"What (Muslim) Women Want"

[Just a Guy]

yes..what a hot topic..left here for two hours..and so many replies....thanks shy hijabi...
yes it seems many single men for example new converts looking for good muslim wife..so why men need to marry more than one

yes it is allowed in islam..but it is stipulated you must be equal to both..do you know how hard that is..... also it is reported.. that the prophet said

"whoever has two wives and leans towards one of them,will come onthe day of judgement with one side of his body leaning"

( sahih sunan abi dawad)


also polygamy is encouraged in special circumstances:


1. when a wife cannot bear children

2, if the wife is chronically ill and cannot fulfill duties

3. to solve social problenms
ie. in countries with shortage of men,particularly after war,,,in palestine and iraq iheard they are actually calling on men to marry two..that is understandable,,,,with many widowed women with children,,,,,

but is not meant to be just to fulfill mens desires,....

ANYWAY
how many men have the wealth the patience and time to marry more than one ???

:salam2:

This is my impression as well, that polygamy in Islam is an institution to protect women in certain situations. Widows, women who are ill, divorced women, etc; those that would not normally be able to care for themselves or their children. It used to be the same in early Christianity. The Old Testament Bible clearly states that if a woman's husband dies, her brother (if he has one) should marry her. If no brother, then the husband's father would marry her (if he is still alive). This was done to insure that the widow would be taken care of.

Once again, it's all about protecting the women. Contrary to the popular Western belief that Islam oppresses women, it's actually the opposite. I used to have a negative view of polygamy, but after researching it, I understand why it is permissable in Islam.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

It is simpler said this way. ( with one wife..it was understood that the husband did have his right hand possessions and slave-girls to satisfy his sexual appetite.)

We know there is a surplus of women. It is the way of nature.
When a sister only wishes to be the one and only wife she has no understanding of the state of the single sister.

I found this:http://www.wikiislam.net/wiki/Fatwa...n_Whose_Wife_Has_a_Prolonged_Menstrual_Cycle"

For what will we do with the surplus women? There are three choices:

1. They can spend their entire lives denied the life of a wife and mother. This is injustice against them.

2. They can satisfy their natural instincts outside the boundaries of religion and morals. This is perdition for them.

3. They can accept marriage with a married man who is able to pay their expenses and protect them, and is confident of his ability to deal justly. This is the appropriate solution.




I pray that Allah rewards my sisters who are single and in difficulty. I pray that Allah grants my sisters strenght so they do not have to commit sin and I pray that my brothers are able to follow their faith. I ask the brothers do you wish to please you wife first or Allah.

 

[esperanza]

Assalaam walaikum,

It is simpler said this way. ( with one wife..it was understood that the husband did have his right hand possessions and slave-girls to satisfy his sexual appetite.)

We know there is a surplus of women. It is the way of nature.
When a sister only wishes to be the one and only wife she has no understanding of the state of the single sister.

I found this:http://www.wikiislam.net/wiki/Fatwa...n_Whose_Wife_Has_a_Prolonged_Menstrual_Cycle"

For what will we do with the surplus women? There are three choices:

1. They can spend their entire lives denied the life of a wife and mother. This is injustice against them.

2. They can satisfy their natural instincts outside the boundaries of religion and morals. This is perdition for them.

3. They can accept marriage with a married man who is able to pay their expenses and protect them, and is confident of his ability to deal justly. This is the appropriate solution.




I pray that Allah rewards my sisters who are single and in difficulty. I pray that Allah grants my sisters strenght so they do not have to commit sin and I pray that my brothers are able to follow their faith. I ask the brothers do you wish to please you wife first or Allah.

there may be surplus women,,,but there are also many unmarried muslim men..good honest muslim men..especially across the arab world,,

why???

because they cannot afford the demands of many brides to be,,,,
.....so is it fair that perhaps a richer more successful man gets two wives..something is wrong ithink!!!!!!


thtas why more arab men are marrying foreigners,,,

 

[BrotherInIslam7]

That is a beautiful part of the Quran, giving men the right to marry several wives but basically saying "Good luck with THAT", there is no way that you can accomplish that and be fair to each of the wives...though it certainly doesn't stop some men from trying!

Hello there,

The Creator of the Heaven and the Earth and also of mankind and everything around is All Wise in His legislation.

If there was no way a man could deal with justice with four wives at once, then Allah Almighty would not have legislated for a man to have four wives at once. There is nothing legislated/recommended in the folds of Islam that is impossible for a man to accomplish.

However in certain cases, men wouldn't be able to deal justly with more than one spouse. In such a case, Allah Almighty has commanded to marry just one. And He is All Wise, All Knowing and the most merciful.

:salam2:

Man, I wonder what it's like around here on Valentine's Day. Here we are in late summer and everyone's going nuts about marriage.

Muslims do not celebrate/observe the festivals/rituals/venerated days of the pagans or greet other people (be it muslim or non muslim) on such occasions.

And you can read more about Valentine's day on the below threads :-

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7623

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=16825

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=27298

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=66811

 

[Just a Guy]

Muslims do not celebrate/observe the festivals/rituals/venerated days of the pagans or greet other people (be it muslim or non muslim) on such occasions.

And you can read more about Valentine's day on the below threads :-

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7623

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=16825

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=27298

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=66811

:salam2:

I never celebrate Single's Awareness Day either, mainly because I never have anyone to celebrate it with. No big loss on my end, then.

There are more women in the world than men, and yet I never had much luck with relationships in my old life. I suppose that's a good thing, considering the circumstances.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

This is a sensitive subject for many. As this is Ramadan I do not wish to spend energy and time explaining to many how I find it hard that my sisters are maligned.

I will not address why Arab men marry foreign white women.

The Law of Allah allows a man to marry up to four wives.

It becomes the responsibility of the brothers to find the Islamic solution to the suffering that they bestow on their sisters. The brothers need to step it up a bit.

The brothers need to man up and exercise their rights. I do not see the sisters complaining. Trust me, a sister would rather share a husband than face the world without a man, but have to have the guts of a man.

What happens is not good. It takes a very strong and pious man to earn her respect. By not marrying us ..you make us have to become economically independent of you. You make us strong. You make a gentle soul become a ferocious warrior.

 

[lilmuslimah]

salam everyone....

Just thought i would give my opinion as a sister, i used to be very confused about pologamy also until i researched it with patience and gained understanding.

Now i understand allahs wisdom behind it alhamdulliah!!!!!!!!!!

It is the choice of a women to take part in a polygamous marriage or to not. i don't believe that if a women refuses to take part in a polygamous marriage she is less of a women than a women who agrees.

if a women cannot live with a polygamous husband she is allowed to leave the contract but to avoid this communication before marriage i think is the key.

There are MANY reasons a women might not be able to bear being one of two three or four......For the purposes of modesty i wont go into details..........

i personally would rather remain single than be part of a polygamous marriage but thats just me. its not because i believe that a man 'cannot love two women' as previously mentioned or because im immature and live in a romeo and juliet fantasy land.
I resent those accusations from someone who neither knows me or my circumstances.

all the while i do think its of paramount importance that men and women are educated on the matter so decisions are made on learned stances and both parties understand and comprehend.

sister aapa while i understand your points, i don't think its fair you judge and generalise that someone who doesn't want to be part of a monogamous marriage 'doesn't understand the greater picture' if that was the case divorce on the part of the women in this instance would be disallowed period.

you don't know EVERY women and her circumstances so again i think your generalising is most unfair.

I,ve met women who are happy in polygamous marriages and those that are bereft, pologamy is a solution and a protection for some but in some cases the negative outweigh the positives.

in the sunnah it is ALLOWED not enforced ALLOWED conditionally.

I wish all of the members of the forum successful and prosperous marriage be they polygamous or monogamous inshallah.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Little sister...you are speaking the words that make it simple for me to address.
I never said a woman is less. I wrote it is better for a woman to look at the larger picture.
The issues of divorce are far greater than this thread. Allah subhana talla allows divorce for many reasons. I can only write this..do not underestimate the strenght of a woman that has to divorce. It is akin to death.

Think of this: Cinderella. She is the poor helpless one who can only be made whole by a prince charming. And then they live happily ever-after. It is the illusion of a relationship.

I do not understand this notion of loneliness that you speak off. Do you not think that sisters who are unmarried and do not have the prospect of marriage are not lonely. Do you really wish for them to have to resort to fornication to satisfy the biological needs that are normal. Do you wish for your sisters to run to men that are not believers. And sister..there is always a man knocking on the door of an unmarried woman.

Men desire women. And what is more tempting than a chaste believing woman.

What is happening here is simple:

The majority of women are responding to the individual reservations they have of being in a relationship that demands that they share their resources and emotions. It is what about me.

I am discussing the issue on a different level. I am discussing what is better for the entire ummath. What is the greatest good. Marriage is not about a man and a woman. It is the backbone of what is good for the family, the community, the society, and civilization. Do you not understand the number of children this impacts.

I am not making judgments. I am simply presenting another perspective on an ongoing issue in Islam. Many faithful brothers do not wish for women to work or drive or be independent economic beings. So what is your solution to this problem. I see the answers in Islam.

 

[lilmuslimah]

Sister aapa i understand your points as i previously mentioned i have studied this in great detail alhamdulliah.

I am actually in agreement with what your saying, however before you protect the ummah you should protect yourself or else you will be no good to the ummah.

But still you cannot generalize like you have, until you have experienced all the differing circumstances then you cannot speak for ALL of them.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,


You protect the greater by protecting the Law of Allah. When you put into practice for yourself the Law of Allah you are doing both.

Agreed, you can study something all you want. But the old adage makes sense here: You have to walk the walk to understand.

The intention is to facilitate ease for Believers. The action would be to implement the Law of Allah as best we can.

The Spoken Word of Allah can not be disputed. Submission to His Will is what we all strive.

 

[Tabassum07]

Assalaam walaikum,

The Law of Allah allows a man to marry up to four wives.

It becomes the responsibility of the brothers to find the Islamic solution to the suffering that they bestow on their sisters. The brothers need to step it up a bit.

The brothers need to man up and exercise their rights. I do not see the sisters complaining. Trust me, a sister would rather share a husband than face the world without a man, but have to have the guts of a man.

What happens is not good. It takes a very strong and pious man to earn her respect. By not marrying us ..you make us have to become economically independent of you. You make us strong. You make a gentle soul become a ferocious warrior.

:salam2:

I agree with Aapa's post. And nevertheless if Allah has allowed it, there's a very good reason for that allowance. We only hear and obey. Life isn't just a fairytale like in the books and the movies.

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

but is not meant to be just to fulfill mens desires,....

Asalmaoalaikom w arahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu. . .

I thought I'll refrain from posting here since it's a topic-not-of-my-likings i.e marriage*Smile*

But I'm afraid you are wrong there. If a man can afford more than one wife and is strong enough to treat them equal, he may marry more than one even if he doesn't have any of the excuses you gave.

I may be wrong, but I haven't heard of any ayah/hadith prohibiting men from marry more than one wife if they like it. If he finds a woman whose pious and lets say beautiful for an added bonus. He's already married and can marry her and he wants her. I don't know of an hukum prohibiting him to do so.

If I'm wrong, correction would be appreciated!

Jazakallah khair.

 

[esperanza]

salam everyone....

Just thought i would give my opinion as a sister, i used to be very confused about pologamy also until i researched it with patience and gained understanding.

Now i understand allahs wisdom behind it alhamdulliah!!!!!!!!!!

It is the choice of a women to take part in a polygamous marriage or to not. i don't believe that if a women refuses to take part in a polygamous marriage she is less of a women than a women who agrees.

if a women cannot live with a polygamous husband she is allowed to leave the contract but to avoid this communication before marriage i think is the key.

There are MANY reasons a women might not be able to bear being one of two three or four......For the purposes of modesty i wont go into details..........

i personally would rather remain single than be part of a polygamous marriage but thats just me. its not because i believe that a man 'cannot love two women' as previously mentioned or because im immature and live in a romeo and juliet fantasy land.
I resent those accusations from someone who neither knows me or my circumstances.

all the while i do think its of paramount importance that men and women are educated on the matter so decisions are made on learned stances and both parties understand and comprehend.

sister aapa while i understand your points, i don't think its fair you judge and generalise that someone who doesn't want to be part of a monogamous marriage 'doesn't understand the greater picture' if that was the case divorce on the part of the women in this instance would be disallowed period.

you don't know EVERY women and her circumstances so again i think your generalising is most unfair.

I,ve met women who are happy in polygamous marriages and those that are bereft, pologamy is a solution and a protection for some but in some cases the negative outweigh the positives.

in the sunnah it is ALLOWED not enforced ALLOWED conditionally.

I wish all of the members of the forum successful and prosperous marriage be they polygamous or monogamous inshallah.

thank you for saying it is aloowed..but not forced allowed.... there is nothing to sya men or women must accept polgamy...it is allowed but by choice..correct me if im wrong

 

[esperanza]

Sister aapa i understand your points as i previously mentioned i have studied this in great detail alhamdulliah.

I am actually in agreement with what your saying, however before you protect the ummah you should protect yourself or else you will be no good to the ummah.

But still you cannot generalize like you have, until you have experienced all the differing circumstances then you cannot speak for ALL of them.

exactly until you have experinced all situations you cannot judge,,,

and your talking as if men are choosing not to marry...if they are that is individual men...that does not mean that men must marry four

and dont discount what isaid about the arab world


i have lived in the arab world,,,for many years,,,and i know how things are..and i know that in many arab countries,,,,even the richer ones,,,,it is beocming harder for men to marry ..because they do not have sufficent means

so rahter than saying that women should accept more than one wife,,,,,maybe thye should accept one husband first ..even if he is poor
and cannot give her all she is used to,,,this is a result of women becming more independent and modern

 

[esperanza]

:salam2:

I agree with Aapa's post. And nevertheless if Allah has allowed it, there's a very good reason for that allowance. We only hear and obey. Life isn't just a fairytale like in the books and the movies.

and what suffering are men bestowing on their sisters,,,,,let all the single muslim men marry first ..before you ask those married to take two

 

[esperanza]

Asalmaoalaikom w arahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu. . .

I thought I'll refrain from posting here since it's a topic-not-of-my-likings i.e marriage*Smile*

But I'm afraid you are wrong there. If a man can afford more than one wife and is strong enough to treat them equal, he may marry more than one even if he doesn't have any of the excuses you gave.

I may be wrong, but I haven't heard of any ayah/hadith prohibiting men from marry more than one wife if they like it. If he finds a woman whose pious and lets say beautiful for an added bonus. He's already married and can marry her and he wants her. I don't know of an hukum prohibiting him to do so.

If I'm wrong, correction would be appreciated!

Jazakallah khair.

may Allah forgive me if isay something wrong

im not saying men should not marry more than one,,,,but there is nothing compelling them to do this

some people are almost saying men must marry more than one,,,as ijust wrote let the single brothers marry first...maybe its a greater problem in the west..where there are more female than male converts!!!

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

The suffering is there are single Muslim women, divorced believing sisters, the widows of the men who fight for freedom for Muslims, the women who destitute due to the war inflicted upon the Muslim world from the Zionists. There are women who are forced to be on welfare; they are psychologically raped by a system designed to break up the family; women are forced to beg outside of masjids and you ask what suffering.



What compels a man to marry more than one is quite simple: Allah has given him permission to use his head and see what the conditions are in the world. If a man who is a believer sees the conditions of the world and can marry a Believing sister..is that not striving to please Allah.

The problem is not restricted to the West.

Yes, men are choosing not to marry more than one. They fear poverty, I suppose. If the Law of Allah says you can marry more than one do so.

Sister, as I have said this is Ramadan and I will not discuss the reasons why Arab men marry foreign women but I strongly suggest you read what happens to the male ego when it was colonized. I would like you to define foreign women. That belongs on another thread.

I do wonder how much culture "foreign" women bring into an Islamic marriage. How many myths have to be dis-spelled.

And why do so many women get so scared. What is scary about sharing a husband?

 

[esperanza]

Assalaam walaikum,

The suffering is there are single Muslim women, divorced believing sisters, the widows of the men who fight for freedom for Muslims, the women who destitute due to the war inflicted upon the Muslim world from the Zionists. There are women who are forced to be on welfare; they are psychologically raped by a system designed to break up the family; women are forced to beg outside of masjids and you ask what suffering.



What compels a man to marry more than one is quite simple: Allah has given him permission to use his head and see what the conditions are in the world. If a man who is a believer sees the conditions of the world and can marry a Believing sister..is that not striving to please Allah.

The problem is not restricted to the West.

Yes, men are choosing not to marry more than one. They fear poverty, I suppose. If the Law of Allah says you can marry more than one do so.

Sister, as I have said this is Ramadan and I will not discuss the reasons why Arab men marry foreign women but I strongly suggest you read what happens to the male ego when it was colonized. I would like you to define foreign women. That belongs on another thread.

I do wonder how much culture "foreign" women bring into an Islamic marriage. How many myths have to be dis-spelled.

And why do so many women get so scared. What is scary about sharing a husband?

dear sister,,,,iagree there are many women suffering especially beacuse of aggressive wars..and if you read one of my earlier answers.. iwrote that in palestine and iraq they want it to be compulsary for men to marry more than one wife..to help women in suffering

second i am saying there are many men delaying even to marry one woman,,,even they are capabel to do so..so let them marry first,,,

three///yes the question of foreign women or mixed culture marriages is definitely for another thread

four ..the law of Allah says you amy marry up to four..yes but stresses the extreme importance of treating them equally....and how many men in reality can actuALLY do that

sadly in the modern world there are enough problems just between husbands and wives one on one,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Sister..you are missing the point.

The Muslim community needs to refocus on not delaying marriage. What are these brothers doing fasting all year?

Step it brothers.

A man that is pious and fears Allah will treat everyone justly. It really boils down to how much does a man fear his Allah. Too, equally how much does a woman fear Allah.

As I have written and you make my point for me. The reason many husbands and wives fight is that women nag. If a woman knows she is not the only one she will not nag as much. That is the nature of women. The wife chooses to fight.

Besides that has little to do with having up to four wives. I am not looking at problems in marriage but why marriage is a social necessity for the benefit of the Muslim community.

 

[MohammedMaksudul]

:salam2:

In today's culture marriage at young age has become a problem, where as taking girlfriends and doing zina is accepted. For example, the place where I live this is prevalent. Even girls these days do not want to get married before finishing their undergraduate studies. This creates a problems. If I want to marry now, my family will strictly oppose me. They will try to reason and logic and advice me to marry until I finish my undergraduate. While I understand the logic they try to put forth, that is to establish oneself first and then get married. I know marriage is a expensive business. But this is expensive because we have made it. Marriage according to sunnah could have been very easy. But today they have made it so hard on us, while we struggle with our chastity every day, when the western culture influences these muslim girls of today. When the university I go to has girls who have no sense of shame at all. Subhan Allah. May Allah forgive us and give us wisdom.

P.S: I know this off-topic, but needed to get my frustrations out.