What is the proper thing to do?

DanyalSAC

Junior Member
Asalaamu alaikum -

Lets say you're a brother at the supermarket. You've got your Sunnah beard, maybe a kufi on, maybe a thobe or a kameez - in other words, its fairly obvious you're a Muslim.

You turn down an aisle and there midway is a sister in full hijab - head scarf, abaya, etc... she's doing her thing, shopping for her family or whatever just as you are. You both keep your eyes averted as is proper as you pass her. Now, here's the question: do you acknowledge she's a Sister and give her the Salaam or do you remain silent?

In the hadith I've found they say its important to greet those you know, and those you know not. The Qur'an says to return the greeting as good as or better than the one you get. Nowhere does it say only the same gender.

I've asked several people this question. I find the answer varies depending on the background of the individual.

Most born Muslims that I asked (and I only asked brothers) said that in an Islamic-majority country it would be considered improper to do so, but in a Western country its not as bad and in some cases can improve the solidarity.

I personally have no problem greeting a Sister but I typically don't because some can take it wrong.

Thoughts?

D.
 

rightpath_357

Junior Member
Well yes- I believe you can- maybe it should be short and formal I guess. Just a quick "Salam sister" and then be on our way.:D
 

Muslim_Gurl

Thank You Allah!
Walaykumu salaam

I hope this helps.

Ruling on greeting women with salaam and returning their greeting.

Is it permissible for me to return the salaams of a woman who is a stranger to me, i.e., a non-mahram?.



Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Allaah has commanded us to spread the greeting of salaam, and has enjoined us to return the greeting to all Muslims. He has made the greeting of salaam one of the things that spread love among the believers.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

" When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it, or (at least) return it equally. Certainly, Allaah is Ever a Careful Account Taker of all things "

[al-Nisa'4:86]

And it was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "You will not enter Paradise until you (truly) believe, and you will not (truly) believe until you love one another. Shall I not tell you something which, if you do it, you will love one another? Spread the greeting of salaam amongst yourselves."

Narrated by Muslim, 54.

In the answer to question no. 4596, there is a lengthy discussion on the importance of greeting with salaam and returning the greeting.

Secondly:

The command to spread the greeting of salaam is general and applies to all the believers. It includes men greeting men and women greeting women, and a man greeting his female mahrams. All of them are enjoined to initiate the greeting of salaam, and the other is obliged to return the greeting.

But there is a special ruling that applies to a man greeting a non-mahram woman, because of the fitnah (temptation) that may result from that in some cases.

Thirdly:

There is nothing wrong with a man greeting a non-mahram woman with salaam, without shaking hands with her, if she is elderly, but he should not greet a young woman with salaams when there is no guarantee that there will be no fitnah (temptation). This is what is indicated by the comments of the scholars, may Allaah have mercy on them.

Imam Maalik was asked: Can a woman be greeted with salaam? He said: With regard to the elderly woman, I do not regard that as makrooh, but with regard to the young woman, I do not like that.

Al-Zarqaani explained the reason why Maalik did not like that, in his commentary on al-Muwatta': Because of the fear of fitnah when he hears her returning the greeting.

In al-Adaab al-Shar'iyyah (1/370) it says: Ibn Muflih mentioned that Ibn Mansoor said to Imam Ahmad: (What about) greeting women with salaam? He said: If the woman is old there is nothing wrong with it.

Saalih (the son of Imam Ahmad) said: I asked my father about greeting women with salaam. He said: With regard to old women, there is nothing wrong with it, but with regard to young women, they should not be prompted to speak by being made to return the salaam.

Al-Nawawi said in his book al-Adhkaar (p. 407):

Our companions said: Women greeting women is like men greeting to men. But when it comes to women greeting men, if the woman is the man's wife, or his concubine, or one of his mahrams, then it is like him speaking to another man; it is mustahabb for either of them to initiate the greeting of salaam and the other is obliged to return the greeting. But if the woman is a stranger (non-mahram), if she is beautiful and there is the fear that he may be tempted by her, then the man should not greet her with salaam, and if he does then it is not permissible for her to reply; she should not initiate the greeting of salaam either, and if she does, she does not deserve a response. If he responds then this is makrooh.

If she is an old woman and he will not be tempted by her, then it is permissible for her to greet the man with salaam and for the man to return her salaams.

If there is a group of women then a man may greet them with salaam, or if there is a group of men, they may greet a woman with salaam, so long as there there is no fear that any of the parties may be tempted.

Abu Dawood (5204) narrated that Asma' the daughter of Yazeed said: "The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) passed by us woman and greeted us with salaam." Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

And al-Bukhaari (6248) narrated that Sahl ibn Sa'd said: "There was an old woman of our acquaintance who would send someone to Budaa'ah (a garden of date-palms in Madeenah). She would take the roots of silq (a kind of vegetable) and put them in a cooking pot with some powdered barley. After we had prayed Jumu'ah, we would go and greet her, then she should offer (that food) to us."

Al-Haafiz said in al-Fath:

Concerning the permissibility of men greeting women with salaam and women greeting men: what is meant by its being permitted is when there is no fear of fitnah.

Al-Haleemi was quoted as saying: Because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was infallible and protected from fitnah. Whoever is confident that he will be safe from temptation may greet (women) with salaam, otherwise it is safer to keep silent.

And al-Muhallab is quoted as saying: It is permissible for men to greet women with salaam and for women to greet men, if there is no fear of fitnah.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q A

Wasalaam
 

Kakorot

Junior Member
Wa'alaykum asalaam. If you fear that by you saying salaam may cause fitna between you and the sister, then don't say it, as saying salaam is sunnah (but fardh to answe)r. However, if you know that there will be no fitna then you can say salaam. When Muslim brothers say salaam to me I answer quietly and move on la haraj but there are some men out there that are not practicing and may say salaam to a sister, just for the sake of speaking to her :astag: which just shows their bad intentions.
 

al-fajr

...ism..schism
Staff member
Assalamu'alaykum,

You turn down an aisle and there midway is a sister in full hijab - head scarf, abaya, etc... she's doing her thing, shopping for her family or whatever just as you are. You both keep your eyes averted as is proper as you pass her. Now, here's the question: do you acknowledge she's a Sister and give her the Salaam or do you remain silent?

Just a quick "Salam sister" and then be on our way :D

Why? Just say it properly/normally? I highly doubt she would have started chucking cans of beans at the brother!

Being greeted with salaam makes my day. This has increased since I moved to a place where theres no masjid and hardly a muslim in site.

The first (and only) salaam I received in close to 6 months was from a male muslim, I appreciated the gesture. It makes a heck of a difference to your day when you here something so familiar in an otherwise alien place.

Seriously speaking about the fitna factor? In my opinion theres no time for fitna in just an exchange of salaam.. its not like you're stopping for an elaborate discussion about the weather.

Enough of my own opinion, what do the 'Ulemaa say on this?
 

a_muslimah86

Hubbi Li Rabbi
Staff member
:salam2:

I always had that question but never looked up the answer to it sobhanallah..

The brothers in my university and around town (I live in a small one so the Muslims see a lot of each other)..normally say Salam when they walk by and get close..or they are about to sit at a nearby table or stand behind me in line and such..pretty much when they're in a situation where it would be *very awkward* not to say Salam..but they *never make it a point* to come by or follow me to say Salam..and this is what all the Muslimahs around here experience...so they're pretty good about it alhamdulillah...every so often there is a brother who will creepily follow a sister around and come close to her an says Salam..at which point..the sister figures out that the brother isn't just *practicing a Sunnah* so she acts according to her discretion..but it happens rarely alhamdulillah so it's not a big issue...

I think it's a very important question brother..now that it is in discussion I really want to know the scholarly answer to it..jazaka Allah khair for bringing it up

:wasalam:
 

a_muslimah86

Hubbi Li Rabbi
Staff member
I guess sister Muslim_Gurl has *already* taken the time and done the work for us..jazaha Allah khair...

That's interesting though...I will have to inform my friends of it...I always thought saying Salam is not restricted so long there is no conversation taking place after it and/or due to it...goes to show me that *thinking* of a thing is not the same as *validating* it..

Jazaki Allah khair sister Muslim_Gurl

:wasalam:
 

Tabassum07

Smile for Allah
I would say No. I've had some salaams from females and it feels great, but once at the mall, a male stepped up and said salaam to me, and I felt highly uncomfortable. So I just mumbled "waalaikumassalam" and shuffled off. If he hadn't done that, I might have lingered around his stall and bought something, lol.

If it's an old "uncle-aged" man, I wouldn't mind being salaamed by him. But if it's someone younger, yes, I would find it uncomfortable, and suddenly feel Shaitan reeling in.

Suppose a brother is married, and his wife is out in the store buying groceries. Would that brother like some other strange non-mahram male to go up and greet his wife?
 

Muslim_Gurl

Thank You Allah!
I guess sister Muslim_Gurl has *already* taken the time and done the work for us..jazaha Allah khair...

That's interesting though...I will have to inform my friends of it...I always thought saying Salam is not restricted so long there is no conversation taking place after it and/or due to it...goes to show me that *thinking* of a thing is not the same as *validating* it..

Jazaki Allah khair sister Muslim_Gurl

:wasalam:

Wayaki my dearest sister :hearts:
 

thariq2005

Praise be to Allah!
:salam2: one of the opinion I have heard was this, but unfortunately I cannot find it anywhere (but will look around where it is in shaAllaah):

It is better not to initiate the salaam, but if it is initiated to you then there is no harm in repling to the salaam.

Wallaahu a'lam if my memory still serves me right, or if I forgot something about it, but I am still looking for the fatwa, or I cannot remember if I read it in a book. Nonetheless, I will let you know when I find out.

Wa salaamu 'alaikkum
 

al-muslimah

Junior Member
It once happened to my sister in the American airport. A guy passed by and greeted her with "Salam Alaycom". It was quite strange since we came from an arab country but she was happy to hear it. She felt that it is Islam what unites us and therefore he greeted her with the muslim greetings. It's like having the feeling that there is someone like you around and you are not a stranger.
 

thariq2005

Praise be to Allah!
Walaykumu salaam

I hope this helps.



Islam Q A

Wasalaam

:salam2: , a student of knowledge from Jordan explains this, and here is what he says...

It is important that Fatwa be understood in its right context in order to be applied accordingly in a sound manner. In addition, fatwa that is given on websites or written in books are often general and not meant to address particular cases despite the similarity of details of cases. That is why scholars put a guideline and criterions that need to exist in the Mufti, regradless to which category this mufti belongs. That said, the topic in discussion is actually covering two areas:

a. Initiate greeting with a non-maharm women using voice

b. Initiate greeting with a non-mahram woman in writings just like in letters and forums.

The former is generaly disliked unless the woman is old whereas the latter is allowed and actually preferable.

The purpose why scholars disliked a non-mahram to greet a foregin woman is to block the means of evil since the voice of a woman is proven, by common sense and science, to affect men.

To reply back to a greeting of a non-mahram is another area which its ruling differ but in principle, it is as it follows:

a. If one woman greeted you verbally with "Salam Alykom" then it is obligatory to reply back verbally. Yet, note that to reply back is one matter and to look is another matter. So, let not one confuse replying with looking or "staring" as some rude men do.

b. If one woman greeted you with "hi" or "hello" and such like greeting then you have the choice to reply back. However, out of good manners one should reply.

To start greeting in writing is preferable and there are no reasons to dislike it at all since the purpose for which scholars disliked is no longer there. Also, for example, if one man wants to thank a woman for a favor she did for him, and he wanted to send his gratitude to her through any of her Mahram then it is preferable for him to include his Salam.

The above is in general terms and if I had enough time, I would have elaborated further. However, the above should be enough inshallah.

Wallahu A'lam

Salaamu 'alaikkum
 

Muslim_Gurl

Thank You Allah!
:salam2: , a student of knowledge from Jordan explains this, and here is what he says...

It is important that Fatwa be understood in its right context in order to be applied accordingly in a sound manner. In addition, fatwa that is given on websites or written in books are often general and not meant to address particular cases despite the similarity of details of cases.


Salaamu 'alaikkum

:wasalam:

Please forgive me. I'll be careful next time InshaAllah.
 

Asja

Pearl of Islaam
Assalamu Allaicum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu

MashAllah for the answers that brothers and sisters have provided, they are usefull to all of us. May Allah reword you.Ameen

I remember once when I went in mosque with my sister, and we were called sallam by a Muslim brother. We both felt very uncomfortable and blush of shame, , but we replyed him with the same greeting Allhamdullilah, becouse I think we would be more uncomfortable if we said nothing and just passed by him.And Allah knows the best.

„When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it, or (at least) return it equally. Certainly, Allâh is Ever a Careful Account Taker of all things.“ (An-Nisa,86).

„O you who believe! Do not enter houses other than your own houses until you have asked permission and saluted their inmates(untill you do not call sallam)!“ (An-Nur,27)

„So when you enter houses, greet your people with a salutation from Allah, blessed (and) goodly.“ (An-Nur,61)

Has there come to you information about the honored guests of Ibrahim?
When they entered upon him, they said: Peace. Peace, said he,(Az-Zariyat,24-25).


It is narated by Abu-Hureyra that Prophet s.a.w.s said:“When Almighty Allah created Adam a.s., He told him:“ Go and call sallam to those(group of Angels that were sitting nearby), and listen what they will answer you, becouse that will be greeting of your descendants.“Adam a.s. went and called tham:“Assalamu Alaicum“ and they greeted him with:“Assalamu Allaicum wa rahmatuulahi“, adding „wa rahmatullahi.“ (Muttafekun aleyhi)

It is narrated by Abu Umame Sudiy that Prophet Mohammed s.a.w.s. said „The most chosen man with Allah is the one who among people calls sallam first.“(Tirmizi, hasen)


Man is caling salam to his wife, women who are his relatives, and to other women, if he is not afraid of fitnah.(Riyadus-s-salihin)

Abu Dawood (5204) narrated that Asma' the daughter of Yazeed said: "The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) passed by us woman and greeted us with salaam." Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

And in other tradition it sais:“Prophet Mohammed s.a.w.s has passed trough mosque, where group of women was sitting, and he called them sallam with hand sign.“(Tirmizi, hasen)


And allah knows the best

Jazzak Allah khair

Wa Allaicumu Salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu
 

thariq2005

Praise be to Allah!
:wasalam:

Please forgive me. I'll be careful next time InshaAllah.

Salaamu 'alaikkum, I don't know why your apologizing sister, you didn't anything wrong in shaAllaah. The answer was nothing to do with you, it was just explaining the fatwa more, thats all. Barakallaahu feeki sister for posting the fatwa.

Wa salaamu 'alaikkum
 
:salam2:

they gave you Islamic fatwa information above^^ by some sheiks.

but I will tell you culturally, the women will not return salam to you if you are a stranger, in most cases. So don't get upset if that happens to you. Usually if you and a opposite gender are strangers, you don't make salam, unless there is an need for interaction. like goto a store and the cashier is Muslim or vice versa.


:wasalam:
 

Muslim_Gurl

Thank You Allah!
Salaamu 'alaikkum, I don't know why your apologizing sister, you didn't anything wrong in shaAllaah. The answer was nothing to do with you, it was just explaining the fatwa more, thats all. Barakallaahu feeki sister for posting the fatwa.

Wa salaamu 'alaikkum

Walaykumu salam

Ohh really?? Opps, I guess I read it wrong then. Forgive me anyways.

Salaam
 
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