Would you...!?, Controversial

[Umm Aysha]

Asalaam

What 3assal mentioned was not to scare people, but she does have a point...
My first cousins married each other and one of they two children has a deficiency and it was due to them being first cousins....but he is gorgeous as eva...

Allah knows best...

W/salaam

 

[Late Learner]

Salam....Will u?

This topic is very intersting but can we make it more interesting.
What If we will have chance to marrage with a person who embraced islam .
Mean new muslims either a sister conterted to islam or a brother converted to islam.
Practically difficult step for people but will they really go for it ?
or how many people desire to marriage to marriage with a person who is not born muslim but turned to be a muslim?

:wink:

 

[saima11]

:salam2:

marry a cousin? i don't know because i've never been put in that situation i am married out of the family, which is not done very often in pakistani familys.i went for a practising muslim, who would help me stay on the right path and help me bring up my children the right way[inshallah]
to think about it you just need someone practising wheather its a cousin or not, but then again this is another issue when i've seen families braking up because a marriage between two cousins didn't work out.
may allah protect us all and guide us to the right.

 

[zarah]

Assalamu Alaikum



:salam2:

Nice Topic!:bananabb2in:

I have voted as "undecided",I don`t mind marrying into a cousin,but then it all depends.

I think it all depends on the person,I think we are going to be destined to marry a cousin/out of race.

I have no objection against marrying someone out of race as long as they are muslims.

I do have some points :

*I would want to marry someone who has a stronger iman then me.

*Looks out for "Halal/Haram"

*ETC (I am sure everyone has some views)

Jazzak-Allah khair

 

[Tarek]

my opionion on this is i dont like it ...somtimes many conflicts arise etc...familys getting involved ..i dont know... but never know where ur naseeb is !!

 

[marwah.mahmod]

marriage;inter racial nd cousin dealings

SalaamuAlikumweRahmetAllahebarakatuh. I honestli cant seem to understand wat is so 'incestful' tht 2 cousins marry. I do not realli no any of my cousins nd they live in differnt countries but nevertheles i dun c y my anser wud change. If i wer to thnk bout it, if i actualil new a person realli well, like a cousin, tht they wer like a brother to me or whatever the case, then ok, obviosuli ther wud b a problem marrying THT cousin. if i felt ALL my cousins wer like my brothers, then its my personal choice to choose not to marry ne of em. If jus one cousin felt like a brother or tht it wud b too werid, then ok, they wudnt b considered. But if ther is nuthin like tht, how can it b deemed incestful? how can it jsu b catogrized tht ne cousin marrying nother cousin is RONG or negaitve? THt in itself doesnt make sense.It DOES depend on the ppl involved nd the relationship tht exisits, its not a general rule thte shud appli for all. In reagrds to arranged mariages nd inter racial mariages, in a snse i can understand y sum ppl lean towards them, in teh sense tht both partners undrestnad teh same language, the famili can as well, certain thigns r held to the same value as others nd etc. but i dun c y neone shud force ther children to marry within ther cuture or race, etc. As long as we r all muslims(InshALlah), it shudnt matter tht we r of a diff coulor or race or culture. What matters is each individuals emaan.End of story. Again, marraiges in teh same race or culture can b of an asset, but nthin of hte like shud b forced on neone. many parents dun ralize this, nd look for partners for the cihldren based on culutre etc, rather than emaan, without realizin its eapersons emaan tht will assist in the overall succes of ea membr inthe marraige, u r out to protect nd giv ure children the best tht u can to ehlp em succed in life, by the will of Allah SWT InshAllah, not jus 'protect teh culutre' . Again, its understandbale y it may be considered and may seem appealin for sum in a sense, btu then it whud b a personal choice we should all hav the rite to make. SalaamuAlikumwRahmetAllaheabrkatuh

 

[afnan]

first priority must be given to taquwa in marriage .anyhow my wife is my cousin too

 

[Speedfreak]

:salam2:
Islam does not forbid a person from marrying his\her cousin, so why should there be a debate about it? As muslims we all believe in Allah (SWT) and Nabi Muhammed (SAW), hence we also believe in what Allah (SWT) said in the Holy quran, and what was said and done by Nabi Muhammed (SAW). So what was made halal remains halal and what was made haraam remains haraam.
Thats how simple Islam is.
Inshallah Allah (SWT) make it easy for all of us (me especially) to obey his commands and follow His Beloved Nabi Muhammed (SAW). Ameen

 

[cadette]

I clicked no, due to my personal experience.
I was married to a second cousin and when the marriage broke up it left alot of uncomfortable feeling for everyone.

