Asalaamu Alaikum,
Around 3 months ago I came across a sister that was a convert through work and through a few initial conversations there was some attraction.
The sister converted to Islam 7 years ago and trying to be a good Muslim, through a islamic matrimony site looked for a suitable husband.
She got talking to one brother (not British) from an Arab country (she was looking for an arab to help with arabic and deen). Within 3 conversations the brother was keen to meet and they did. 2 meetings further the brother highlighted it would be a sin to continue to meet and to marry.
Initially the brother, had highlighted he had a successful business, moderate views islamically and as the sister wanted to work in a different city, there would be no issues with him moving there.
Unfortunately - the husbands business went bust before the marriage, he turned to be very strict and made her give up her new job within the first month of marriage (she only found out all this after marriage).
Being a new Muslim and trying to be an obedient one, she decided to practice patience.
For the first 7months she only found out more things related to her new husband which were strict views such as not allowed to see her non Muslim female friends as they were s*gs or Prost**tes (excuse the language) and was not hardly allowed to see her non Muslim family as they were kaafir.
Her Arab husband and new family put pressure on her for children and although she felt she was not ready, again trying to be an obedient Muslim, remaining patient and hoping the husband would change, and the husband using the fact that islamically they should have children asap as its so rewarding/blessful, she fell pregnant with her first.
Upon 8 months of being pregnant she suffered her first type of physical abuse.
After the birth of their first child it became a common act for her to experience physical abuse (1-3 months) sometimes once and sometimes few times. Of course once the physical act was complete there would be short period where he would treat her good or so she thought.
Throughout the time she always looked for the better of the situation - Barring in mind she gave up her family (in terms of most contact), her friends, her home , her city and most importantly her identity. She always thought remaining stead fast, hoping he would change and if she was to split (would look bad on Islam to others and her non Muslim family - non Muslim family would blame Islam).
A year and a half passed since the birth and it was common to experience the mental and physical abuse. Her new family and husband then again put pressure on her on having more children. At first she took steps behind his back to preventing herself getting pregnant but upon feeling guilty and through some good points, she ended up getting pregnant again.
Again before and after birth more physical and mental abuse continued and after a few months of the birth she finally got the courage to leave.
Now what happened once she left is very long and I will only very briefly summarise.
The X husband decided to go to court to get custody as the wife wanted to divorce him and do things islamically including giving husband access to the kids.
He ended up taking the kids from her for 1 month by using a court order.
He then tried manipulating her and using his familys health as an excuse for her to return, when upon returning he tried to force her.
A year later of joint custody (50/50) of the kids, he raped her which he was charged for but not found guilty in court as not enough evidence.
So the current situation is - she is islamically divorced from him but she is still very alone now with 2 children. She has to make contact with the x husband once a month to hand over the kids, at a mutual location as she has no other choice of taking someone with her.
The above is just a real summary of the extent the sister has been through.
I have seen 2 huge files of paper work and proof of what she has told me from the start of her marriage to the present.
She is a very genuine sister who practices, observes hijaab and is a very good mother (she also MashALLAH has a successful job).
I am younger then the sister, never got married before and looking for a pious wife.
My family are culturally inclined and follow the arranged marriage to an extent of them finding me a suitable partner and I then can find out if shes compatible and make the final decision.
The sister is willing to move to my part of the country, willing to sacrifice her job or find something more suitable in terms of hours (if required for family stability) and more than happy to integrate with my family.
For my family the main issue would be the 2 children more than shes not from the same back ground as me.
How do I tackle such an issue, I feel I would be able to spend my life with this sister based on her piety and stead fast to Islam, especially after all that happened (she hasn't missed a single Salaat since converting).
I also would like to know if any one else had ever married someone with children, where the children still has a link with the father or mother. How do you deal with the x partner still having some sort of contact due to the kids?
JazakALLAH
Around 3 months ago I came across a sister that was a convert through work and through a few initial conversations there was some attraction.
The sister converted to Islam 7 years ago and trying to be a good Muslim, through a islamic matrimony site looked for a suitable husband.
She got talking to one brother (not British) from an Arab country (she was looking for an arab to help with arabic and deen). Within 3 conversations the brother was keen to meet and they did. 2 meetings further the brother highlighted it would be a sin to continue to meet and to marry.
Initially the brother, had highlighted he had a successful business, moderate views islamically and as the sister wanted to work in a different city, there would be no issues with him moving there.
Unfortunately - the husbands business went bust before the marriage, he turned to be very strict and made her give up her new job within the first month of marriage (she only found out all this after marriage).
Being a new Muslim and trying to be an obedient one, she decided to practice patience.
For the first 7months she only found out more things related to her new husband which were strict views such as not allowed to see her non Muslim female friends as they were s*gs or Prost**tes (excuse the language) and was not hardly allowed to see her non Muslim family as they were kaafir.
Her Arab husband and new family put pressure on her for children and although she felt she was not ready, again trying to be an obedient Muslim, remaining patient and hoping the husband would change, and the husband using the fact that islamically they should have children asap as its so rewarding/blessful, she fell pregnant with her first.
Upon 8 months of being pregnant she suffered her first type of physical abuse.
After the birth of their first child it became a common act for her to experience physical abuse (1-3 months) sometimes once and sometimes few times. Of course once the physical act was complete there would be short period where he would treat her good or so she thought.
Throughout the time she always looked for the better of the situation - Barring in mind she gave up her family (in terms of most contact), her friends, her home , her city and most importantly her identity. She always thought remaining stead fast, hoping he would change and if she was to split (would look bad on Islam to others and her non Muslim family - non Muslim family would blame Islam).
A year and a half passed since the birth and it was common to experience the mental and physical abuse. Her new family and husband then again put pressure on her on having more children. At first she took steps behind his back to preventing herself getting pregnant but upon feeling guilty and through some good points, she ended up getting pregnant again.
Again before and after birth more physical and mental abuse continued and after a few months of the birth she finally got the courage to leave.
Now what happened once she left is very long and I will only very briefly summarise.
The X husband decided to go to court to get custody as the wife wanted to divorce him and do things islamically including giving husband access to the kids.
He ended up taking the kids from her for 1 month by using a court order.
He then tried manipulating her and using his familys health as an excuse for her to return, when upon returning he tried to force her.
A year later of joint custody (50/50) of the kids, he raped her which he was charged for but not found guilty in court as not enough evidence.
So the current situation is - she is islamically divorced from him but she is still very alone now with 2 children. She has to make contact with the x husband once a month to hand over the kids, at a mutual location as she has no other choice of taking someone with her.
The above is just a real summary of the extent the sister has been through.
I have seen 2 huge files of paper work and proof of what she has told me from the start of her marriage to the present.
She is a very genuine sister who practices, observes hijaab and is a very good mother (she also MashALLAH has a successful job).
I am younger then the sister, never got married before and looking for a pious wife.
My family are culturally inclined and follow the arranged marriage to an extent of them finding me a suitable partner and I then can find out if shes compatible and make the final decision.
The sister is willing to move to my part of the country, willing to sacrifice her job or find something more suitable in terms of hours (if required for family stability) and more than happy to integrate with my family.
For my family the main issue would be the 2 children more than shes not from the same back ground as me.
How do I tackle such an issue, I feel I would be able to spend my life with this sister based on her piety and stead fast to Islam, especially after all that happened (she hasn't missed a single Salaat since converting).
I also would like to know if any one else had ever married someone with children, where the children still has a link with the father or mother. How do you deal with the x partner still having some sort of contact due to the kids?
JazakALLAH
