Thoughts for Sister Kayleigh

[Asja]

crippled so what? that's not even an excuse. I personally know 2 men who were crippled since childhood and now they support their families alone in a society where people laugh at such persons.

@bold
No. As long the wife obeys her husband and doesnt rebel against him. A little money can make you do strange things you know. In islam leadership belongs to the man.

Assalamu allaicum wa rahamtullah wa barakatuhu

Dear brother, the leadership which you have mentioned can be the cause of many prejudices that can appear in one marriage, like for example that man is more supperior than woman, this offcourse will put in disorder the balance between the two spouses made by Allah and at the end it will bring disorder and disharmony in marriage. Also the word "to obey" should be replaced with the word"respect" becouse respect is consisted of love, honoring, modesty,admiration, and obeying is consited of fear.

The right word to describe the role of man/husband in marriage would not be leadership, but higher ressponsability in Islam is on man, becouse relationship in marriage is different than others and more sensitive as it has huge responsabilities and it is always subjected to different influences and many of them can be very dangerous for survival of one marriage.

Both man and woman in marriage need to be ready on takeing and fulfiling the roles which they may not be performeing at the moment, and since life always test us with different hardships both man and woman, husband and wife need to be ready to overcome them. We have many examples in which woman is in need to be in the same time mother (educator of her children) but in the same time their meinteiner, or from the other side where man is in need to be not only meinteiner of the familly but also in need to perform the role that would belong to woman, like for example in the case when his wife dies and he needs to take all obligations on himselfe.

Marriage is not relationship of superiority and inferiority, but relationship of reciprocity, respect, consultation, mutual goals.

We must not forget that one of the Surahs in Quran is al-Shura- "Counsel
", and we see that counseling is one of the basic characteristics of every believer. Allah sais in Quran :"So forgive them and pray that they be forgiven and counsel with them."

In the ayahs of Surah Al-Shura- counseling is mentioned after "Salah" and before "zakah", what also points on importance of this principle. Quran gives importance to this principle and puts it like one of the basic factors on which is based Muslim society, and before Muslim familly on relation husband-wife, parents-children.

May Alah guide us all. Ameen

Wa allaicumu Sallam wa rahamtullah wa barakatuhu

 

[Gernada1492]

Just to mention that Dad's love cant take place of motherly love. Both have their own importance and both are necessary. If any of them is missing, the child will have some deficiencies.

Science even says that the heat of lap of mother has great effect on child. So, how does father can compensate it. It has been specifically mentioned that its mother's lap.

Man can be great daddys but they CANT take place of woman, who is naturally softer than men and more tolerant than men.

To sum it up all, if a child needs to grow up well, it requires both mother and father equally.

 

[Gernada1492]

and yeah sister Asja is right that marraige is not relationship of superiority / inferiority. Its like some times u go ahead and some times i move ahead and take initiative.

 

[al-muslimah]

.




Men and women MAY not be equal BUT they have equal responsibilities.





.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

I like this. We are all on the same page. Someone call 911 for me.

We have to support each other. Allah tests us with our wealth, our children, hunger etc. It is His Right. We have to be able to put the interest of what is best for our families within the context of Islam. No woman likes to have to work; but we do it. And there are times when women have to support the families. They do it without humiliating the manhood of their husbands.

This is so much better than me Tarzan you Jane.

 

[IHearIslam]

Assalaam walaikum,

I like this. We are all on the same page. Someone call 911 for me.

We have to support each other. Allah tests us with our wealth, our children, hunger etc. It is His Right. We have to be able to put the interest of what is best for our families within the context of Islam. No woman likes to have to work; but we do it. And there are times when women have to support the families. They do it without humiliating the manhood of their husbands.

This is so much better than me Tarzan you Jane.

hahaha...somebody call 911 :lol:

it's funny, but I am glad we coming to the same conclusions....mashaAllaah, wal-hamdulillaaah

 

[IHearIslam]

Just to mention that Dad's love cant take place of motherly love. Both have their own importance and both are necessary. If any of them is missing, the child will have some deficiencies.

