New Muslim in danger....Please help!!

Discussion in 'TurnToIslam Lounge !' started by farhopes, Apr 8, 2008.

  1. massi
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    massi Junior Member

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    i know a woman married (no muslim ) with an Egyptian man (muslim)...
    if you know her story you ll be shocked ...i have meet her in chat website but now i have cut the communication because her story make me sick ...so i give her a lot of advice and I ask Allaah she ll be allright
  2. dianek
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    dianek Junior Member

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    Why did you cut ties with her? If her story is so sad, you should be a friend to her.....right?

    I don't know how these foreign born muslims in the US legitamize what they are doing.....I don't know how this poor woman's husband legitamize's isolating her like he has. As you said before, it is culture issues at the root, and forgive me all for saying so, and I have right to say so as I am married outside my culture........MARRY FROM YOUR OWN ENVIRONMENT!!!!!! Do not mix your cultures in this matter. Be friendly to others and love others through Allah, but mixing of cultural differences and backgrounds, you are asking for heartbreak and sadness. It may work for very few people, select people, but overall it is a recipe for disaster. Furthermore, meeting someone online and then jetting off half way around the world to marry them is INSANE!!!!!! You should never marry someone that you don't truly know and have similar understandings of the way you were raised. Reverts should marry reverts, Arabs should marry arabs, etc.....it isn't about being racist, again, I am married to an arab, it is just the way it should be.
  3. massi
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    massi Junior Member

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    :salam2:
    of course i was friendly with her ...and also she go to mosque one time every week to learn about Islam ...you know ...the husband's behavior was the main thing that disappointment her to be a Muslim ...the last advice i give it her it's to try to meet the imam to solve the problem ...the story is too long ...incha Allaah she will be all right
    also i don't wanna to make trouble or be involved in family matter ...:astag:
  4. dianek
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    dianek Junior Member

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    ah, I understand now......
  5. farhopes
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    farhopes No God but Allah

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    Ameen to your Du'aa, brother.

    Actually this dear sister and her husband called the embassy yesterday as her husband told me and the lady from the embassy said that there is nothing they can do and they advised him to take her to a hospital in Helwan where he will find psychotherapist, but my friend refused to go to this hospital.

    . Her husband said he wants to find a way out and he keeps her in the house because she has no other place to go. Last week she went out and wandered in the streets for hours as she was feeling very depressed.

    As I said before I could talk to her and her husband today and I told her that I am always here waiting for her till she feels better and be able to come to me and she will find that I will support her and offer her any help I can. Her husband promised that he will try his best to fix everything. He also promised that he will get her to my house so that I can talk to her as she said that I am her only friend in Egypt.

    All I can do now is to wait and give him a chance to fix things up. May Allah help and guide them them both...
  6. OsMaN_93
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    OsMaN_93 Here to help

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    :salam2:

    i read this thread yesterday night...&
    i have been hunted by this, the whole day, i have been so sad...:SMILY23::SMILY23:

    please sister do your best to make it better...
    :(:( plz plz plz
    we dont want to try experiancing her story another time..:(
    let her know that Allah has given her another chance, and she might not have it another time..
    read quran or give her tapes so she could listen and make all evil go out, :astag:
    its all from shaitan..
    hey ii have an idea, why dont you make some party and invite everyone for food, and some people she knows.
    maybe she will feel more social..
    tell her that we miss her on tti ..etc..
    ofcourse delete this thread before..:girl3:
    ahh this is soo sad... :( :( :( i will always keep her in my prayer..:(

    :salam2:
  7. Asiya-sparkles
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    Asiya-sparkles Junior Member

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    Salam alaikom wa Rahcman t'ullah

    Sister, I understand offering caution, but when you say basically 'birds of a feather should flock together' then you are actually making something that is completely lawful and even recommended (look at the wives backgrounds of Muhammad(saw) ) into something that is unhealthy and to be avoided. Islam is what should unify all married couples...whether they share the same culture or not, because it is Islam that we are meant to live by, culture shouldn't be denied, but if culture conflicts with Islam , then actually 'pruning' the negative traits away is the best way forward...especially as the Islam improves!!!

    I think it is more important to learn about Islam and to make dawah from the heart of the home then reach out, marriages between two people that are sincere have every right to be blessed and to be viewed by the rest of the ummah as a blessing. Not every revert will have the chance to marry a fellow revert, what should they do? Ignore their basic rights and obligations? Of course not!!!

    InshAllah, you will not take offence at what i am saying, but please, be careful when you say things that feed this kind of thinking. Don't forbid what Allah has made recommended and lawful.

    Jazak alak ghairun wa barak Allah feekom
    Asiya

    P.S. I too am married outside of my culture, and had the cultural hurdles to jump - but, Alhamdulillah, by maintaining that Islam should come first we have great relations with each other and our respective families. :)
  8. dianek
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    dianek Junior Member

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    All I am saying is that marriage is hard enough without adding extreme cultural differences into the equation.....it is working for you.......that is wonderful. It can work but takes special people to make it.....I am in it now 7 years and everyday I wonder when the courage to walk away will enter in or when I will just learn to give up and become empty and void like this sister has.....
  9. Ibn_Syena
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    Ibn_Syena Peace...

