Your Future Husband/Wife

Discussion in 'TurnToIslam Lounge !' started by PeArLL, Feb 2, 2012.

  1. aisha16
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    aisha16 Junior Member

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    Lol this thread got everyone's attention.

    But I personally would like someone who is:

    Religious (on the deen)
    Well educated/working
    Good character/personality/easy to get along with
    Tall/dark/handsome/in shape/ lol
    Funny/Caring/Good father type..

    I'm slowly starting to realize that this description does not exist lol so I'm gonna have to be a little more realistic..But not lower my standards or anything. Hope everyone finds their dream girl/guy. peace
  2. Rustandi
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    Rustandi الفقير الى الله

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    Jazaakillahu khayran..

    May Allah reward your friend with a best spouse possible for her, if she hasn't married already that is.

    Don't worry about it sister, i'm not a 15 year old teenager anymore alhamdulillah, it was not a serious comment, i just wanted to keep things light. Besides i'm not THAT not-so-good-looking, and i'm not the kind of guy who worries about silly stuff like that... besides there is no absolute beauty, like Aapa said, beauty is subjective.. what one finds beautiful may be ugly in another's view..

    i'm about to marry someone now insya Allah [may Allah may it easy for us], what i'm worried about is my character and piety, i'm worried that i won't be able to meet my future-wife's expectation.

    We actually think the same thing regarding people's criteria, when they wants to get married they should have a clear target of what their future spouse should be.. but when presented to them someone that have some of the criteria, but lacking in others, for example a brother who sets 10 criteria for his future wife.. but then presented to him a sister, who only have 7 or even 5 of the things that the brother wants from a wife... if that brother is wise and mature, he will marry her anyway.. especially if the sister has the most essential criterion, that is deen.

    But some people, particularly sisters [that i know, some of them are my own families] are really stubborn regarding choosing their male partner, for example a sister wants a brother who is pious, handsome, tall, has a stable job, intelligent, well-educated, from the same culture, etc. but when comes to her a guy who has all that, except that he's not as tall as she wants, plus the guy has dislodged teeth for example, there'll be no end to that... a stubborn sister when asked by her parents regarding her decision whether to accept the guy or not, might reply with something like, "Umm.. yeah he's nice, it appears he's pious as well insya Allah, plus he has a good carrier.. but.. he's not tall, and i wanted a strong looking, tall guy who can make me feel so safe.. so protected.. but that guy looks weak, plus he's short.. also he has bad teeth, he's gonna look ugly when he smile".

    I said, "whaaat?!!" it really happens you know, but the guy's not me!, its just someone that i know..

    Borrowing Aapa's words.. the crap that people are put through.. *sigh*


    إِنَّ اللَّهَ لاَ يَنْظُرُ إِلَى صُوَرِكُمْ وَأَمْوَالِكُمْ وَلَكِنْ يَنْظُرُ إِلَى قُلُوْبِكُمْ وَأَعْمَالِكُمْ

    "Verily Allah does not look to your faces and your wealth but He looks to your heart and to your deeds." [Narrated by Muslim]

    Also, from personal experience as well, a beautiful soul, really can make an average person looks dashing.. and sooths the heart.. while bad character, can make beautiful people looks ugly..
  3. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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    Assalaam walaikum,

    Brother,

    are we sisters really that bad?

    I will probably get banned but on the list of tall dark and handsome, pious etc...bad to the bone is a good prerequisite. ( I am keeping this thread light, that is funny..)
  4. PeArLL
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    PeArLL -Quiet Member-

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    :salam2:

    Well said, Brother... The looks are not gonna lead us to Jannah.. It's a pious husband/wife who is gonna help one in one's Deen and lead to Jannah... and Congratulations Brother you're getting married....INSHALLAH... Pray to ALLAH that you be a good husband.. and INSHALLAH you will be a great Husband...

    MAY ALLAH BLESS YOU AND GUIDE YOU TO THE RIGHT PATH...
  5. Rustandi
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    Rustandi الفقير الى الله

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    Ameen to all of your du'a..

    A little correction, when i wrote that i'm about to get married, i meant that i'm currently in the process for that, we're still facing many obstacles, one of them is to get her parents permission.. which is.. the main obstacle unfortunately... but if this marriage is meant to be, then no one can prevent it insya Allah..
  6. Rustandi
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    Rustandi الفقير الى الله

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    *smile* no Aapa, not you sisters, but juuust some not-so-religious sisters [that i know, directly or not] whose heart and priorities are not in the right place lol

    Edit: my post applies to both brothers and sisters as well actually, so no discrimination here, its just that brothers [again, that i know] are tend to be more flexible regarding their spouse-to-be..
  7. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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    Assalaam walaikum,

    When something comes from Allah subhana wa taala it always is. Make dua and InshaAllah, He will make the path easy.

    I have you deep in my heart, son. And I know Allah answers my dua.
  8. PeArLL
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    PeArLL -Quiet Member-

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    Make Du'a Brother.. ALLAH will make things easy....INSHALLAH...
  9. Just a Guy
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    Just a Guy Reinventing Myself

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    That's normal at your age, or any age really. That doesn't make you a freak because you're scared of marriage. Don't feel bad about it. I hardly talked to any women in my teens or my 20's, so don't worry about it.