Science even says that the heat of lap of mother has great effect on child. So, how does father can compensate it. It has been specifically mentioned that its mother's lap.

Man can be great daddys but they CANT take place of woman, who is naturally softer than men and more tolerant than men.

To sum it up all, if a child needs to grow up well, it requires both mother and father equally.

:salam2:
Brother....I was not saying a father's love or compassionateness can take over the mother's. No I am saying each have their own love, their own way of showing mercy. Of course, a child needs both parents in the house hold, but the child can have dad at home the whole day and mom with 'em at night or it could be the other way. Alhamdulillaah Allaah made us (women) the way He subhanahu wata'ala made us and a man cannot take that place, but for him to try is not a shame either. Khair inshaAllaah....
and I agree that children need both a dad and a mom.

 

[Gernada1492]

its ok sister amatuLLAH. take it easy

Wat i mean to say is that child needs mother more or equally than father. This is how I FEEL

 

[IHearIslam]

^ gotcha....and you're entitled to your own opinion....

 

[kayleigh]

Assalaam walaikum,

I am interested in seeking Islamic solutions to the problems faced by the American Muslim woman. What are some Islamic perspectives

that would help us balance the demands on our lives that are within the range of living sharia.

Seeing as you're a single mother, do you have any ideas on what would help single parents? I think the first step would be for people to step into reality and let got of the "men do this, women do that" mentality because sometimes there isn't a man around, sometimes there isn't a woman around.

My biological mother was a single mother and she raised me until I was 13. When I was growing up it was still totally weird to have a mother and no father (or a father and no mother, in other situations). Now, I see that its more and more common and acceptable. You can blame it on high divorce rates, or sex outside of marriage, but I think the reason WHY is irrelevant. One thing the West has done right is to recognize the struggle single parents go through. They're not living in la-la-land.

and I'd like to just say... I'm pleasantly surprised that this thread is going so well.

 

[Aapa]

Asalaam walaikum,

I spoke to another sister who is single with kids to give you a balanced response.

I am limiting my response to what single parents need from the Muslim community. We are Muslims. We do not socialize with non-Muslims. The Muslim community is critical to us.

I have used sick leave, personal leave, and swapped time with other co-workers to take my sons to the masjid. Hello brothers..you see me drive like a maniac ( 70-80 mps on a 55) to pick up the boys. You know I am single..can someone offer a ride to my sons to jumma. I have to drive from another town. It may not seem like much..but it would take the burden away from me.

Some single moms would love to attend classes at the masjid. We have kids. We have small kids. Offer a babysitter. Often this is the only social time we have.

I am not asking for sympathy. We are strong women. We adhere to our faith. However, we are mommy and daddy. We are alone. We are busy from the moment we get up to the moment we fall on our beds. We survive on one paycheck. Many of us do not receive our child support payments. We make do. I often laugh with my sisters who are single moms about how we can make a dollar stretch so many ways spandex is jealous. It would not hurt if the zakat were meted out to single moms once in a while. Diapers are expensive. Children grow like weeds.

There is a stigma about single moms. It amazes me. People have such sympathy for widows. There is no concern for the single mom. These mothers have lost half their world too. We are righteous women who retain our chastity. We are young and celibate. Respect me. I walk away from desire every day. I hold on to my faith.

Muslim women who are single moms living in non-Muslim communities are hit on by men. Men know we are good women. We have to fight harder than most. We stay indoors to avoid potentially haraam interactions.

Forgive me for going on and on. This is not lala land. We are here and we are not invisible. I pray in larger communities the masjid's provide an emotional outlet. Insha'Allah, some communities will provide financial assistance.

As Muslims we need to be realistic about the circumstances of all Muslims. We can not just say oh you need to be married and the husband will take care of you. Hey, I was married and he did not take care of me..I take care of me and am raising my children to be Muslim. We are members of the ummath.