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    Salamo Alekum sister Farhopes

    May Allah reward you the best for your efforts..

    Being Egyptian myself, I know how issues are conducted in my country.. I'd say no for "Police" and " US embassy" suggestions..

    Actually I'd rather stick to the verse that states :
    "If you fear a breach between them twain (the man and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from her's; if they both wish for peace, Allâh will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allâh is Ever All¬Knower, Well¬Acquainted with all things." (35:4) An Nesaa'
    And as in your case it's almost impossible to appoint an arbitrator from her family, I strongly recommend the suggestion of getting the help of a local imam or sheikh (who must be respected and honored by the people of the region especially by the family of the husband) to talk on behalf of the wife..
    You have always to keep in mind all through your god-blessed trials that the priority is to trying to repair, or to mend and heal the relation between them, for Allah (subhano wa ta'ala) says:
    "And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no sin on them both if they make terms of peace between themselves; and making peace is better......" (128:4) An Nesaa'
    And that He describes the contract of marriage as "a firm and strong covenant" (21:4)
    remember; making peace is better

    BUT, and if all the trials are to fall, and if this man is really bad and is really abusing her and has not any intention to change the way that's harming her, then Allah (subhano wa ta'ala) states:
    "But if they separate (by divorce), Allâh will provide abundance for everyone of them from His Bounty. And Allâh is Ever All¬Sufficient for His creatures' need, All¬Wise" (130:4) An Nesaa'
    In case he refuses to divorce with kindness, surely he's disobeying Allah's orders: "..either you retain her on reasonable terms or release her with kindness.." (229:2) and "..either take them back on reasonable basis or set them free on reasonable basis. But do not take them back to hurt them, and whoever does that, then he has wronged himself..." (231:2) Al Baqara
    And in this case, I strongly second the suggestion of suing for divorce (divorce and not khul` خلع at first not to lose her rights) and if this didn't make it, it's ok for khul`, and if she doesn't have enough money to make it, pls let me know, I think we can work on it...

    May Allah help us all and guide us for what's best
    Gazaky Allah Khyran
    Wasalmo Alekom Warhmato Allah
  10. podolski11
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    podolski11 PAIN

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    This is a very delicate situation N i really dont think we should b giving advices to Farhopes cause none of us here r scholars N if sis farhopes takes up any1 of our advices seriously n may (Allah swt not will) something goes wrong then u should b prepared for the consequences cause u people were the 1 giving the advise N i hope farhopes u dont take up and implement any1 of our dumb advises seriously....only a scholar can answer this question cause this isnt like 1+1 so plz b very careful in whatever step u take....may Allah swt make this situation easier for the woman and every1 else......ameen
  11. massi
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    massi Junior Member

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    you are right my brother ...she can ask divorce but when it must be
    yes it's El khol3e
    and the husband has not negotiation with it
    it's the Islam law
    but I don't know the law of Egypt
  12. warda A
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    warda A Sister

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    :salam2:

    one hurdle jumped, the husband is showing some concern, at least that is something to be thankful for alhamdullilah, by going slowly and gently am sure she will come out of the depression, also hopefuly the husbands family do not interfere.
    inshalla sister farhopes , your friend will be ok. be patient and also ask her to pray
    prayer is a powerful tool
  13. Angela Hillyer
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    Angela Hillyer Junior Member

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    Salam alaikom sister.. I wasnt in any way making excuses for what he is doing besides looking at the situation from different angles. I would hate to think that he would beat her more because her friends are coming to try and get her away from him. Some men go loony and loose the plot when their wives try to leave. Read the thread properly next time, there is no way i would mean for her to let him do whatever and turn a blind eye!! Thats just crazy. Im just saying that it could make him more angry and to just be careful. And by the way, what happened to starting a reply by giving your Salams sister?? Wasalam.
  14. farhopes
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    farhopes No God but Allah

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    Assalamo alikom, dear sister Angela

    I thank you very much for your concern and I do appreciate your wise advice. I do understand what you meant and I am very careful about that. I try to deal with the situation with wisdom and great sensitivity because I do not wanna cause any more hardship to my dear friend. And Alhamdulillah I could gain the trust of my friend and her husband who told me that they make a lot of Du'a for me for my support and he promised to fix things up soon inshaaAllah.

    I also thank dear sister Dianek for her great concern and I appreciate that very much and I do make Du'a for her that Allah protect her and her marriage, guide her husband to appreciate her and give her the care and love she deserves...Ameen

    We all have to make a lot of Du'aa for our new Muslim sister and I am sure your truthful Du'a will help her and her husband get back the love, mercy and serenity they need now.
    salam

    Amany

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