    I used to think that all women were evil soul-destroying monsters, but I no longer think that. Sure, I may still be a bit phobic of women, but I'm learning to deal with it.
  10. MuslimShadow
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    MuslimShadow Junior Member

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    Jazakallah khairan brother for replying.I felt nice after talking to you all.:mashallah:
  11. Just a Guy
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    Just a Guy Reinventing Myself

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    No problem, sister.

    Remember, you live your life for yourself and for Allah. If you're not ready for anything, don't do it. Don't let society or other people dictate to you how should live your life.
  12. gulsafe
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    gulsafe New Member

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    WIFE.....WISE NOT CLEVER

    BROTHER CHOICE WISE ..NOT CLEVER
    CLEVER MEANS FOX
  13. Sister Zohra
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    Sister Zohra Junior Member

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    Assalamu Alaikum,

    Brother, you joined in 2007 and this is your first post?

    EDIT: Ah, I didn't mean to sound offensive. I just found your post interesting.
  14. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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    Assalaam walaikum,

    Now, that is a good thing. This brother took his time. He has me humbled...and yet what he wrote is rather funny...no-one said a sister could not be a foxy lady for her husband..
  15. PeArLL
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    PeArLL -Quiet Member-

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    WALIKUMUSALAM WAREHMATALLAHI WABARAKATUHU..

    Now that this thread is alive again lol... I have another question.... Nowadays,especially in the West, husbands make their wives go to work even if they don't want to... Or the wife just wants to work because she gets "bored" in the house instead of having a strong reason... And there might be consequences for that..... A lot of husbands, nowadays, prefer their wives to be more active and interactive... So, brothers and sisters, in your opinion,is it better to be a housewife or not???
  16. complex_man
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    complex_man Junior Member

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    i would like my wife to be housewife rather than a working woman. for earning i a m responsible. she should take care of home.
  17. strive-may-i
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    strive-may-i Junior Member

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    :salam2:
    Sister Pearll...
    Thats a very serious question. Not just for Muslims, for every husband/wife, partners in world, its a very serious question.

    Prophet :saw: said, among signs of dooms day, is that:
    Tariq ibn Shihab said, "We were sitting with 'Abd Allah ibn Mas'ud, when a man came and told us that the time for prayer had come. So we got up and went to the mosque. After the prayer, a man came to 'Abd Allah ibn Mas'ud and said, 'As-salam 'alayka (Peace be upon you), O Abu 'Abd al-Rahman'. 'Abd Allah answered, 'Allah and His Messenger have spoken the truth'. When we went back, we asked one another, 'Did you hear the answer he gave? Who is going to ask him about it? I said, 'I will ask him'; so I asked him when he came out. He narrated from the Prophet (sallallahu alayhe wa sallam): 'Before the Hour comes, there will be a special greeting for the people of distinction; trade will become so widespread that a woman will help her husband in business; family ties will be cut; the giving of false witness will be common, while truthful witness will be rare; and writing will be widespread." (Ahmad.)​

    Now, trade defines most of our relationship/lifetimes, is it not? Central to this is the question 'The role of partners in family'. If family and or life is important for partners, then they both let career take a back seat. Similarly when Aakhira is important, the partners will let dunya take a back seat.

    So, there are these "high flying" women, who have quit job voluntarily, and preferred the lead from home role. They are content with it, they defend it fiercely. There also are women, who have got bored and taken a job. A recent survey in UK found that, Most Women with partners (ie married/ stay together relationships) who work, are stressed much. No not because the men harass, nor because men are lazy, but because women tend to with time, take more responsibility in house matters. They do it because they want the lead at home role. Thats an eye opener research I read recently! I guess, women find it satisfying, to align to whats natural to them!
    (I can get the links, but would have to search for it.)

    So, these are the many ground realities.. Waiting for more, from the other sisters/brothers here...
  18. MutlekM
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    MutlekM Junior Member

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    :salam2:
    I want a women who is strong in faith, educated, open minded, beautiful :)
  19. PeArLL
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    PeArLL -Quiet Member-

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    WALIKUMUSALAM WAREHMATALLAHI WABARAKATUHU...

    Brother, MASHALLAH ... JAZAKALLAH KHAIR that you responded to the question with a Hadith... I have read this in the signs of Qyamah.... I, personally, feel that women are better at home taking care of their children and giving time to their husbands... The role of a husband is to go outside and work for his children and wife.... And it should be like this....However, nowadays, there are circumstances that lead a woman to go outside and do a job for a living... For example, if a woman is divorced and has children, there is no choice for her other than doing a job etc.....Even the relatives don't support nowadays, but few.... At the end, it is just my opinion.... And, yes it's a very serious and sensitive question....
  20. Just a Guy
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    Just a Guy Reinventing Myself

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    :salam2:

    I am probably going to anger some people with this, but here we go.

    My wife can do whatever she wants. If she wants to work, she can work. If she wants to stay home, she can stay home. I don't care what she does, as long as she loves me.

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