I think my Mother may be Commiting Zina!!! Help!

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Hello people..I am as usaul on Planet Solo...we are talking about a Muslim woman and her virtue. Hello.

The son has assumed she has commited a major sin. It is the assumption that has me concerned.

This lets us know several things:

Here I go..thread will be closed in a few minutes:

We know the young man is upset with his mother. We know they are divorced. So is the issue deeper than what he is letting on. Has he taken the patriarchal role. We know from his own words his siblings seem to have a better understanding of what the mother has done. So the issue is not that the mother is sinning ..but that the young man is now in a position to humiliate his mother. As he is not able to get the majority opinion to satisfy his need he comes to forum and asks for opinion until he gets the ones he can use to chastise her.

This is very common with children of divorce. Many have repressed issues of anger and they surge at the strangest times.

We are discussing a woman and her very private life. No god-fearing woman, let alone a Believing woman is going to let a man come into her bedroom. It is not done. Ladies do not do that. If this woman is a Muslim and she makes salat and has raised a son who is Muslim..that should give us a clue that something is ok in the picture.

Now, we do not know why the poster has issues with his siblings, his mothers "friend" and the mother...but we sit back we get a picture of a man who has issues with all members of his family.

Sister Shahnaz..let me put it this way..in the world of the kufr the word anonymous and confidential imply that the person is safe and behind the screen..we are Muslims..we discuss knowing what we write and think are recorded.

I once again on Planet Solo..have concerns about a young man who admittedly is having difficulty in communicating with all significant others around him.

So, are you jealous that your mother has a life of her own...does a mother have to to explain her life to her children..

No...she is grown. And if she is sinning ..the only choice he has is to leave the house..so either way it is time for him to leave the luxury of the nest and become a man.

The apron string needs to be cut is the issue. Is this really what we want Muslim men to do..shame on us. Shame on us...every single one of us..Shame shame shame..

I am so upset...to blame your mother...I know kufr men that kiss their mothers feet.

Son..do you not know Paradise lies at your mothers feet and you have the gall to write this about your mother..shame on you.

Be mad at me..be mad at me...this is the woman who gave birth to you in pain..have you no heart..did it occur to you that she may have carried pain so deep to keep your tummy filled until you were grown and you do not have the decency to respect what she sacrificed for you. Shame on you.

Is this what we pride ourselves with..having a discussion about a boy's who thinks his mother is sinning..what does that say about him...


I am done.

 

[sabina isa]

:salam2:

OK sister Aapa! I agree with you, but let me tell you the brother has even one more thing in favour. Her mother is divorced. So why not suggest to the mom, to remarry, and maybe she will come with the right option. Allah has made easy the halal, so this would be a cheering option of this story.

We salam

 

[Riham]

I would just like to say that you are not in my position and cannot know what it is like for a young man to know that something like this is going on.

Let's be honest with ourselves, things like this happen in the muslim community and what you are baisically saying (and I can read between the lines) is that I should just plug my ears, close my eyes and pretend nothing is happening. I love my mother which is why I am concerned, if I wasn't, I would have never posted this, ever.

You are a mother , I get it, you would feel betrayed if one of your sons accused you, but don't make it seem like every mother out there is an angel.

You said that this is the mother that did not eat so that I could eat, how do you know this? you are making assumptions, you don't know my mother nor do you know what my childhood was like.

Let's be serious and enough with the rhetoric. There are some parents who put their kids into micro waves or try to sell them, so don't assume you know what my mother has or has not done.

:salam2:

Dear brother Keen4Deen,

You started this topic because you wanted advice regarding something that your mother is doing.

I'm sure you realize that there is nothing anyone can do to make your mother stop what she is doing.

I hope you also realize that nobody can stop anyone from doing whatever he or she wants to do.

It isn't that parents can stop their sons and daughters from committing zina or that sons and daughters can stop their mothers and fathers from committing zina.

Human beings, Muslim or not - are free creatures. They can do whatever they want to do. They can choose to live their lives in any way they want.

So your mother has chosen a certain way of life. It isn't what you consider to be right. It isn't what you like and you object to it. You want to do something about it. You want her to stop.

And so you sought advice in this forum. You wanted to know how you could stop her from doing what she is doing.

That is the problem. The problem is.... you think and believe that you CAN stop her.

The reality is: You can't.

The solution is: Accept the reality that you can't. Accept the reality that there are some things that are beyond your power. Accept the reality that we do not have the power to change people.

