Discussion in 'TurnToIslam Lounge !' started by AZAM_SIDDIQUI, Dec 6, 2007.
Nobody read my post!
my cousin is just 26 and she has been rejected for her age .she is very pretty ,educated and pious but she is still unmarried.
some poeple came to see me ,i told them that my cousin is more prettier and pious why dont u see her .they went away without saying a word.afterwards they called me an insolent brat.
she was rejected by a brother just because she was 4 years older than him.
I always look forward to your posts....don't think your words of wisdom flies by everyone.
yes..i think i could marry someone older,younger than me..
cuz,the most important thing in marriage's love...,
Yes and Yes.....
My first husband was 13 years older than me and my current husband is 18 months younger than me........However, I would not marry a man that was younger than my brother (who is 6 years younger than me).....that would feel wrong and weird.....
Yeah it's true Threads about marriage attract lots of replies .Prophet SA said "Man can marry women for 4 things 1 nobility 2 beauty 3 wealth 4 family back ground.
Same might also be for women .I dont think age really matters but there should not be much gap(My view) not more than say 7+ 11- hahaha
After all age is just state of mind .Some times young people are much mature and some times older are immature .Main thing s PIOUSNESS,NOBILITY and IKHLAAQ that's we should look .
I agree with you sis But i would still prefer older person although like you said he will make me happy and sad sometime just like a younger brother but that is the way i like things. I always have loved older than younger person because older people are more wise and you can learn more from them than young person because they made more mistake in their life than the younger person especailly if they are good muslims. Knowledge is guaranteed!
i think though that having a good quality of life is important. I wouldn't want to have married someone who was so much older that they would become sickly and unable to provide for me and my family and that I would have to then become their caretaker.......I realize that this can happen too with someone the same age as only Allah knows how long we have to be healthy.....but atleast with at or near the same age you pretty much have equal footing. Marrying someone 15-20 yrs old guarantees you to be taking care of an elderly person even while you are in your prime....that could be very draining on a person. Likewise marrying someone TOO young is taxing as well as they haven't really come into who they are yet, they are still growing and their committment to you could change, especially as we women age and become not what we once were, for a younger man, this could be a disappointment.
Well sis, i real never thought about that but one thing i know is i wouldn't want to marry someone younger than me so i will be ok marrying someone my age. Good Point sis!
very well said ,,,,,,
from personal experience I can say..
that age..does not guarantee a whole lot when it comes to the character and/or compatibility of a person..
I have heard (and witnessed) things about two brothers one aged 37 and another aged 26..that have made my jaw drop with embarrassment and frustration..they lacked a lot in character (let's just say)..
while I have heard (and witnessed) things of two other brothers one aged 19 and another aged 21 who surpass the first two in so many wonderful qualities..even those concerning piety!..in fact I have come to find out that the these two brothers..have kept many of the "older" brothers (including the first two) in check concerning deen and behavior..subhanallah!
I shared this only as a "real life" example..to sort of like clarify my answer to the question asked..
anyway..I feel that it is *expected* of females to marry someone older..based on certain cultural and/or social stereotypes and assumptions..after having these personal experiences and trying to eschew as many shallow standards and views that I might carry within..
I am working on refraining from having this mindset!..for two reasons
1. when I marry the younger or older brother..he is not going to carry his age around..he is going to carry his heart and his character..if these two are sound and appealing..inshallah I will be satisfied..because how many times am I going to think of his age in number?..and what more would a young muslimah ask for aside from a muslim man with a good character and a good heart?
2. also (and this is the more important one) there is something called...Qisma (destiny/decree)..I will take that which Allah (swt) had decreed for me..even if it means no marriage at all..and should I get married..whatever bumps or happiness I will find on that road..I won't refer to the age of the person (they most likely won't be caused by that factor most likely)..but rather who he is and what he is all about as a muslim man and what the occasion or situation taking place is!..
and I don't know if anybody else agrees with me on this..but age does not contribute to anyone having a more experienced outlook on life than another..there are individuals who go through experiences only during a specific period of time as a little as a year!..which other individuals might not even *imagine* going through their *entire lives!*..and thus might lack understanding or knowledge of a certain aspect in life..
that's just what I think..out of experience..and out of the personal reform that I went and still am going through :shymuslima1:
I know I rambled (as usual)..but I wanted to give a clear answer..so thanks for bearing with me!
Assalamualaykum wa'Rahmatullahi wa'Barakatuh
Insha'Allah we're all well.
I took a quiz wizz through this thread and came across brother Mabsoot's post.
