My husband is not a Muslim.

[a_muslimah86]

:salam2:

I see that some brothers and sisters are quick to either pass solutions..or provide fatwas about this situation..jazakom Allah khair for the good intentions you have..but read this..

Once I heard story from a sahih hadith related by Shaikh Mohammad Hassan from Musnad Al-Imam Ahmad..and the hadith is narrated by Jaber (radhiya Allaho 'anho)..and it goes:

"We were on a journey, and one of the men with us was injured on his head because of a rock, and he had a wet-dream. Hence he asked his companions 'do you find for me an excuse to make tayamum?'. His companions said 'No! we do not find an excuse for you and you are able to handle water'. Thus, he made ghasl and died. When Rasulullah ('alayhi assalat wassalam) was informed of this he said 'they killed him!, may Allah kill them! [in another narration 'may Allah fight them!], did they not ask? should they not have known [the answer]? for indeed the healing of the one who is ignorant or not knowledgeable is in his asking [questions]'"

The moral of the story?!

The men answered the injured correctly..water was readily available for him and tayammum [performing ablution with *dust*] cannot be a replacement for wudu'u with water..but what was their mistake?!!!

They gave a ruling according to a "general issue" of fiqh!..they did not stop to think about the situation of the injured man..and *most importantly*..they did not stop from *answering* his inquiry though they did not possess the *necessary knowledge*..

That's why Rasulullah said "did they not ask? should they not have known? for indeed the healing of the one who is ignorant or not knowledgeable is in his asking [questions]"

It takes but seconds to google a fatwa..or plug in its topic in this or that site..*but*..are we *certain* that it applies 100% to the situation beforehand?!..can we be *certain* that it will satisfy *all aspects* of the situation laid before us?!..unless we have the knowledge to add or render the fatwa different in its answer..*correctly* with *thorough sharia'a research and evidence*..we sure *can't*

So fear Allah brothers and sisters..you intend good..this is apparent mashallah..and baraka Allah in each and every one of you!..but wallahi it's not worth it to write something now..only to stand before Allah one day..and be held accountable for it..*though*..and put a 100 hundred lines under *though*..you meant *good* in writing it or providing it!

Sister alf2..there's no doubt you are a woman of good faith..seek Allah sister..this can very well be a test for you..and Allah is longing to hear *your voice* asking Him for His guidance and help with the situation..make dua'a in your prayers that Allah guides your husband to Islam and makes him firm in his belief in it..especially when you make prostration in prayer!..and make a lot of istighfar (saying "astaghfirullah" repeatedly, while counting on your fingers)..at every chance you get do that..dua'a and istighfar are a weapon for the Muslim who is in need..so hang tight to this weapon and don't let it go..and don't tire from hanging on to it..wallahi you will be amazed by what Allah will bring your way sister!

At the same time my dear..locate the nearest masjid to your house (you may use: www.islamicfinder.org..for this purpose)..and ask to speak to the Imam..tell him of your situation thoroughly..don't leave any details out..and ask him for his advice..then ask him if he'd be willing to speak to your husband as well..answer any questions he may have about Islam..clear any misconceptions he may have accumulated about it..and so forth..pretty much..do the work you're doing with possibly new perspectives and new knowledge..I am sure your husband comes back to the U.S. during school breaks and such..so seize this opportunity sister..

Don't take the easy way out..and don't listen to anyone except those with good wisdom and good knowledge in life and the sharia sister!..if you love your husband (and it seems that you do mashallah)..then surely..going back and forth to a masjid..or speaking to an Imam or two..will count to *nothing* for you because you're willing to do more if you have to..so seek out help..stay patient and strong (especially in faith and trust in Allah)..and make dua'a and istighfar at every single chance you get!..and then seek people with good knowledge who can give you answers for *your* situation..specifically what *you* are experiencing!

I apologize for the lengthy reply..and may Allah count your husband amongst the guided..and you two live under the shade of Allah and His Deen..ameen..ameen..ameen

 

[weakslave]

The scholars are humans as well and they all interpret things differently. I do not feel I need another human to tell us what God wants of us. That's why we have the Qur'an and are supposed to forever study it.

The Quran is not open to interpretation by me, you or anyone else. It is the job of a scholar to study the Quraan and then to be given permission by his teacher when the person is knowledgeable enough to spread their own fatwas. Those scholars follow in the footsteps of the Prophet because they are on a greater than the one we are on right now, they work to help us understand the verses and the ahadeeth in a comprehensive manner.

It is not an easy task: Scholars are among the first to be judged in front of Allaah.

I have to agree with you on this. Honestly, there is a fatwa about everything. Like my friend asked me if she should smoke, i told her no since it damaged the body. But after 10 minutes of searching the internet, she found a Fatwa from an accredited Scholar that smoking is okay.

If she is looking for fatwas online to suit her needs, she might as well have not looked anything up. The scholar who says smoking is okay is not a scholar who is using evidence from the Quran and Sunnah.

If One looks hard enough, they will find a fatwa in their favour - no matter the opinion.

Unfortunately that is a sign of the times we live in. So called "scholars" (not trustworthy ones) have taken the matter of making lawful/unlawful a joke. And many are giving fatwas when they don't have the right nor are they qualified.

This is why it is a tough time we live in now. The truth is hard to find, and trustworthy scholars are few in numbers. That is why the one who cares for the truth would set guidelines for themselves on how to distinguish a trustworthy scholar vs a scholar who has other motives. The list below is how I accomplish this:

1. Is the scholar adherent to the Sunnah of the Prophet ?
2. Does this scholar always back their claims with sound evidence from the Quran and Sunnaah?
3. Does the scholar rely on the opinion of scholars who use sound evidence from the Quran and Sunnaah?
4. Are the scholars fatwas free from personal desire or gain?
5. Does the scholar have affiliations with any government or media agency?
6. Does this scholar disagree with other scholars who rely on sound evidence from the Quran and Sunnaah in matters of 'Aqeedah?

Simple criteria, not so simple to apply. More than 90% of so called muslim "scholars" fail in at least one of these categories. Once a scholar does not meet this criteria I avoid them. Why? Because I have alternatives, and I can find these scholars who fulfill that criteria from top to bottom.

No one can deny there are certain issues in which even those that meet this criteria differ, but this will be in matters that do not affect a person's faith. In that regard, you simply follow what you are more comfortable with. And if you ask Allaah for guidance, He will guide you to the truth.

And Allaah knows best.

 

[hassana elkoussi]

Salam alaikum sister,

The answer to your question can be found both in Quran and Sunnah. As for the Quran, plz check Surat Al Mumtahinah
They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them” [al-Mumtahanah 60:10]

As for the Sunnah, a similar situation happened to the Prophet's PBUH daughter, Zaynab,

Zaynab, the daughter of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was married to Abu’l-‘Aas ibn al-Rabee’ during the Jaahiliyyah. But when she became Muslim, their marriage was annulled, and she went and stayed with her father (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). When her husband became Muslim, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent her back to him.

You can get more details from sister revert2007's post and from this link
http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/3408/can a muslim woman marry a non muslim

May Allah guide you to that which pleases Him SWT.

Salam

 

[kayleigh]

How long ago did you revert?

Does he respect your beliefs, even if he doesn't believe them himself? Will he allow you to raise your children as Muslims? I have known a few sisters who have married non-Muslim husbands. They didn't revert - they were Muslim before marriage. Their husbands respect their beliefs and allow the children to be raised as Muslims, and it works. actually, a classmate of mine (male, non-Muslim) recently married a very well known and respected Muslim woman. He is not Muslim, but loves Islam and supports her and respects her beliefs completely and raises her children as Muslims without trying to interfere in that. I'm not saying whether or not this is right in Islam, but for some people it does work out.

I hope it works out for the best for you.

Edit: I guess I missed one of your posts above. Honestly, I wouldn't do anything yet until he comes back to the US and lives with you. With you as an example and the friends you've made in the community, over time he may change his mind. It is difficult with the distance.

 

[hassana elkoussi]

I'm not saying whether or not this is right in Islam, but for some people it does work out.

I hope it works out for the best for you.

.

So sorry, sis/ brother kayleigh, but is that the criteria on which muslims should base their decisions in life ?????

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

In Islam it is our obligation to state the Truth. We as Muslims, understand the Truth to be The Quran and the Sunnath.

If we give any answers to the sister who posed this question that are contrary to the Truth..we are placing a heavy burden upon ourselves.

The simple Truth is a woman cannot marry a non-Muslim man. It does not matter if it does work between them or not.
In the state of marriage if a woman sees the light of Islam..she has no choice but to follow the rules of Islam.