Only Allah has the power to do that. And He guides whosoever He wills.

My suggestion to you is: Pray to Allah for forgiveness. For yourself..... and for your mother.

Allah listens to the du'aa made by the son for his mother, especially when he is asking Him to forgive her for all her sins.

May Allah help you. Ameen.

 

[The_truth]

My mother is commiting zina. One of her friends, that is close to our family always comes over to our house on the weekend. My mother cooks for him etc. he has a wife and kids and his wife and him get in fights so my mother lets him come to our house to blow off steam. He stays in my mother bedroom in order not to bother me and my siblings. Once I was in my room next to my mothers. the door was locked and I heard sounds from the other room (you know what sounds im talking about). Then after a while the man went into the bathroom and took a shower, then after he left my mother took a shower as well. This happens every weekend. I know what some of you are going to say "you can't be sure what you heard, shytaan is playing with your mind etc". Trust me it happens every weekend. I am goign to set up a hidden camera I can't let this go on. Yes I know it is a sin to spy but think about this. If I commit a sin, it written down as one bad deed, but if I stop this from happening isn't zina a bigger sin?

Asalaamu Alaikum, Brother this is a very sensative issue hence why you have recieved so many different replies, some of which are pure emotional.

Firstly brother we must realise that our mothers have been given a very high status by Allah. That means that whenever we deal with our mothers then we must NEVER shout, argue or even say "uff" to them, but that we must speak to them in a low tone and in the best possible manner using wisdom and tact at all times.

Regarding your situation brother you must never even think of putting cameras in your mothers bedroom as doing such a thing is out of the question regardless of how desperate you are to know what is going on. If your mother ever found out which would have been quite likely then she would never have forgiven you.

Thirdly it is a difficult situation to deal with as you do not want to upset your mother but at the sametime you need to know why a strange man is frequantely visiting her on weekends. I think the best course of action is for you to pick a good time when your mother free and not busy, and approach her sitting next to her and open up about how you feel about this situation.

Remember NOT to say anything to accuse or attack her. Once she gets defensive then you will not get anything out of her. Just share your true inner feelings with her and tell her in a low tone and in the best manner possible that you are a grown up man now and not a young boy anymore and that it is really upsetting you that a strange man is coming around quite frequantly and that you are not aware of what is going on and why he keeps coming around.

Do not accuse her or share with her that you suspect her of committing Zina as making such an accusation to your own mother is very disrespectful and offensive. Also one should never accuse anyone of anything without solid proof or evidence. Just share with her that you only want to know what is going on so that you do not end up suspecting him of anything. Tell her you just need to know what the situation is so that your heart and mind can be at rest and that with what is going on it is affecting you emotionally.

Cry if you can so that your mother realises how much this is affecting you. It may be a wake up call for her to realise that this situation is affecting you. Obviously your parents split must have affected you a lot anyway and then for a strange man to take the place of your father in visiting your mother is very upsetting. her all you want to know is that what is going on. She should tell you as she is your mother and it is not like you are a stranger in the house that you have no right to know.

I do not agree with anyone here who says that you have no right to know or interfere. This is his mother and he has every right to know why a strange man is visiting his mother. As men we are protectors of our women folk and should never allow a strange man to visit our mothers or sisters. If he is married to her then she should tell him but until then she is only allowing herself to be suspected by acting in such a manner being visited by a strange man.

So brother you do have every right to know what is going on with your mother being visited by a strange man. But you must remain calm at all times and speak to her in a low tone and NOT get angry or frustrated remembering the honour you owe your mother at all times. Make your mother feel that you love her and that you just want to know what is going on. Make her feel that you only want to see her happy but that you are upset because you do not know what is going on.

At the sametime make much dua to Allah particularly in the latter part of the night at Tahajjud time, asking of Allah to help you in this situation and do what is best for you and your family.

May Allah bring a good conclusion to your situation. Ameen

 

[Riham]

...does a mother have to to explain her life to her children..

No...she is grown. And if she is sinning ..the only choice he has is to leave the house..so either way it is time for him to leave the luxury of the nest and become a man.

The apron string needs to be cut is the issue.

:salam2:

I agree. If the brother is having a problem with his mother sinning, then he can leave the house.

Some people are of the opinion that as Muslim men, they cannot allow such sinful activities to run in their household. Their proof? Well, the verse in the Qur'an that says that men are protectors of women.

But I ask a question here...