Jazak'Allahu Khairan for sharing the above brother. Regarding the aforementioned Hadith, there are other/similar narrations relating to Jabir bin Abdullah (Radi'Allahu anhu) and his marriage. Lets look at these other narrations which is also mentioned in Sahih Al-Bukhari:
Wedlock, Marriage (Nikaah)
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 172
I was with Allah's Apostle in a Ghazwa, and when we returned, I wanted to hurry, while riding a slow camel. A rider came behind me. I looked back and saw that the rider was Allah's Apostle . He said (to me), "What makes you in such a hurry?" I replied, "I am newly married." He said, "Did you marry a virgin or a matron?" I replied, "(Not a virgin but) a matron." He said, "Why didn't you marry a young girl with whom you could play and who could play with you?" Then when we approached (Medina) and were going to enter (it), the Prophet said, "Wait till you enter (your homes) at night (in the first part of the night) so that the ladies with unkempt hair may comb their hair, and those whose husbands have been absent (for a long time) may shave their pubic hair."
Loans, Payment of Loans, Freezing of Property, Bankruptcy
Volume 3, Book 41, Number 589:
When 'Abdullah (my father) died, he left behind children and debts. I asked the lenders to put down some of his debt, but they refused, so I went to the Prophet to intercede with them, yet they refused. The Prophet said (to me), "Classify your dates into their different kinds: 'Adhq bin Zaid, Lean and 'Ajwa, each kind alone and call all the creditors and wait till I come to you." I did so and the Prophet came and sat beside the dates and started measuring to each his due till he paid them fully, and the amount of dates remained as it was before, as if he had not touched them.
(On another occasion) I took part in one of Ghazawat among with the Prophet and I was riding one of our camels. The camel got tired and was lagging behind the others. The Prophet hit it on its back. He said, "Sell it to me, and you have the right to ride it till Medina.'' When we approached Medina, I took the permission from the Prophet to go to my house, saying, "O Allah's Apostle! I have newly married." The Prophet asked, "Have you married a virgin or a matron (a widow or divorcee)?" I said, "I have married a matron, as 'Abdullah (my father) died and left behind daughters small in their ages, so I married a matron who may teach them and bring them up with good manners." The Prophet then said (to me), "Go to your family." When I went there and told my maternal uncle about the selling of the camel, he admonished me for it. On that I told him about its slowness and exhaustion and about what the Prophet had done to the camel and his hitting it. When the Prophet arrived, I went to him with the camel in the morning and he gave me its price, the camel itself, and my share from the war booty as he gave the other people.
Subhan'Allah! The Prophet's companion, Jabir bin Abdullah's answer was full of wisdom! Marriage is not just about 'getting married'...but it's also about making the right decision wisely and appropriately! But even more important is putting your reliance your tawakkul in ALLAH Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, as marriage is probably the most important and serious decision you would take in your life, however; marriage truely is about naseeb...
May Allah facilitate a pious spouse for us all who is open minded Ameen ya Rabb!
u have the main main example of Prophet Mohammed SAW marrying Khadija pbuh
what more proof u need
basically it all boils down to understanding between a couple.
i could never marry someone older than me, simply cos i look 5-7years younger than my actual age, its just my genetics (allah's bounty), thats why i gotta marry someone at least 10years younger than me, so when im 40 id look like 30, which i hope my wife's age would be. ahhh ive worked out, umm i better start looking for one lol. May allah hav mercy on our souls,
as a matter of preference, no. Maybe a few months, but not more than a year younger than me.
maybe if a love him so much my mother is older then my father 1 year but elhamdulilah they are very happy and we are very happy family elhamdulilah why not to mery whith older then you if is he or she the god person and hu love you why not
umm.. well, muhammad (s.a.w) was younger to khadija(r.a) so it is sunnah, and muhammad (s.a.w) was elder to aisha(r.a) which is also sunnah..
so, now both are sunnah, so i would prefer to marry who is elder to me...
i guess i am right in my decision :shymuslima1:
as a girl ... no waaaay .. i suppose
As salamo alaikome.....
Age is just a number and in Quran it says we will all be the same age in heaven so for me the man I marry should be most kind, loving and forgiving. He should also be Allah fearing and pious. I want a man who will teach me more about Islam and it doesnt matter how young or old he is. It matters what is in his heart and in his heart should be 1) Allah 2) Rasool 3) His mother 4) ME!!!!
I could be wrong but for me a younger man is probably who I will marry anyway so its more important his heart than his age.
Masha'Allah sister... You already have the right idea in your mind. They are so many young muslims who dont pay a lot of attention to what you have mentioned.
To hear this from a new Muslimah is something so heart warming and a lesson/reminder for us young muslims to have the right priorities when looking for a companion.
May Allah swt guide us all to the righteous path. Ameen
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