please give me and us your openion...

[kayleigh]

When you say Muslim men, does he have to be a born Muslim? Or a convert is OK? I hope this does not sound stupid. I am just kinda curious. Because in our tribe it is a big NO-NO for Muslim women to marry even Muslim converts. Is it in the Qur'an or Hadiths that Muslim women should only marry born-Muslim guys?

:shymuslima1:

Technically, everyone is born Muslim and then raised in whatever religion or (or no religion) they are by their parents. But I know what you mean and the answer is that no, in Islam, it doesn't matter if he's raised Muslim or a convert to Islam - as long as he's Muslim.

 

[islam87]

if your parents are OK with it, then go ahead!

 

[wannabe_muttaqi]

ASAK,
to be honest with sister Nouf, i'm sorry if i've mistaken, but this is what i feel after i read your post. i think you are kind of fed up of the political/social/economical/religious situation in your country and you are trying to get out of it this way.

But sister if this is what you are thinking of getting out of that country then let me tell you one thing its the same everywhere only thing is, it has a different face. i think its best for you to consult your parents. i would suggest you to talk abt this with your brothers as well.

Also make consistent DUA to ALLAH SWT with your problems, Inshallah ALLAH SWT will guide you to what is best for you.

JAK

 

[Happy 2BA Muslim]

W-Salam,

Sister; I have lived extensively in Saudia and what you are about to do is very dangerous for you and your future husband.

Your children will be shunned in the community.

If you realise the repurcussions of your steps and still want to proceed; then go ahead.

THINK & ACT, Insha'Allah.

This is EXTREMELY dangerous & I am sure that you know that.

P.S: I am sorry but just about everyone who has answered you have no idea about the ground reality.

:salam2: Ukhti Nouf,

First of all, I am Saudi Arabian.

Second, Brother GP`s reply above isn`t quite correct, with all my due respect to my beloved noble Brother.

Tribalism is present in Saudi Arabia, but in certain regions.

Saudi Arabia is a large country, and you would be amazed of the different life styles of different Saudis, depending on which region they are from. People living in Jeddah differ from people living in Riyadh, who differ from people living in Dammam, who differ from people living in Qasim, who differ from people living in Abha, .......................... and I can go on and on.

In Saudi Arabia, a woman from Jeddah marrying someone from Qasim might encounter similar problems to an Arab Muslim marrying a revert, due to cultural clashes. This is an everyday phenomenon in Saudi.

From your name, Sister, I suspect you are from the Central Region of Saudi Arabia. There is more tribalism in this region than in the Western and Eastern Provinces of Saudi Arabia. Therefore, in your situation, there might be a problem. Only you can answer that.

Our religion provides clear guidance for marriage. Islamically, there is nothing wrong with a Saudi woman marrying a non-Saudi Muslim. But you have to sincerely ask yourself why you would do such a thing. Piousness doesn`t know nationalities (i.e. someone from so-and-so country is not more pious than someone else from another country). You can certainly find non-Saudi men who are more pious than many Saudi men, but there are also abundant well-practicing Saudi men.

There is definitely a problem with a lot of Saudi youths. This is something that is evident to those who live/have lived in Saudia. Their interests are in money, cars, and women. :astag: They have been spoiled by their parents. They have been brought up to be arrogant. This is one reason why Sister Nouf might not be interested in Saudi men. Depending on the type of men she sees around her.

Saudis are very unlikely to seek citizenship of other countries like the US, Canada, UK,...etc. Life in Saudia is not difficult like other Muslim or Middle-Eastern countries, walhamdulillah. Other than the ruling behind taking citizenship of non-Muslim countries when there is no necessity. This is a totally different topic.

Bottom line Sister, it could be dangerous, and it could be acceptable. It depends on your specific circumstances. Definitely talk to your parents. Open your heart to them and tell them about your feelings and worries. I am sure they want what`s best for you. Know that there are problems in marriages where the couple come from completely different backgrounds.

I would also like to remind you that the Prophet PBUH said:

“If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter or other female relative under your care) to him, for if you do not do that there will be tribulation in the land and much corruption.”

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1084; Ibn Maajah, 1967. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 1022.

May Allah SWT grant you a pious and loving husband, wherever he may be from.

