al salaam allaleikum Its a simple question, at my school there are no muslims and the dresses are far from modest, some even where really short cut shorts. The kids are Not afraid to be social,and the jokes they make are far beyond disgusting. Its easy for me on my own to avoid things that are bad for me such as looking at girls, but when they talk to me what should i do. It would be strange to just ignore them and to tell them to go away would also be rude. Also they make it a game to pester me by trying to get me to give them a high five cuase they though it was so weird how i refused in the past. Anyway im begging to understand that im going through puberty and that it will be harder to ignore them expecialy when they are so social, any advice would be appreceiated
Wa alaykum salaam,
There are many threads on this issue and brother I'll wish if you can look into them as well. I am not that good at keeping words and articulating them sometimes, to make it the best out of that, but am taking here some liberty to write here and do arrive at as what I feel regarding the subject matter.
Now here, It’s necessary that the parents have a thought over the consequences of sending children into such schools. I certainly think they need to look for that, and sadly sometimes there is a lack of attention been paid to reason and think from the Islaamic perspective. I wish InshaAllaah if you can change your school at earliest to some other one where you can find the appropriate environment.
Probably I see sometimes that its bit tough not to get phase -out by the surroundings in such schools and colleges. Believe me I have seen my dear brothers and sisters who didn’t pursued higher studies for the same reasons as what you had mentioned, although been brilliant in whatever they were keeping their minds to. In this regard, I was really happy to read a news that in Saudi-arabia and in other muslims countries the new educational institutions are going to open and that will be strictly to Islamic code of conduct. That gives great security and protection to anyone who opts for in such organizations. Ma shaAllaah.
May Allah ta’ala make it easy for you. I can be bit negligent as to get what that exactly weighs to you. But the only thing I would say here is the way of dealing that remains is always islaamic. It can be to keep that in behaviours - as we are need to talk modestly by lowering gaze and hayaa with the opposite gender…Not keeping any delusions within, conveying clearity and the overall good Islamic character.
Now with other guys as when you see things are not going unislamic be sure to turn back. you aren’t buying into their craps. Need to be strong a bit to refuse and show unwillingness. At times even It’s not wrong to say ‘no’ when that means it’s good to say that. Infact by this you have marked the line for yours and others behaviours. Hence there is no social awkwardness with others or as well no social vaccum either. The exact balance and the moderate way of social interactions remains intact. inshaaAllaah.
If you sincerely do this people will see that you’re a socially jolly brother, who likes to live, enjoy and entertain himself as just like others do, but as by own calibrations. And the message that goes is –living by own set standards and not bothering whether others appreciate that or not. And Believe me indeed you will make very good school friends from among. This people will like you, it has to happen when they know that you’re true and honest with yourself and you have your own principles to live upon. Rest of others will go side-ways as you don’t fit yourself into their unwanted social settings and similarly as they won’t either be able to meet with your basics.
Other thing is, I believe its quite true that the things go sloppy from the basic rapport levels starting from introduction and then people becoming comfortable with the opposite genders and the laxation seen to appear. So you need to check that too. Often people fall into when they go beyond some level into this. You might notice that a person who is holding ownself may find himself or herself labelled as geek, antisocial, loser and so on, but they know who they are and that is much for them.
When you’re comfortable with yourself enough, others will appreciate it and won’t coax you to their way enough, inshaAllaah. Both muslims and non-muslims who takes interest to know you as a person will inshaallah be convenient with yourself and the biggest advantage we can count is is we can freely and at desire put the words of dawat to them. we don’t know who among the non-muslims is the blessed one. But that can be good interactions from both the deen and dunya matters. people truly enjoy those companies when they find honest communications occuring within, which they do not find elsewhere. As being a person you will be great and even a better muslim with that, inshaAllaah.
Here I am putting an example of South African cricketer Hashim Amla. The brother is from my city and belongs to my social community – the suratee sunnis (as a local name). As much I know He is the first muslim cricketer in the S. african team. Now he has been from there since birth and lived among the Christians, Indian hindus and other ethnics. But we can see that he has been a good muslim identity. and now alhamdulillah the question is -do he find his beard as any problem for qualification to higher levels or to prove himself a better cricketer ? no,He knows he is ! And one of the glaring thing I saw about him in the world-cup match between India and south-africa here - Is that all the south-african spectators wore the beard like him and cheering him. Displaying banners and writings for him. A rare scene that makes a muslim proud of, isn’t it ? this is just an example of I think a good muslim cricketer.
And yes many, many examples are already there of the past and present Islamic figures to learn from.
however Sometimes I can’t help a pity when I see people ask like – will I get my business, job if I have a beard ? or will I look great in those qurta-pajamas.Why ? Since they seem to be looking for others to pass it on first. If someone say its great they realize its great, even before that their minds had said the same !
Finally,so I come to what rather going into circle is - wherever we live, and no matter who we are, if I and you sincerely try to keep upto the guidance of qur’an and sunnah in every matter that we encounter, inshaAllaah we’ll find flyers in our deen and dunya. Allah will help us inshaAllaah.