 

[sliver]

crippled so what? that's not even an excuse. I personally know 2 men who were crippled since childhood and now they support their families alone in a society where people laugh at such persons.

@bold
No. As long the wife obeys her husband and doesnt rebel against him. A little money can make you do strange things you know. In islam leadership belongs to the man.

Unbelievable....you do know being crippled isn't a excuse its something you live with. And some people live with it differently.So what your basically saying is a man aside from death is not entitled to allow his wife to work for the family. Wives who are easily capable of getting jobs to help the family aren't allowed because there women. That is utterly outrageous.

 

[kayleigh]

Yes, I was thinking along the same lines - giving money to struggling single parents and offering child care.

I don't understand why people have so much sympathy for widows but ignore single moms, either. Maybe because some people blame the mother for being alone? That sounds extreme but I bet I know some people who would think like that.

Unbelievable....you do know being crippled isn't a excuse its something you live with. And some people live with it differently.So what your basically saying is a man aside from death is not entitled to allow his wife to work for the family. Wives who are easily capable of getting jobs to help the family aren't allowed because there women. That is utterly outrageous.

Just... don't even go there. It is outrageous. Don't waste your time on it.

 

[TipuSultan]

and yeah sister Asja is right that marraige is not relationship of superiority / inferiority. Its like some times u go ahead and some times i move ahead and take initiative.

I had made a post about it but I think it went missing.

it is about more responsiability not superiority.

I have the responsiability to take care of my wife and children.

 

[Gernada1492]

Yep, I read that post. You are right about what you said brother Tipu

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Yes, many people look down on single mothers. What I find amusing and I think I find most things amusing is the responses from some of our brothers. They have completely overlooked the purpose of this thread. They are stuck on their sense of responsibility.

I feel most Muslims have blinders on when it comes to single Muslim moms. Out of sight out of mind. They seem to feel it can happen to a "bad group". Sorry folks we really need to find the numbers of single moms who are Muslims.

A child raised by a single parent become mature very early. A child raised by a single parent is less demanding and more obedient. I have taught my sons to cook, clean, do laundry, paint, fix everything, go to the grocery store, learn the basics of finance. They pay bills etc. I have given them exact instructions as to what to do in case of my death. I am very blessed to have two really good sons. ( they have a tendency to total my cars; ce la vie)

 

[arzafar]

Unbelievable....you do know being crippled isn't a excuse its something you live with. And some people live with it differently.So what your basically saying is a man aside from death is not entitled to allow his wife to work for the family. Wives who are easily capable of getting jobs to help the family aren't allowed because there women. That is utterly outrageous.

Unbelievable....you do know being crippled isn't a excuse its something you live with.

you mentioned a husband being crippled as an excuse or a situation when a man maybe forced to allow his wife to work. i countered it by give you two personal examples of crippled men supporting their families from A to Z, proving that being crippled is not a valid reason for a man to stop working. then you come up with the above. what are you on about? are you slow?

So what your basically saying is a man aside from death is not entitled to allow his wife to work for the family.

and where did i say that? please stop lying.

Wives who are easily capable of getting jobs to help the family aren't allowed because there women.

No i never said that so please stop lying.

it's clear by now that you are a liar and i dont want anything to do with liars.

The general ruling is
1. The husband cannot force his wife to work because it is his responsibility to provide for the family.
2. She may only work if the husband allows her to work.
3. if the husband doesn't allow the wife to work she CANNOT work but if a woman insists on keeping a career she may stipulate that condition in the marriage contract.

there can be exceptions for eg when there is no man in the family. However, exceptions NEVER change the general ruling.