:salam2:

 

[justoneofmillion]

I dont think marrying to a non-muslim is wrong at all. sister i understand your situation because im from kuwait in these days from what ive seen and experienced religion is becoming a culture and people status thing in the middle-east and i think thats wrong because it divides people up. so if you intention is to get married to fullfil the other half of your deen then it doesnt matter who is the person because Allah is great and islam is againts racisim.

assalam brother , hope you doing well inschallah but did you just say a non muslim man?! i think you meant non Arab am i right ? if so then please correct it jazakallah

 

[Asmaa82]

It' s good to hear that most of you seems to agree with Muslim woman marrying any man as long as he is a Muslim no matter where is from. I also believe in that. I can relate to sister Nouf.

I have my own share of story but in a different kind of way. I just don't like to marry a Muslim guy from a different tribe. I actually, at one point in my life got attracted to a revert Muslim. But I have to stop.We have to stop before anything else starts getting complicated because of my strong tribal culture. I know there are a lot of Muslim Filipino brothers and sisters here. And they know what Maranao culture is. Philippines has about 13 Moro Groups/Muslim Tribes. Each one has its own dialect and culture.We are just united because we all follow Islam. Maranao is one of the tribes, and is also the most strict. And I belong to that. I am proud to be a Maranao but sometimes we can't help but get a rebellious feeling with some of the ways we learn as we grow up. Like Muslim men can marry non-Muslim girls but not the other way around. Well, of course I know that it cannot really be. But why not even the men who are Muslim converts? I know it is just culture. But I don't think I have a choice. I don't want to be condemned by my family. During that times of my life, I only did one thing. Pray to Allah(swt) for guidance and enlightenment.

So for sister Nouf, I agree with their advise too. You have to talk to your family and most of all to Allah(swt). He is the only one who can give the best guidance for you...for all of us.

P.S.
I hope I'm choosing the right words here. I don't want to be banned or ridiculed or anything just like sister Nouf. We are just sharing each other's thoughts, right? :shymuslima1:

 

[Aapa]

Salaam Sister,

I was/am married to a man who reverted to Islam. I am not sure what the exact status of my marriage is. We are in the process of attempting to salvage it. The relationship was 15 years in duration and I have two beautiful sons.
I have spent my life in the west. I am Pakistani, although I only lived there for one year of my life.
My husband is American. African American, to be exact. Why am I stating this. To help you understand.
Intercultural and interracial marriages have extra burdens. It is the small things that pop up. They can make life difficult.
GP is right. Your children will be ostracized. I have had Muslim women ask me if my sons share the same father. One has his fathers looks and the other mine. My sons are not white, nor black, nor Pakistani. I am very protective of them. I will no longer explain to others what they are. I state they are Muslims and concieved in love. People like to label and categorize.
Cultural ties are very difficult to break. Often, when a marriage goes through a difficult phase outlooks on how to seek help vary. Marriage is not as binding in western culture. Be aware that often the families of reverts will not respect the union.
I am not attempting to discourage you. I am attempting to speak from experience. You have to be very strong. Both partners have to be very committed. Both partners have to be on the same page, the same sentence, on the same word. I believe in love. I believe in marriage. But, I strongly suggest you think it out very carefully. Please feel free to PM me.

 

[dna1987]

OMG(osh)!!!!! Is this my chance to try and get Saudi citizenship?!

Lol. I only read the first post. I'm guessing after three pages, the question has most likely been answered and dealt with *deep sigh*. Salam alaikum.

 

[jabba]

Salam Alaikum Mirajmom

I have a very different outlook than you, but I also haven't been married as long as you have nor is our relationship in the middle of salvaging. I've been married for 3 yrs to a Syrian man (I'm British Canadian). Our relationship has so far involved both his culture and mine but most importantly than culture is has been the commonality of RELIGION. Both of us have the understanding the religion is way more important than culture, although it does play a part in our lives to some degree. I think everyone should get married to someone of another culture There are so many benefits: understanding of different ways of living, different foods, different clothing. You get a mix of everything and it will inshAllah teach the kids to be more open minded.
We get funny looks sometimes and odd remarks, but meh I got a great guy who cares, they're just jealous
take care inshAllah

Salaam Sister,

I was/am married to a man who reverted to Islam. I am not sure what the exact status of my marriage is. We are in the process of attempting to salvage it. The relationship was 15 years in duration and I have two beautiful sons.
I have spent my life in the west. I am Pakistani, although I only lived there for one year of my life.
My husband is American. African American, to be exact. Why am I stating this. To help you understand.
Intercultural and interracial marriages have extra burdens. It is the small things that pop up. They can make life difficult.
GP is right. Your children will be ostracized. I have had Muslim women ask me if my sons share the same father. One has his fathers looks and the other mine. My sons are not white, nor black, nor Pakistani. I am very protective of them. I will no longer explain to others what they are. I state they are Muslims and concieved in love. People like to label and categorize.
Cultural ties are very difficult to break. Often, when a marriage goes through a difficult phase outlooks on how to seek help vary. Marriage is not as binding in western culture. Be aware that often the families of reverts will not respect the union.
I am not attempting to discourage you. I am attempting to speak from experience. You have to be very strong. Both partners have to be very committed. Both partners have to be on the same page, the same sentence, on the same word. I believe in love. I believe in marriage. But, I strongly suggest you think it out very carefully. Please feel free to PM me.