However my parents are first cousins and have been happily married, Alhamdu-lillah, for 39 years. Both my sister and myself are perfactly normal.

 

[samiha]

Assalam.

Yes, my cousin is married to his cousin and they have mashallah a beautiful daughter.

I picked yes. It is allowed therefore if I had too, I would do it. However none of my cousins are actually practicing very well.

 

[Kayote]

:salam2:
Islam does not forbid a person from marrying his\her cousin, so why should there be a debate about it? As muslims we all believe in Allah (SWT) and Nabi Muhammed (SAW), hence we also believe in what Allah (SWT) said in the Holy quran, and what was said and done by Nabi Muhammed (SAW). So what was made halal remains halal and what was made haraam remains haraam.
Thats how simple Islam is.
Inshallah Allah (SWT) make it easy for all of us (me especially) to obey his commands and follow His Beloved Nabi Muhammed (SAW). Ameen

Masha'Allah a very good answer.

I myself donot have a problem with it due to what Speedfreak has already said.

 

[Destiny_Jannah]

I said no, and it depends on which cousins you are talking about. are you asking cousins from mom's side dad's side or both?

I won't marry cousins from my dad's site.. because I will never be able to get along with any of them, due difference between the way I was brough up for my parents and the way they were brough up. and I think this will be big issue for me.


I won't marry my cousins from my mom's site, again because I don't know them that much which will make bit uncomfortable.

I'm not against cousin marriage, everyone has the right to marry whoever they want, as long as the person meets their expectations.

marriage suppose to bring happiness

the prophet S.A.W said marry someone based on one of three, beauty, wealth, religion, and religion is the best one

 

[cadette]

On the subject of abnormality

On the subject of abnormailty due to getting married to a relative. I don't think Allah would have made it halaal for us if it was in anyway harmful to us. There is countless abnormal and disabled children born into families where the Husband and wife are from different families.

Think of it this way, Allah has made pork and alcohol haram (forbidden) for us because its harmful in so many ways. If getting married to a cousin was in anyway harmful for us, it wouldn't be allowed.


Just my opinion here.

 

[Kayote]

On the subject of abnormailty due to getting married to a relative. I don't think Allah would have made it halaal for us if it was in anyway harmful to us. There is countless abnormal and disabled children born into families where the Husband and wife are from different families.

Think of it this way, Allah has made pork and alcohol haram (forbidden) for us because its harmful in so many ways. If getting married to a cousin was in anyway harmful for us, it wouldn't be allowed.


Just my opinion here.

Actually I agree with you now. There has to be an explanation. Allah (SHW) knows best.

 

[dna1987]

My response: NO WAY!!!

Lol.

My reason:
I know all my female cousins, and have come to the conclusion of "never". It's not that I think it's wrong/incest or anything ... well maybe on a certain level... I dunno .. I voted "no".

Salams.


EDIT: Reading some of the other posts ... it is definitely better to have a partner that is as different from you genetically as possible. The closer they are to your family, the higher the chance of them having a disability. I would go into the bio stuff, but short on time at the moment. With cousins, there is "sufficient" difference in genes to have a low chance of defective children. Very low chance infact.

At the start of the year, we did see some cases of cousins that both had defective genes and it was shown in the majority of their children......as the proffessor said, "they were very unlucky".

Hmmm, personally, I think its better marrying somebody that is genetically different from you as there is even less chance of having a common defective gene than if marrying your cousin.

 

[q8penpals]

My husband's sister married their cousin and as someone else said, it is horrible for her because he is controlling and verbally abusive, but her father won't let her divorce him because that is his brother's son and it would hurt the family. So she is stuck. I would worry about that.