In the absence of the father, does the son become the head of the household? Does he become the ruler over his mother? Does he have the right to order his mother to do things or forbid her from doing things?

It is unthinkable! The son cannot rule over his mother. Over his wives, yes. But never his own mother.

He is to respect her, serve her, hide her short-comings and protect her honor..... even if she is the greatest sinner on earth.

 

[Hajjerr]

:salam2: Seek guidance in Quran and Sunna:

"Whosoever of you sees an evil action, let him change it with his hand; and if he is not able to do so, then with his tongue; and if he is not able to do so, then with his heart – and that is the weakest of faith." Hadith in al-Bukhari

"He is not one of us who does not show tenderness to the young and who does not show respect to the elder." Hadith from at-Tirmidhi

I pray for you :salam2:

 

[samiha]

I found an interesting and sort of similar fatwa on the matter:

first i wish to state that this q&a is very beneficial to the ummah mash'Allah and we hope you and your helpers will receive the best reward in this world and the next. my question is on behalf of a muslim young man. he is mash'Allah a sincere seeming and knowledgeable muslim who follows islam to the best of his ability and upon the correct aqeedah. he lives alone with his divorced mother whose does not follow islam thoroughly and engages in very unislamic activities sometimes. i know both him and his mother and they are very close and very kind but i see that the son i sometimes put in situations that are extremely stressful for him and i cannot advise him properly. a few examples of these situations include the mother going out of the house in shorts and the son hating this shame but walking with her for fear that she will be accosted, or the mother being overly freindly with male acquaintances in the western manner, or going to dinner and sitting at a table where alcohol is being consumed though the mother does not consume it. there are various other types of scenarios that try this brother such as his mothers' friends advocating every kind of bidah. he does say what is wrong and try to give dawah to his mother but it is usually ignored as "extremism" or "from the stone age". please advise, my freind is confided in me only that he feels like a dirty "dayouth" and wants to know if staying with his mother is the correct thing given such behavior on her part. he errs on the side of staying with his mother even when she is adamant about wearing unislamic clothing for fear of her being molested be some stranger. also he did not tell me of these things and reveal his families faults, rather it is evident for those arouind to see as well as for me to see as his friend. please help and mat Allah ta'Aalaa reward you with the good.

Praise be to Allaah.

There is no doubt that the story you have told us is very sad and moving, especially when we see someone suffering because the person who is closest to him is lacking in terms of religion. But ‘Allaah (Alone) is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs for us.’ [Aal- ‘Imraan 3:173 – interpretation of the meaning] ‘Truly, to Allaah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.’ [al-Baqarah 2:156 – interpretation of the meaning].

This brother should remember that honouring one’s parents is one of the most important duties that human beings have towards one another, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years – give thanks to Me and to your parents, - unto Me is the final destination. But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly…” [Luqmaan 31:14-15]. These mushrik parents were doing their utmost to make their son associate partners with Allaah, yet in spite of that Allaah commanded the son to maintain a relationship with them and behave kindly with them in this world.

So you are also obliged to treat your mother well, advise her to give up her bad behaviour, explain to her how sinful her deeds are and what punishment awaits her if she does not stop. If she responds, then praise be to Allaah. If she does not, then keep away from her in a good way; do not mix with her in ways that will adversely affect your religion, but do not upset her either. Behave with her in the world kindly, and continue to advise her from time to time. Your keeping away from her will not be a sin, if you do it for the sake of Allaah and in opposition to something wrong.

(See the response of Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen in Fataawaa Islamiyyah, 4/196; al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah fi Fataawaa Islamiyyah (Standing Committee on Islamic Fatwas), 4/204; Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen in Fataawaa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/957)

In conclusion therefore, if your staying with her will benefit her by increasing her religious commitment and eemaan, her adherence to Islamic duties and her avoidance of haraam deeds – or at least reduce her involvement in such activities – because she feels that she is being watched, for example, or because this will keep bad people away from her, and this will not cause you any harm at the same time, then stay with her in the hope of earning reward for whatever efforts you make, and Allaah will reward you for your patience.