 

[addan]

iam sorry for u sis

salaaaaaaaaaam
i realy understand u sis u want come the westh and live westh
so please can u change for me i leave westh and i have what i sow
but u have to now arabs is not saudi arabs many contarys have diveren arabs
i mean u can gate light arab dacke arab so on
so i understand u very well
and u not the one
please for give me if i say to u somthin wrong

i all ways strenge and this is who iam

 

[justoneofmillion]

assalam,well it is right that islam is beyond any cultural belonging am only wondering about something we who are living in the west would love to go to Saudi Arabia and live there at least Mecca or Madina and those people wanna leave am i understanding this correctly?and how are you going to arrange that anyways tell your parents to look for somebody who is not Saudi?what are they gonna tell him please take our daughter............how do you plane to meet this person as there are not a lot of non saudi brothers there?no offence am just wondering as i do not "dream of any type of woman"..that is not my favorit passtime.....lol and what if you meet a Saudi brother that is pious whom you might like and get along with would you refuse him just because he is Saudi.......hope things work out for you inschallah

ps.i would love to see sisters taliking abt wanting to marry the most pious brothers that would do great good to this ummah...
my opinion is that Allah swt is changing the so called born muslims with others that love him and that he loves....and Allah swt knows best

 

[Aapa]

Sister Jabba,

Your marriage is intercultural. You do not have interracial to add to that. Nor do I understand that you have children. Yes, the children become very openminded. My family is the United Nations ( extended as well ). But the children will have to face racism in ways that pierces a mother's heart.
I also need to point out that we live in a society that is very racist. A white female is still on top of the pecking order. I am not personalizing. I am just stating facts. It is quite different when you are triple minority. The stressor mount.

I pray that you have a wonderful marriage. I pray that you do not have encounter the stupidity that I have had to. I pray that Allah gives you children to be the joy of your union.

As for my dear brothers...a pious Mulism is worth a thousand men...and if I were young..you would all be running...you all are a wonderful group of Mulsim men...May Allah reward you with wives that please your eyes, your worldy life, and comfort your souls.

 

[justoneofmillion]

Sister Jabba,

Your marriage is intercultural. You do not have interracial to add to that. Nor do I understand that you have children. Yes, the children become very openminded. My family is the United Nations ( extended as well ). But the children will have to face racism in ways that pierces a mother's heart.
I also need to point out that we live in a society that is very racist. A white female is still on top of the pecking order. I am not personalizing. I am just stating facts. It is quite different when you are triple minority. The stressor mount.

I pray that you have a wonderful marriage. I pray that you do not have encounter the stupidity that I have had to. I pray that Allah gives you children to be the joy of your union.

As for my dear brothers...a pious Mulism is worth a thousand men...and if I were young..you would all be running...you all are a wonderful group of Mulsim men...May Allah reward you with wives that please your eyes, your worldy life, and comfort your souls.

assalam,well sis it depends of the mood really sometimes,i like black women sometimes white,latinas arabs,asian ,native american ,i have a big problem indeed don `t know what am going to decide i think i may go for four to avoid any descriminationAllah swt protect am in trouble!

 

[Happy 2BA Muslim]

As for my dear brothers...a pious Mulism is worth a thousand men...and if I were young..you would all be running...you all are a wonderful group of Mulsim men...May Allah reward you with wives that please your eyes, your worldy life, and comfort your souls.

:salam2: Sister,



You are so wonderful too Sister. Your words from the heart and wisdom is something every man seeks.

May Allah SWT ease your hardships and bless your children and husband.

:salam2:

P.S. For those teenagers out there who don`t know Sister mirajmom and myself, she is our elder sister here who constantly pours us with beautiful and wise advice. I am her younger brother in Islam.

 

[justoneofmillion]

:salam2: Sister,



You are so wonderful too Sister. Your words from the heart and wisdom is something every man seeks.

May Allah SWT ease your hardships and bless your children and husband.

:salam2:

P.S. For those teenagers out there who don`t know Sister mirajmom and myself, she is our elder sister here who constantly pours us with beautiful and wise advice. I am her younger brother in Islam.

assalam,your are not her only brother though do not take her for yourself only she is my dearest sister too and iam her younger brother in islam...lol

wassalam brother you are fine too jazakhllah khair

 

[Nouf]

thank you so much for your openions ..

:salam2:

first of all .. thanks for sharing your openions with me and with all of us ..
i'm really happy that all of you interact with me ..

let me tell you why i want to marry a non-arab muslim and it's not non-muslim ..
i'm not seeking for citizinship or anything .. i LOVE my country .. and i've always had ..
i want to marry a non-arab, muslim guy specially american muslim cause first i do love american guys and it's not because how they look it's because how they do treat their women .. not all of them of course but most of them ..

look, i am 24 years old and i do work at ARAMCO hospital in Khobar, alot of ppl came and asked me for marrige but they have one condition ..
GUESS WHAT!!! they want to leave my job .. and when i asked them why .. they said " we don't want our woman to be seen in public " ..
well .. i didn't spend half of my age studying to let some guy come in the end and tell me to quit .. for no LOGIC reason .. only to please his ego .. i'm sorry.

and for those who says that i'm gonna face some problems .. I KNOW ..
but i'm welling to face them all .. if the guy that i'm gonna marry is beside me 100%.

for those who says talk about your parents .. I DID and alhamdullAllah .. my mom thinks that marrying a non arab, MUSLIM guy is some thing beautiful and she is totally ok with it ..
my father on the other hand .. says it's ok for you to marry a non arab muslim guy .. but he doesn't want me to live far away ..

i'm not planning to leave my country .. yes i will live with my husband where ever he is .. but that doesn't mean that i'm abandoned my counry or my family ..

to be honest .. i want to have my first baby " insha'Allah " in my country .. and i want him to spend his early life in my country .. so then he can hear the prayers on time, see how the women dressed and to know my family very well .. this is something i'll discuss with my future husband ..

about how am i gonna meet him .. my brother GB.. i'm not ever ever ever .. gonna let my parents to go out there searching for a guy to marry me not even if he is a saudi .. i'll find him insha'Allah .. i'll keeep praying for Allah to meet someone who'll love me and respects me as i and every woman deserves ...
in the Hospital i work which ARAMCO hospital there are alot of non arab and non saudi guys ALOT .. there is one muslim French doctor who wanted to marry a muslim saudi woman .. and he did .. he actually marreid my best friend .. they are really happy together masha'Allah ..

for those who are saying that marrying a guy who is not from your country gonna bring me alot or trouble and will make me not happy ..
as i said before i'm welling to face my problems and about no being happy .. forgive me to say this thought is WRONG .. you may not be happy in your life but others are Happy .. i know some saudi ladies who are married to non arab guys and they are extremely happy ..
cause they took some time to know each other and respect each other and this is what i am going to do .. i'm not gonna change me he'll have to accept me for who i am just how i am gonna accept him for who he is .. and there is my father who is gonna do alot of reasearch about him and about his background ..

for those who said something about cultures .. let me tell you that our culture and cultural demands are ISLAM .. yes we cover our hair cause Islam told us to .. we fast in Ramadan cause Islam told us to .. we are friendly and nice to our naghbours cause Islam told us to .. we are generous caus Islam told us to .. and the list goes on .. so CULTURE for a Muslim really means ISLAM ..

and as my brother " heartbeat " said .. the muslim doesn't look at as american or saudi or candian he'll be looked at as a MUSLIM .. No matter where he is from .. and i happened to love AMERICAN guys for no abslute obviouse reason ..

at the end .. i wanted to say that i'm really happy that most of you AGREES ..

If anyone want to ask me any thing please feel free to do so even by sending private msgs ..

with best of luck ..
me Nouf

 

[Globalpeace]

Asslamo Allaikum Appa!

WORD!​

If our Muslim Sisters had half of your brain/wisdom when selecting who to marry then there wouldn't be a problem!

I encounter these issues day in & day out.

Forgive me for being presumptuous; but I don’t believe that the Sister from Saudia is thinking straight. I know a bit about Saudi culture & I have a general idea where her thoughts are originating from!