Islam supercedes individuals.

 

[kayleigh]

So sorry, sis/ brother kayleigh, but is that the criteria on which muslims should base their decisions in life ?????

The point of my stating that it was my personal opinion and that I'm not saying whether it is right or wrong was... that it is my personal opinion and that I'm not saying whether it is right or wrong.

The sister said she refuses to divorce, so the half a dozen posts telling her that she should divorce her husband instead of addressing what she is actually asking is kind if pointless.

 

[Ayyub]

Salam:
For me it seems sister alf2 knew the answer even before asking it.I mean she herself stated we should not tell her to divorce:But if that is the truth then what do you want us to tell you.There is no room for our opinions in Islam.That's why we need scholars who study the interpretation of manhaj salaf as salah and tell us how they (Muhammed (as) and his companions) interpreted the Quran.

The Quran is not open to interpretation by me, you or anyone else. It is the job of a scholar to study the Quraan and then to be given permission by his teacher when the person is knowledgeable enough to spread their own fatwas. Those scholars follow in the footsteps of the Prophet because they are on a greater than the one we are on right now, they work to help us understand the verses and the ahadeeth in a comprehensive manner.

It is not an easy task: Scholars are among the first to be judged in front of Allaah.

That's why this is 100% correct!Thank's to weakslave.

For example:there is the hadith which says:Oh muslims don't live under the kuffar.That means in kuffar states.

When our opinion would play a role and we would read this then we would immediately pack our bag end take the plane.

But the salaf as salah interpret it like this:you can live under the kuaffar only if they wouldn't attack you, let you practise your religion etc.....

You see that it's dangerous to interpret Quran and Hadith on your own without taking the interpretations of a Sheikh.

So sisiter the best would be if you would go to your local masjid and seek the help of the imam cause your case shouldn't be taken lightly.

wa'laikum isalam.

 

[hayat84]

:salam2:
there is a verse of Quran which briefly recites:<don't get married to a misbeliever man,till he becomes a believer,even if it could be better for you cause you like him>Allah says in the Quran that a muslim woman must marry a muslim man.If you got married to a man who doesn't accept your religion,may one day try to change your beliefs,and your children won't receive a muslim education,because the influence of the man above the sons is stronger than that of the mother.So if you want to preserve your religion and give an islamic education to your family,you should explain that you wished to have a family built on Allah's belief.try to put apart your feelings for your husband and ask to yourself:what is more important?the love for my husband or that of Allah?
Allah wanted for us the ease,and by myself,if you love him so much,tell him that one day,you'll be obliged to be separated when the Death will come and take your soul.If he feels the same feelings like you,maybe he will reflect about his destiny and in sh Allah he will admit that he has a heart thank to Allah,he has two eyes,he breaths,smiles and cries,he has a muslim wife...everything thanks to Allah.So give him the time and pose him many questions,then you'll see that he will stop answering you,cause the only answer is in the Quran.
Another thing,sister,wait about having children,cause one day you may find in difficulty,if you wish to grow a muslim family,you must start from your husband.
for the resting things,you know what to do,I'll never tell you to divorce.
I hope to have given you a help

 

[revert2007]

Assalamualikum.I am going to tell you the same thing I told other sisters in similar situation.OK here is how things go.

If you are a non Muslim now and you want to convert,I will never ask you to divorce your husband right away as that is not what mentioned in Quran or Sunnah.I will only ask you 3 things that you should accept before you can accept Islam which are

1.Accept Allah as the only deity to be worshiped and accept Muhammad pbuh as the final messenger and slave of Allah.

2.Accept to pray 5 times per day

3.Accept to pay zakah/charity

Once you have agree upon all three,convert to Islam without worrying about your non-Muslim husband.

Now,you must build your faith as that is what will determine the next step you going to take.

After couple of months perhaps less than 3 months I will tell this sister slowly that when she converted,her marriage with her husband is unlawful.If within the 3 months(from the date she converted) her husband accepted Islam,they can be together without renewing the marriage as that is what I found in the fatwa.BUt if he converted after the period of three months,they need to make a new marriage contract and marry according to sunnah and Quran which is do the nikah Islamic way.

So let say no one on this Earth told you that your marriage with your husband is unlawful and you had been doing what all husbands and wives do,then in sha Allah you will be forgiven by Allah The Exalted but once you knew the truth you must immediatly leave him.3 years is already good enough for you to decide whether you LOVE ALLAH more or you want to live a sinful life.Allah is testing you at the moment and please do not fail the test.If you truly accept Islam for the sake of Allah The Exalted,then leave your non Muslim husband now before you die in sin which you cannot repent after death.Leave him and repent and let see what Allah The Exalted has decided for him.We never know when he will be a Muslim.Let Allah The Exalted decide that.

Just remember one thing,these things in this dunya/world will never come with us to our graveyard and same goes to your husband.The only thing will follow you is your iman/faith and I am advicing you to hold to it.

I know it is easier to say but I am sorry I personally have never gone through this situation as Allah The Exalted knows I am not capable of handling such test.But I personally know sisters who successfully have given up their marriage and some of them are from this forum.

I also would like to say the same thing to some of you who are still with your non Muslim husband.I do not want to mention the name but if you read this post of mine,well you should know the status of your marriage now in sha Allah.

All you can do is dua for your husband and at the same time he is not lawful for you now and you should treat him as how you treat any other non mahram men.

This is a very sensitive issue and we should deal with knowledge from Quran and Sunnah and we shouldn't give our own opinion to make the sister feel better.None of us has the rights to give own opinion as ALlah The Exalted has decided things and it is clearly mentioned in Quran and Sunnah and no one should give opinion which goes againts quran and sunnah because I will never be able to handle the sin and am sure you will never be able to handle the sin as well.

If we know the right fact from Quran and sunnah,then lets advice her by providing evidence if we do not have evidence then plz remain silent.


Allah The Exalted knows the best
Assalamualikum.

 

[revert2007]

Salam alaikum sister,

The answer to your question can be found both in Quran and Sunnah. As for the Quran, plz check Surat Al Mumtahinah
They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them” [al-Mumtahanah 60:10]

As for the Sunnah, a similar situation happened to the Prophet's PBUH daughter, Zaynab,

Zaynab, the daughter of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was married to Abu’l-‘Aas ibn al-Rabee’ during the Jaahiliyyah. But when she became Muslim, their marriage was annulled, and she went and stayed with her father (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). When her husband became Muslim, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent her back to him.

You can get more details from sister revert2007's post and from this link
http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/3408/can%20a%20muslim%20woman%20marry%20a%20non%20muslim

May Allah guide you to that which pleases Him SWT.

Salam

Assalamualikum ukhti,Jazaka Allah khair for the link and it is very beneficial.

Incase if others do not know what is iddah here is the explanation:

In Islam, iddah or iddat (Arabic: العدة‎; period of waiting) is the period a woman must observe after the death of her spouse or after a divorce, during which she may not marry another man. The period, three months after a divorce and four months and ten days after the death of a spouse, is calculated on the number of menses that a woman has.

The Qur'anic verse relating to the period of iddah is:
Al Baqarah 2:234 If any of you die and leave widows behind, they shall wait concerning themselves four months and ten days: When they have fulfilled their term, there is no blame on you if they dispose of themselves in a just and reasonable manner. And Allah is well acquainted with what ye do. (Yusuf Ali) So in your case you should wait for 3 times of period/menses before you can leave your husband who do not want to convert.(but during thsi 3 months of waiting period,you shouldn't stay under one roof with your husband as that is what we know from the story of Zaynab-the daughter of Muhammad pbuh).BUt you have waited 3 years and you should know what to do by now in sha Allah.


Allah The Exalted knows the best

Assalamualikum

 

[mezeren]

:salam2:

We,as muslims, should love somebody for the sake of Allah and hate somebody for the sake of Allah.That is so for our wives ,husbands ,parents ,clildren and friends as wel as everyone on earth.The verdict on your matter is clear as you can see proofs from Quran and Sunnah.You have to act immedietly and inform him that you can not be together unless he becomes a sincere muslim but that does not mean you should loose your hope for your "ex" husband.As long as he and you are alive there is a hope that he could be a muslim and you could be together again.After all,it all depends on you how long you could wait for him to be a muslim.

Sister in islam,when you think about what Allah says in the quran and his massanger in hadiths concerning the day of judgement,we will run away from our loved ones.What will matter there is our good deeds.You will run away from your husbands as well.Think about it.

May Allah turn your husbands hearth to islam,and make you a big happy muslim family .