A long time back I penned this story to be shared in a yahoogroup. I found this a good platform to share so I'm here sharing it after 4 years again. Its a story of 'muslim by chance' to a 'muslim by choice'.
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A tear dropped from my eye, lying on my sofa, reading an Islamic digest, detailing down the words of UMMAH HATUL MOMINEEN (Mother of ALL MOMINS) and the SAHABAAH KARAM RIZWAN ULALLAH HAI AJMAEEN( The companions of the Holy Prophet (SAW) when they were about to depart from this mortal world.
Astonished by the fact, that when they were departing from this mortal world, they’re crying. Was that cry for the FEAR of DEATH? The answer came as NO. Was that cry for the fact that they’re not happy about how they passed their lives? I was confused on the answer to it. Continued anxiously to know the reason, the words of AMMA AYEESHA (RA) went passed my eyes which said “I’d wished I was a stone, a grass, for these things at least don’t have to be answerable for their deeds”.
A moment of pause came, a moment which straightened the hair on my body with fear of ALLAH I couldn’t understand. I kept thinking that as of those companions and mothers who did so much of good deeds that no one among us can ever think of , who had the most god-consciousness, piety as compared to anyone of us, when they were departing, they were weeping and crying for they couldn’t stand in front of the ALMIGHT CREATOR, ALLAH, to be answerable for their deeds. Having a fear of ALLAH so much in their last moments, even though they were among the best of the best , made me shiver with the fear of ALLAH.
For those great people who spent their lives for ISLAM, they were not satisfied with the way they passed their lives, that who knows to which act ALLAH will make them accountable for the deeds. Reading more made me go through the following hadeeth:
“Prophet Muhammad (SAW ) said” Every child of Adam (AS) goes embarrassed from this earth? The companions asked: “O Prophet! Do the good ones as well?” The Prophet (SAW) replied: “Yes, because for a person who is bad, he feels embarrassed that he was not able to do SOME GOOD DEEDS and for a person who is good he is embarrassed that he was not able to do MORE GOOD DEEDS”
Tears kept rising from my eyes as in continued to read as
“For FAITH lies in between FEAR and HOPE from ALLAH”
I started questioning myself? Where do I stand at in terms of my so-called faith? Suppose if I die now, what is it that I have to offer to my ALLAH ALMIGHTY? Nothing was the reply from the bottom of my heart. I was empty inside in terms of my offerings to ALLAH. I paused for a moment, thought over it more; tears came out and kept on drying. I was feeling guilty of the past 21-22 years of my life in which I did nothing much for ALLAH but did everything for myself. Was never a regular prayer, always used to enjoy my life that was given in a the most appropriate way I can, never had the thinking in my mind that I’m going to die. That day turned out to me as my first call to prayers when one says “ALLAH HU AKBAR” ALLAH IS THE GREATEST., I wept, I cried, I repented to ALLAH to forgive me, I asked for His mercy, I was terrified from the Fear of ALLAH and I knew that I was just running away from TRUTH by just following my OWNSELF.
From that point on till now, ALHAMDULILLAH, I have been praying regularly and I try to know more that ISLAM in total has to offer me. I’ve never felt the peace of heart in my previous life than that day when I REPTENTED over sins. I prayed my first TAHAJUD that day and I’m hopeful that ALLAH will forgive me because His blessing encompasses HIS terror and I continue to hold steadfast in the way of ALLAH because I know now that after repentance if u turn my back on ALLAH’s command, I’ll have to face the torment of this world and the hereafter.
I’d been a normal teenager like anyone of this age who looks forward to find all the charms in the material world things weather it be partying, playing etc. but praise be to ALLAH how has told me the real purpose of LIFE that one can’t find peace (ISLAM) if one doesn’t submit to HIM both Verbally and Practically. Yes, I was a MUSLIM by LABEL only, who was doing everything that if compared to a NON-MUSLIM one would not find any routine difference. For that matter, I’d believed that that was not a MUSLIM for the past 21-22 years of my life.
