Where should Your husband Be??

[amirah80]

Salam Alaikum Brothers/Sisters

I wanted to know is there any daleel to tell how much Time a husband should spend with his wife and children? Once I heard a Imam say a husband should be one of three places then he said " at home, at the masjid and at work". How much truth is him the Imam's comment? Also does it say anything about spending excessive times with friends either out of the home or in the home that neglects time that should be spent with the family? Inshallah one of you can enlighten me.

Salam Amirah80

 

[salamconverts]

salam alejcom

the husband must take care of his familly nd he must be with her wife nd kids to teach him good islam to play with him to see if they are studiing all what a dad must do n d not to spent a lot of time alone their the profete mohamed sala alho aleihi wa salam when he now that he ll did tell to the man that u must take care of woman because they are very kind and to take care of her because they are in the house nd aouer profete tell men the nicest man hwo is nice with her woman nd iam nicest than u he was playing with her wives joguing taking time nd staing with evry one realy he was nice nd all her woman loves him nd we cant take care of one !!!!!!
a tru e muslim go out but not for hours nd hours
i hope i answerded u syster nd i hope u ll fine

 

[amirah80]

:salam2:

I'm not fine. Actually I am very disappointed and upset. I have exhausted all options to be patient. Let me be very concise on what happened. I just relocated to a new area. My husband has friends here some I know so I dont. One friend in particular visits us alot. I have only been here 4 days, ok. The first night his friend comes to show us the way to our new home. The second day he picks up my husband to go to get a drivers exchanged to here the guy came on his break from work and it took longer than his break so my husband had to ride with him until his shift ended which was around 9:00pm. the third day we all went out (the friend too) then we came back and I wanted to go to sleep my husband said he will go to the friends house that was at 11:00pm he came back at 2:30am. The next day the go play volleyball at 5:30pm he retuns at 10:00pm and then the friend stays talking with us until 2am. I was upset but I spoke to my husband today he said ok we will spend time together and go to the park. I said cool. Just us and the kids. Well his friend calls guess what now he is going. I told my husband I thought it was just going to be us we have not spent time since we been here. He said what you want me to tell him he can not go. I said yes. It is ok to say you want to spend time with your family. So he said he does not understand me this morning we spent time. So I said I was not going. He said ok stay. He left. 15 minutes later he came and said lets go I said no. Then he left again. I think he is concerned his friend will say were is Amirah I thought all of you were coming. Is this right?

Salam Amirah80

 

[blackivy393]

:salam2:

I'm not fine. Actually I am very disappointed and upset. I have exhausted all options to be patient. Let me be very concise on what happened. I just relocated to a new area. My husband has friends here some I know so I dont. One friend in particular visits us alot. I have only been here 4 days, ok. The first night his friend comes to show us the way to our new home. The second day he picks up my husband to go to get a drivers exchanged to here the guy came on his break from work and it took longer than his break so my husband had to ride with him until his shift ended which was around 9:00pm. the third day we all went out (the friend too) then we came back and I wanted to go to sleep my husband said he will go to the friends house that was at 11:00pm he came back at 2:30am. The next day the go play volleyball at 5:30pm he retuns at 10:00pm and then the friend stays talking with us until 2am. I was upset but I spoke to my husband today he said ok we will spend time together and go to the park. I said cool. Just us and the kids. Well his friend calls guess what now he is going. I told my husband I thought it was just going to be us we have not spent time since we been here. He said what you want me to tell him he can not go. I said yes. It is ok to say you want to spend time with your family. So he said he does not understand me this morning we spent time. So I said I was not going. He said ok stay. He left. 15 minutes later he came and said lets go I said no. Then he left again. I think he is concerned his friend will say were is Amirah I thought all of you were coming. Is this right?

Salam Amirah80

sounds like your husband's friend is not married and needs a little family of his own

 

[amirah80]

sounds like your husband's friend is not married and needs a little family of his own

:salam2:

Thank you for responded black I guess I just need to vent. But you hit it right on the head HE IS NOT MARRIED. I trying to find him a wife LOL he is a good guy but I need to spend time with my husband. I do not think this is fair on my husbands part!!

 

[tarannumsamir]

as salamaualaikom wa rehmatullah wa barakatuhu.
sister as u mentioned its only 4 days since ur family knows that person,he is no less than a stranger for u.i suggest please dont trust him fully.
and as u mentioned he is not married,but does he has a family ? i mean parents or so ?

 

[khalidvaltrans]

:salam2: sister its haram :astag:ur hasbend shuld not take u with he's friend or any one els becz he is [gher muharram]for evin he is a good guy u.
:salam2:

 

[amirah80]

as salamaualaikom wa rehmatullah wa barakatuhu.
sister as u mentioned its only 4 days since ur family knows that person,he is no less than a stranger for u.i suggest please dont trust him fully.
and as u mentioned he is not married,but does he has a family ? i mean parents or so ?

Salam

I think there was a misunderstanding I have only been in the new city for 4 days. It is my husband friend for years and years ago. They are from the same country. The guy actually told us to move here. The guys parents are in his country. He has a cousin here but him and my husband are very close. I do not mind that but I think a balance between family and friends needs to be established.

 

[amirah80]

:salam2: sister its haram :astag:ur hasbend shuld not take u with he's friend or any one els becz he is [gher muharram]for evin he is a good guy u.
:salam2:

Salam

Really! Can you tell me more about that daleel even. I know I cannot be alone with non mahram men but are you saying I can not be around non mahram men in the presence of my husband. Because I never have been alone with the man. It is my husbands friend either we are all together or my husband is with him alone not me. I never knew that if my husband was present with me I can not be in the presence of another man. Did I understand this right?

 

[khalidvaltrans]

Salam

Really! Can you tell me more about that daleel even. Because I never have been alone with the man. It is my husbands friend either we are all together or my husband is with him alone not me. I never knew that if my husband was present with me I can not be in the presence of another man. Did I understand this right?

yes sister ur right. u shuld make hejeb from every on except ur father brother unculs ur nefews i mein the pepule who u cant mary at all. wallah o alam.

 

[amirah80]

yes sister ur right. u shuld make hejeb from every on except ur father brother unculs ur nefews i mein the pepule who u cant mary at all. wallah o alam.

:salam2:

Ok I got it we both understand it. I thought you were saying enough with my mahram I could not be with a non mahram. That cleared.


How can we elimanate the excessive time spent with this friend without being rude and take his feelings into consideration, anyone?

 

[BintMuhammad]

I understand where you are coming from sis but personally, I could let 4 days or even upto 1 week pass. Your husband prolly wants to get to know the place and feel at home more with the help of his friend. Be patient for a bit Wallaahu a'lam maybe it's too soon to complain? See how it goes after a week. If he still continues to come home late then maybe you both needa seriously talk.

 

[Almeftah]

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

There's no script regarding that matter, although it is recommended that a man must be with his family most of the time unless there's a reason for him to go out like Salah in masjid, going to work or college, visiting parents or friends...etc.

Only he needs to have in mind that his wife and children have the right to spend most of his time with him more than any others. becuase the duty of a man toward his wife and children isn't just providing thier material needs.

 

[amirah80]

:salam2:

Bint: Salam Sister Thanks for the advice I guess I just needed to know that it is to early to complain. I am really being patient I just feel a little lost here all by myself with nobody Well I still have you guys

Bo: Salam Sister Thanks for the advice. Inshallah this whole excessive time thing passes soon. Normally my husband spends most of his time with me maybe that is why I am a tad bit jealous. Inshallah this all works out for me within a few weeks. I talk to my husband he said maybe only for a little way then maybe he will not come literally everyday. My husband and I are pretty likable people I guess I should be saying Alhumdulilah and not complaining

Sisters it is so easy to give advice and so hard to take your own when you probably could have answered your own questions. I guess it takes someone else to look at your situation through there eyes. I guess it isnt to bad when you make me see it your way. Ya Allah! I am to emotionally it has only been 4 days. gosh Thanks Sisters

Salam Amirah80

 

[khalidvaltrans]

:salam2:

Ok I got it we both understand it. I thought you were saying enough with my mahram I could not be with a non mahram. That cleared.


How can we elimanate the excessive time spent with this friend without being rude and take his feelings into consideration, anyone?

if he [ur hazbend friend] is Muslim he must know abt a hejab than ur hazbend shud tel hi politly i hope he will undrestand inshaallah. :salam2:

 

[amirah80]

Salam Khalid

Thank you for that advice as well Inshallah in a few weeks if it doesnt pass my husband can politely do something. I will wait it out and see what happens.

 

[abdellah007]

salam alaykum sister amirah

well, i think this only happeneing in the first days, maybe later things will be fine insha allah. maybe his friend is trying to give help as you and your family are new to that area.

wa salam

 

[amirah80]

:salam2:

Salam Abdellah007 Thank for the advice. Now I feel like I was being selfish. :astag: I hate to be so caught up in myself and just my needs:astag: I know the friends Niyyah is good. Alhumdulilah. Inshallah my husband forgives me for not going with him to the park. :shymuslima1:

 

[babyboy]

Assaalamu alaikum warahmat ullah,
Very interesting point indeed, but I think we are drifting off the topic, which was IS IT FAIR THAT THE HUSBAND IS NOT PAYING ENOUGH ATTENTION TO HIS FAMILY?

Sister Amirah, your husband should realise that he has the right to make his family happy. This means, that he if you need him (for whatever reason) he should be there for his family because that's the responsibility he took upon himself when he dediced to get married to you. Your marriage is supposed to be a partnership (and more) between the two of you and NOT with his friend.

Maybe his friend thinks that your husband owes him for helping him get a job in a place where he knows no one but him(friend). But this is where the friend should draw the line and step back. I mean, its not only a strange place for your husband but for you too. The only friend you have and know right now is him, right?

Hope I didn't say too much that I have offended anyone or too little that everything that I just wrote was of no benefit.:astag:

:salam2:
Khadija

 

[babyboy]

Insha Allah it'll pass, swiftly. Just keep intouch with your Muslim brothers and sisters. So far they have given great advice.

Fadhakkir, Innama anta Mudhakkir.

Khadija