Also, in some US states, you are allowed to marry a first cousin only if you are unable to have children (either one of you is "fixed" or you are well past childbearing age) and other states ban it altogether.

As a teacher here in the Middle East, it is not so much a problem of a person marrying their cousin and having possible disabilities, but it is the problem that their parents were cousins, their grandparents were cousins, etc. In areas with larger populations, an occassional cousin marriage (I am talking first cousins - extended cousins - 2-3 or more times removed are different) would probably not increase the chance of disabilities significantly. It is the compounding over generations. A study in Syria found several tribes that bascially every person has some form of disability directly attributed to in-marriage. When the researched the family tree, it was basically one family, intermarrying for generation after generation.

Overall, looking at MY cousins, there are none I would want to marry at all anyway, besides the fact that none of them are Muslim! LOL! That said, in my opinion, if 2 cousins are planning to marry, they should go for genetic counseling first, to make sure they are fully aware of anything they may be carrying twice (each cousin carrying the same related gene of something). Someone might argue that this would cut down on marriages or that everyone should do this then, but the fact is that relatives share genes and so the odds of both of them carrying the same defective gene are much, much greater than the general population. If after having all the facts, they still want to marry and have children, at least they will have made a complete decision.

My humble opinion,
Lana

 

[Wiseguy74]

Assalam O Alaikum,

I don´t see any thing wrong in marrying my cousin if she is religious, have good character.

Prophets Advice for choosing Life Partner:

For Man:

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty, and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman; (otherwise) you will be a loser." (Reported by Al-Bukhari)

For Woman:

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "If someone with whose piety and character you are satisfied comes to you, then marry him. If you do not do so, there will be disorder in the earth and a great deal of evil." (Reported by At-Tirmidhi and others and classed as Hasan)

Wassalam
Brother Farooq

 

[Submitter]

:salam2:

Excellent advice Wiseguy74.

Although Allah has permitted one to marry their cousin and requires no "debate", I feel this is an interesting question just to gauge what people's responses are.

I think a major factor (probably the biggest factor) in whether a person would or would not is the way they've been brought up. If you've been brought up in a western country (like me) where marrying cousins is not very common in the majority of the population or is not in their culture/tradition, then I think you are more likely to say no. If, on the other hand, you grew up in somewhere like Pakistan where marriage to cousins is more common, then I think you are more likely to accept it.

I have to admit I would probably not marry any of my cousins who live here in the UK, because I've grown up with them. The interesting thing is I feel slightly different about cousins over in Pakistan. I don't know them very well as I don't get the opportunity to visit very often but I think I would be less hesitant in refusing altogether in their case. Why? Probably just because I don't know them well.

I guess for me it would just be awkward marrying someone who you know very well. But theoretically, if one day I met a cousin I had never seen before (for whatever reason) and she was religiously committed and of good character, I would have difficulty in thinking of a reason not to say yes.

 

[muhamm4d]

yo

I only have a problem with it when people are forced to marry their cousins, and the parents are upset if they wouldnt want to marry their cousins...

 

[yafash]

As far as marriage is concerned, I oppose what Allah opposes and support what Allah allows.

:salam2:
I FEEL THE SAME WAY WITH U, SINCE ISLAM ALLOWS IT, NO PROBLEM , BUT I PERSONALLY DO NOT HAVE ANY COUSINS I CAN MARRY AT THE MOMENT. MY 'CULTURAL BACKGROUND ' BELIEVES THAT IT IS INCEST(MARRIAGE) BUT ISLAMICALLY THERE SHOULD BE NO FREE MIXING BTW US SINCE THERE R HALAL 4 MARRIAGE. THIS HAS CAUSED A BIG FITNAH 4 ME, COS THEY ALWAYS WANT TO HUG AND TOUCH ME ( WHICH THEY DO NOT SEE AS WRONG), WHICH IS CLEARLY FORBIDDEN.
THEY CAN'T UNDERSTAND FOR NOW, COS MOST OF THEM R NOT MUSLIM OR R JUST NOT VERY SERIOUS WITH DEEN.