Please help me!!!

[A_Happy_Convert]

Assalamo alaikum,

Brothers and sisters, I don't know what to do. This is my story:

Last year (during Ramadan) I found a man online and told him I just accepted Islam but hadn't said the Shahada yet. I told him I was sick of western life and wanted to move to a place where I could be free in my religion, free to wear hijab, and where mosques existed. We began emailing back and forth every day and he was VERY helpful. He was full of kind and encouraging words and offered me all types of useful sites about learning to pray, English translations, hadeeths, everything.

I decided to move to his country (before I ever contacted him) and he invited me to stay with him and his family in their home. Long story short, before I even left, we were talking about marriage. We had both fallen in love (which is haram, I know) but this was not a typical situation.

I moved in December and stayed with him and his family. I had my own room on a separate floor of the house and his family took care of me very well. He did, too. He treated me like a princess. Alhomdolillah, we never had any relations or anything like that. We'd hold hands once in a while and at first we had a few small kisses. We felt guilty right away and invoked Allah and promised we'd not do that again. So we stopped.

Well I had a hard time adjusting when I first got here-- new culture, new language, new food, new lifestyle, I was away from all of my family and friends--not to mention: new religion, praying 5 times a day, memorizing many specific things in Arabic, wearing hijab every day, I changed my name, and the weight of not telling my parents I reverted was still on my mind. I also didn't have a job and I was out of money. As you can see, I was stressed. There was no "easing into things" -- everything happened all at once.

So despite how kind he was to me, sometimes I would get angry at things that were not his fault and take it out on him. Eventually we started arguing (95% of the time it was my fault) and one day we got into a HUGE fight. It was the worst day for me. By this time I had my own apartment, and he left and swore he'd never come back.

The problem is, my only friends here are his friends. So we'd both always hear about what the other one was doing. 2 months passed without talking. It was the hardest 2 months of my life. I mean, I'm in a 3rd world country alone, with no friends and family and the person I want to marry hates me. So I spent 2 months alone in prayer and learning more and more about this beautiful deen. I prayed, read hadeeths, watched videos and made du'a. Alhomdolillah Allah completely changed me from the inside!

A few weeks ago, he sent me a message saying he wanted to meet me to talk. He apologized for what he had done and said that even though he loves me very much, we're not a match. True, the OLD ME and him are not a match, but the NEW ME finally, finally understands how Islam works in the society and the role of a man and of a woman. Everything I was confused about before makes sense to me now. My heart is now soft and not hard like before. I've let go of everything I still was clinging to: Western dress, makeup, music, etc. So now...I'm finally the way I SHOULD HAVE BEEN before.

I've been spending Ramadan with his family and him and I have repaired our relationship and keeping everything halal. We walk to and from the mosque everyday, read Quran, he teaches me stories about the Prophets (may Allah be pleased with them) and my heart is happy again.

Here's the problem: He's afraid I will move to go back home (NEVER!!) and he said he has trust issues with me. Since marriage is a lifetime commitment he is hesitant to marry me and says he's not ready. But then he'll say he is. Then he's not. Then he is. He also thinks he's "too poor" to get married, but I keep telling him I'm not marrying him for money. I'd rather live poor with him as my husband than to some rich guy in a miserable relationship.


I keep telling him that since marriage is 50% of our deen and we both love eachother, let's do it! We've started the paperwork (from before) and I'd like to follow through with this. He still thinks he's not ready. I say, "Have a halal marriage with me and Allah will provide all what we need as long as we're obedient to Him!" He PROMISES us this and He never ever breaks His promises to us. I am 100% happy living poor the rest of my life...but he thinks I have western standards and need a life of luxury. I've learned through Islam that a good marriage is not about where you live, how much money you have, or which country you were born in. It's about mutual respect, love, and always keeping Allah first in your heart and in your home.

So now I'm here and he's in one of his moods and is angry at me and I don't even know why.

I love him very much and I know that I have to be patient with him. I feel like Allah is testing me to see if I love him enough to be patient. Every time I make du'a and pray, something always happens. Usually not right away, but Allah works on His time, not mine.

Can everyone PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make du'a that he sees the true me? That he sees that all I want to do in this life is take care of him and be loyal to him? My heart has been cleaned out by Allah and my intentions are good and pure. I want nothing in life but to be his wife. Allah has made my heart happy in this beautiful religion and I'm soooo happy to be Muslim. I have this sense of peace on my heart but as far as earthly life...the only thing missing is him.

I get sick over this. When he's not around my heart aches so bad and then I pray to Allah to soothe me. This can all be solved if we just make a halal marriage! I don't even want a ceremony. I want a SIMPLE life. The perfect marriage would be us, his family, and the Imam. That's it! I don't want a tent, a catering company, haram music, makeup, 5 dresses, none of that!

Please everyone, I know Allah answers du'a and if anyone who reads this could take a few minutes of their life to help a sister out, I'd be sooooo thankful! I just need some Muslim love.



Thanks for taking the time to read this long one.

A_H_C

 

[A_Happy_Convert]

PS-- I told my parents a few months ago I was Muslim and they're both supportive of me. My dad is really happy but my mom is almost atheist. Either way, they both think that if Islam makes me happy, then they are fine with it.

 

[Um Ibrahim]

May Allah accept my du'a for you!



Dearest sister, your understanding of marriage is now correct. Like you said, It's really not about being rich, or having everything one desires. It's about loving each other for Allah's sake, having patience, always making du'a and showing each other respect and loyalty. May Allah bring you two together as husband and wife if you are good for each other and will help each other get closer to Allah, the all mighty. May Allah bless your life and always guide both of you to what is best in this life and in the next. Alllahuma Amin:tti_sister:

 

[friend263]

Dear sister assalamualaikum

Good to read your story may Allah fulfill all your wishes and may Allah shows that boy that how much you love him..so that he gets ready to do nikah with you asap.. Aameen. U do remember me in your supplications.

 

[esperanza]

dear sister... you must be very strong to have turned your life around like this and go to a new country and culture.................may Allah protect you.
but ifeel sad that after all you have done he still will not commit to marriage...from my understanding...after he has encouraged you to come to his country and to live eiht his family the only right and proper thing is for him to marry you...i know how hard it is to marry and and live in a new country and you have done this without even stability of marriage
i hope and pray that everything works out for you ....may god protect you

 

[esperanza]

i know of someone in a very similar situation thinking of statring a new life and marrying someone she met online.....he helped her to become muslim,,,but she is very confused as to what to do
i hope there are others who have some wise advice on such matters

 

[Asja]

Assalamu allaicum wa raahmatullah wa baarakatuhu

MashAllah dear sister that you are Muslimah now and all thanks to Allah because He has guided you to the right path.

May Allah open the heart of this brother to see the truth and if you are good for each other,may Allah help you to be a husband and wife Inshallah and live happy life with which Allah will be pleased on this World and Ahira. Ameen ya Rabby

You will be in my duas dear sister,and as it is Ramadhan now, make a loot duas, because Allah accept more our duas in this time of year. Alhamdulillah.:tti_sister:

 

[IbnAdam77]

Assalam 'Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

Dear sister. InshaAllah you are fine in regard to health and Iman.

I have read your story, and believe me, my all Du'as are with you. This is Ramadan and Allah will surely show you a way in it.

I am afraid because I might not be the best person to advice on this matter. However, let me tell one thing. Rather than talking him alone about it (which is not allowed), choose to talk with his family members as they all knows you very well now, and will have time for you. Choose the best sister of him or his mom to talk, and start with the name of Allah. Have trust in Allah and always make Du'a that Allah brings you a pious husband and a pious children.

I am sorry if I could not help much dear sister, due to lack of my experience. However, inshaAllah I will surely keep you in my Du'as.

Wassalam 'Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

 

[complex_man]

If it is in your destiny then you both will marry. Allah swt will help inshAllah.

 

[Munawar]

:salam2:
Assalam-o-alikum Sister, and Ramadan Kareem to you and to the family who are taking care of you.

Believe me sister very few people in the world today are as lucky as you are to accomplish what you have accomplished for the sake of Allah.

I think you are going in the right direction and with correct timing too. By this I mean that you and this man are both moving towards each other, I see no issues and I am sure that you will get married to him, InshaAllah. And in not too distant future, InshaAllah.

The best thing is the timing. You were under stress as you mentioned and then you had a HUGE fight.

Well I had a hard time adjusting when I first got here-- new culture, new language, new food, new lifestyle, I was away from all of my family and friends--not to mention: new religion, praying 5 times a day, memorizing many specific things in Arabic, wearing hijab every day, I changed my name, and the weight of not telling my parents I reverted was still on my mind. I also didn't have a job and I was out of money. As you can see, I was stressed. There was no "easing into things" -- everything happened all at once.

And you mentioned that he is also angry over something he doesn't know.

Well... suppose if you married him before you had the "HUGE fight", it would have been more problematic. With this fight and every other fight both of you know each other more and understand each other better, therefore I think once this stress gets out of your system and his system, then you and him will be on a much more solid footings.

InshaAllah, InshaAllah you will marry him soon and will have a wonderful life.

My Duas are with you my dear sister. :tti_sister:

 

[ditta]

Wa-alaykum-us-Salaam wa'Rahmatullaah,

I would add this: get him to read your post to understand how your feeling and Insha'Allaah it will alleviate his worries and you can enter and proceed with that which is lawful.

It reminded of this advice by Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan regarding youth and marriage (although the problem might be applicable to youth, I think many brothers and sisters will have these worries. It is a general advice but Insha'Allaah if he reads it may help to alleviate his worries).

May Allah (Subhaanahu wa ta'aala) make it easy and give good to you and your eventual spouse in both abodes. Ameen.

Youth and Marriage

From among the problems facing the adolescent is that they abstain from marriage. This is a big problem. The youth abstaining from matrimony produced serious harm and no one knows the outcome except Allah. They use the following alleged reasons for abstaining from matrimony.

1) Getting married at an early age diverts from studying and getting prepared for the future.

2) Getting married at an early age burdens the youth with the responsibilities of providing for his wife and children.

3) The most dangerous reason for the youth turning away from marriage is the obstacles which are placed in the path towards marriage such as extravagant celebrations. And at times youth cannot afford the expense of these celebrations.

In my opinion this is the biggest reason why these adolescents do not get married. The remedy for this problem is very simply if we correct our intentions.

First, it should be explained to the youth that the merits, superiority, and blessings that lie within marriage outweigh the obstacles and difficulties we previously mentioned. There is not anything in this Dunya except there is trade off. I am not saying that marriage is easy and that there are not any difficulties or hardships. There are difficulties and problems in marriage however; the benefits of marriage outweigh the problems and difficulties that occur. Consequently, these virtues make those difficulties and hardships forgotten. The benefits of marriage should be explained to the youth until their desire it. Marriage helps people protect their private parts and lower their gaze.

The statement of the Prophet points to this,

“O young men, those of you who can support a wife should marry, verily matrimony controls the gaze and protects the private parts. And whoever among cannot afford to marry should fast.”

(al-Bukhari in his Saheeh (#1905, 5065), Muslim in his Saheeh (#1400))

The Prophet specifically instructed the youth to take part in marriage, because they are prepared for it and have the ability.

It is appropriate for the youth to get married at an early age if he or she has the ability and means to do so. Praise is to Allah-currently this is predominately the case. There isn’t any excuse for the youth to leave off getting married. The Prophet explained the merits of getting married at a young age. Matrimony protects the private parts, because the private part is very dangerous if unguarded.

Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) says:

“And those who guard their chastity (i.e., private parts from illegal sexual acts). Except with their wives and the (woman slaves) whom their right hands possess – for (then) they are not blameworthy.”

(Surah al-Ma’arij: 29-30)

Matrimony protects the private parts. This is to say that marriage safeguards a person from a great evil. Marriage protects that organ and lovers the gaze. If the youth gets married he will be delighted. He would not be looking here or there at women or at what Allah has prohibited. As a result, Allah saved this person from the haraam by giving him the halaal. By Allah’s bounty this person was saved from adultery and fornication.
Second, Marriage helps a person to attain tranquility and ease.

Allah says:

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in the, and He has put between you affection and mercy.”

(Surah ar-Rum: 21)

Whenever the youth gets married his soul is relived from agitation, anxiety and he has a peace of mind.

“That you may find repose in them.”

(Surah al-Furqan: 74)

Verily, the matrimony of this youth is among the reasons for his tranquility and serenity. Accordingly, matrimony is a reason which numerous blessings spring from.

Matrimony at an early age and its benefits.

From among the benefits of getting married at an early age is the obtaining of children, which make the youth delighted at their presence.

Allah says:

“And those who say: “Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes.”

(Surah al-Furqan, 74)

Wives and children are a delight; Allah promised that marriage brings about pleasure. This pleasure encourages and persuades the youth to take an interest in matrimony.

This is also similar to how Allah mentioned that children are a share of this world’s beauty.

“Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world.”

(Saheeh Hadeeth, Abu Dawood, an-Nasa'i and others)

Therefore, this world is adorned by children. The human being seeks out adornment the same ways he tries to obtain wealth. Similarly, he craves for children, because they are equal to wealth in their existence. This is in this world. Then in the hereafter righteous children can benefit their fathers as the Prophet said:

“Whenever the son of Adam dies his actions stop except three: Knowledge that benefits people, a recurring charity, and a righteous child that supplicates for his parent.”

(Muslim (# 1631), on the authority of Abu Hurayrah))

The second benefit of matrimony at an early age is that it produces children increasing the Muslim Ummah and Islamic society. The Prophet said:

“Marry the loving and fertile, for verily I want to have the largest Ummah on the Day of Resurrection.”

(Abu Dawood in his Sunan (#2050), an-Nasa’i in his Sunan as-Sughara (#3227) and others (Graded saheeh by al-Albani in his checking of Abu Dawood))

Great blessing result from marriage. From among them are the ones we previously mentioned. So if these virtues and blessings are explained to the adolescents, then the fallacious problems that hinder people from getting married will disappear.

As for the saying that, getting married at an early age diverts from gaining knowledge and from studying, this is not the case. Rather, the opposite of this is correct because tranquility, peace of mind, and pleasure never cease to be obtained through marriage. These things help the student to reach his goal because, he has peace of mind, and his thoughts are not cluttered due to discomfort and this helps him study.

Now on the other hand abstaining from marriage in reality blocks whatever knowledge he wants to attain, because it is not possible to acquire knowledge in a state of confusion anxiety. However, if he gets married his mind is at rest and his soul is at ease. He gets a house to take as a shelter and a wife who relaxes and helps him. These things help him to attain knowledge.

If Allah makes it easy and this marriage becomes a source of comfort to

become a relationship, then this is from among the things which make it easy for the student to pursue knowledge. Matrimony does not block the path to knowledge as some believe. For that reason having children is an enormous blessing in this life and in the next.

"As for the statement that marriage at an early age burdens the adolescent to supply provisions for his children, wife and other responsibilities, this also is not correct. Along with marriage comes blessings and well-being. Matrimony is obedience to Allah and His Messenger and there is good in every act of obedience. So if the youth gets married following the orders of the Prophet by seeking the blessings that have been promised with the correct intentions, then this marriage will be a reason for his blessings. The provisions are in the hands of Allah.

Allah states:

"And no moving (living) creature is there on earth but its provision is due from Allah."

(Qur'aan, 11: 6)

Consequently, if Allah makes it easy for you to get married then He will make providing for your children easy.

"We provide sustenance for you and for them."

(Qur'aan, al-An'am: 151)

Marriage does not burden the young man above his ability as some of the people think. Marriage brings benefits and blessings. Matrimony is a necessary Sunnah of Allah for the human-being. Matrimony is not a horrible nightmare. It is only a door from the doors of righteousness for the person with the correct intention.

As for the excuses about the obstacles placed in the path to marriage then this is from their evil behaviour. Marriage in itself does not require such things as a plump dowry, parties which amount to more than required or other expenses with no authority from Allah. Rather, what is required is a wedding with ease.

Hence, it is a duty to clarify to the people that these extravagances placed in the path to a wedding bring about evil consequences for their sons and daughters. These extravagances are not from their well-being. Therefore, it is a must to remedy these problems, so that matrimony can return to its ease and convenience.

We ask Allah the Glorious and Most High to grant us safety of success, guidance and to rectify the condition of all of us. We ask Allah to rectify the Muslim youth and to return the Muslims to their rank and honour the same way Allah gave the Muslims honour before. We ask Allah to return this honour and to rectify the Muslim state.

Allah says:

But honour, power and glory belong to Allah, His Messenger (Muhammad ) and to the believers, but the hypocrites know not.”

(Surah al-Munafiqun: 8)

We ask Allah to give the Muslims insight in their religion and to protect them from the evil of their enemies. Peace and blessings be upon the Prophet, his family and all his companions. Praise be to Allah.

(From: http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=72965)

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Hi there baby girl.

First you need someone to talk to outside his circle. You need a little you circle.

He is not angry. He is scared. When he displays anger..walk away. What he is seeing is you become scared. You take on his frustrations. You are left with the bag of mixed emotions.

Sister, do you want to spend a lifetime with a man that angers so easily and takes it out on you. Is that love? He has trust issues when you are an open book?

You need to have someone you trust, a male and a female, talk to the both of you. Is there a medical condition that makes him angry.

( I do not like being the one who is presenting this..but we are talking a life-time thing).

You know I'll make dua.

 

[kashif_nazeer]

:salam2:
Sister,if Allah wills, you will marry him, else Allah didnt will for it.Please do not be too woried about it.Allah knows whats best for us because Allah loves us most.Much more than anyone.Allah alone knows,whose life is compatible with us He is The All Knowing The Wise.So just trust in Allah and keep praying ,inshaAllah and hope for the best.
I would also advice you to perform Istikhara inshaAllah.
Praying for you inshaAllah.

 

[Precious Star]

Sister,

Dua does not change a person. It does not alter another person's free will or thinking. You cannot use dua to force the agency of someone else. Dua will change circumstances, but not people.

This man's anger/moodiness/lack of trust .... that is not something that will change. So you need to ask yourself if this is something you can live with.

God is answering your prayers, in that He is giving you the chance to see this man's personality before you dive into marriage. Please don't go into the marriage expecting this man to change.

Insha'Allah you will have a happy marriage.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Sister Precious Star...excellent response.

I tried to say the same thing. I used the medical condition to soften it a little.

Let me put it this way now:

You are head over heels in love. Now you know why we stress a wali.

He didn't speak for two months to you and he knew your circumstances of being a stranger in a strange land.

That is a red flag.

 

[faaraa]

My sister...

Yu have already blessed with many ideas and comforting replies, Alhamdulillah...

I will Insha Allah make dua for you...

May Allah provide you with the most suitable things in both the worlds and make you happy always Aameen....

 

[friend263]

Dear sister i would suggest you to pray the namaz of istikhara so that Allah show you the right way.

 

[The_truth]

Assalamo alaikum,

Brothers and sisters, I don't know what to do. This is my story:

Last year (during Ramadan) I found a man online and told him I just accepted Islam but hadn't said the Shahada yet. I told him I was sick of western life and wanted to move to a place where I could be free in my religion, free to wear hijab, and where mosques existed. We began emailing back and forth every day and he was VERY helpful. He was full of kind and encouraging words and offered me all types of useful sites about learning to pray, English translations, hadeeths, everything.

I decided to move to his country (before I ever contacted him) and he invited me to stay with him and his family in their home. Long story short, before I even left, we were talking about marriage. We had both fallen in love (which is haram, I know) but this was not a typical situation.

I moved in December and stayed with him and his family. I had my own room on a separate floor of the house and his family took care of me very well. He did, too. He treated me like a princess. Alhomdolillah, we never had any relations or anything like that. We'd hold hands once in a while and at first we had a few small kisses. We felt guilty right away and invoked Allah and promised we'd not do that again. So we stopped.

Well I had a hard time adjusting when I first got here-- new culture, new language, new food, new lifestyle, I was away from all of my family and friends--not to mention: new religion, praying 5 times a day, memorizing many specific things in Arabic, wearing hijab every day, I changed my name, and the weight of not telling my parents I reverted was still on my mind. I also didn't have a job and I was out of money. As you can see, I was stressed. There was no "easing into things" -- everything happened all at once.

So despite how kind he was to me, sometimes I would get angry at things that were not his fault and take it out on him. Eventually we started arguing (95% of the time it was my fault) and one day we got into a HUGE fight. It was the worst day for me. By this time I had my own apartment, and he left and swore he'd never come back.

The problem is, my only friends here are his friends. So we'd both always hear about what the other one was doing. 2 months passed without talking. It was the hardest 2 months of my life. I mean, I'm in a 3rd world country alone, with no friends and family and the person I want to marry hates me. So I spent 2 months alone in prayer and learning more and more about this beautiful deen. I prayed, read hadeeths, watched videos and made du'a. Alhomdolillah Allah completely changed me from the inside!

A few weeks ago, he sent me a message saying he wanted to meet me to talk. He apologized for what he had done and said that even though he loves me very much, we're not a match. True, the OLD ME and him are not a match, but the NEW ME finally, finally understands how Islam works in the society and the role of a man and of a woman. Everything I was confused about before makes sense to me now. My heart is now soft and not hard like before. I've let go of everything I still was clinging to: Western dress, makeup, music, etc. So now...I'm finally the way I SHOULD HAVE BEEN before.

I've been spending Ramadan with his family and him and I have repaired our relationship and keeping everything halal. We walk to and from the mosque everyday, read Quran, he teaches me stories about the Prophets (may Allah be pleased with them) and my heart is happy again.

Here's the problem: He's afraid I will move to go back home (NEVER!!) and he said he has trust issues with me. Since marriage is a lifetime commitment he is hesitant to marry me and says he's not ready. But then he'll say he is. Then he's not. Then he is. He also thinks he's "too poor" to get married, but I keep telling him I'm not marrying him for money. I'd rather live poor with him as my husband than to some rich guy in a miserable relationship.


I keep telling him that since marriage is 50% of our deen and we both love eachother, let's do it! We've started the paperwork (from before) and I'd like to follow through with this. He still thinks he's not ready. I say, "Have a halal marriage with me and Allah will provide all what we need as long as we're obedient to Him!" He PROMISES us this and He never ever breaks His promises to us. I am 100% happy living poor the rest of my life...but he thinks I have western standards and need a life of luxury. I've learned through Islam that a good marriage is not about where you live, how much money you have, or which country you were born in. It's about mutual respect, love, and always keeping Allah first in your heart and in your home.

So now I'm here and he's in one of his moods and is angry at me and I don't even know why.