If you have already tried your utmost, to no avail, and have found that you are not making progress in any of the ways referred to above, and staying with her will have an adverse effect on your own religious commitment or reputation, then there is no sin on you if you keep away from her, as stated above, so long as you continue to check on her from time to time, to pay attention to her needs and to advise her. We ask Allaah to bless you with patience and reward you for your efforts, for He is the best of supporters and helpers.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

http://islam-qa.com/en/ref/2621/

 

[samiha]

Assalaam walaikum,

wa'alaykum salaam

Aapa, I'm going to be quite frank with you, since you deserve no less. I think you're being quite rude in assuming the worst of your brother, when the truth is you should be assuming the best of him. His intentions may be completely sincere, and the situation may be more than YOU in fact realize, so to make comments such as these

We know from his own words his siblings seem to have a better understanding of what the mother has done. So the issue is not that the mother is sinning ..but that the young man is now in a position to humiliate his mother. As he is not able to get the majority opinion to satisfy his need he comes to forum and asks for opinion until he gets the ones he can use to chastise her.

This is very common with children of divorce. Many have repressed issues of anger and they surge at the strangest times.

Now, we do not know why the poster has issues with his siblings, his mothers "friend" and the mother...but we sit back we get a picture of a man who has issues with all members of his family.

..I once again on Planet Solo..have concerns about a young man who admittedly is having difficulty in communicating with all significant others around him.

Yknow I've met a few people in my time as well, and it can be far greater then anyone having anger issues which causes trouble communicating and understanding with their family members! Why, there have been a friends of mine as well, without divorced parents who began learning about Islaam, getting into it and finding a very strong and harsh disconnect with their family members due to it. Even I've had that happen with certain extended family members.

Fact of the matter: It happens. To many many people. And until and unless you've been in that situation where you're labeled the 'extremist' as well, you may find fault easily with the person themselves, whereas it's a problem of issues on both sides and far deeper.

So, are you jealous that your mother has a life of her own...does a mother have to to explain her life to her children..

Why...why.. (lost for words) would you assume he's jealous? Of all the things, for that one. smh.

Admittedly he went overboard, perhaps in his emotions, in the way he way he wanted to approach the situation, in his reaction, but as a fellow Muslim I dont find it fair for you to be so judgmental. Advise in a manner you would like to be advised, and I have seen nothing which would take away that right as of this moment. But looking down on him and considering him 'messed up', 'angry' and 'jealous' I don't see as doing much for him.

:salam2:

The solution is: Accept the reality that you can't. Accept the reality that there are some things that are beyond your power. Accept the reality that we do not have the power to change people.

Only Allah has the power to do that. And He guides whosoever He wills.

But never accept the reality that you cannot try. Never give up on her, and always keep trying. If not this way, then another, and even if you end up leaving, do keep that door open so if she ever needs you, or to come back or wants help, that you'll be there.

People do have the power to change people. Yes, it is ONLY with the permission of Allaah, but that doesn't mean that you do nothing and wait for Allaah to change things automatically. That's never the case.

So question yourself, check your intentions and your sincerity...make istikhaarah and go for the best course of action in this situation.

Asalaamu Alaikum,

...

So brother you do have every right to know what is going on with your mother being visited by a strange man. But you must remain calm at all times and speak to her in a low tone and NOT get angry or frustrated remembering the honour you owe your mother at all times. Make your mother feel that you love her and that you just want to know what is going on. Make her feel that you only want to see her happy but that you are upset because you do not know what is going on.

At the sametime make much dua to Allah particularly in the latter part of the night at Tahajjud time, asking of Allah to help you in this situation and do what is best for you and your family.

May Allah bring a good conclusion to your situation. Ameen

This is a good post mashaAllaah. JazaakAllaah khayr, and Ameen to the du'aa.

 

[samiha]

I've slightly altered the thread title. It may still not be the best assumption, but it's better than an accusation without proof.

 

[finding light]

:salam2:

That is the problem. The problem is.... you think and believe that you CAN stop her.

The reality is: You can't.

The solution is: Accept the reality that you can't. Accept the reality that there are some things that are beyond your power. Accept the reality that we do not have the power to change people.
.

Of course he CAN!
ACCEPT THE SITUATION??!! would you if it was your mother? If something like this was happening in your house, could you just take a step back and WATCH it happen (whether the suspicions are true or not)??
Yes he should pray but to say that he cannot do anything about this is not right.

Thirdly it is a difficult situation to deal with as you do not want to upset your mother but at the sametime you need to know why a strange man is frequantely visiting her on weekends. I think the best course of action is for you to pick a good time when your mother free and not busy, and approach her sitting next to her and open up about how you feel about this situation.

