second marriage

[Islam is Best]

Hello dear sister


I think your problem one of the most common problems of the world

Where the men all over the world always have a tendency to take more relationship , and this has been proved by recent studies


But how should deal with the subject


First, should you try to convince your husband to return from his mind and show him that his thinking is not only something not worth thinking about him and this in your own words and by nice and good words :astag:



Secondly, if it fails all the solutions you begin to accept the new situation and this is not very difficult and you will find great joy and comfort that if you can Accept the situation and may benefit from the advantages of this new situation :tti_sister:


Third, this view is my view and you can see the opinions of other memberz

 

[slaveofAllah88]

i dont know why he is creating this problem for me...but he is telling me again and again that it is not my fault which doesnt help me much as in the end i ll be the one to compromise anyway.. and we he didnt want to put the second marriage part into the nikahnama and told me that trust, loyalty and honesty is important if u do nikkah with someone...and u can be successful only if u have trust in ur significant other... so i didnt think of putting this in the nikahnama... how could i know that he ll go for anything like that.. but yeah i gave him the permission to have a second wife only when i cant fulfill his haqooq... but it was not stated in nikahnama..
thank u for the dua

:salam2:
sister, i truly make dua for u , This is probably a test from Allah (swt) please stay patient and make loads of dua and Inshallah Allah (swt) will listen, May Allah (swt) guide ur husband - ameen

and i know wat u mean sis, saying that its not ur fault doesn't really matter cuz ur still paying the price

 

[mannanabbasi]

Asslam o Alikum sister
As it seems that u care so much about him and his rights for the sake of ALLAH u r going to get reward for this INSHALLAH.
I feel that ALLAH will make him to come back and not to go for this marriage INSHALLAH as so many members of TTI are making dua for u including me.
INSHALLAH something best is going to come out for u in all this matter. Just leave your matter to ALLAH as HE will not put the burden on your shoulders which u cant carry.
May ALLAH give u patience and power to deal with all this and increase the love for u in your husband heart many times more

 

[ummyasiin]

Ukthi laa, in the begaining I was very not accepting, I did eveything Islamically I could with hikmah, quran, fatwas of how this was not allowd but at the end of the day, he went behind my back....you dont want that... and I still didnt accept wen i did find out accidentaly.....I begg for khula ,divorce and everything but he wouldnt let me lose, so i became a horrible wife, (deff not recommended) and eventualy i got what i wanted....divorce, BUT not even 1month later they also ended in divorce because it wasnt for ALLAH. Than he an I were remarried, but the damage was done, I no longer looked at him with precious eyes, but with resentment, and I too was divoced from him 3monthes later..... and this is why eveything has to be done for the sake of Allah swt or it has no blessings from him...and Allah knows best. Ukthi ur in my duas, and I say stick it out for the sake of Allah, not for love, and at the end of the day you will reap the reward inshallah for your patients.

 

[IslamIsTheFuture]

Salam Alekum sister

I totally agree what the brothers and sisters said it.. You shld sit down with him and tell him ur feelings abt him and confront him wat his doing is not right.. This is not Islamic way wat his doing.. Tell him the prophet (PBUH) didnt do this.. Every Muslim man should fallow the step of the prophet(PBUH).. That is the Sunnah way.. Not doing something that will lead to haram way.. He shld have thought twice b4 marring u when he loves some1 else. InshAllah hope evrything goes well.. Also sister b4 u make ur decision pray salat Al-istikhara.. May Allah make it easy for u and keep ur husband way from this problem.. Ameen.. InshAllah sister ur in my prayers..

 

[IslamIsLight]

salam aleikum sister
These are the best nights to make dua ,in these last days of Ramadan ..Stand at night and pray as much as you can and ask Allah to solve this situation for you and your husband ....May Allah make it easy for you ..The story doesn't sound like reality .Did he even met that girl in real life ? sorry for asking ,If not then that's probably just one of internet love stories ,which cannot be serious .It can be just addiction sometimes ,you cant even know who is behind the screen ..Whats in the internet is nothing what the reality is sometimes..
I'm sure its very very hard to accept ,but you will be rewarded by Allah for your patience and strength ....Stay strong not just for your husband ,stay strong for the sake of Allah and accept this test that you will have to pass ...
May Allah help you ..

waaleikum salam

 

[ProudToBeaMuslim]

:salam2: sister,
Masha Allah, you are very patient during this test, and may you be rewarded for your patience and may you find ease.
Sister, the best option is to Seek Guidance through Al-Istikhaarah.

On the Authority of Jabir bin ‘Abdullah, he said : The Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم ) would instruct us to pray for guidance in all of our concerns, just as he would teach us a chapter from the Qur'an. He(صلى الله عليه و سلم ) said, “If any of you intends to undertake a matter then let him pray to supererogatory units(two rak'ah naafilah) of prayer and after which he should supplicate:

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْتَخِيرُكَ بِعِلْمَكَ، وَأَسْتَقْدِرُكَ بِقُدْرَتِكَ، وَأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ الْعَظِيمِ، فَإِنَّكَ تَقْدِرُ وَلَا أَقْدِرُ، وَتَعْلَمُ، وَلَا أَعْلَمُ، وَأَنْتَ عَلَّامُ الْغُيُوبِ، اللَّهُمَّ إِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ- خَيْرٌ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي- عَاجِلِهِ وَآجِلِهِ- فَاقْدُرْهُ لِي وَيَسِّرْهُ لِي ثُمَّ بَارِكْ لِي فِيهِ، وَإِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ شَرٌّ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي- عَاجِلِهِ وَآجِلِهِ- فَاصْرِفْهُ عَنِّي وَاصْرِفْنِي عَنْهُ وَاقْدُرْ لِيَ الْخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كَانَ ثُمَّ أَرْضِنِي بِهِ

— ‘Allahumma inni astakhiruka bi’ilmika, Wa astaqdiruka bi-qudratika, Wa as’alaka min fadlika al-’azlm Fa-innaka taqdiru Wala aqdiru, Wa ta’lamu Wala a’lamu, Wa anta ‘allamu l-ghuyub. Allahumma, in kunta ta’lam anna hadha-l-amra Khairun li fi dini wa ma’ashi wa’aqibati amri (or ‘ajili amri wa’ajilihi)Faqdirhu wa yas-sirhu li thumma barik li Fihi, Wa in kunta ta’lamu anna hadha-lamra shar-run li fi dini wa ma’ashi wa’aqibati amri (or fi’ajili amri wa ajilihi) Fasrifhu anni was-rifni anhu. Waqdir li al-khaira haithu kana Thumma ardini bihi.‘

O Allah! I ask guidance from Your knowledge, And Power from Your Might and I ask for Your great blessings. You are capable and I am not. You know and I do not and You know the unseen. O Allah! If You know that this job is good for my religion and my subsistence and in my Hereafter–(or said: If it is better for my present and later needs)–Then You ordain it for me and make it easy for me to get, And then bless me in it, and if You know that this job is harmful to me In my religion and subsistence and in the Hereafter–(or said: If it is worse for my present and later needs)–Then keep it away from me and let me be away from it. And ordain for me whatever is good for me, and make me satisfied with it.

The Prophet added that then the person should name (mention) his need. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6841; similar reports are also recorded by al-Tirmidhi, al-Nisaa’i, Abu Dawood, Ibn Maajah and Ahmad)

One who seeks guidance from his creator and consults his fellow believers does not regret, for Allah has said:

وَشَاوِرْهُمْ فِي الْأَمْرِ ۖ فَإِذَا عَزَمْتَ فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ

"....and consult them in the affair. Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah..."Ch 3, verse 159

 

[BrotherInIslam7]

i dont know why he is creating this problem for me...but he is telling me again and again that it is not my fault which doesnt help me much as in the end i ll be the one to compromise anyway.. and we he didnt want to put the second marriage part into the nikahnama and told me that trust, loyalty and honesty is important if u do nikkah with someone...and u can be successful only if u have trust in ur significant other... so i didnt think of putting this in the nikahnama... how could i know that he ll go for anything like that.. but yeah i gave him the permission to have a second wife only when i cant fulfill his haqooq... but it was not stated in nikahnama..
thank u for the dua

:salam2:

He seems to be totally going towards his desires. Desires that were arised by speaking/chatting with a non-mahram girl.

What else did he expect ? Didn't he know that he would attracted to her more if he continued chatting ? Is it a surprise to him that he is falling for his desires ?

And now he wants to fix it by marrying her as well. Huh ?

You need to tell him to repent to Allah swt because what he has being doing is haram and a sin by talking to a woman without your knowledge.

How would he feel if you spoke with a man without his knowledge ?

This is not the way a muslim man involves in marriage. You cant make *a haram deed* in to a halaal one just by having a nikah.

What he is basically suggesting to you is that 'you have to deal with his desires' or else he is willing to divorce.

Did he forget his rights towards you ?

Did he forget that husband and wife are garments for eachother and to please one another is a form of 'ibadaa' in itself ?

Did he forget that nothing displeases Allah swt more than 'talaq' among the permissible things ?

And I want to correct your statement in your first post ..

NO, it is NOT halaal for him to marry a woman he met by haraam means while he was married to you. It is a big sin. Rather than thinking about marrying *the other girl*, he should think about repenting to Allah.

SubhanAllah who knows if we will be alive tomorrow or not ? Repent now !

Sister, you need to pose him these questions, let him know that what he is done till now is very very wrong Islamically and infact totally haraam.

And what he is suggesting to do will only compound the haraam.

I will remember you in my duas, dear sister. May Allah swt make it easy for you Ameen.

 

[ShyHijabi]

I am just going to ditto everything BrotherinIslam stated. Also, it really angers me to read about men twisting the Quran and Hadith to fit their own base desires. Polygyny was not about simply lusting after women and filling the four "open" slots for marriage. Most of the men married orphans, slaves, or widows. Yet I read about these modern day men with absolutely no fear of Allah using the verse on polygyny to justify the fact they persue haraam relationships and then marry the female.

I wonder if they would feel the same justification of someone married their sister after fooling around with some other girl and then hurt his first wife by marrying the mistress? It's sickening to see men try to make an illigetimate relationship halaal, he should've never been in a relationship with her in the first place. Also it is permitted for you to speak to his parents about his haraam relationship, this isn't about revealing private, intimate matters of your relationship. It is about trying preserve your marriage and also have him turn away from highly haraam behavior. It's is a sin to break another Muslim's heart, he needs to think about that.

 

[pariah]

Hello dear sister


I think your problem one of the most common problems of the world

Where the men all over the world always have a tendency to take more relationship , and this has been proved by recent studies


But how should deal with the subject


First, should you try to convince your husband to return from his mind and show him that his thinking is not only something not worth thinking about him and this in your own words and by nice and good words :astag:



Secondly, if it fails all the solutions you begin to accept the new situation and this is not very difficult and you will find great joy and comfort that if you can Accept the situation and may benefit from the advantages of this new situation :tti_sister:


Third, this view is my view and you can see the opinions of other memberz

well i talked to him about this topic again today and he said he doesnt know yet if he is going to take a step like second marriage but if he does then i should accept it... i tried to tell him aswell that what he is doing is haram and told him that the prophet s.a.w. didnt do anything out of desire and that he cant compare his situation to the situation of the prophet s.a.w.. and he agreed to that but said aswell that this girl trust him so much so that he cant break her trust... and if i cant accept it then he will give me the option to leave him if thats what i wish...and even told me he will talk to his parents so that nobody is going to blame me of being a bad wife.. but thats not what i want... i know his parents will leave him aswell... and im not that much of a selfish woman that i can ruin his own life like that...
so i told him that i will not leave him but he should seriously think of everything again...and should see what he will do to all the people he loves like his parents, his wife, the entire family.. just because he feels responsible for a girl that he just talkes with on the internet (and once met at her house with her parents...)...
and the funny thing is that the girls parents dont know about our marriage and she the girl is not going to tell them about it i guess... otherwise i bet her family would be against it aswell...
but may Allah gives her a good husband (who is some other than mine) and that he inshaAllah forgets about my husband and starts a new happy life..

 

[pariah]

:salam2:
sister, i truly make dua for u , This is probably a test from Allah (swt) please stay patient and make loads of dua and Inshallah Allah (swt) will listen, May Allah (swt) guide ur husband - ameen

and i know wat u mean sis, saying that its not ur fault doesn't really matter cuz ur still paying the price

thank u for the duas
i hope i ll pass this test then...though its quite a hard test...but kheir inshaAllah

 

[pariah]

Asslam o Alikum sister
As it seems that u care so much about him and his rights for the sake of ALLAH u r going to get reward for this INSHALLAH.
I feel that ALLAH will make him to come back and not to go for this marriage INSHALLAH as so many members of TTI are making dua for u including me.
INSHALLAH something best is going to come out for u in all this matter. Just leave your matter to ALLAH as HE will not put the burden on your shoulders which u cant carry.
May ALLAH give u patience and power to deal with all this and increase the love for u in your husband heart many times more

inshaAllah

and i appreciate all ur duas... thank u so much

 

[pariah]

salam aleikum sister
These are the best nights to make dua ,in these last days of Ramadan ..Stand at night and pray as much as you can and ask Allah to solve this situation for you and your husband ....May Allah make it easy for you ..The story doesn't sound like reality .Did he even met that girl in real life ? sorry for asking ,If not then that's probably just one of internet love stories ,which cannot be serious .It can be just addiction sometimes ,you cant even know who is behind the screen ..Whats in the internet is nothing what the reality is sometimes..
I'm sure its very very hard to accept ,but you will be rewarded by Allah for your patience and strength ....Stay strong not just for your husband ,stay strong for the sake of Allah and accept this test that you will have to pass ...
May Allah help you ..

waaleikum salam

walaikum assalaam,

well i thought of it as an internet love story and told him that this cant be something he can be serious about...but he told me he knew her for a while and she lives in a far away country and he even traveled there just to meet her with her parents..not alone... though his parents didnt knew anything about it and still dont know that this girl exists... and he feels responsible for her as he met her parents and she feels like she now has some rights on him...and even thinks that i took her rights away although im his wife and it was his own decision to marry me and nobody forced him at all... so in her opinion im the second wife so im the selfish one who took her love away...
and i dont understand why he doesnt try to see that if she loved him then she wouldnt try to ruin his life by emotionally blackmailing him...she would let him go instead rather than trying to keep him even if its haram what she is doing...

and yeah in the end i have to accept this if he seriously decides to marry her... though i think it would be easier for me to accept it if it was something halal he was going to do..like marrying some woman in need who maybe lost her husband and has not shelter and nobody can take care of her kids... thats something what would increase my respect for him...but out of some stupid desire...this is really hard to accept...but yeah i have no other option.. so im asking Allah for patience and just pray that Allah gives my husband hidaya so that he tries to see things not from her side but from his families side..

 

[pariah]

Ukthi laa, in the begaining I was very not accepting, I did eveything Islamically I could with hikmah, quran, fatwas of how this was not allowd but at the end of the day, he went behind my back....you dont want that... and I still didnt accept wen i did find out accidentaly.....I begg for khula ,divorce and everything but he wouldnt let me lose, so i became a horrible wife, (deff not recommended) and eventualy i got what i wanted....divorce, BUT not even 1month later they also ended in divorce because it wasnt for ALLAH. Than he an I were remarried, but the damage was done, I no longer looked at him with precious eyes, but with resentment, and I too was divoced from him 3monthes later..... and this is why eveything has to be done for the sake of Allah swt or it has no blessings from him...and Allah knows best. Ukthi ur in my duas, and I say stick it out for the sake of Allah, not for love, and at the end of the day you will reap the reward inshallah for your patients.

