question for single women and marrired ones

[Umm Aysha]

Asalaamu Alaykum

Every human being has a choice and everthing things happens for a reason (i.e. get rejected)--Allah knows best what is right and wrong for you. Put your faith in God and may the best come for all of us. Ameen

Ameen Ya Rabbil Al Ameen.......well said my brother SubhanAllah.....Allah is the All-Knower...

wasalam

 

[American Muslim]

I don't have children. But if I did (inshalla someday) I would want the sons to be able to support a wife. Or the daughters husband able to support her. I am not saying that wealth is the most important. Far from it. But in my country, normally both husband and wife have to work just to pay the bills.
Unless, ofcourse, you want to live in poverty, which I don't think anyone wants for their children.

Yes, deen is the most important. But isn't wealth of the partner also a reason? I don't blame the parents who are looking to make a good match for the daughters.

 

[ShyHijabi]

This subject is somewhat close to home for me. The man who wishes to amrry me (and I wish to marry him) are trying to be patient with his family. They do not like that I am white and a convert, they want a Pakistani/Muslim born wife for him. Recently his mother has said some encouraging things that make us believe she may be softening towards me. However it was very discouraging to be judged off my color and the fact I was not born into Islam but converted.

We are both American citizens so the papers thing is not an issue for us. Mashallah, he is a very, very good Muslim and has a wonderful deen. Please pray for us as we wish to do Allah's will.

~Sarah

 

[virtualeye]

This subject is somewhat close to home for me. The man who wishes to amrry me (and I wish to marry him) are trying to be patient with his family. They do not like that I am white and a convert, they want a Pakistani/Muslim born wife for him. Recently his mother has said some encouraging things that make us believe she may be softening towards me. However it was very discouraging to be judged off my color and the fact I was not born into Islam but converted.

We are both American citizens so the papers thing is not an issue for us. Mashallah, he is a very, very good Muslim and has a wonderful deen. Please pray for us as we wish to do Allah's will.

~Sarah

AssalaamuAlaikum Sister,

I think they dont know that fact that you are much more precious for Islam and Muslims. You did not get a readymade religion as born Muslim but you follwed the truth and reverted to Islam. This is something very special. Please dont feel that all Muslims think like the family of your future husband (InshaAllah).

The problem with Pakistani family is also understood. Because of living with Hindu culture for centuries, the Muslims in the Indian-subcontinent got some kind of psychy. If a Pakistani boy marries a white girl and bring to Pakistan then people will feel it strage and make different whispering about that and even the uncles and aunts feel it odd. But there are very good families also.

There are other cultural issues also, that is why the mother of that Pakistani is hesitating.

May Allah bless you and them with the courage of Islam.

Wassalaam,
VE

 

[boupj]

what counts in a marriage is that both partners are firm in their faith, and that they feel Allah SWT has willed that they get married, but everything needs to be done in its own time. I'm not looking to get married yet as I don't feel that I'm ready (I'm still learning how to pray), but my only requirement for a husband is that he is a good Muslim who's looking for a good Muslimah to marry, but compatability has something to do with it, like certain personalities will just clash, causing a lot of misery. I also hear a lot of talk about papers, which I think is crazy, because is it really that hard to get papers??? Maybe it is other places but in Canada we give them out to almost anyone. There are 3,000 more social insurance number cards (you need one to work) then there are people in Canada so it's not hard to stay here.

Anyways I think we make such a big deal about marriage when its more important to work on building our faith and IshaAllah marriage will come as a form of building one's faith, because marriage is hard it's not this romantic thing that we seem to think, but two people who are now responsible for each other.

 

[abou haytam]

Salam o alikom

i am muslim, i am 28 years old , i am engineer , i am moroccan ,i live in canada , montreal ( i have papers)....what elese, i am single. i am looking for a muslima to marry her and this the big deal, girls are afraid from those don t hae papaers, i just want to tell you...those papers are not ticket to heaven, and hamdo lillah that allah made it like that. One amazing thing happen is that guys having papers go back their country to marry a girl that their mom chose for them...so i am sorry for you sisters looking for hasaband with papers lol. all is about Anniya... (attayiboun littaybat ..oualkhabitouna lilkhabitat).