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them [al-Baqarah 2:228]

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]

so if anybody finds it sexist, blinding, *some other derogatory term for islam used by kaafirs*, disagrees with it and doesnt want to follow it, they are free to do what they want. As a muslim (and somebody who is striving to learn true teachings of Islam) my only qualm is when such people rationalize their own whims, desires, beliefs by twisting the authentic texts they are misguiding many others from the true message of Islam. so they are effectively accumulating mountains of sins, harming Islaam and creating problems for muslims along the way.

for eg.
In france the bill for a face veil ban was proposed by an algerian born 'muslim' woman

In uk there was a similar proposal and one of those who thinks the burqa should be outlawed is the chairman of the Muslim Education Centre in Oxford, southern England.

"We're not telling these women what they can wear. We're telling them the only thing they should do is uncover their faces," said imam Taj Hargey. "I think this notion that somehow this is a religious symbol, a Koranic requirement, is nonsense."[I hope he was not drunk when being interviewed]

IMO by far the greatest threat to Islaam are these pseudo-muslim men and women rather than a bunch of jews or roman crusaders. They are distorting islaam while we can only watch. it's very frustrating that such pseudo-muslims are afforded so much space while the true muslims dont do enough to project the real Islam.

 

[arzafar]

This is continued from previous post. some hadith for Muslim women to ponder over.

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not permissible for a woman to fast when her husband is present except with his permission, or to allow anyone in his house without his permission.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4899.

Ibn Hibbaan narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:“If a woman prays her five (daily prayers), fasts her month (Ramadaan), guards her chastity and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: ‘Enter Paradise from whichever of the gates of Paradise you wish.’” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 660.

Ibn Maajah (1853) narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Abi Awfa said: When Mu’aadh came from Syria, he prostrated to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) who said, “What is this, O Mu'aadh?” He said, I went to Syria and saw them prostrating to their archbishops and patriarchs, and I wanted to do that for you. The Messenger of Allaah (S) said, “Do not do that. If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allaah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands. By the One in Whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, no woman can fulfil her duty towards Allaah until she fulfils her duty towards her husband. If he asks her (for intimacy) even if she is on her camel saddle, she should not refuse.”

Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah.

Ahmad (19025) and al-Haakim narrated from al-Husayn ibn Muhsin that his paternal aunt came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) for something and he dealt with her need, then the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do you have a husband?” She said, “Yes.” He said: “How are you with him?” She said, “I do not neglect any of his rights except those I am unable to fulfil.” He said: “Look at how you are with him, for he is your paradise and your hell” – i.e., he is the cause of you entering Paradise if you fulfil his rights and the cause of your entering Hell if you fall short in that.

Al-Mundhiri classed the isnaad of this hadeeth as jayyid in al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb; it was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb, no. 1933.


now before people give their own far-fetched and twisted interpretation on these hadith, id like to point out there is no interpretation required. The message is very clear from prophet Muhammad (pbuh). I wanted to post this because there are sincere muslim women out there who want to follow Islaam correctly. It is important that the correct Islamic teachings are spread no matter what people say about them. This would help sincere sisters plan there careers and pursue personal aims in accordance with Islamic teachings.

 

[Asja]

and where did i say that? please stop lying.



No i never said that so please stop lying.

it's clear by now that you are a liar and i dont want anything to do with liars.

.

Assalamu allaicum wa raahmatullah wa barakatuhu

Dear brother Arzafar, can you please edit your post dirrected towerd brother "mhassan10", Inshallah. Because this is not the way how one Muslim should behave towerd his brother in Islaam. As you know this is Islamic site and is not alowed offending each others, not by Allah, our Prophet sallahu alayha wa salam,neither this site.

I think you should ask forgivness from Allah brother,and also from brother "mhassan10",and at the end to edit your post and to try to never post something simular to this Inshallah.

May Allah guide us all.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Brothers we are not discussing the issues of who tells whom what to do; we are not lying..we were having a mature discussion on the reality of the lives of single Muslim mothers.
Why do you not say something positive to us. We know what the rules are. We are beyond the discussions you are having. This is the stuff that happens afterwords. This is the naked truth that we have a growing population of single mothers. Can we please stick to that..please...