im sorry for that sister...but kheir inshaAllah maybe there is something much better for u in ur future
but yeah if i fight with my husband then i ll def lose him...if i try to be a good wife after knowing all that then maybe his love will increase for me and maybe he ll forget about her...

yeah mostly we forget to do things for the sake of Allah and go for our own wishes and desires... if we were patient instead then inshaAllah our problems would be solved by Allah...and everything would go in a good direction... but saying all this is easier than actually doing it.. for a woman its hard to accept that her man has someone else.. we dont want to share the love we think that we deserve only...and if we have to it breaks us inside and we cant control our feelings...so i can fully understand the way u reacted.. but inshaAllah i will try to keep patient and i hope that everything in ur life becomes better aswell ameen

 

[pariah]

:salam2: sister,
Masha Allah, you are very patient during this test, and may you be rewarded for your patience and may you find ease.
Sister, the best option is to Seek Guidance through Al-Istikhaarah.

On the Authority of Jabir bin ‘Abdullah, he said : The Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم ) would instruct us to pray for guidance in all of our concerns, just as he would teach us a chapter from the Qur'an. He(صلى الله عليه و سلم ) said, “If any of you intends to undertake a matter then let him pray to supererogatory units(two rak'ah naafilah) of prayer and after which he should supplicate:

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْتَخِيرُكَ بِعِلْمَكَ، وَأَسْتَقْدِرُكَ بِقُدْرَتِكَ، وَأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ الْعَظِيمِ، فَإِنَّكَ تَقْدِرُ وَلَا أَقْدِرُ، وَتَعْلَمُ، وَلَا أَعْلَمُ، وَأَنْتَ عَلَّامُ الْغُيُوبِ، اللَّهُمَّ إِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ- خَيْرٌ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي- عَاجِلِهِ وَآجِلِهِ- فَاقْدُرْهُ لِي وَيَسِّرْهُ لِي ثُمَّ بَارِكْ لِي فِيهِ، وَإِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ شَرٌّ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي- عَاجِلِهِ وَآجِلِهِ- فَاصْرِفْهُ عَنِّي وَاصْرِفْنِي عَنْهُ وَاقْدُرْ لِيَ الْخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كَانَ ثُمَّ أَرْضِنِي بِهِ

— ‘Allahumma inni astakhiruka bi’ilmika, Wa astaqdiruka bi-qudratika, Wa as’alaka min fadlika al-’azlm Fa-innaka taqdiru Wala aqdiru, Wa ta’lamu Wala a’lamu, Wa anta ‘allamu l-ghuyub. Allahumma, in kunta ta’lam anna hadha-l-amra Khairun li fi dini wa ma’ashi wa’aqibati amri (or ‘ajili amri wa’ajilihi)Faqdirhu wa yas-sirhu li thumma barik li Fihi, Wa in kunta ta’lamu anna hadha-lamra shar-run li fi dini wa ma’ashi wa’aqibati amri (or fi’ajili amri wa ajilihi) Fasrifhu anni was-rifni anhu. Waqdir li al-khaira haithu kana Thumma ardini bihi.‘

O Allah! I ask guidance from Your knowledge, And Power from Your Might and I ask for Your great blessings. You are capable and I am not. You know and I do not and You know the unseen. O Allah! If You know that this job is good for my religion and my subsistence and in my Hereafter–(or said: If it is better for my present and later needs)–Then You ordain it for me and make it easy for me to get, And then bless me in it, and if You know that this job is harmful to me In my religion and subsistence and in the Hereafter–(or said: If it is worse for my present and later needs)–Then keep it away from me and let me be away from it. And ordain for me whatever is good for me, and make me satisfied with it.

The Prophet added that then the person should name (mention) his need. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6841; similar reports are also recorded by al-Tirmidhi, al-Nisaa’i, Abu Dawood, Ibn Maajah and Ahmad)

One who seeks guidance from his creator and consults his fellow believers does not regret, for Allah has said:

وَشَاوِرْهُمْ فِي الْأَمْرِ ۖ فَإِذَا عَزَمْتَ فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ

"....and consult them in the affair. Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah..."Ch 3, verse 159

inshaAllah i will go for this..and i even asked my husband to do so...and he told me he already did it before getting married to me and he thinks it was good... though even istakhara changes...something that was good for u 1 year ago doesnt need to be good for u now... so if he is serious about a second marriage he should do istakhara again right and not depend on that istakhara he made before being with me?

 

[pariah]

:salam2:

He seems to be totally going towards his desires. Desires that were arised by speaking/chatting with a non-mahram girl.

What else did he expect ? Didn't he know that he would attracted to her more if he continued chatting ? Is it a surprise to him that he is falling for his desires ?

And now he wants to fix it by marrying her as well. Huh ?

You need to tell him to repent to Allah swt because what he has being doing is haram and a sin by talking to a woman without your knowledge.

How would he feel if you spoke with a man without his knowledge ?

This is not the way a muslim man involves in marriage. You cant make *a haram deed* in to a halaal one just by having a nikah.

What he is basically suggesting to you is that 'you have to deal with his desires' or else he is willing to divorce.

Did he forget his rights towards you ?

Did he forget that husband and wife are garments for eachother and to please one another is a form of 'ibadaa' in itself ?

Did he forget that nothing displeases Allah swt more than 'talaq' among the permissible things ?

And I want to correct your statement in your first post ..

NO, it is NOT halaal for him to marry a woman he met by haraam means while he was married to you. It is a big sin. Rather than thinking about marrying *the other girl*, he should think about repenting to Allah.

SubhanAllah who knows if we will be alive tomorrow or not ? Repent now !

Sister, you need to pose him these questions, let him know that what he is done till now is very very wrong Islamically and infact totally haraam.

And what he is suggesting to do will only compound the haraam.

I will remember you in my duas, dear sister. May Allah swt make it easy for you Ameen.

i told him it is better for him not to talk to her as this is haram anyway.. and he said he tried to to stop talking to her for months but she always waited for him and he didnt want to break her heart...and as she told him that she ll always wait and not marry anyone else he feels responsible and thinks that he has to help her out in this situation...

and if i spoke to another man then he would divorce me.. we had this discussion before he told me about this girl...and i asked him what he ll do if i ever talk to another man...and he told me that a man can love more than 1 girl at a time but a woman completely devotes herself to 1 man only..and if she starts to like someone else than she cant love her husband so he would let me go... as i dont need to talk to non-mahram man this wont happen ever inshaAllah but its funny to see that he couldnt see me talking to someone else but i have to accept it if he does...

there is one problem if i talk to him about haram or halal... as he talked to me before marriage aswell..on phone or chat.. though this was with the permission of our parents...his mom asked my mom and she gave the permission... and he now tells me that i have no right to talk about her like this as i talked to him aswell and this was not halal either... but then again our engagement was done in a halal way..i was allowed to talk to him infront of my brother before deciding if i want to marry him or not...it was arranged... and maybe i shouldnt have agreed to talk to him after being engaged to him as he is misusing this now and takes this as him having the right to talk to her aswell...

 

[pariah]

I am just going to ditto everything BrotherinIslam stated. Also, it really angers me to read about men twisting the Quran and Hadith to fit their own base desires. Polygyny was not about simply lusting after women and filling the four "open" slots for marriage. Most of the men married orphans, slaves, or widows. Yet I read about these modern day men with absolutely no fear of Allah using the verse on polygyny to justify the fact they persue haraam relationships and then marry the female.

I wonder if they would feel the same justification of someone married their sister after fooling around with some other girl and then hurt his first wife by marrying the mistress? It's sickening to see men try to make an illigetimate relationship halaal, he should've never been in a relationship with her in the first place. Also it is permitted for you to speak to his parents about his haraam relationship, this isn't about revealing private, intimate matters of your relationship. It is about trying preserve your marriage and also have him turn away from highly haraam behavior. It's is a sin to break another Muslim's heart, he needs to think about that.

as an argument when i said the same about our prophet s.a.w. marrying his wives for good reasons he replied to me that i should be happy that he is not having an affair or making that girl to his gf..and that he thinks about a halal way rather than going for something like zina.. and asked me what i prefer...my husband having an affair behind my back or him having a second wife... so i didnt know what i should answer....both are wrong in our case thats what i think... if he wanted to help someone then i could understand it but taking this girl as a helpless woman who needs shelter is not correct.. she has a family mashAllah who takes care of her...she could marry any guy but just because she doesnt like the guys from her country and faces difficulties in finding someone from another country she shouldnt go for someone else husband...

and breaking some muslims heart is another argument he gave me... he says he would break her heart and she will suffer a lot and she cant forget about him..and he doesnt want to ruin her life and that is intention are good and what not... and i asked him if he cares more about her feelings or about mine as he hurts his wife that much but doesnt want to hurt this girl...
but either way someone will get hurt...so why does it have to be his wife? this girl will forget about him...even if she loves him that much.. someday she ll forget about him if he stopped talking to her.. but as long as they are in contact how will it be possible that she can take a step forward in her life... so if he feels responsible for her the best way would be to leave her and let her start her new life right?

 

[BrotherInIslam7]

i told him it is better for him not to talk to her as this is haram anyway.. and he said he tried to to stop talking to her for months but she always waited for him and he didnt want to break her heart...

:salam2: dear sister,

I know that these are stressful and hard times for you. Insha'Allah tallah everything works out for the best in the end . Ameen

I am just compelled to reply to these posts. Sister, your husband is making excuses. You can't let him justify his actions because they aren't justifiable.

I mean, did he not think about 'breaking your heart' by chatting with a non-mahram woman, that too about marrying her !?

Whose heart is more important here, your wives or a woman whom you speak with on the net ?

and as she told him that she ll always wait and not marry anyone else he feels responsible and thinks that he has to help her out in this situation...

It doesn't matter. He is your husband first. He is responsible to you more than anyone else apart from his parents.

If he felt so responsible, he should have married her before he married you or atleast informed you before marriage that he is going to be intouch with this woman.

and if i spoke to another man then he would divorce me.. we had this discussion before he told me about this girl...and i asked him what he ll do if i ever talk to another man...and he told me that a man can love more than 1 girl at a time but a woman completely devotes herself to 1 man only..and if she starts to like someone else than she cant love her husband so he would let me go...

Islam doesn't teach this. When a man is married to a woman, he only loves his wife. He doesn't love woman outside of marriage. It's known as 'having a affair' if you get what i mean !

as i dont need to talk to non-mahram man this wont happen ever inshaAllah but its funny to see that he couldnt see me talking to someone else but i have to accept it if he does...

This is not Islam and this is not fair to you. Tell him to 'Fear Allah'. He can subjugate you with your ideas, but Allah swt is watching all mankind including him. He will have to answer for all this to Allah swt.

there is one problem if i talk to him about haram or halal... as he talked to me before marriage aswell..on phone or chat.. though this was with the permission of our parents...his mom asked my mom and she gave the permission... and he now tells me that i have no right to talk about her like this as i talked to him aswell and this was not halal either...

He spoke to you when he was 'looking for a wife' and this was the purpose of the talking on the phone.

He now has a wife, he is NOT allowed to speak privately with non-mahram woman, there are no ifs, buts etc.

And he has been doing this for months without your knowledge, he should know that he has transgressed your rights and Allah swt will question him about these things !

but then again our engagement was done in a halal way..i was allowed to talk to him infront of my brother before deciding if i want to marry him or not...it was arranged... and maybe i shouldnt have agreed to talk to him after being engaged to him as he is misusing this now and takes this as him having the right to talk to her aswell...