There is NOTHING wrong with marrying outside of your culture, race, ethnicity, colour as long as the person is Muslim (Born or revert) in Islam but people need to think straight and make conscious and well thought of choices; I think you also know what I am saying in this case…

Sister Jabba,

Your marriage is intercultural. You do not have interracial to add to that. Nor do I understand that you have children. Yes, the children become very openminded. My family is the United Nations ( extended as well ). But the children will have to face racism in ways that pierces a mother's heart.
I also need to point out that we live in a society that is very racist. A white female is still on top of the pecking order. I am not personalizing. I am just stating facts. It is quite different when you are triple minority. The stressor mount.

I pray that you have a wonderful marriage. I pray that you do not have encounter the stupidity that I have had to. I pray that Allah gives you children to be the joy of your union.

As for my dear brothers...a pious Mulism is worth a thousand men...and if I were young..you would all be running...you all are a wonderful group of Mulsim men...May Allah reward you with wives that please your eyes, your worldy life, and comfort your souls.

 

[justoneofmillion]

Asslamo Allaikum Appa!

WORD!​

If our Muslim Sisters had half of your brain/wisdom when selecting who to marry then there wouldn't be a problem!

I encounter these issues day in & day out.

Forgive me for being presumptuous; but I don’t believe that the Sister from Saudia is thinking straight. I know a bit about Saudi culture & I have a general idea where her thoughts are originating from!

There is NOTHING wrong with marrying outside of your culture, race, ethnicity, colour as long as the person is Muslim (Born or revert) in Islam but people need to think straight and make conscious and well thought of choices; I think you also know what I am saying in this case…

assalam,well bro i agree with you plus she is generalising too much covering a far greater range than she should .... implying that the biggest part of humanity do not know how to treat women am not Saudi or anything but she may be hurting some feelings there.....second she should understand that every individual is different and unique in some way before categorizing i too have a general idea where these toughts may be originating from no woman in the world would make me happy today nor my musical career could as i see the state of this ummah.....that is my humble opininon about the matter as it was the purpose of this thread..no further comments i wish my sister the best.

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Sisters and Brothers,

The young sister is innocent. She has not had the life experiences that make a person cautious.
She makes a statement that American men treat their women better. I work with abused women and chidlren. I work with the aftermath of drug abuse. I work with the men who for generations have been so frustarted by life that they sleep with their daughters, beat their wives, beat their mothers, and go in out of jail.
Yes, American men treat their women better. Women have to go out and work and pay bills, clean house, raise children and be a wife. The number of extramaritial relationships is scary. Women have to deal with the children of the affairs.
Yes, American men threat their women better..look at the number of deadbeat dads..no child support..the man is treating the next girlfriend with all his money!!!
American men expect the woman to go out and earn the bacon, come home and fry the bacon, clean the kitchen, and let the man go out with his buddies because why should he take sand to the beach...let him enjoy the sights of the beauties at the beach when the wife is at home putting the chidren to bed.
At the worksite, women are still subjected to sexual harrassment. Subtle, so sublte, but it is there. That would make a great topic.

The sister asked for opinions. She had her mind made up. I pray she finds what she is seeking.

And sister, I am not unhappy. My Muslim brothers have upheld me and prayed for me in a way that makes me weep with joy. Their love has brought me closer to Allah. We, Muslim women, need to uphold our Muslim brothers and raise their self-esteem. They are the ones who are bearing the brunt of oppression. They are the ones who are walking on the razors edge...for the right to hold the banner of Islam. Our brothers are waking up the ummah. As permitted by the Prophet, I will clap my hands at the masjid and say Allah Akbur.

 

[ai-musa]

:salam2:
I just wanted to ask you my brothers and sisters about something that I kept dreaming about from along time ago and still dreaming about it ..

what do you think of an Arabian girl marrying a non-Arabian man, who is Muslim and has what it takes ( fears Allah, pray on time, read the Holly Qura'an ) and all the great things that an Arabian Muslim do?


cause i'm a Saudi girl who wants so badly to marry a non-Saudi man ..
and please don't get me wrong it's not that the Saudi guy is bad or anything .. he is perfect .. he is my brother, uncle, grandfather and my father .. it's just that i want to be married to a non-Saudi muslim guy..someone from The US or Canda or anywhere from Europe ..


So please tell me your true openion .. and don't be rude!..

with my full respect to each one of you ..
Nouf

sister i dont find it bad that you want to marry a non-saudi arabic man is a copletely normal thing. am a somalian i want to marry a non-somalian man. there is nothing wrong with it. infact i heard that the muslim who seek someone different a great people from the talk i went to. isha ALLA it will work out for you. ALLAHU AKBAR. :tti_sister: