violence against women in arab society

[esperanza]

inShare.1By Sarah Sfeir

JOURNALIST IN LEBANON
Al Arabiya
As I was driving back home yesterday, I was stunned to see a man holding a woman by the head and slamming her face on the dashboard. I was mortified; even though I was on the highway, I could hear her screaming.

I’m not usually a passive person but I couldn’t find the guts to stop the car and interfere. I kept imagining different scenarios and as I tried to steady my shaky hands on the steering wheel: What if I had stopped him? Would I have saved her or worsened the situation? Would he have felt ashamed?

Unfortunately many questions will remain unanswered.


I am uncomfortable being part of a community that still believes we live in a man’s world or worse, that it’s acceptable for a woman to be beaten.

I was once in a cab and the taxi driver kept talking negatively about women, telling the man next to him: “Women are like carpets, they must be beaten from time to time.” Needless to say that I felt the urge to empty my hot cup of coffee on his head but it would have been a waste.

The topic has been taboo in Arab society for some time. Violence against women was perceived as an internal family affair, be it physical, emotional, sexual, or so forth. There was no legal structure to provide women subjected to violence with some protection.

After all, women’s rights are human rights; it is not something that is supplementary or an additive. I can still remember reading this statement by Amina Ahmad Al Khatib, who works for Najdeh, a local NGO in Burj Barajneh: “Women should be empowered by educating them about their rights. When we start dividing roles in the household we are creating discrimination especially in manly cultures. Women’s rights are not requirements; they are part of human rights.”

Today, in Beirut, violence against women is being discussed and dealt with on different levels. Although the number of women speaking out against violence is increasing in Lebanon, experts say that few actually file complaints with the authorities. They are afraid to do so and they continue to lack awareness of their rights. Some women even believe that their husbands are entitled to abuse them.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, size or strength but the problem is often ignored or denied. The first step towards halting domestic violence and abuse is recognizing the warning signs. No one should be scared of the person they love; help is available.

Although wounds leave a mark on the body, wounds of emotional abuse can be more painful. Imagine a woman having to live with someone who thinks it’s normal to tell her, amongst other negative things, that she never does anything right, that the food is not good enough, the house is not clean enough, she’s not thin enough, her clothes are never right, she embarrasses him and that her life is a joke. This is unacceptable and should not be tolerated. Unfortunately some women, however, live with this and this has always made me wonder why abused women say that they love their abuser.

Many of you may feel I've said too much, but believe me I haven't said enough. To the woman who was in the car, I really hope you are reading this: please know that you are a wonderful human being who is entitled to a peaceful life, and despite the economic support or whatever else you think you will lose if you leave your abusive partner, you do not need to accept his behavior. There are people who can help you -- and I am one of them.

 

[bluesky]

Salam sister, and i dont think you have said enough, its so sad too hear of this kind behaviour going on . but it did make me wonder something, if by chance the women did press charges in a islamic country, is her word accepted? apart from the obvious brusies etc , unless he is clever and only hits areas where it isnt seen,
Will they take her for her word or does this come under the women have to have witnesses and then does that mean double the amount of women to men? maybe a odd question but it did make me wonder....

As for your not knowing what to do, continue or stop, that is such a hard choice, yes it could make things worse for her, but then he could be shamed to the point he wouldnt do it again, but this i doubt, as once a man hits a women and she forgives him , sadly it does seem to continue in the relationship, unless he seeks help or is sincerley sorry ..which is the case sadly only the women will ever know


of course up until he meets with Allah, then he will have to answer for his actions.

I pray the women is ok,

 

[esperanza]

Salam sister, and i dont think you have said enough, its so sad too hear of this kind behaviour going on . but it did make me wonder something, if by chance the women did press charges in a islamic country, is her word accepted? apart from the obvious brusies etc , unless he is clever and only hits areas where it isnt seen,
Will they take her for her word or does this come under the women have to have witnesses and then does that mean double the amount of women to men? maybe a odd question but it did make me wonder....

As for your not knowing what to do, continue or stop, that is such a hard choice, yes it could make things worse for her, but then he could be shamed to the point he wouldnt do it again, but this i doubt, as once a man hits a women and she forgives him , sadly it does seem to continue in the relationship, unless he seeks help or is sincerley sorry ..which is the case sadly only the women will ever know



of course up until he meets with Allah, then he will have to answer for his actions.

I pray the women is ok,

sorry to confuse you ,but this is not my article but from a witness in lebanon
but of course this is one of many cases..and most are never known a bout

and sadly it is found in many islamic cultures,even though the treatment of women should be the opposite of this

 

[Perseveranze]

^Actually domestic violence happens equally if not more in western countries.

And I can find you many examples of it if you like. Statistics show that it happens alot more in the west, but if we take into account the "unreported" incidents, then I'd say their about equal.

From my understandin, in the Arab/Asian society atleast, if the brother/father knows of the abuse, then they usually would take the law into their own hands. Especially in countries like Pakistan, where family members are very protective of their sisters/daughters.

Yes, it's true in Islam, women shouldn't be abused, but I most certainly think it's unfair to say this stuff happens mainly in an "Islamic cultre", this is a very untrue and misleading statement.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Domestic abuse is not limited to one culture or one religion.

One way to handle domestic abuse is for the woman to have an iron cast frying pan in her hand. The man usually stops when the woman overpowers him.
And some couples enjoy it. Go figure.

 

[speedchaser]

Salam,
When I hear or read about these type of things it makes me sad. I mean, how can you love someone that walks over you, treats you like garbage and abuse you yet still live with them. Unfortunately, in some cultures, this type of thinking is encouraged. Personally, I can never understand why these type of men have such backward thinking. I do try treat woman like how I would treat my mother. It makes you wonder what younger kids must learn and do when their all grown up. I'll clarify If I need to be.

 

[esperanza]

^Actually domestic violence happens equally if not more in western countries.

And I can find you many examples of it if you like. Statistics show that it happens alot more in the west, but if we take into account the "unreported" incidents, then I'd say their about equal.

From my understandin, in the Arab/Asian society atleast, if the brother/father knows of the abuse, then they usually would take the law into their own hands. Especially in countries like Pakistan, where family members are very protective of their sisters/daughters.

Yes, it's true in Islam, women shouldn't be abused, but I most certainly think it's unfair to say this stuff happens mainly in an "Islamic cultre", this is a very untrue and misleading statement.

i did not say happens MAINLY in an islamic culture,but only there are many caes,and they are often unknown,like rape in some islamic cultures,is seen as a shame,and the women would often not be helped as cases are not reported im not critisicing or singling out islamic culture
of course it is more predomiant in the west
but it should be very rare in islamic cultures,if they followed true islam ,but sadly not all do

 

[Perseveranze]

i did not say happens MAINLY in an islamic culture,but only there are many caes,and they are often unknown,like rape in some islamic cultures,is seen as a shame,and the women would often not be helped as cases are not reported im not critisicing or singling out islamic culture
of course it is more predomiant in the west
but it should be very rare in islamic cultures,if they followed true islam ,but sadly not all do

Asalaamu Alaikum,

I apologise if I sounded like I was accusing you of anything, because I honestly wasn't. I just wanted to clear any misconceptions.

I know living in the west that, due to media propoganda (who try to pick up similar stories as these and exagerate) that the western population ends up thinking that "Muslim men = women beaters", it's an unfortunate generalisation people have, similar to "Muslims are terrorists".

There's no doubt that abuse happens and we as Muslims should do everything in our power to stop it, especially if it happens within our own communities.

 

[abdul-aziz]

:salam2:

it's a culture not attributed to religion. with respects to women being beaten, I witnessed this happened to non muslims most of younger years when I was around the urban areas in USA.

She didn't need to go to lebanon for that. Just take a trip to the nearest major city. alternatively she could pull the stats from the crime reports in the USA as well.

It happens everywhere more dominant in urban areas even though it is not just.

wa Allah ya'lam

 

[Just a Guy]

:salam2:

Watch any episode of COPS. About half of the episodes are about domestic violence.

My point is that it's not just a "Muslim thing". It's a human thing.

 

[Shak78]

Domestic Violence happens no matter the religion, culture, country ect. It happens, and it happens both ways as well. How places deal with it does vary from making it known and having legal ways to prosecute the person who commits it to vilifying the person it happened to ie rape and shaming of the woman when it was not her fault.

 

[strive-may-i]

inhuman.. makes one barbaric

Its a inhuman thing.

May Allah stop our hands and minds, before it takes a violent turn ..... Aameen

 

[MohammedMaksudul]

:salam2:

These men tend to interpret a meaning of their own from Islam like in the case of multiple marriages, and about the light beating. They think that they can beat up their wives any time they like and for anything. But these very men have no care about other compulsory acts of worship in Islam.

 

[Muslimz]

:salam2:

These men tend to interpret a meaning of their own from Islam like in the case of multiple marriages, and about the light beating. They think that they can beat up their wives any time they like and for anything. But these very men have no care about other compulsory acts of worship in Islam.

You are right bro..Muslim community gets "Women beaters" "terrorists" etc. type titles because of such people.They aren't muslims(i think)...they are'nt humans!!

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,


You guys are not going to like this. There is a minority of women who enjoy the physical abuse. It has a function of being sexual foreplay. Yes, there really is.

You know the best thing often for women is to walk away and keep your mouth shut.

I am in no means stating that I accept physical abuse; I am giving another reason for it.

 

[strive-may-i]

...

curse of curiosity: Am often told some knowledge, needs precaution before sharing, .... Guess this is one such example!

We humans being of emotions, can develop weird taste... its said. Some of these emotions, should be curtailed, because very few have complete control over it, a slip and it could go all wrong....

 

[Hard Rock Moslem]

You should not generalize "Arab society" for domestic violence. I live on multi-racial and multi-religion society and I'm witnessing this violence against women in all communities.