three separate talaaqs and is irrevocable, and the couple cannot remarry until the woman has been married to and divorced from another man. Other scholars say that three talaaqs given at once count as only one talaaq.
And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

____________________________

otherwise i'm sorry, i'm not sure what to advise. Make sure you know what you are getting into and as said, you should do istikhaarah.

wasalam

 

[BintMuhammad]

Assalaamu alaikum warahmatullaah dear sis,

Please check those links our brother cited. Inshaa'Allaah it will be very helpful. Also, it is best to contact the best imaam you have in your area. Inshaa'Allaah there must be a solution to all problems and keep making du'a and we will Inshaa'Allaah include you in ours.

May Allaah subhanahu wa ta'ala keep you strong and enlighten you Aameen.

 

[habiba_muslimat]

may allah make things easy for you ameen

 

[Yusuf1990]

Wa'ylekum Salaam sister,

I am sorry to hear this but may Allah make this easy for you and show you the way.

Peace.

 

[Al-Salam]

sister i hoop u nothing less than the best. if u go together with him, i really do hoop he takes good care of you.

love u sister....
manal...

 

[Amir_of_spain]

How can you get back with someone who divorced you because u have diabetes, its the most ludicris thing ive ever heard, one of most backwards ideas ive ever come across, what if u get back with him and then later on he divorces u again on some other stupid reason eg having a grey hair or being diagnosed with ezema.

 

[a_brother]

How can you get back with someone who divorced you because u have diabetes, its the most ludicris thing ive ever heard, one of most backwards ideas ive ever come across, what if u get back with him and then later on he divorces u again on some other stupid reason eg having a grey hair or being diagnosed with ezema.

:salam2: brother...

try to read what she wrote... ex-husband's parents had a problem (because of diabetes) not her ex-husband...

 

[hussain.mahammed]

May Allah Subhanahu wa Taala make things easy for you sister. Ameen.

 

[Amir_of_spain]

:salam2: brother...

try to read what she wrote... ex-husband's parents had a problem (because of diabetes) not her ex-husband...

I read it well the first time. To divorce your wife just because your parents say so can only be justifed if their reasoning is good and justified. In this case of having diabetes its completely not justified, i dont understand how a bro can by his own free will bow to his parents in this situation especially when the given reason is completely flawd. Its as if the brother/husband doesn't have a brain of his own and can't think straight. My parents would never tell me to divorce under such silly reasons, and if they did, i would say diabetes is not life threatening and there is good management for it ie she will be fine, also its test from allah. I find this case absolutely shocking. And bro, if her ex-husband didnt have a problem with it, why did he divorce her in the first place, why didnt he say its ok? Or did he mistake diabetes for breast cancer? Now lets examine things in reverse, imagine if a sister wanted to divorce her husband on the basis he had diabetes or malaria, how would the community react? See the double standard now. ela liqaa.

Amir.

 

[zakariya]

salam dont dump u self sis u nees stay a way shaddan

salam sis
u are some one untherstand everything but heart bushing by shaddan
so plse dont build more wateu self
i now u love u ex husband but love have a time and he ended that love so
plse dont go to harram way couse u love him
salam

 

[a_brother]

I read it well the first time. To divorce your wife just because your parents say so can only be justifed if their reasoning is good and justified. In this case of having diabetes its completely not justified, i dont understand how a bro can by his own free will bow to his parents in this situation especially when the given reason is completely flawd. Its as if the brother/husband doesn't have a brain of his own and can't think straight. My parents would never tell me to divorce under such silly reasons, and if they did, i would say diabetes is not life threatening and there is good management for it ie she will be fine, also its test from allah. I find this case absolutely shocking. And bro, if her ex-husband didnt have a problem with it, why did he divorce her in the first place, why didnt he say its ok? Or did he mistake diabetes for breast cancer? Now lets examine things in reverse, imagine if a sister wanted to divorce her husband on the basis he had diabetes or malaria, how would the community react? See the double standard now. ela liqaa.

Amir.

What our sister wrote...

But one day his mum really had a go at me and she was swearing like crazy!! My hubby said THAT'S IT, THE PROBLEM IN THIS HOUSE IS HINA, SO, HINA I AM GIVING YOU DIVORCE

from what i understand... the problem that the ex-husband had is the on going dispute in the house NOT diabetes ... and that the divorce happened from anger not because diabetes... anyone of us can have diabetes, that's not our choice...

I know he was angry at the point but not at me!! he even says that!! I mean I know him inside out and I knew for a fact that he never gave me divorce (or rather just said talaaq) with the intent, but said it because he was angry!! The thing which got to me was the way his mum and sister just kicked me out of the house and continuously claimed that its a divorce, and that really disturbed me!!! :'(