Why is haram to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend

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Islam102

New Member
I mean inorder to get married before u get married u must be boyfriend and girlfriends (to know each other ). I wouldnt want to spend the rest of my life with a person who doesnt have the same interests as me .

one more thing i have a very close friend of my but that close friend of my is actually a girl. Ive known her for so long since kindergarten and now im a 10th grader . and i just found out that having this type of relationship is haram . why ?

:salam2:
 

jabba

Salafi Dawah is the best
:salam2:

Brother you are Muslim you should know the answer to that question. I'm sure you've read the Quran. It states very clearly that we cannot have bf's or gf's. I understand you are in grade 10 and you have feelings for this girl but you are in grade 10 and young. Your relationship with this girl is haram because she is not your merham. "When a man and a woman (who aren't merhams) are alone together the 3rd person is satan."
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Salaam,

The first thing I suggest is you contact and discuss in person the issues you have with an adult male in the masjid.
The second thing I suggest is you research the meaning behind why this is a requirment in Islam.

I am say this because I respect the fact that you are in high school and you deserve a just and logical answer.

One of the most beautiful things about marriage is that you get to know a person over a life-time. People do not stop growing just because they get married. In socities where people live together before marriage, often they divorce and they say it is because being married is very different from living together. Do not worry about marriage yet. Keep your GPA up. It is better for you.

Hormones do strange things to people. It is a safety measure for both sexes..you can concentrate on grades.
 

Islam102

New Member
jabba

ok maybe having a boyfriend or girlfriend relationship at this age is haram but where does it state in the quran having a close friend of the opposite gender is haram??
 

samiha

---------
Staff member
ok maybe having a boyfriend or girlfriend relationship at this age is haram but where does it state in the quran having a close friend of the opposite gender is haram??

Assalamu alaykum.

hehe, it's Haram to have a girlfriend at any age... whether you be 18 or 80 :D

Here's a lecture that may help. I say may because i haven't seen it, but it's supposed to deal with those types of questions too:

Bilal Philips - Problems in the Hearts of Teens
[vg]-8747528925966645808&q=bilal+phillips+lightuponlight&total=71&start=10&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=8[/vg]

wasalam
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Salaam,

Young man it is important to start your post with an appropriate salutation. Please be so kind as to address everyone with a simple salaam and brother or sister. Thank you very much for reading this.
 

MOHAMMEDFALIQ

Junior Member
MIRAJMOM

i know this guy , his a good kid and i know the thread and the reply that he posted were out in a respected way.lol
 

muharram23

New Member
Staff member
Salaam,

The first thing I suggest is you contact and discuss in person the issues you have with an adult male in the masjid.
The second thing I suggest is you research the meaning behind why this is a requirment in Islam.

I am say this because I respect the fact that you are in high school and you deserve a just and logical answer.

One of the most beautiful things about marriage is that you get to know a person over a life-time. People do not stop growing just because they get married. In socities where people live together before marriage, often they divorce and they say it is because being married is very different from living together. Do not worry about marriage yet. Keep your GPA up. It is better for you.

Hormones do strange things to people. It is a safety measure for both sexes..you can concentrate on grades.



Salam alaykum,

forget the GPA. Brother go and ask ur father to contact her father for marriage. That is definitely safer for u. That is the problem with parents and muslims today. They beleive that diplomas will solve the problems. They sign of a girl's maturity, is her menstrual cycle. Allah has given that sign to show when a woman is able to get married and bare children. In one hadeeth it is mentioned that resulllah savs said that if a man comes to yor to marry ur daughter and he has deen and akhlaq, then marry them, otherwise there will be fitna (turbulation) in the world. If we married people at young ages, they would think about boyfriends and girlfriends. But since our parents focus on GPA and phd and M.D. diplomas, we r loosing our brothers and sisters especially in what kind of society we live.

Allahu akbar
may Allah forgive us and improve our condition, ameen
 

kayleigh

Junior Member
Salam alaykum,

forget the GPA. Brother go and ask ur father to contact her father for marriage. That is definitely safer for u. That is the problem with parents and muslims today. They beleive that diplomas will solve the problems. They sign of a girl's maturity, is her menstrual cycle. Allah has given that sign to show when a woman is able to get married and bare children. In one hadeeth it is mentioned that resulllah savs said that if a man comes to yor to marry ur daughter and he has deen and akhlaq, then marry them, otherwise there will be fitna (turbulation) in the world. If we married people at young ages, they would think about boyfriends and girlfriends. But since our parents focus on GPA and phd and M.D. diplomas, we r loosing our brothers and sisters especially in what kind of society we live.

Allahu akbar
may Allah forgive us and improve our condition, ameen

Education DOES solve problems. Why do you think some of the poorest and most crime-ridden places on earth are populated with people who are illiterate or with very little education? Education does correlate with poverty levels and crime rate. It is also a responsibility that we all have as Muslims to educate ourselves both on Islamic matters and professional matters. I know that in the West, if you have any hope of having a good life and being able to provide for your family, you need to have a good education. You can't exactly support your wife and your children on minimum wage. And what if everyone did what you said? You would have no doctors, no lawyers, no scientists, no great writers, no businessmen. Education is one of the most important and one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Just because a woman is physically mature and capable of reproduction does not mean that she is mentally mature enough for marriage. Our cultures and mind sets are much different today than they were back during the Prophets time (pbuh). And that certainly doesn't mean that he is mature enough to handle marriage. If they're in high school, chances are they have next to no life experience.

The one thing that bugs me is that it seems like some (although certainly not all or even a majority) Muslim men are trying to get married just to give in and satisfy their hormones. Marriage is about things that are much, much more important than that. If you get married just to have sex, your marriage is probably doomed from the beginning. If you are in high school, I think the worst thing you could do is to get married.
 

rony

Junior Member
Education DOES solve problems. Why do you think some of the poorest and most crime-ridden places on earth are populated with people who are illiterate or with very little education? Education does correlate with poverty levels and crime rate. It is also a responsibility that we all have as Muslims to educate ourselves both on Islamic matters and professional matters. I know that in the West, if you have any hope of having a good life and being able to provide for your family, you need to have a good education. You can't exactly support your wife and your children on minimum wage. And what if everyone did what you said? You would have no doctors, no lawyers, no scientists, no great writers, no businessmen. Education is one of the most important and one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Just because a woman is physically mature and capable of reproduction does not mean that she is mentally mature enough for marriage. Our cultures and mind sets are much different today than they were back during the Prophets time (pbuh). And that certainly doesn't mean that he is mature enough to handle marriage. If they're in high school, chances are they have next to no life experience.

The one thing that bugs me is that it seems like some (although certainly not all or even a majority) Muslim men are trying to get married just to give in and satisfy their hormones. Marriage is about things that are much, much more important than that. If you get married just to have sex, your marriage is probably doomed from the beginning. If you are in high school, I think the worst thing you could do is to get married.

As-salam, you gave the right answer. If we start getting marriage before finishing school then we have to work rest of our life for minimum wage. I even can not think how someone can get married, when they are not financially and mentally ready. If someone is depend on his/her parents how he/she can efford to support a family.
 

nyerekareem

abdur-rahman
Education DOES solve problems. Why do you think some of the poorest and most crime-ridden places on earth are populated with people who are illiterate or with very little education? Education does correlate with poverty levels and crime rate. It is also a responsibility that we all have as Muslims to educate ourselves both on Islamic matters and professional matters. I know that in the West, if you have any hope of having a good life and being able to provide for your family, you need to have a good education. You can't exactly support your wife and your children on minimum wage. And what if everyone did what you said? You would have no doctors, no lawyers, no scientists, no great writers, no businessmen. Education is one of the most important and one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Just because a woman is physically mature and capable of reproduction does not mean that she is mentally mature enough for marriage. Our cultures and mind sets are much different today than they were back during the Prophets time (pbuh). And that certainly doesn't mean that he is mature enough to handle marriage. If they're in high school, chances are they have next to no life experience.

The one thing that bugs me is that it seems like some (although certainly not all or even a majority) Muslim men are trying to get married just to give in and satisfy their hormones. Marriage is about things that are much, much more important than that. If you get married just to have sex, your marriage is probably doomed from the beginning. If you are in high school, I think the worst thing you could do is to get married.

well said.
 

kayleigh

Junior Member
I respectfully disagree. I know this is the prevailing wisdom in the West, but it is contrary to the prophet's advice, "You youth, whoever of you can afford it, get married and those who can't, let him fast. That would serve as protection for him."

I fully sympathize with women who resent men's lust, but it is nature and there's nothing anybody can do about it. God made it nature. Postponing marriage can lead to a host of problems, psychological and even physical, not to mention sin.

I just mean that if you get married for absolutely no other reason than to have sex, then it's a bad idea. If you have no interest in being a good husband, being responsible, loving your wife, then what's the point? And I would hate to be a woman who was only married because my husband wanted to just have sex, finally - not because he loved me or saw me as a good person he could spend the rest of his life with. Marriage, family, and a relationship is worth more than that, and women are worth more than that. It probably isn't really like this (men only getting married for sex), but it certainly seems like it the way some men I know talk about it or treat the topic.

If we had every hormonally driven teen boy marrying the first pretty girl they saw, it would be a complete disaster. And there are so many young men who are not financially or emotionally ready to handle marriage realistically, but they seem to be rushing into it too quickly.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Salaam,


I am getting very confused. Someone help me: why do you have to have a mininmum wage job if you get married in high school? That is a big assumption.
Marry for sex. Well sex is kind of fun...and when things are good in the marriage...things are fun in the bedroom...and it leads to little ones running around.
You don't marry for compatability....that comes with time..do you marry for stautus...yes. many do.

All I see in the responses are huge gaps in thinking. The discussion is evolving to when is it a good age to marry. If the Prophet (swas) has given us guidelines there is little need to go over.
 

farhopes

No God but Allah
Spiritual needs!!!

:salam2:

I know that humans' lust is nature and there is nothing anybody can do about it. However, this matter widely differs from one person to another according to everybody's very special nature, attitudes and needs.

For a very few number of people, marriage is their way to satisfy their spiritual needs. Those people care about integration of spirits, minds and thoughts much more than of bodies.

Bodies potentials and abilities are not lasting forever and they are always threatened by old age and sickness.

This can never happen to our spirits. If Allah grants you a spouse that whose spirit and yours fall in love and find serenity, you will never get bored or lose your passion, no matter how long you live with each other, no matter what may happen to any of you, even death can not separate you!!!
 
Asalaamalikum brother,

Just by your question, I can tell you are not ready for marriage. With marriage comes roles and responsibilities. You should try to learn the Islamic role of the husband and wife first.

Getting married is relative to each person. You have to assess yourself and see if you are ready. Personally, I am a firm believer of education, being educated then getting married, especially in todays society.
 

najbc

Junior Member
Assalamu alaykum,

Out of curiosity, what do you call a guy who will be your future husband.
 

najbc

Junior Member
:salam2:
if your engaged he is called your fiance

So, what is the different between fiancé and boyfriend ? I mean you will get married to either one. is it up to you if you want to call him your boyfriend or fiancé.:confused:
 

IslamIsLight

Islam is my life
Staff member
the difference is wich way u take it.Islamically there is no boy friends.Its a western term .With Fiance u have a commitment between both of u and your families.
But all what counts is the commitment to God and your responsibility towards each other and towards your religion....
 

Islam102

New Member
OMG

:astag: :astag:

WHO SAID IM MARRYING THIS GIRL

CAN U GUYS READ MY THREAD CAREFULLY PLEEASEE


:astag: :astag:
 
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