The faith that I had on that day was so much that I was so hopeful of the blessings of ALLAH on my repentance that I knew that if I’m going to die that day, ALLAH will INSHALLAH submit me to paradise because its ALLAH’S promise that anyone who repents back to ALLAH, ALLAH mercy n blessings are always favored for him. It was never a process that took me a day to change my mind but that day was a turning point in my life that turned the life that I’m going to pass ahead.
It has lots of background to it, one of which I feel that I have been a person who has been blessed by ALLAH SUBAHANAWATALLAH in so many aspects that I can’t pay back to Him for what he has given me. Not many people have passed a life of luxury like me; such has been the favor of ALLAH on me. One of the blessings in disguise that came from ALLAH for me was my father, may ALLAH continue to bless him, who I feel that whatsoever he has given to me as a son, the most beloved things he gave me was ISLAM, meaning that it was he who actually made me change in terms of my what I’m right now. He was never a religious man before but what I know for him is that I have never seen him miss his prayers the moment I had been in my consciousness.
That moment came as was planned by ALLAH. I along with the family besides my father had to shift from Saudia Arabia to Pakistan for my further education. After 6 months of gap he came to spend the vacations with us. Entering as a bearded man, managing a smile on his face, met us all. We’re all astonished to see it but at the same time happy to see my father keeping it because he was looking MASHALLAH good. So my impression to keeping the beard was keeping it if it looks good. I never realized the spiritual aspects of it that it refrains a person from.
He never forced us, brought forward with him some cassettes and CDs of ISLAMIC SERMONS of different SHAIKHS and requested us to read it. He was gradual in his preaching us the ISLAM that he has known. I would say that I since my childhood had always this anxiety to know about ISLAM n Prophet Muhammad sayings because most the times I have read them I felt the beauty in it and it has always been touching my heart. Continued the period in which I listened to different topics in ISLAM explaining the QURAN and the hadeeth. The SERMON always used to leave some deep feelings but that was for a LIMITED period of time and then I continued on pass on the life as I wanted. May be the sins that I had earned had left my heart filled with black spots that I didn’t want to accept it practically, I had always accepted it verbally but I’m thankful to ALLAH who in spite of the sins I had earned favored me with the blessings of ISLAM in a TRUE way that made my heart n mind peaceful which has never been before.
One scholar I’d like to mention explicitly is Dr.Zakir Naik, who when I first say the impression that came to my mind was what is this tall, weak, feeble man has to reply to the Christian questions that was posed to him and my eyes remained opened when I saw that person reply beautifully, scientifically, logically remaining in perspective of ISLAM. The calmness with which he delivered the answer made me clap, made me feel proud of the religion of truth that ALLAH has blessed, and after that point on came my struggle to acquire more n more and the quench of that is still increasing on and on..
This changed man is a result of so many SHAIKS SERMONS that they deliver to make the people come to the right path and to all the people who have favored me in this life, I feel that I can’t give back the favors of my father on me in terms of ISLAM. I pray to ALLAH to return back the favors he has done on me on the Day of Judgment.
From the beardless to the beard, is yet again a thing that was quite difficult to do for any youngster. It’s just the lack of FAITH that makes him away from keeping the beard which is again a blessing that keeps ONE away from some sins that most of the youngsters these days are up to like chasing the sisters, using dirty language. They don’t keep one because they want to continue their bad acts of evil because they know if they keep it then they don’t have to do it in short.
I kept my beard short and imagine the brother of Islam, most of them, came telling me O DUDE!! You look better without that beard. Asking questions like. Which group you have joined? Why are you becoming so ISLAMIC? Had that question from someone who was not MUSLIMS that would not have been hurting but it was my own Muslim brothers who were not happy to see a bearded face? I asked ALLAH to be with me on that though I admit that these sort of questions always used to make me trim the beard to an-inch long beard only. It was just due to my lack of faith but ALHAMDULILLAH I never made it shaved once I had made the Promise with ALLAH that I’ll not remove it and then gradually and steadily ALLAH helped me increase my faith and now I’ve kept it ALHAMDULILLAH on SUNNAH, i.e. trimming the moustache and growing the beard after that day I have not made it even an-inch short. ALHAMDULILLAH! I’m happy for my elder brother as well, who also has kept it, not just because of me but its because of the thinking that one can always give a signal to the other person that I’m a changed man, yet calm and collective, try to find out the difference that I have achieved and you haven’t.!!!