I love him very much and I know that I have to be patient with him. I feel like Allah is testing me to see if I love him enough to be patient. Every time I make du'a and pray, something always happens. Usually not right away, but Allah works on His time, not mine.

Can everyone PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make du'a that he sees the true me? That he sees that all I want to do in this life is take care of him and be loyal to him? My heart has been cleaned out by Allah and my intentions are good and pure. I want nothing in life but to be his wife. Allah has made my heart happy in this beautiful religion and I'm soooo happy to be Muslim. I have this sense of peace on my heart but as far as earthly life...the only thing missing is him.

I get sick over this. When he's not around my heart aches so bad and then I pray to Allah to soothe me. This can all be solved if we just make a halal marriage! I don't even want a ceremony. I want a SIMPLE life. The perfect marriage would be us, his family, and the Imam. That's it! I don't want a tent, a catering company, haram music, makeup, 5 dresses, none of that!

Please everyone, I know Allah answers du'a and if anyone who reads this could take a few minutes of their life to help a sister out, I'd be sooooo thankful! I just need some Muslim love.



Thanks for taking the time to read this long one.

A_H_C

Asalaamu Alaikum, jazakallahu khayran for sharing your issues with us. Allah has blessed you a lot for guiding you to Islam out of so many. Not only that but he has purified your heart so that you desire nothing else but his pleasure and the hereafter. You love for the dunya has been distinguished.

Regarding your issues then at first you needed the time and space from him in order to change your heart and that time and space benefitted you a lot as you have mentioned. But as with any interactions of two unmarried people then surely shaythan is the third party.

So the reason the both of you are going through these troubles is simply because you have given shaythan access to your interactions. That is why there is so much petty squables and paranoia.

So how can you solve these problems? GET MARRIED ASAP! Simple.

Once you are married then i am not saying that things will be perfect as any marriage is a trial and requires a team effort but there will not be such paranoia and many other troubles due to the fact that you are an unmarried couple interacting without any peace or blessings.

So you must tell him that you need to marry immediately and that things cannot continue the way they are. You need to be firm with him in that you are nothing like before and as long as the both of you continue to interact in such a way then the troubles and paranoia will only get worse.

Surely it is shaythan who is wanting you to delay marriage just so that he can continue to cause troubles between you and also that you both continue to get big sins for your interactions.

You must be firm in that you do not want to displease or anger Allah by interacting with each other without being married. So tell him if he is serious then he must mary you without a delay. It takes seconds to do nikah.

If he continues to delay things then stop all interactions with him and prove to him you are serious in that you want no intereaction with anyone who is not your mahram.

Whatever happens make sincere dua to Allah that he does what is best for you. Ask of him in the latter part of the night in particular and put your full trust in him that he will do what is best for you.

May Allah do what is best for you and give you the best in this world and the hereafter. Ameen

 

[Tabassum07]

:salam2:

Sister, I will pray for you. May Allah guide you towards what is right for you, for your deen, for your dunya and akhirah. May Allah turn your heart towards what is good for you, and turn your heart away from what is bad for you. May your path be made easier. Ameen. Verily, we as humans don't know what might be the best for us. It might be that we like a thing which is harmful to us, or we dislike a thing which is good. May Allah help you understand yourself and may He bestow His blessings upon you. Ameen.

I would advise the both of you to pray Istikhaarah.

 

[Just a Guy]

:salam2:

As a man who struggles with anger issues, I can tell you this: that will only change if he wants it to change. Otherwise, even after you're married, he'll still be subject to outbursts or whatnot. I don't want to have to tell you that, but it is the truth.

I myself recently dealt with the issue of marriage. It was pointed out to me by some brothers that perhaps I should find a Muslim wife to help me grow in my own faith. After much prayer and soul-searching, I decided that marriage is not right for me at this time. I have to become a better man first. Then maybe I can become a husband. But if I'm not happy with who I am, I won't be happy with anyone else.

May Allah guide your steps, sister...