Would you force your daughter into a marriage?! :O

[BinKhadija]

Asslam'u Alykum brothers & sisters,

Can a girl, who's about 16 yrs of age, deny to marry the man parents have suggested? I'm in need of help since I always thought it was otherwise but now after having read something I'm kind-of shocked. This is what I've found on the topic so far:

“And those of your women as have passed the age of monthly courses, for them the ‘Iddah (prescribed period), if you have doubt (about their periods), is three months; and for those who have no courses [(i.e. they are still immature) their ‘Iddah (prescribed period) is three months likewise, except in case of death]” [al-Talaaq 65:4]

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: With regard to a virgin who is still a minor, there is no difference of opinion concerning her (i.e., that her father may marry her off even if she objects). Ibn al-Mundhir said: Every scholar from whom we learned was agreed that it is permissible for a man to marry off his virgin daughter who is still a minor, if he marries her to someone who is compatible, and it is permissible for him to marry her off even if she objects and refuses.” Al-Mughni, 9/398


What's the truth? Can't she refuse it?
And, please provide brief explanation. Jazak Allah khayar.

 

[Muslim_Gurl]

Walaikumu salam

Ermm I hope this helps...


Marrying a thirteen year old girl

I'm a boy of 26, and i have come to know a very nice girl, belonging to a very good family. I wish to marry her and to propose to her parents for this purpose. But the problem is that the girl is still a child, and only 13 years old, which makes her 13 years my junior in age.
I wish to ask if its morally acceptable for me to think about her, be attracted to her and to propose for her in marriage. And do u think our relationship would be legitimate and socially and religiously acceptable with this age difference.
Also, if per chance it is acceptable, it raises a question that islam advocates soliciting a girl's opinion in marriage, but how can such a young girl make an intelligent decision for herself. In such case, what are the basis for islam's allowing such a marriage to take place.


Praise be to Allaah.

There is nothing wrong with your marrying this girl, even though there is this difference in age between you. What matters is that she should be religiously committed and of good character. These are what matters when it comes to marriage, and are the factors that lead to harmony and happiness in sha Allaah.

The validity of marriage to a minor girl is proven by the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those of your women as have passed the age of monthly courses, for them the ‘Iddah (prescribed period), if you have doubt (about their periods), is three months; and for those who have no courses [(i.e. they are still immature) their ‘Iddah (prescribed period) is three months likewise, except in case of death]”

[al-Talaaq 65:4]

So the ‘iddah for those who do not menstruate because they are too young is three months, and ‘iddah has to do with divorce after getting married, which indicates that the girls in question has been married and divorced.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) when she was six years old, and he consummated the marriage with her when she was nine, and at that time he was over fifty.

Al-Bukhaari (3894) and Muslim (1422) narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married me when I was six years old and consummated the marriage with me when I was nine.

A girl who is thirteen years old may have reached the age of puberty, in which case her consent is essential according to the more correct of the two scholarly opinions, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A previously-married woman should not be married until she has been consulted, and a virgin should not be married until her permission has been sought.” They said: “O Messenger of Allaah, what is her permission?” He said: “If she remains silent.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5136; Muslim, 1419, from the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him). See also question no. 22760.

If she has not reached the age of puberty, then her father has the sole right to arrange her marriage and does not have to ask her permission.

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: With regard to a virgin who is still a minor, there is no difference of opinion concerning her (i.e., that her father may marry her off even if she objects). Ibn al-Mundhir said: Every scholar from whom we learned was agreed that it is permissible for a man to marry off his virgin daughter who is still a minor, if he marries her to someone who is compatible, and it is permissible for him to marry her off even if she objects and refuses.” Al-Mughni, 9/398

But it was narrated from Imam Ahmad that whoever reaches the age of nine years comes under the same ruling as a girl who has reached puberty, so her permission must be sought. But if the father opts to be on the safe side and ask her permission, that is better. Al-Mughni, 8/398-405.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q and A

 

[BinKhadija]

I checked on the IslamQA before pasting here, ukhti Muslim_Gurl. Nevertheless, Jazak Allah khayar for posting it.

Everyone, I don't think case in the above question is perfect relevant here so the sheikhs don't know the exact plot of the problem.
You see, in the third last paragraph it says:

If she has not reached the age of puberty, then her father has the sole right to arrange her marriage and does not have to ask her permission.

^And this is their opinion and isn't from Quran or hadeeth.

Insha'Allah, mature members will be able to help.

 

[FreedomFighter]

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: With regard to a virgin who is still a minor, there is no difference of opinion concerning her (i.e., that her father may marry her off even if she objects). Ibn al-Mundhir said: Every scholar from whom we learned was agreed that it is permissible for a man to marry off his virgin daughter who is still a minor, if he marries her to someone who is compatible, and it is permissible for him to marry her off even if she objects and refuses.” Al-Mughni, 9/398

serious?? i feel

why is it so hard on females? :astag: it is true, its hard on females and easier on males. its unbelievable.

 

[Muslim_Gurl]

Oh, alright I tried

I hope "mature" members help you on this Bro

 

[BinKhadija]

No sister FreedomFighter, please don't post without thinking. Allah is very Just. There would be a reason for that if it really is so.

Oh, alright I tried

I hope "mature" members help you on this Bro

I said thanks to you first, sister.
Yes, it seems to be so.

 

[Muslim_Gurl]

I said thanks to you first, sister.

Yes, it seems to be so.

Ohh! I'm sorry bro

Your welcome

 

[FreedomFighter]

ya, but tell me its better to be a male than a female? more privileges.

 

[BinKhadija]

Ohh! I'm sorry bro

Your welcome

There's nothing to say sorry for, sister.

ya, but tell me its better to be a male than a female? more privileges.

I don't honestly think it's better to be male/female. Sister, this is from just Allah Azwajal; and I hope & pray your parents appreciate this fact also.

 

[BrotherInIslam7]

ya, but tell me its better to be a male than a female? more privileges.

:salam2:

Is the poor person better off than the Rich one ? The rich one has more privileges.

But Rasullah (PBUH) saw poor people as dwellers of Jannah.

The topic is still in its infancy, let everyone post their thoughts and then we will understand whether it is permissible and if so, then the wisdom behind it Insha'Allah tallah.

 

[FreedomFighter]

no you guys wont understand. and ya my parents see males and females as equal, no prob. and sry for going off topic, just continue with the original question.

 

[Fateme]

well.All hadith are not correct.But i had never heard of such thing.actualy what ever i had read on the subject were opposite.As soon as i read this i went and tried to find an answer and here it is what i found. According to our scholar( I am shia by the way) the marrige is only correct when there is no mafsade. Mafsade means anything that can cause bad results.

 

[Fateme]

some thing more:it is not only girls. Father can do the same thing to his sons.

 

[ahmed_indian]

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: With regard to a virgin who is still a minor, there is no difference of opinion concerning her (i.e., that her father may marry her off even if she objects). Ibn al-Mundhir said: Every scholar from whom we learned was agreed that it is permissible for a man to marry off his virgin daughter who is still a minor, if he marries her to someone who is compatible, and it is permissible for him to marry her off even if she objects and refuses.” Al-Mughni, 9/398

yes, as ^ fateme above told, it goes for minors of both sexes. - male and female.

by saying female, we might put the wrong picture of Islam.

 

[ahmed_indian]

ya, but tell me its better to be a male than a female? more privileges.

though husband has more rights than wife but mother has more rights than father. if men are important for being more practical, so women are important for their emtional nature.

a coin is useless with just a single side.

 

[FreedomFighter]

that i know but i've been thinking about this for a while. men can generally do more things than women. and sry to say this, i know there are many good men, and here the brothers in TTI i respect very much, but generally its due to men that women are restricted. its because of men (and their thinking) that women cant do as much.

 

[Ibrahim_nur]

Can a woman be forced into marriage in Islam?

Absolutely not! Let us look at what Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him said regarding this issue:

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as having said: "A woman without a husband (or divorced or a widow) must not be married until she is consulted, and a virgin must not be married until her permission is sought. They asked the Prophet of Allah (may peace be upon him): How her (virgin's) consent can be solicited? He (the Holy Prophet) said: That she keeps silence. (Translation of Sahih Muslim, The Book of Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 008, Number 3303)"

Allah Almighty said in the Noble Quran: "O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower [money given by the husband to the wife for the marriage contract] ye have given them, except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good. (The Noble Quran, 4:19)"

The following Saying is an explanation to Noble Verse 4:19:

Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas: "About the Qur'anic verse: 'It is not lawful for you forcibly to inherit the woman (of your deceased kinsmen), nor (that) ye should put constraint upon them.' When a man died, his relatives had more right to his wife then her own guardian. If any one of them wanted to marry her, he did so; or they married her (to some other person), and if they did not want to marry her, they did so. So this verse was revealed about the matter. (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2084)" So according to Noble Verse 4:19, a woman can not be forced into marriage by any mean.

Narrated AbuHurayrah: "The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: An orphan virgin girl should be consulted about herself; if she says nothing that indicates her permission, but if she refuses, the authority of the guardian cannot be exercised against her will. (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2088)"

Narrated Abdullah ibn Umar: "The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: Consult women about (the marriage of) their daughters. (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2090)"

Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas: "A virgin came to the Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) and mentioned that her father had married her against her will, so the Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) allowed her to exercise her choice. (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2091)"

Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas: "The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: A guardian has no concern with a woman previously married and has no husband, and an orphan girl (i.e. virgin) must be consulted, her silence being her acceptance. (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2095)"

The above Noble Verse 4:19 and the Sayings of our beloved Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him clearly explain that according to Islam, whether the woman is virgin or not, her permission is a MUST. Her father or older brother can not force her into marriage as the Pagan Arabs and the Jews and Christians before Islam in the Middle East used to do; see Deuteronomy 25:5 in the Bible to see how women are forced into marriage.



Can the woman divorce herself from a forced marriage upon her?

As we've seen above, it is clearly forbidden in Islam to force women into marriage. But in case this ever should happen or have happened already to any woman, then Islam allows for her to divorce herself from the man she was forced to marry. Let us read the following:

Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas: "A virgin came to the Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) and mentioned that her father had married her against her will, so the Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) allowed her to exercise her choice. (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2091)"

The choice that our beloved Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him gave to the woman is she can either remain married to the man, or divorce herself from him.