Bismillah, here I go:
First of all, jazakAllah khair for everyone who responded to this thread. You all made some valid and interesting points, some of which I'll mention:
Sis, can give a simple answer.. istekhara?
Best answer I've heard all day. You actually read my mind. I was thinking this and then *boom* you posted it.
I can completely understand your feelings.. if you feel uncomfortable then it's an awkward situation to put yourself in. However, this feelings could be influenced by shaytaan, to put you off doing a good deed.
Another good point. Use the sister's hayah against her. A plausible concept and one I will ponder. JazakAllah khair.
I am concerned that you have difficulty with these people. They are human beings. The men are not going to grab you.
Well Aapa, here's how it is.
I don't like being ogled at. Some might but I do not. Being in a position where someone can freely ogle me is like a sense of violation to me and I could care less if someone think it makes me wrong.
Frankly, I'm surprised that concern is being displayed at a perfectly normal reaction that any self-respecting woman might have. This isn't a counseling session and I'm not going to go into why I'm so averse to men's leers, but please realize that not everyone likes being reduced to being the object of someone's visual stimulation, irrespective of the deed that is being performed.
What are you fearing? Why do you reduce these men to groveling fools. They are hungry and embarrassed.
It isn't my job to "reduce" someone to something. The impressions that others have of you are dependent upon the way you present yourself. But if reductions are being made then if a something is going to quack like a duck and walk like a duck, I will most likely reduce it to a duck.
I'm not denying the fact that they are hungry and embarassed. They very well may be. But just like them, I'm a human being with my own feelings and thoughts. Yes, it is better to be the bigger person and not let my feelings affect the task I have set out to do but it isn't wrong to be conflicted over doing so.
And the men are grateful..they see a flower of Islam. They will not approach you.
I think this would be applied to the fantasy world that you mentioned in one of your later posts. I've been approached by many men various times for the lewdest of reasons and I'm a walking advertisement for Islam in my area.
I do not have issues with nonsense. If the job needs to be done, I do it.
I am positive this is so cultural. And thus it comes as a shock to me.
These men are not leering. They will not group. Most food pantries are run by religious and well meaning people. These men are homeless and humbled. They have been in the elements and have lost families. They are not looking for easy sex. They are looking for food and shelter, first. They will not bite the hand that feeds them.
After all my time on this forum, I do believe I have grasped a significant understanding of the way you express yourself, Aapa. While some may view it as brash or offensive, it is evident that you basically state things as they are.
And yet, I view this as brash and I am most definitely offended by this.
This is NOT cultural and please do not reduce my sense of hayah to being an aspect of culture. Being born and raised in the west, the disgusting aspects of culture stand out to me like red against black. I do not "do" culture; I fight against it. Anyone who knows me knows that I do not believe in culture as I believe it pollutes moral values and ideals. I am anything BUT cultural and the fact that I have hayah is not an aspect of culture, it is an aspect of trying to please my Lord and that is anything BUT cultural.
I beg your pardon but how do you know the men are not leering and that they will not group? Are you inside their minds? Are you even watching them like I was? Are you in the same vicinity as them? I have read many generalizations made by you just like this regarding KNOWING what people are thinking and perceiving and I find it to be an extreme disadvantage. I recall you mentioning that you have a social worker background and since I'm working with social workers, this is something I constantly see them doing. Reading people like they're books and assuming they know their stories. Every person is different and not everyone will fit the mold that you have created for them. When they react oppositely, you are shocked. The world is not black and white. Shades of gray DO exist.
I wish I lived in a fantasy world where I did not have to face the prospect of hunger and poverty. Have you ever been to a food bank, where people wait an hour to get a bag of groceries? Have you ever volunteered where the stench of people makes you want to vomit, they have no home. And all you are concerned about is some man may leer at you?
For some it is not so easy to stonewall the reactions that offend them. I'm not as "resilient"; there are some for whom it will take a lifetime to get comfortable with this type of behavior.
Bottom line: I'm not dead. I have feelings and reactions and they may not be in accordance with yours but they still exist. Belittling them in the face of what's important isn't really going to help an individual get over their discomfort.
What method: to not feed the poor and hungry?
These are cultural issues.
Not everything that goes against the concept of 21st century feminism is automatically culture.
Besides there is many a sister out there who fends for herself...has it not occurred to many that if a sister is on welfare she has to do community service, she is assigned to work.
I am waiting an answer to this.
What I see is many people who are unaware of the realities of life.
I want some serious responses that are sound.
This oh let the sisters work with sisters and brothers work with brothers is not feasible given the economic realities.
Has it occured to anyone that our sisters who are in prison are searched by male guards..
The realities of life that you mentioned indeed exist and are unquestionably true. Many women are forced to fend for themselves and they cannot be judged. At times, it is definitely unrealistic to expect gender segregation to occur, especially in a society where it is unheard of. I agree that people do need to realize this and not believe that it will still magically happen somehow. What I disagree with you on, is the suggestion of casually tossing one's discomfort aside as if it were insignificant. I respect the philosophy of putting others before yourself and your discomfort. However, I will not sacrifice the Commands of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala to serve His Creation. I lacked in my understanding of His precise Commands and thus, my reason for reaching out to the TTI members. Allah's Commands are sound and logical; it was MY understanding of it that was lacking.
And that's all.
Help out in the organizing and the cooking and planning, but only do the behind-the-scenes work. Please sister, get brothers to serve the men. Where are the brothers? The sisters should be serving the females and the brothers the males. You don't have to continue as how you are now, nor do you have to quit doing a noble deed. Just please find a middle path and get help to assist you in this. There are bound to be guys helping out as well, right? Or maybe set the food up on tables if its possible, and the needy can get what they need.
I was thinking along these lines as well. Prior to serving the food, we have to work in the kitchens to prepare the food. It wouldn't be impossible to avoid the serving shift.
Sisters serving sisters and brothers serving brothers would work if gender segregation were in effect. However, it is not and everyone sits together.
I'll find out if it's possible to preset the tables with the food and let the individuals go for what they want.
The best way would be for Sister Shahnazz to volunteer and help out in planning, cooking, cleaning, whatever it takes. She can ladle the food into bowls and plates, but, in my humble opinion, when she needs to take this food over to the hungry men, she should give the tray to one of the brothers and they take it out to the men. She can do her full share with the women. If the hungry men and women are sitting together, which would be the case, then why cannot Sister Shahnazz have a brother accompany her while she's giving out the food?
I LOVE this idea. Along with us there are others who volunteer as well from different faiths and backgrounds. I came across some really nice Christian individuals and they were very interested in learning about Islam. I'll explain the situation to them and I'll get them to accompany me over to the tables.
Jazakallah khair!