I need a real advise about how to found a wife, i work full time. i am all the time at home. how can i found this muslimah ???? i don t want to meet my wife in INTERNET...NOWAY.

jazakom allah khara alja2

 

[boupj]

Sorry I cut it short I had to go pray, what I wanted to say was that marriage is another step in one's faith because a husband relies heavily on his wife for spiritual support and vice versa. Since men generally bear the financial reponsibilties of the family it is easy for them to get caught up in the stresses of this world and to forget to rely on Allah and as a wife it is one's duty to help keep the husband on track and as the homemaker women can also get caught up in the stresses of this world (have you ever met one of those wives who is so house-proud it's unbearable) likewise it is a husband's responsibility to help keep his wife firm in her faith. Two people are now taking on the responsibility to help keep their spouses in their faith and if children become invovled it is our duty as Muslims to raise our children in Islam and now we bear the responsibilty of help our children have strong Iman, proper understanding of Islam.

Also because Allah SWT has set out rules for husbands and wives by fulfilling these roles we are practicing Islam and if we are not following Allah SWT guidlines then we are cheating ourselves. So next time you think it would be easier to marry a man with better looks or wealth, or to find an attractive wife with papers or whatever remember all the responsibilities we face as Muslims when we commit to a marriage, and realize that finding a spouse who is pious and has strong iman is the best way to ensure a successful marriage that is pleasing to Allah. It might not seem like the best decision for this world, and you might have to struggle a lot in this world, but this life is just a test and in the end we must do what is most pleasing to Allah SWT because only Allah decides where we spend eternity (which is quite a bit longer than "til death do us part")

 

[Imad]

Assalmoelaikoem warahmatullahi wabaraktuh,

I agree with you dear sister. Also when someone reads the Quraan and the words of our prophet he will know the truth about marriage and the mutual relationship between a man and his wive.

Our prophet said: " The best of you is the one who is the best (in doing good)to his family and i am the best of you (in doing good ) to his family"

When Aisha was asked about what the prophet was doing at home she answered: " He is helping with the household and when it's time to pray, he went to pray"

And Allah Says: " O You who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will, and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at time of marriage) you have given them, unless they commit open illegal sexual intercourse. And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good." (An-Nisa 4:19)

Please keep in mind dear brothers and sisters: " The important thing is Deen"

Choose the woman and men because of their deen and Aglaak. Don't choose people because they have papers ( green, blue), a car and money and no deen. if you realy want a good husband you can find him in the mosQue praying and a good sister in her house ( who is not going to partys ).

wassalamolaikoem warahmatullahi wbarakatuh,

Imad

 

[Globalpeace]

Disagreement with Brothers/Sisters

Asslamo Allaikum,

I am afraid that I am going to have to go disagree with some of the brothers/sisters on this thread. I am a professional practising (as much as I can) male with post-graduate education born & raised in Pakistan and now living and working in the West.

I am just written the above paragraph to give historical data & NOT to boast about it or make me feel superior (Allah Knows Best)

A few years ago when I was trying to get married I explored my options at great length & discussed the options with a lot of Sisters (Asian, Arabs, White & Black (reverts)) & I decided that there were a lot of differences between me & some of the sisters despite the fact that we were both practising. I was looking for a “Practising Sister” first and foremost & Masha’Allah met a number of them but there were differences primarily because of the language (English is not my first), culture (I am not your typical Pakistani nevertheless I have not grown up in the West and that’s a fact), likes, dislikes, and all sorts of others. In short I was looking for a “Practising Sister” but also with some sort of compatibility so we would click (some of you may know what I mean!)

Having said all that I have been in the West since the age of 14 & I have seen a lot of the things & trends in the Muslim communities come & go; I have seen and witnessed a lot of marriages breakdown because of incompatibly and hasty choices, I have seen many brothers/sisters marry the 1st “practising person” that comes along in their Mosques/Communities and then seen their marriage fall apart…

I have also seen brothers/sisters matched up to their cousins & family “back home” only for the marriage to end up in a disaster.


Therefore with the utmost respect I would like to disagree with some of the comments of the previous brothers/sisters…I do help a lot of single Muslims and my experience has also shown me that there needs to be wise thinking before pairing up.

I hope that I have not offended anyone or said anything against the Qur’aan or the Sunnah.

 

[almouchie]

This subject is somewhat close to home for me. The man who wishes to amrry me (and I wish to marry him) are trying to be patient with his family. They do not like that I am white and a convert, they want a Pakistani/Muslim born wife for him. Recently his mother has said some encouraging things that make us believe she may be softening towards me. However it was very discouraging to be judged off my color and the fact I was not born into Islam but converted.

We are both American citizens so the papers thing is not an issue for us. Mashallah, he is a very, very good Muslim and has a wonderful deen. Please pray for us as we wish to do Allah's will.

~Sarah

salam
I cant agree more,
most of the sabaha were atheist & then converted to islam,
I dont like the word , envy, but i do sometimes envy those who chose islam & got to know about its true meaning, as opposed to many of us, who are born muslims, & find it hard to comprehend the spiritual journey that some take upon embarking on islam.
hopefully the 2 of you will get married &his family will soften their hearts to u

 

[Globalpeace]

Racism is a universal disease

Asslamo Allaikum All,

During my non-practising days this girl in my college was from Alabama & we were good friends. She once told me that you know “My Parents will never accept you because you are not white”

Since the whole thing was never serious I told her what makes you think that our relationship will get to the point where I will ever see your parents; we are just friends. I think she was hurt about my lack of commitment but that’s a different story.

Something happened almost straight after that conversation & she ended up marrying a guy from her high-school (back home); although I told her not to because she didn’t really love her or anything but because he was from back-home & so on….in the end I was happy for both of them & I did go to her town and yes if I was to get serious the whole town would have never accepted me let alone her parents!

Couple of years ago in England I was interested in a revert welsh sister & when I went to her town I felt strange because first of all I was the only non-white person there & everyone just kept looking at me….The only nice person was her dad who was Ex-Army so we got along great

After the Welsh sister an Indian family kept me on hold for 3 months and then told me that they couldn’t go ahead with the marriage because I was a Pakistani.

Funny thing is that these people think they are somehow superior & they think that you should get hurt because you are not “up to the mark”; to me the whole thing is stupid and not even worth considering.

Alhum-dolillah for Islam, which breaks down barriers

P.S: I deal with parents of Brothers/Sisters who have such problems (mixed race marraiges) & it is bad news. We need to open our eyes and smell the coffee.

 

[hussain.mahammed]

I agree with brother Globalpeace..
May Allah give us Hidayah, Hikmah and guide us with His Noor and give us what is best for us.

 

[Imad]

Assalmo alaikoem warahmatullahi wbarakatuh,

I think it's better to smell the Tea

hahhaha

Wassalmoelaikoem warahmatullahi wbarakatuh

 

[bemuslim]

years pass quickly

:tti_sister: :tti_sister: :tti_sister: salam alaikum

is there any new response

 

[Nur Solehah]

leave to the father

for me... i will leave this matter to my father. i want my father to find a husband for me. i dont know any guy but my father knows many people (including the pious). so it'll be easier for my father to know this person's background, his attitude and so on. i admire my father bcoz he is so pious and he support me a lot with my problem especially when i faced this niqab problem. everybody went against me but he's the only who fully support me, givin me advice. he touched my heart. i trust my father that he'll find a good guy for me. i pray for this also of course. material or money isnt a matter for me. my father told me once, when ur getting married help ur husband if he has financial problem. he's a very great father and i love him so much. i dont know why i write this about my father, but i feel like i wanna tell the world that i have a very GREAT FATHER here! :muslim_child:
actually, i would love a guy who love me becoz of Allah. he loves Allah so much and that'll make me fall in love with him and i will love him so much. a guy who accept me the way i am. pious guy will makes me fall in love easily :shymuslima1:
anyway brothers and sisters, please du'a for me so i'll get a great husband InsyaAllah:tti_sister: . only Allah knows the best for me. :blackhijab:

 

[Ameera]

I Will speak right now from my own prespective.
My family and i have rejected many guys. Yes most of them were religious but the way they approach to ask for your hand in marriage is not proper.
I live in America, sometimes you cant trust most men who dont have papers because they come and ask for your hand in marriage and they know nothing about you or your family they mostly want to enter America.
Correct me if im wrong but this happens to many girls who live outside their country. ( USA, Britian, and so on)
Some men do admit that they want to marry the girl for her papers. They say they need to support their family and so on, but they dont even mention nothing about the girl!!!!!!!!!!!


IF THIS OFFENDS ANYONE PLEASE I ASK THE MONITORS TO REMOVE THIS POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Salaam Alikum Brothers and sisters

I came upon this message and felt like the writer of this one, i am a new convert to Islam and since I became Muslim all I get are marriage proposals from men I know absolutely nothing about, I was Divorced from my Christian husband before I embraced Islam and in the short time I have been Muslim I have had a life time of marriage requests from Muslim men who are in other countries, I find it quite insulting that they come and tell you of their undying love when they don't even know who you are, I live in the UK and there are not that many Muslim men in my area but because I am Divorced/Single I have heard from male Muslims from parts of the world I never new existed,, I'm happy being on my own but these men tell me ."oh your Muslimah you need to have a husband " you need to marry a good Muslim man they tell me they do salat 5 times daily they have beautiful countries where I can go and holiday to meet them and marry them because oh the must marry me to save me from ?????? people like them, To be more aware of my faith I only need to look in my heart not in these sad men who are so desperate to get out of war torn or third world countries... its vey sad that in a world as modern as today people are still having to marry people they know nothing of for the sake of our religious beliefs, I'm sure there are many Muslim males out in the world who would love to marry a decent woman no matter which country she is in or from but having this type of attention from those who are not wholly true to themselves never mind their Allah gives Muslims male and female bad names


I apologise if this offends but even when I joined this community I was asked the same thing from the first day ....

 

[nyerekareem]

:salam2:


my father is black and my mom is spanish. marriage in islam is the hardest thing if you look or are black. it's like we aren't accepted or respected by no one. we are the worlds most hated race. it's messed up because black people are always accepting of mixed relationships, but there have been so many good muslim women that weren't of my race that i would've considered for marriage and i didn't even bother with it because i knew what the outcome would be. thankfully, today i'm on the works with someone and i hope to marry her in a year inshAllah.

 

[jabba]

:salam2:


my father is black and my mom is spanish. marriage in islam is the hardest thing if you look or are black. it's like we aren't accepted or respected by no one. we are the worlds most hated race. it's messed up because black people are always accepting of mixed relationships, but there have been so many good muslim women that weren't of my race that i would've considered for marriage and i didn't even bother with it because i knew what the outcome would be. thankfully, today i'm on the works with someone and i hope to marry her in a year inshAllah.

Salam
I'm sorry you seem like you have gone through a lot when it comes to race. Islam is a religion for everyone of every race, anyone who says otherwise is going against their religion. I'm all for interracial/intercultural marriages, I believe it makes the marriage more interesting and gives it more variety. but thats just my opinion and I know there are people here who would strongly disagree with me. Let me just say I am a white Muslim and I stick out like a sore thumb, I am not accepted by Muslims in my community, "I'm the white girl who thinks she's Muslim". So brother my point is a lot of people aren't accepted because of how they look, BUT thats not Islamic. So if you are turning down potential marriage partners because of their race, thats not the right reason.

 

[nyerekareem]

Salam
I'm sorry you seem like you have gone through a lot when it comes to race. Islam is a religion for everyone of every race, anyone who says otherwise is going against their religion. I'm all for interracial/intercultural marriages, I believe it makes the marriage more interesting and gives it more variety. but thats just my opinion and I know there are people here who would strongly disagree with me. Let me just say I am a white Muslim and I stick out like a sore thumb, I am not accepted by Muslims in my community, "I'm the white girl who thinks she's Muslim". So brother my point is a lot of people aren't accepted because of how they look, BUT thats not Islamic. So if you are turning down potential marriage partners because of their race, thats not the right reason.

i'm not turning down anyone. it's that i grew tired of the same old thing. all that i'm saying is that black muslim men have it much harder. there's a better chance of a white woman being accepted before a black man would be. women would be like, i really like you but my family would disown me or hurt me. i know for a fact that many people here know that what i'm saying is true. it may not be for them, but they know people like that.

a couple of times i had visited muslim matrimonial sites and they have the preferences and every race was acceptable, but blacks were never acceptable. white, pakistani,arab,turkish,indian etc were all fine for these parents of the girls. i mean every race under the sun all were fine except the blacks.

again i'm working on proposing right now, so this isn't an issue for me, but it is for a lot black people that are muslims. islam isn't the problem, it's racist culture being introduced to islam.

 

[jabba]

i'm not turning down anyone. it's that i grew tired of the same old thing. all that i'm saying is that black muslim men have it much harder. there's a better chance of a white woman being accepted before a black man would be. women would be like, i really like you but my family would disown me or hurt me. i know for a fact that many people here know that what i'm saying is true. it may not be for them, but they know people like that.

a couple of times i had visited muslim matrimonial sites and they have the preferences and every race was acceptable, but blacks were never acceptable. white, pakistani,arab,turkish,indian etc were all fine for these parents of the girls. i mean every race under the sun all were fine except the blacks.

again i'm working on proposing right now, so this isn't an issue for me, but it is for a lot black people that are muslims. islam isn't the problem, it's racist culture being introduced to islam.

:salam2:
I'm sorry this is your reality, but just know not everyone out there is like that.
My friend got married to someone of a different race recently and it wasn't a big deal. Not with her family and not with his.
Anyway I'll make sure to let you know once I'm accepted into the Muslim community here, but I'm warning you, don't hold your breath.