No sister, his words are not based on any logic, dont let him prove to you that his actions are justified, they are not !

as an argument when i said the same about our prophet s.a.w. marrying his wives for good reasons he replied to me that i should be happy that he is not having an affair or making that girl to his gf..

Talking with non-mahram woman on the internet, without your wife's knowledge for months with a romantic interest. If this isn't classified as "affair" than what is ? .. Only compounding it with zina'a is remaining.. truth be told.

and that he thinks about a halal way rather than going for something like zina.. and asked me what i prefer...my husband having an affair behind my back or him having a second wife... so i didnt know what i should answer....both are wrong in our case thats what i think... if he wanted to help someone then i could understand it but taking this girl as a helpless woman who needs shelter is not correct.. she has a family mashAllah who takes care of her...she could marry any guy but just because she doesnt like the guys from her country and faces difficulties in finding someone from another country she shouldnt go for someone else husband...

What kind of a woman talks with a man who is already married ? that too seeking to put his marriage in jeopardy.

Should woman with such manners and etiquettes even be considered to be married ?

and breaking some muslims heart is another argument he gave me... he says he would break her heart and she will suffer a lot and she cant forget about him..and he doesnt want to ruin her life and that is intention are good and what not... and i asked him if he cares more about her feelings or about mine as he hurts his wife that much but doesnt want to hurt this girl...
but either way someone will get hurt...so why does it have to be his wife? this girl will forget about him...even if she loves him that much.. someday she ll forget about him if he stopped talking to her.. but as long as they are in contact how will it be possible that she can take a step forward in her life... so if he feels responsible for her the best way would be to leave her and let her start her new life right?

When you make a mistake, you are going to pay the price.

The girl was talking to a 'married man'. What does she expect other than causing someone a heart break ? Why did she not think about ruining her life when she knew that her relation with a 'married man' has no future?

If a girl loves a 'married man', what does this say about her character ? her Islam ? her nature ? .. This is the girl your husband is even ready to let you go for ?

You have suggested right. He needs to stop this relation as soon as possible.

Ofcourse when you do something wrong, there are going to be some repercussions, you can't run away from it. But this doesn't mean you keep continuing the wrong, just because you are afraid to face the consequence of the action.

2 wrongs don't make a right. Tell this to him.

Sister, maybe you should ask your husband to make an account on TTI and discuss this issue. He will come to know that islamically his actions are totally haram and there is no way he can justify it by using emotions or twisted ideas.

And tell him to 'Fear Allah'. Verily, Allah swt will hold everyone accountable for all their actions on this earth. On day of judgement, these excuses won't hold any ground.

I pray to Allah swt that he makes it easy for you and keep you under his protection and on the right guidance. Ameen

 

[fabbasiPK]

Sister, you must remember that you also have rights as a wife and a husband has a duty of care to you at all times. Although your husband has the right to marry another muslim woman, he must also consider your feelings. If you are a devoted wife, as you say, then can your husband guarantee that the second (potential) wife will be the same as you? No he can't! So he risks losing your devotion to him. This is a difficult state of affairs and it seems that your husband is not really thinking of your feelings at all. He's just following his own desires. Indeed you really should look in to your heart and pray to Allah. If you cannot accept the second marriage and feel that you will be miserable, then you can seek Khula and leave your husband. But then you have to weigh up the pros and cons of this decision. May Allah help you and guide you, ameen.

 

[arzafar]

May Allah help you through these rough times.

All i can say is that only a ..... can talk to a married man with the intention of getting married to him. Amazing what selfishness can do.

Sister remain patient, truth and Justice will prevail over falsehood and injustice so believe in Allah and do lots of dua.

Convince him somehow to delay his decision meanwhile try to keep the evil whispers out of him. Its the devil who creates these desires which cause disputes between husband and wife. do lots of Zikr, recitation of Al Ikhlas, Al falaq, Al Nas, Ayat Al Kursi and last two verses of Al Baqarah. also ask your husband to do the same. he will give up this whim soon.

:salam2: