Why is haram to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend

[Aapa]

Salaam,

No-one is saying you are going to marry the girl. What most people are saying is in Islam there are precautions of seeing a girl who is not your intended.
By having a female friend who is not your fiance..you ( general ) are in a state of temptation. There is always tension when non-married people are together. This is not for teenagers only.
Islam relies on the Wisdom of Allah. We are told having girlfriends/boyfriends is not good for us. Think of this simple example. You have a girlfriend in high school.. you become emotionally attached to her...you break-up because you go to college...she will always compare all men including her husband to you. She will never be pleased with another man. Think of all the songs that are dedicated to the first love...she will be unhappy ..because she will be in a state of need...and the same would apply to you...when you marry you enter a relationship with a feeling of loss...

I hope this made some sense to you. Let me know if it did or why it didn't.

 

[TheKnowledgeSeeker]

assalamu alaykum

I mean inorder to get married before u get married u must be boyfriend and girlfriends (to know each other ). I wouldnt want to spend the rest of my life with a person who doesnt have the same interests as me .

one more thing i have a very close friend of my but that close friend of my is actually a girl. Ive known her for so long since kindergarten and now im a 10th grader . and i just found out that having this type of relationship is haram . why ?

:salam2:

Brother we are islam like you and We are not Allah so we don't know why Allah made it haram but in my opinion Allah made it haram to protect us the Girl especial and so we( both girls & boys) don't commit sin like the ones Allah stated in the Qur'ran that are to get us in hellfire. Girlfriends and boyfriends have different purpose than the one you stated but so you don't commite a sin if you want to marry this friend of yours or anyone for that matter in the future go to their parents and simple say I like your daughter and i want to marry her if yes she becomes fiances and this give you the chance to get know each other there your problem is solved Remember in the islamic way you can still get to know a person before you marry than so if you can't see the cloud clear take step back and think before you decide to look again! Be care and stay with education while you are young brother!

 

[kayleigh]

To answer the actual question: No, you can't have a boyfriend or girlfriend. But that doesn't mean you can't get to know them. Talk to people who know her, and you can talk with her if she brings someone like her brother or father along with her. If your parents know each other and know the girl, they could probably make a fairly good judgment on whether or not you would like her and vice versa.

And a question for mirajmom - Why can't you marry for compatibility? I know culturally many people don't, and they might marry for status, but is it actually wrong to marry for compatibility? For love? I know of several Muslims who seem to have done everything right and love their fiancé and marry because they think or they know they'll probably be compatible with them. I know I could and I certainly never would marry for anything less than compatibility and love.

 

[Albint_Almuslima]

In the name of Allah the most Beneficent and Merciful.


Pre-marital relationships (boy/girlfriends) are strictly Haram (forbidden) in Islam. For non permissible males to have a relationship with non permissible females is one of the major sins in today’s era.

Unfortunately we see this western influence spreading like an illness amongst the Muslim youth. As barriers of work and study have been relaxed by parents, as they would like to see their children prosper, it has brought its evils with it.

Whilst working or studying is commended and supported by Islam, the values of guarding one’s modesty and chastity are even more important.

All men and women have a responsibility under the Shariah that they do not attract the other sex for whom it is unlawful to do so. The measures taken are clear and that all men and women must wear clothing, which are modest and loose.
It is as much haram for a man to wear tight clothing, which would expose the shape of his bodily contours, which are haram for him to show as it is for a woman.

The hijab is the head covering and the reason why this is emphasised for a woman is because her hair and head are also recognised as Awrah (parts which she must cover). As for the man the best way he can protect his modesty is to lower his gaze (as well as cover his body which would cause a sexual attraction).

Looking at the Opposite Sex


Allah says in the Holy Quran regarding lowering the gaze:

“Tell believers to lower their gaze, and tell the believing women to lower their gaze. (24:30,31)​

Imam Al Quduri the great Hanafi Jurist states “It is not permissible for a man to look at a woman who is not his wife or un-marriageable relative except for her face and hands (because of the necessity of her need to deal with men in taking and giving and the like). If a man is not safe from lust, he may not look at her face except for when it is demanded by necessity. (Quduri)

The above tells us the strict ruling of looking at a woman never mind having a relationship with her.


The Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) has said that the eye that looks at a woman (non Mahram) or vice versa with intent of lust or a relationship is the eye that commits fornication (zina). In a lengthy Hadith he says

“The fornication of the two eyes is an evil glance. The fornication of the two ears is the obscene talk. The fornication of the tongue and hand is the touch and grasp. And the fornication of the two feet is the steps taken towards evil. The heart desires and longs and the private parts abide with or does contrary to it”. (Mishkat ul Masabih, Abu Dawood)​

Teenage Pregnancies

Teenage relationships start off as friendship and eventually can lead to fornication. This is why the Prophet of Allah said “When two people (illegally) are together alone then the third is shaitaan” (Bukhari).

We see in today’s day and age the consequences of such actions. Great Britain has the highest amount of teenage pregnancies in the whole of Europe. In 2002, 37,232 girls under the age of 16 became pregnant, this figure has risen every year since.

In 2003 the figure was 40828 and in 2004 the figure has reached a record level of 42400. Allah wants to protect the young male and female from such actions.

In fact the Prophet of Allah has said “one of the seven people who will be under the protection of the shade of the throne of Allah on the day of judgment when there will be no shade will be the young man (or woman) who was approached by a respectable beautiful woman but he replied `I fear Allah`. (Bukhari)

What’s So Bad About It?

Young Girls and boys must realise that fornication (sex outside marriage) is one of the worst sins for a Muslim. The Prophet of Allah has said “The greatest sin after polytheism (shirk) is the man who commits fornication with a woman who is not his legal wife” (Ibn Kathir, Mishkat).

In fact it is so serious that the greatest of gifts, which is Imaan (faith), is removed from the fornicator until the evil act is finished. The Prophet of Allah said “Faith comes out of a person whilst he commits fornication” (Mishkat).

It has also been stated in another hadith related by Imam Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood and Baihaqi that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said “When a servant in Allah engages in fornication, his faith leaves him, for it is like a piece of cloth covering his head (and is removed), and when he finishes his sin, his faith returns”.

Another point to take in to account is when young men and women look for a suitable partner, even if they were themselves involved in such acts, they will want a partner who was pious and had protected their chastity, hence, modesty and Haya (Shamefulness) is a part of Imaan as advised to us by our beloved Prophet. (Bukhari)

Mahram or non-Mahram?

Islam categorises and defines the relations from the opposite sex who are not allowed to be a marital partner and therefore are known as Mahram. All other types of relations or people are regarded as non Mahram hence marriage is allowable with them and therefore individual contact is not permissible unless it is open and necessary or the person is beyond marriageable age.

Mahram - people who you are not allowed to marry

(Extracted from Reliance of the Traveler) It is unlawful for one to marry one’s ancestors, descendents, parent’s descendents, or the first generation of one’s grandparent’s offspring, meaning one’s paternal or maternal aunts or uncles. One’s un-marriageable kin (mahram) are those one is forbidden to marry forever.

For a man:

• Mother
• Grandmothers (paternal or maternal) and on up
• Daughters
• Daughters of his children, children’s children and on down.
• Sisters
• Daughters of brothers or sisters, their children’s daughters, and on down
• Mother’s sisters, grandmothers sisters and on up
• Father’s sisters and father’s fathers sisters and on up
• Wife’s mother, Wife’s grandmother
• The wives of his father, father’s father and on up
• The wives of his children, children’s children and on down.

All the mentioned relatives are unlawful to be married. However, the first lot are due to blood relationships and hence it would be incest.

The last four are unlawful due to the fact of his marriage, i.e., wife’s mother (she was lawful but became unlawful when he married his wife) and this is what this means and will now remain unlawful for him even if he was to divorce his wife. The same applies with the other three.

Also, all of his wet nurse mother’s kin made un-marriageable to him due to being breast fed by his milk mother.
It is also unlawful for a man to marry both of these together (whilst being married to the other):

• A woman and her sister
• A woman and her father’s sister
• A woman and her mother’s sister
• He may marry the other if he was to divorce (or by death) the first partner.

For a woman:

• Father, grandfather and on up
• Son, son’s son, daughter’s son and on down
• Brother
• Father’s brother, meaning the brother of any male ancestor
• Mother’s brother, meaning the brother of any female ancestor
• Brother’s son, sister’s son, or any other descendant of brothers or sisters
• The husband of her mother, grandmother and on up
• The husband of her daughter or other female descendant
• Her husband’s father, grandfather and on up, and the husband’s son and descendant’s

Also, all of her wet nurse mother’s kin made un-marriageable to him her to being breast fed by her milk mother.

To conclude: Mixing freely with the opposite sex (non-mahram) without necessity is not allowed in Islam. Having a boy/girlfriend is totally haram. We need to understand what relationships are allowed and what are not.

We ask Allah to protect us and help us guard our Chastity.

 

[jabba]

So, what is the different between fiancé and boyfriend ? I mean you will get married to either one. is it up to you if you want to call him your boyfriend or fiancé.

:salam2:

First of all Najbc, muhammed shaik and islam102 Mirajmom has already told you this is an Islamic site, greet eachother with Salam and have some manners when speaking to your brothers and sisters in Islam.

Secondly there are lots of people who are boyfriends and girlfriends and do not marry eachother. being someones fiance means your going to get married a fiance is what you are during the process of planning the marriage/wedding

 

[Irvan]

:salam2:

[Ar-Ruum - 21]

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.

According to the ayah, the purpose of marriage is to Dwell in tranquility with our spouses through love and mercy.

It's not rocket science i suppose, everybody can learn to dwell in tranquility through love and mercy at no time. Love and mercy are not something that we have to wait for them fall from the sky, love and mercy can be produce based on our initiatives...

For example; you can easily give your money to unknown poor ppl, or accept the apology of stranger who bump on to you accidently, etc.

So, you don't always need to have bf-gf relationship, which can lead you to zina, before getting married...

Once you understood the concept and the purpose of marriage in Islam as mentioned in above ayah, marriage as a form of worshipping in Islam, will be so easy...

All can be arrange, even our heart, Allah made it that way, don't spoil your heart too much, it can lead you gone ashtray....

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Sister, I am not saying do not marry for compatibility. In Islam, compatilbility is a facet of love that comes with marriage. If you marry for compatibility only then by defintion you have placed yourself and your partner in a box.
People grow and change. One of the primary reasons given for divorce is we can no longer live together...we are no longer compatible..one of us changed. No kidding.
If your interests at 40 are the same as they were at 20 you are immature by anyone's definition.
Remember it is written marriage is the business of this world. We are given spouses so our journey in life will not be lonely. We marry to have children. I can not recall the exact phrase but we are told to forgive the qualities we do not like in a spouse for it may do us good. I hope this makes sense

 

[Globalpeace]

Ugly face of the West!

Asslamo Allaikum,

With the utmost respect…

Let’s put Islam aside for a moment.

Have any one of EVER spoken to any Western Non-Muslim girl who isn’t that good looking, isn’t fit, isn’t well off, isn’t well educated, don’t have good career prospects etc. etc. etc….Go have a conversation & understand that she also has a beating heart!

Better, find a girl with those things and OVER 30! Have a sincere conversation and you will really know HOW DEEP THE RABBIT HOLE IS! If she trusts you to pour her heart out, you may discover something!!!!!!!!

Less then 50 years ago even in Western societies there was NO concept of promiscuity, pre-marital relationships and pre-marital intimacy.

The whole wider world frowned upon these things; now some of you may take it in the negative sense & say that “they thought that the Earth was FLAT in those days”, blah blah blah

But if you dig deeper into your bias and concept of romanticism, many of you will find that these are based on popular media concepts; do you dare to evaluate your thoughts!


Islam said 1400 years ago, “There is nothing better then two people in LOVE then to get into Nikah”…(at this moment I know the Hadeeth in Arabic & English, but can’t remember the source)

So develop LOVE through the institution of Nikah & not outside of it.

If the basic premise is to get to know the person; then it is allowed, recommended and suggested in Islam and it is the basic right of a Muslim Sister or Brother!

Most of us have had girl-friends, one-night stands and temporary liaisons;

1) So no one can tell me that it is necessary to have a girl-friend in order to know someone!
2) No can tell me that all boy-friends and girl-friends are honest!
3) I know girls who have gotten pregnant to hold on to a boy-friend and you all know that it happens
4) Similarly, I am sure everybody knows lying, cheating, scum-bag boy-friends…you know the sensitive kind, say the right things, do the right things JUST to get to you know what!

Non-Sense!

So you don’t need to have a RELATIONSHIP in order to know someone; as a matter of fact it can be counter-productive IF the person has NASTY intentions....They will say the right things, do the right things!….

You should get to know a person through all means available to you & thats what Islam teaches!

Go to any clinic in the West any day of the week and speak to millions of pregnant girls or young mothers & they will tell WHY they slept with their boy-friend…

O he loved me so much!
He made me feel like I was the centre of his world!
He used to hold my hands and sing to me!
He said, “Having his baby is the most beautiful thing in the world”
He said, “He will always be around”
Etc. etc. etc.​

There is a 31 year guy at work, sleeping with a 17 year cleaning girl…she isn’t too sharp and she isn’t too pretty, she is a bit overweight (not too much) and she is not really well off! But hey she is 17 and he is 31…Get the Point???

I suppose box of chocolates and a bunch of Roses have gone a long way!
If she thinks he loves her, she should listen to what he has to say about it amongst guys…His prized-catch, “a young Bird”

She is a nice-girl and I usually run into her in the lift when I am leaving & I can’t /don’t make eye-contact because I am ashamed as to what a MAN is doing to her!

Liberated western society with the moral high ground; taking advantage of the innocence of a NOT-TOO-PRETTY-A-BIT-OVERWEIGHT 17 year old!

Makes me sick!

I am Sorry to disgust all my Sisters in Islam, but it has to be said,

“She is a 17 year old PIECE OF MEAT, nothing more”

 

[Globalpeace]

Asslamo Allaikum,

Subject of my last post should READ "SICK" instead of "UGLY" to convey my real feelings on the issue.

Jazakullah Khairun

 

[Waseem Hanif]

Most of us have had, one-night stands and temporary liaisons;

Are those things forbidden or allowed in Islam ?

 

[Globalpeace]

W-Salam,

HARAM!

Are those things forbidden or allowed in Islam ?

 

[Waseem Hanif]

But u just said: "Most of us have had..."


So u muslims know its forbidden, yet u do it.
May I ask ?:
Ur a convert right ?
Where do u come from ?

 

[Globalpeace]

Asslamo Allaikum,

I am a born-Muslim & I wasn't always practising.

Once I started practising I STOPPED...hope that answers and satisfies your curious mind, Insha'Allah;if it doesn't...thats the best I can say.

Over time I realised the wrongs of my actions and the havoc that they can cause in society.

But u just said: "Most of us have had..."


So u muslims know its forbidden, yet u do it.
May I ask ?:
Ur a convert right ?
Where do u come from ?

 

[island muslim]

Salaam Alaiykum,

I RESENT to be lablled as "MOST of us" ....
If you did it does not mean others do it ok??? For your info i NEVER did such a thing alhamdulilah!

 

[Globalpeace]

W-Salam,

I am very happy for you that Allah (SWT) kept you on guidence.

All praise be to Allah (SWT).

Salaam Alaiykum,

I RESENT to be lablled as "MOST of us" ....
If you did it does not mean others do it ok??? For your info i NEVER did such a thing alhamdulilah!

 

[Waseem Hanif]

LOL

 

[amyaishazouaoui]

:salam2:

Why has this turned into such an argument. I personally agree with GP but then who's to say Im right.

If u have done stuff...then repent and you know what you are not missing, and if you been good all the time then alhamdulillah and stay strong.

You know what counts in all of this, it isnt our past.......that we can learn from. The FUTURE is what counts and its in thefuture we can be better muslims inshallah and in the FUTURE we can get greater rewards.

Somepeople make mistakes,,,,, its human, shut up and get on going forward in the path of Allah

 

[island muslim]

Salaam Alaiykum,

excuse me??? sister who exactly should "shut up" here??? I have a problem when someone who did in his past ASSUME that EVERY brother is like him....

With your post telling everyone to "shutup" is not in the best of manners either.

 

[amyaishazouaoui]

smily happy days

 

[Libinette]

:salam2:
*removed*

HEY HEY HEY, calm down here!!

No one is perfect, doesn't mean that someone is born in a muslim family that he/she is perfect. NO WAY!!!

You do not know all of GP's life to be able to talk like that!! that's not fair!!

Please stay correct, once again you're trying to kind of separate born and converts, there's NO need of that in our ummah, subhanallah!:astag: