How do you cope?

[Istella]

Assalamualaikum...

I lost my beloved mother on the 22nd of December. It was a real shock to all of us as she was healthy and was so happy on that day before she left. We were suppose to meet her after lunch at my cousin's wedding but instead, we were rushed to the hospital when we were told she collapsed just hours before the wedding. Doctor revived her just minutes after that.. and then she fell back into coma. We were told that the drugs were keeping her alive and if she did come back, she would be in a vegetative mode. It was all up to us to decide... as it wasn't our call, we left it to God. She left us after they tried 3 times to bring her back.

It has been 4 days now and the loss of my mother hasn't sinked in yet. I still can't believe she is gone. It feels so lonely in this big house... even when it was just the three of us, it was pretty lonely... and now that there's only my father and myself... it's unbearable. My brothers and wives come and stay over every day but when they go home, my father would start crying. I can't even open my mother's closet without crying...

It's really hard and I really don't know how to cope... half a day, I would be okay, knowing that she's in a better place. We all know she left happily and peacefully... but when I go into the kitchen, I look at all her favourite plates, cups... I'd start crying... I have never felt so much pain...

I hope those who have been in my shoes, can tell me how to cope with the loss... Thank you in advance.

 

[alkathiri]

:salam2:

May Allah forgive her sins
Inalilahi wa inailayhirajiun

 

[Habasha Sister]

Inaa Lilahee wenaa Ilyehe Rajeeun, May Allah dwell her in Jennah,:tti_sister:
Sis try to be Patient, I know itz really hard, missing a mom is not easy, but u have to be patient coz its a decree from Allah, and we all are its property at anytime he can take his property, Pray for ur mom to ease things for her, to forgive her and dwell her in Jennah Insha Allah, i pray Allah to give u sebr, wselam

 

[bint S]

:salam2:

inalillahi waina illeyhi rajioon.

u'll be in my dua's inshaallah, may Allah azzawajal giv and inrease u in sabr.

 

[Imad]

Assalmoelaikoem warahmatullahi wbarakatuh,

I lost also my brother, for me it was not so difficult to get over it, but for my mother it was very difficult. But Alhamdullilah always when i think about him i ask Allah to give him paradise. The only thing i can do for him is Doa, asking Allah to forgive all his sins and give him the highest paradise. But realy i think losing a mother is much more difficult.

I ask Allah to grant you patience. Everytime you think about your mother ask Allah to forgive her and let her enter the highest paradise.

Inallilahi wa-ina ileihi Raji3oen

Wassalmoelaikoem warahmatollahi wbarakatuh

 

[Istella]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I am taking it one day at a time. It's just hard, you know but I believe she is in a better place. I pray only the best for her in after life. Thank you once again!

 

[isabelelsherif]

my dear sister,

i can only imagine how you must feel even thou i dont know how it feels, just keep in mind all the wonderful times you had with your mom and that she is indeed in a better place

my heart goes out to you and your dad, may allah watch over you and bring you peace

sincerely

:tti_sister:

 

[Manaal_e_Afghan]

May Allah swt grant her a place in higher Paradise
Always ask Allah swt to forgive her and make dua
for her forgiveness
One day we all have to go
so we should make dua to Allah swt to forgive us

 

[Istella]

my dear sister,

i can only imagine how you must feel even thou i dont know how it feels, just keep in mind all the wonderful times you had with your mom and that she is indeed in a better place

my heart goes out to you and your dad, may allah watch over you and bring you peace

sincerely

:tti_sister:

May Allah swt grant her a place in higher Paradise
Always ask Allah swt to forgive her and make dua
for her forgiveness
One day we all have to go
so we should make dua to Allah swt to forgive us

Thank you, Isebel and MeA...

We had a small 'tahlil' - my father, brothers and sisters-in-law just now. I will always miss her and I always ask Allah to forgive her. I just miss her tremendously.

I have never thought it is going to be easy and I am in no rush to get over her because I know I will never get over the loss, but I just wish for my father, siblings and myself to cope with our loss as smoothly as possible.

 

[Manaal_e_Afghan]

yaa InshAllah

 

[flamingo1]

How do u cope?

Assalamualaikum...

I lost my beloved mother on the 22nd of December. It was a real shock to all of us as she was healthy and was so happy on that day before she left. We were suppose to meet her after lunch at my cousin's wedding but instead, we were rushed to the hospital when we were told she collapsed just hours before the wedding. Doctor revived her just minutes after that.. and then she fell back into coma. We were told that the drugs were keeping her alive and if she did come back, she would be in a vegetative mode. It was all up to us to decide... as it wasn't our call, we left it to God. She left us after they tried 3 times to bring her back.

It has been 4 days now and the loss of my mother hasn't sinked in yet. I still can't believe she is gone. It feels so lonely in this big house... even when it was just the three of us, it was pretty lonely... and now that there's only my father and myself... it's unbearable. My brothers and wives come and stay over every day but when they go home, my father would start crying. I can't even open my mother's closet without crying...

It's really hard and I really don't know how to cope... half a day, I would be okay, knowing that she's in a better place. We all know she left happily and peacefully... but when I go into the kitchen, I look at all her favourite plates, cups... I'd start crying... I have never felt so much pain...

I hope those who have been in my shoes, can tell me how to cope with the loss... Thank you in advance.

One day the Prophet (pbuh) went to a boy's funeral and he found his mother weeping and he asked: " why are you crying ". The mother said: " O' messenger of Allah, is my son in Heaven or Hell?". The prophet replied:" O' slave of Allah, He (Allah) knows his status better than I do ".



The Prophet said: " The Believer's Soul turns into a Bird in Paradise ". (( The above Hadith means, that upon the Believers death, his Soul becomes a bird in Paradise until the Resurrection day, when Allah (SWT) returns all souls to its original bodies ))

INNA-LILLAHI WA-INNA-ILAIHI-RAJI-UN
Stella i will tell u this tahat every individual grives differently, but what I want you to do is charish every moment that you had with mom, and practice patience. There is no greater reward in the life here-after than that of patience in this dun'ya

May Allah(SWA) guide you and your family through this time and grant you the strength to be patient AMINN

 

[Ghareebah]

asalam alaykum

sis i know how you feel , i lost my mother 2 years ago suddenly and it didnt sink in for till 8 months later, i mean i realised she was gone but was in a state of grief for a long time. just a day ago i dreamt about her she came and sat next to me and i immediately started crying in my dream, but she was smiling and telling me not to worry, i do miss her terribly i guese you can only be patient for we must all return to allah swt

 

[Istella]

One day the Prophet (pbuh) went to a boy's funeral and he found his mother weeping and he asked: " why are you crying ". The mother said: " O' messenger of Allah, is my son in Heaven or Hell?". The prophet replied:" O' slave of Allah, He (Allah) knows his status better than I do ".



The Prophet said: " The Believer's Soul turns into a Bird in Paradise ". (( The above Hadith means, that upon the Believers death, his Soul becomes a bird in Paradise until the Resurrection day, when Allah (SWT) returns all souls to its original bodies ))

INNA-LILLAHI WA-INNA-ILAIHI-RAJI-UN
Stella i will tell u this tahat every individual grives differently, but what I want you to do is charish every moment that you had with mom, and practice patience. There is no greater reward in the life here-after than that of patience in this dun'ya

May Allah(SWA) guide you and your family through this time and grant you the strength to be patient AMINN

Thank you for your kind words, Flamingo1. I do cherish every moment I had with my beloved mother. I still have images of her in my head... I guess it's not so much about trying to cope... just to have people to talk to... people who have had experience in a situation like mine and I am so glad I found this forum... it has helped me...

 

[Istella]

asalam alaykum

sis i know how you feel , i lost my mother 2 years ago suddenly and it didnt sink in for till 8 months later, i mean i realised she was gone but was in a state of grief for a long time. just a day ago i dreamt about her she came and sat next to me and i immediately started crying in my dream, but she was smiling and telling me not to worry, i do miss her terribly i guese you can only be patient for we must all return to allah swt

W'salam...

CQ... I'm sorry for you loss! It has been 2 years.. but a loss still. I know exactly what you're saying - it hasn't sinked in for me... and I really don't know when it will. I'm taking it one day at a time... that's all I can do apart from praying for her and asking Allah to take good care of her.

I can feel her presence now and then... I know she's watching over us...

I hope I will have a dream of her... but I think my father needs it the most!

 

[TheKnowledgeSeeker]

Assalam,

:tti_sister:May Allah SWT make it easy for you. May Allah SWT bless all our dead brothers and sisters with the key to heaven. Amiin!!

 

[wannabe_muttaqi]

ASAK,
Inna lillahi Inna Ilaihi Raajioon. May Allah swt grant her maghfira and make her among the people of Jannatul Firdaus. Ameen.

All i know is, none can replace mother in this world. I do understand your grieve, but patience is something that you have hold to now. Inshallah May Allah swt make it easy for you and your family. Ameen.

JAK

 

[hager]

sorry to hear about that..

salam
i'm sorry to hear about that...
i don't know..what i should say..?

but...isa...her place in jannah...
please....be more strong,sister..
i know..it's ur mom....and it's too hard for u....

but,be more strong...if ur daddy see u,strong...he will be strong too...
just calm down...it's okey
please...dry ur tears..sister..
take care,stay safe
be strong...more more more more strong...i beg u,to be strong...

bye,sister...
salam....

 

[hager]

well

and u know..my grandpa..die from years ago..
i was love him alotttt...
he always here for me,encourage me...
but,i'm okey..now,u know
,i read qur'an for him,i make duaa for him..in every prayer

so,calm down,please....deal,sister?

 

[Sulikha]

Assalamualaikum...

I lost my beloved mother on the 22nd of December. It was a real shock to all of us as she was healthy and was so happy on that day before she left. We were suppose to meet her after lunch at my cousin's wedding but instead, we were rushed to the hospital when we were told she collapsed just hours before the wedding. Doctor revived her just minutes after that.. and then she fell back into coma. We were told that the drugs were keeping her alive and if she did come back, she would be in a vegetative mode. It was all up to us to decide... as it wasn't our call, we left it to God. She left us after they tried 3 times to bring her back.

It has been 4 days now and the loss of my mother hasn't sinked in yet. I still can't believe she is gone. It feels so lonely in this big house... even when it was just the three of us, it was pretty lonely... and now that there's only my father and myself... it's unbearable. My brothers and wives come and stay over every day but when they go home, my father would start crying. I can't even open my mother's closet without crying...

It's really hard and I really don't know how to cope... half a day, I would be okay, knowing that she's in a better place. We all know she left happily and peacefully... but when I go into the kitchen, I look at all her favourite plates, cups... I'd start crying... I have never felt so much pain...

I hope those who have been in my shoes, can tell me how to cope with the loss... Thank you in advance.

:salam2:

To Allah we belong and unto Him is our return.
Verily to Allah, belongs what He took and to Him belongs what He gave, and everything with Him has an appointed time, be patient sister and hope for Allah's reward. ( this is one of the supplication the Prophet sallallahu Allayhi wasalim)

I couldn't stop my tears as I was reading your post sister your loss,I don't know if I could say, I could feel your pain it reminded me of My little brother who also died sudden, May Allah grant them with Janatul Firdows. It is been now 7 monthes but it feels like it was yesterday. My parents feel the pain and my sisters and brothers, May Allah give us all the patient we need and give you and your family a lot of patient.

please pray for her a lot and also pray for your father to have peace in his heart for it is great loss for him, too.

the best thing you could cope Stella is by the dikr (remembers of Allah) of Allah.
Allah said in the Quran surah Al-Baqarah 152:
Therefore remember Me, I will remember you
and be grateful to Me, and reject not faith.

Only by the dikr of Allah, is the heart peaceful.

"And show patience; indeed Allah is with the patient. (8:46).

Please read a lot of Quran that will heal you for your loss inshaAllah. Allah said in the Quran;
"We send down in the Quran that which is
a healing and mercy for those who believe. (17:82).

sister Stella remember also this hadeeth.
Abu Huraira has related that the messenger of Allah salllahu alayhi wasalim said, " the Mighty and Glorious says, 'I have nothing but the Garden as a reward for my faithful servant who, when I take back one of the most excellent people of this world (i.e.through death) remains patient and hopes for Allah's reward.'

I hope inshaAllah my writting would be helpful to you, If you see some mistakes:astag: please correct me.

 

[ummsami89]

Salam alaikum sister. I, too, am sorry for your loss. I lost my father 21 years ago but still it seems like yesterday. Alhumduillah. And, my mother, who is 87 is still with me. but you never know. Subhanallah.........And, may I say that I suggest you say alhumduillah cause your family is muslim. My parents are non muslim. so it makes me very sad when I think of my dad's passing and my mother's upcoming passing . Subhanallah. I wish that she was muslim. But thats not what Allah swt has made in her destiny. very scarey..... :tti_sister: inshallah inshallah. we never know though. right? I will make dua for you and your family, dear sister.

Allah Hafiz,
Sister Ummsami89, aka jamie