Remember NOT to say anything to accuse or attack her. Once she gets defensive then you will not get anything out of her. Just share your true inner feelings with her and tell her in a low tone and in the best manner possible that you are a grown up man now and not a young boy anymore and that it is really upsetting you that a strange man is coming around quite frequantly and that you are not aware of what is going on and why he keeps coming around.

Do not accuse her or share with her that you suspect her of committing Zina as making such an accusation to your own mother is very disrespectful and offensive. Also one should never accuse anyone of anything without solid proof or evidence. Just share with her that you only want to know what is going on so that you do not end up suspecting him of anything. Tell her you just need to know what the situation is so that your heart and mind can be at rest and that with what is going on it is affecting you emotionally.

Cry if you can so that your mother realises how much this is affecting you. It may be a wake up call for her to realise that this situation is affecting you. Obviously your parents split must have affected you a lot anyway and then for a strange man to take the place of your father in visiting your mother is very upsetting. her all you want to know is that what is going on. She should tell you as she is your mother and it is not like you are a stranger in the house that you have no right to know.

I do not agree with anyone here who says that you have no right to know or interfere. This is his mother and he has every right to know why a strange man is visiting his mother. As men we are protectors of our women folk and should never allow a strange man to visit our mothers or sisters. If he is married to her then she should tell him but until then she is only allowing herself to be suspected by acting in such a manner being visited by a strange man.

So brother you do have every right to know what is going on with your mother being visited by a strange man. But you must remain calm at all times and speak to her in a low tone and NOT get angry or frustrated remembering the honour you owe your mother at all times. Make your mother feel that you love her and that you just want to know what is going on. Make her feel that you only want to see her happy but that you are upset because you do not know what is going on.

At the sametime make much dua to Allah particularly in the latter part of the night at Tahajjud time, asking of Allah to help you in this situation and do what is best for you and your family.

May Allah bring a good conclusion to your situation. Ameen

This is the best advice given on this forum. to be open and honest with your mother about how you feel is the BEST thing that you can do. if it all is a misunderstanding then all this will be openly clarified.

And i dont think there is anything wrong with you asking this question here. We are all here to help eachother. One day we will need your help.

Allah knows best and I pray He make it easy for you to deal with this situation. I feel for you brother. But never lose your faith in Allah, do what you can and leave the rest to Him.

 

[Riham]

I've slightly altered the thread title. It may still not be the best assumption, but it's better than an accusation without proof.

:salam2:

Accusing anyone of zina is a serious affair. Accusing one's mother of it is even graver.

Let's not get emotional over this issue. And let's be logical and turn to the Qur'an and Sunnah.

I found the following information very relevant:

-------------------------

There are four ways of establishing proof of zina. They are:

1. Testimony of witnesses

2. Admission by the parties concerned

3. Pregnancy of a woman who has no husband or master

4. If the husband takes the oath of li'aan (curse) upon himself as in Surat An-Nur and the wife refuses to take part in li’aan.

With regard to witnesses to zina, they should be four people whose testimony is acceptable, and they should state that they have seen the zina in clear terms, i.e., they should have seen the man’s penis in the woman’s vagina. If some of them only testify that they saw them naked, or they describe certain positions or movements, that is not sufficient to proof that zina took place.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Sharh al-Mumti’ (6/157):

"They should describe zina in clear terms, such as saying: “I saw his penis in her vagina”. There is no alternative to that. If they say: “We saw him on top of her and they were naked”, that is not acceptable. Even if they say “We saw him doing with her what a man does with his wife,” that is not sufficient as testimony. They must say “We bear witness that his penis was in her vagina.” And this is very difficult, as the man said who was testified against at the time of ‘Umar: “If you were among the (four) thighs you would never be able to give this testimony.”

Hence Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah mentioned that at his time no case of zina was proven by means of testimony from the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) until the time of Ibn Taymiyah. If no case was proven from that time until the other, then we do not know of any case that was proven by testimony up till our own times, because it is very difficult."

This strictness with regard to testimony about zina serves only to achieve the purpose aimed at by sharee’ah, which is to conceal people and not spread immorality, and to make societies avoid accusations against people’s honour and aspersions on their lineages.

Al-Qurtubi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Jaami’ li Ahkaam al-Qur’aan (5/83):

"Allaah has stated that testimony in a case of zina must be given by four people, so as to make it hard for those who are testifying to such a thing, and to conceal people."

Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di said in his Tafseer (1/563):

“Why did they not produce four witnesses?” [al-Noor 24:13], i.e., why did the accusers not bring witnesses to the things they accused them of? “four witnesses” i.e., of good character. “Since they (the slanderers) have not produced witnesses! Then with Allaah they are the liars” – even if they are certain about that in themselves, they are liars in Allaah’s judgement, because Allaah has forbidden them to speak of that without four witnesses.

Hence Allaah says: “Then with Allaah they are the liars”, and He did not say “Then they are the liars”.

All of this points to the grave sanctity of the Muslim’s honour, so it is not permissible to make accusations against it without establishing testimony.

Source: Islam QA.

-------------------------

What all this means is.... even if the brother were to get a spy camera and record any activity taking place in his mother's bedroom, that would still not be counted as proof of zina.

Let it be sufficient what Allah has to say regarding this issue:

"Allah does not like that evil should be uttered in public except by him who has been wronged." - Qur'an 4:148

"Indeed, those who like that immorality should be spread [or publicized] among those who have believed will have a painful punishment in this world and the Hereafter." - Qur'an 24:19

 

[Riham]

:salam2:

If it is scholarly opinion you want, then please read this article.

Jazakallah khair.

-------------

KEEPING SINS A SECRET
Compiled by Shawana A Aziz
As-Sunnah Islamic Newsletter Issue no 16

References: Lecture by Allama Ehsan Ilahi Zaheer (rahimahullah), Qawaaid wa-Fawaaid min al-Arabeen an-Nawawi by Shaikh Nathim Sultan, Tafseer Ibn Katheer, and others.


From among the teachings of Allah's Messenger (salallahu alaihe wa-sallam) is to keep sins a secret matter.

If someone commits a sinful act which is against the Commandments of Allah, or is against the moral character, or is such an act that may cause harm to one's honor, then he should keep it a secret and seek forgiveness from Allah in the darkness of night.

The Messenger of Allah (salallahu alaihe wa-sallam) said: "My entire nation is safe, except al-Mujahirin (those who boast of their sins). Among the Mujaharah is that a man commits an (evil) act, and wakes up in the morning while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret, he says: "O Fulan! Last night I did this and that." He goes to sleep while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret but he wakes up in the morning and uncovers what Allah has kept a secret!" [Saheeh al-Bukharee]


Zayd ibn Aslam narrated, 'At the time of the Messenger of Allah(salallahu alaihe wa-sallam), a man admitted that he had committed fornication, so the Messenger of Allah asked for a whip. He was brought a broken whip, so he said: "Better than this." Then he was brought a new whip…, he then said:"Lesser than this.' So, he was brought a whip that was used and had thus become soft, and the Messenger (salallahu alaihe wa-sallam) ordered that he be whipped with it (a hundred times). He then said: "O People! It is time for you to refrain from transgressing Allah's limits. He who commits some of these filthy acts (such as fornication), let him hide under Allah's cover, for whoever admits what he has committed, we will establish Allah's Book as regards him (by applying the warranted punishment for this sin)." [Musnad Ahmad]

Abdullah Ibn Masoud (radiyallahu anhu) related, 'A man came to the Prophet and said: 'O Messenger of Allah! I have mingled with a woman in the far side of al-Medina, and I fulfilled my desire short of actually having sexual intercourse with her. So, here am I, judge me according to what you decide.' Umar Ibn al-Khattab (radiyallahu anhu) then said: 'Allah had kept your secret, why did not you keep your secret?' [Sharh Muslim]

Similarly, if one becomes aware of somebody else's sin, he should keep it a secret.

Allah's Messenger (salallahu alaihe wa-sallam) said: "He, who relieves a hardship of this Dunya (word) for a believer, Allah will relieve (from him) a hardship of the Day of Resurrection; he who makes easy an indebted person, Allah will make it easy for him in the Dunya and the Hereafter; he who covers a Muslim (meaning his mistakes and shortcomings), Allah will cover him in the Dunya and the Hereafter…" [Muslim]

Abdullah Ibn Umar (radiyallahu anhu) related, "The Messenger of Allah (salallahu alaihe wa-sallam) once rose above the podium and then said with a loud voice, "O those who have embraced Islam only with their tongue, while Eemaan has not yet entered their hearts, neither harm Muslims, nor mock them, nor try to expose their mistakes, for he who follows(searches for) the errors of his brother, Allah will follow his errors, and he whom Allah follows his errors, He will expose him even if he was in the middle of his home." [Saheeh al-Jamee]

Imam an-Nawawi (rahimahullah) writes, 'This Hadeeth indicates that following and then exposing people's mistakes only occurs by the hypocrites and those whose Eemaan is so weak, that it did not yet fill their hearts…"

Exposing sins lead to humiliation and embarrassment, which ceases the possibility that the sinner might someday regret his mistake, seek forgiveness from Allah and purify his soul from sins because one of the things that prevent one from committing sins is the fear of humiliation.

However, if the sinner knows that the people are already aware of his sins, then he does not experience the shame and distraction which he used to feel before and this might encourage him to commit sins openly!

Secondly, when sins are repeatedly mentioned in gatherings, etc. the fear of committing sins vanishes from the people's hearts.

First the sin will become easy on people's tongue and gradually he, who does not feel any shame in mentioning the sin, will not find it difficult to even commit the sin. This is how, sins spread in the society!

So, if someone becomes aware of his brother's sins and realizes that nobody except him has seen him committing the sin, then he should keep the sin a secret. He should not encourage people towards sins by exposing his faults.

Allah, the Exalted, has not only condemned committing sins in the Qur'aan but He has also condemned those people who mention sins in public.

He said:"Verily, those who like that Fahishah should be circulated among those who believe, they will have a painful torment." [(24): 19] meaning, those who like to see evil talk about them (the believers) appear. [Tafseer Ibn Katheer]

Allah says in Soorah an-Nisa (4): 148, "Allah does not like that evil should be uttered in public except by him who has been wronged."

Ibn Abbas (radiyallahu anhu) commented on this verse, "Allah does not like that anyone should invoke Him against anyone else, unless one was wronged. In this case, Allah allows one to invoke Him against whoever wronged him…Yet, it is better for one if he observes patience." [Tafseer Ibn Katheer]

Today sins have become widespread in the society because we have forgotten the teachings of Allah's Messenger (salallahu alaihe wa-sallam), who discouraged people from revealing one's mistakes and sins as well as others.

As a result, people have lost the fear of committing not only minor sins but even major sins - Moreover, we find people proudly attributing sins to themselves!!

Today, there are also many novel channels through which sins are propagated in the society; like such book, magazines and television programs that mention the crimes of others, illicit acts, and immorality under the name of creating awareness among the people.

These programs which are meant to help the people against the crimes are in reality, helping the crime to spread fast in the society!

Crimes, which were previously unknown to people have become common offense! It is therefore necessary for the Muslims to avoid all such avenues which may lead to the destruction of our Muslim Ummah.

---------

 

[Riham]

Aapa, I'm going to be quite frank with you, since you deserve no less. I think you're being quite rude in assuming the worst of your brother, when the truth is you should be assuming the best of him.

:salam2:

Sister Aapa is objecting to what is clearly wrong. She is objecting to something which incurs the wrath of Allah.

She is speaking against an evil.

It's kind of hard to do all that..... and be nice about it, wouldn't you say?

I'm done with this thread and do not want to be a part of it any more. But I had to get a few things straightened out before I left.

My opinions matter not one bit. Only the opinion of Allah and His Messengers counts. And that is what I have given you.

To be sure, each and every single person who has participated in this discussion will be asked about the things they said on the Day of Judgment.

Whoever this mother is, I feel sorry for her. She has become the talk of the town.

Think about it. Do you really think Allah will be pleased with all this?

Okay. I'm outta here. Jazakallah khair for listening.

La ilaha il Allah! Muhammaddar Rasul Allah!

 

[MohammedMaksudul]

:salam2:

Have tawaqqul on Allaah!

 

[msmoorad]

salaams to all

Riham says: "Whoever this mother is, I feel sorry for her. She has become the talk of the town."

do u know who his mother is?
does anyone know?

if she walks past you on the street- will u be able to identify her-this is the woman we are all discussing on the internet?
you also say:"Sister Aapa is objecting to what is clearly wrong. She is objecting to something which incurs the wrath of Allah."
his mother is a ghair mahram to this man
they are both NOT supposed to be alone together in privacy.

even if they are both performing nafl salaah in the locked room- its HARAAM
and will incur the wrath of Allah ta'ala

so wheres the objection to that?
please just think before you get all sentimental

you & Aapa are taking what conveniently suits you from Quran & hadith & are ignoring the other injuctions and commands which show that what the brother is doing here is correct..
theres no gheebah here, cos WE DONT KNOW WHO HE IS TALKING ABOUT.

as someone else mentioned
if this is his mother who has brought him into the world, raised him and sacrificed so much for him, should he not do his best to see that she is saved from Jahannaum?
is it sensible to ignore something like this?
is it OK to just ignore this & only make duah for her?

and Allah ta'ala knows best
jazakallah

 

[Hard Rock Moslem]

Dear all brothers and sisters,

Pls be guided with the following verse from the Qur'an:

And those who accuse chaste women and then do not produce four witnesses - lash them with eighty lashes and do not accept from them testimony ever after. And those are the defiantly disobedient, (Q 24:4)

In M'sia, as per one of the state sharia law, if you can not produced 4 witnesses, you can be charged under qazhaf for you accuse anyone with zina. The brother may have witnessed, he alone not enough but Qur'an requirement must be met otherwise we should try our best not to openly discuss about it.

For the brother who raised this thread, your intention was good but I suggest in future pls make it general.

 

[Ahsen]

Abu Hurairah said that:

"The Messenger (saw) of Allah cursed the man who wears women's clothes and the woman who wears men's clothes."

Ibn Umar said that he heard the Messenger (saw) of Allaah say: "He is not of us who imitates women nor is he of us who imitates men." (al-Hakim)

Abdullah ibn Umar reported that the Prophet (saw) said:

"Three people will not enter paradise, and Allaah will not look to them on the Day of Judgement: the one who is disobedient to his parents, the woman who imitates men and the ad-Dayooth." (Ahmad)

Ad-Dayooth[1] is the man who permits women for whom he is responsible (eg: mother, wife, sister etc.) to engage in illicit sexual relations, or to display their beauty to strange men, thereby stimulating their sexual desires.

FOOTNOTES:

1. {According to the Scholars of Hadeeth, there are various levels of Dayooth according to how negligent or careless he is with displaying the women under his care. For example, some do not care if strange men look at his wife, others don't care even if strange men touch his wife, or kiss his wife, or ultimately sleep with his wife. Punishment is met out to such a person accordingly.}

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

I need to respond to being called rude.

No sister, I was not rude. I was honest. I did not call out the pathology.

How can you call me rude...have you been married, have you given birth, have you had days when you were numb with fear for your child, have you carried a child in your womb and it is taken away...have you had to leave a child in the hospital and run home to the other to feed him and run back to the hospital..all night long? Have you only had enough food to feed the children and you tell them it's ok..you are fasting...

For all those that forgot...all mothers do this...

you dare call your mother a sinner...

No I am not rude...I did not call out the pathology.

 

[esperanza]

[assalam alaykum

i keep reading and rereading this thread,,,and the arguments going back and forth

firstly we should not reveal peoples sins...and you began this thread stating your mother had committed a sin..that is a heavy statement to make if your not 100% sure
you may suspect her,and it seems\ very strange yes a married man staying in your mothers room

but you should keep this between you and your mother

you must confront your mother..i know you have tried..but if you love her you will try again and again,,,

beause i know no son would ever wish to see his mother in this situation

i understand its so hard.. ihave three sons one almost your age..and ican understand your feelings believe me

ican understand that you feel ashamed or confused or disappotined
and your worried for her

do not give up on her ..yiour mother deserves all your love devotion and worry...

and without a husband arounbd ,her\sons are responsible for her,,,

if you and your brothers.. leave such a situation without doing anything,,,,then your leaving your mother to suffer in this life and the one after

if your brothers dont care..then its down to you

i know its hard,but you must show her that because you care.. your upset and angry,because you dont want her to destroy her life

maybe there is somone in the family like her sister her brother or someone wise...who could talk with her

ican see both sides of argument here..yes its not right to shame your mother..but as a son who loves his mother it would be a bigger mistaske to leave this situation to continue

may Allah guide you and your mother

 

[hayat84]

if my mother had betryed her husband I would have never accepted her repentance,because I don't conceive the thought of adultery...but if she had decided to have a new life divorcing from him,then she would have had every right to be happy..
Dear brother,maybe your mother is sinning,maybe it's only a hypotesys.
I hope you'll receive every explaination.many times it's easier to follow the road which goes towards the valley,but it's following the road towards the mountain,that a muslim achieves the victory.the Shari'a Islamiya would have punished your mother,she's fortunate,or maybe she has no enogh fear of Allah...don't forget your mother,don't leave her,maybe that man is joking with her heart and she can't see what you see.may Allah be with you.