ALHMADULILLAH, I did the first AITIKAAF of my life and I have always felt that I’m a strong man and believe me, its very difficult to make a person weep or cry but praise be to ALLAH who has revealed the QURAN which if pondered upon will make even the most stiff heart man weep and cry because ALLAH, the ALMIGHTY when talks to us through that QURAN , you feel that it is you who is being pin pointed by ALLAH for your deeds. For that book is a book that can soften any heart, but the alas! part is that we Muslims just read it but don’t try to understand the message of it. Nothing has made me weep other than the book of ALLAH which has glad tidings for the good and bad results for the bad but even then I always include myself in the bad because if I’ll get excited about the glad tidings then who knows that feeling might lead towards misleading me from the way of ALLAH and the Eid I spent was really the only EID I had ever passed peacefully. ALL praise be to ALLAH!
Last not the least, I’d like to mention that most of people would be curious of that how a person so learned can, qualified to have a bachelor’s degree of computers, can say and think such a thing but dear brothers and sisters, it all about at what level of FAITH you stand on, the more you increase your faith, the more you grow to give the most beloved thing that you have with you to give in the way of ALLAH and that is your LIFE. ALLAH knows that deep inside I feel that if a day comes that I have to give the most beloved thing in the eyes of ALLAH; I’ll not show my back INSHALLAH. I pray and continue to pray that ALLAH make me steadfast on His religion.
I’m a changed man by the blessings of ALLAH and prayers of my father I feel, who continues to pray for us wherever he is. One thing is for sure that it is me who has IMPLEMTNED THE ISLAM on me. If a person, who walks by you, can’t see ISLAM on your physical body then imagine yourself being so pathetic that even though you made a Muslim, it’s difficult for anyone to tell from your face, from your body that you’re a Muslim.
ALLAH doesn’t change anyone unless they change themselves. The first step brothers and sisters have to come from you. If you fail to give it, ALLAH will not help you because it’s you who is showing your back to ALLAH and the other hand ALLAH has opened his arms for all blessings for those who come to HIM.
Last, but not the least, look into the things you have earned? Are you not the one who is doing disobedience to ALLAH after you have believed? Are you praying? Are you keeping the fasts as is the mission of fasts? Are you following the prophet’s sayings? Are you not leading a life of thyself? Are you not addicted to worldly materials and desire of the evils? Has evil not overtaken you? Are you not doing the wrong by making ideals like heroes and heroines of today? Are you not doing falsehood by loving each and every third boy or girl you meet? Are you not the sharing the LOVE that you owe to ALLAH to someone else? Are you not a victim to some one’s love illegally? Does your ISLAM allow all that? Are you being loyal to it? Are you not a lover of SONGS and when QURAN is recited upon you no change is made in your heart? Who are your ideals. Tariq bin Ziyad or a bollywood, hollywood actor; AMMA AYEESHA (RA) or a fashioned girl of a hollywood, bollywood ? Who are you blackmailing? Do you want to become a modest women or a fashion-oritned women?
With all these queries, I’d like to end it by praising ALLAH, who has given me strength to pen it down and I attribute it to my parents who have toiled too hard and are still toiling to make me a good Muslim. With some desires to memorize the QURAN and become a SCHOLAR OF QURAN AND HADEETH, I’d like you to all to pray for me so that one day when I leave from this earth, I had earned some good deeds that ALLAH be happy with and forgives me on the Day of Judgment; for that day will be day full of FEAR OF ALLAH. May ALLAH keep us all safe from the embarrassment of that day. At the end a request to all brothers and sisters to shed a tear in the way of ALLAH and repent for your wrong acts who knows the last tear dropped from your eye for the fear of ALLAH might be the last one you can offer to ALLAH, who knows its the last day your passing on this earth? who knows its the last prayer that your praying for ALLAH? Think and pause for a moment....
WAL HAMDULILLAH HAI RABIL AAALAMEEN
PRAISE BE TO ALLAH, THE LORD OF THE UNIVERSE.