Arrange marriage or love marriage???

[a_muslimah86]

:salam2:

Question 1:

Arranged Marriage ---> A recommendation of potentially suitable partner for marriage by family..relatives..friends..and/or coworkers

Love Marriage ---> An emotional or physical attraction towards another person upon which the attracted..proposes to the one they are attracted to as to make sure that this attraction lasts a life-time.

Forced Marriage ---> Culture..selfishness..close-minded-ness!!!

The line between arranged marriages and love marriages is quite thin actually..and many times it is crossed by parents who think they are capable of making choices which will not carry any consequences..and many times..the consequences are just a huge bundle of MISERY for one or both sides of the marriage...

I am Arab..and unfortunately..there are those who still hold on to the practice of "naming" a girl for her "cousin" (from her father's side) upon birth..or sometime later in her childhood...

This girl and her cousin..will *have* to marry..even if they never like each other..and never think of each other in that manner...the girl's family turn down suitors even if they are more suitable..they don't allow the guy to marry anyone else even if he finds someone better..and sometimes...the guy and the girl are not even *notified* of such decisions..until for example someone proposes to the girl and she wants to accept or the guy tries to propose to someone..and then the parents say *no..you are for your cousin..and your cousin is for you*..

Many times..the guy will find another girl..which he likes..and he insists on marrying her..and he does..thus leaving the girl..who might've gotten to an age *culturally* considered not *good-enough* for marriage!..or because her family has turned away so many suitors..people do not want to propose for fear of disappointment and embarrassment!

So do you see the mess???

That's aside from the practice of not marrying into families from other tribes..to keep the tribe "pure"..the practice of marrying a girl so her dowry would pay off debts..having a guy marry into a family for power and/or wealth..and so on...

All of these situations..sobhanallah..take place upon the hands of those who are ignorant of the *clear rights* the Qura'an and the Sunnah have set for the woman and the man who wish to marry each other...or who know them..but still think...*my forefathers have done this for generations and I will do the same*..or *I am older and I know what is right*...

Now regarding arranged marriages (in their *sound* and *correct* sense) and love marriage..and their success...

I say...success is from Allah (swt)...sobhanallah..I have seen and heard of marriages of both natures which have been (and still are) very very very successful..mashallah!..and have heard and seen of some that have miserably failed..within *months* of their consummation!..

So it's difficult to point a finger at *one* outcome..give a specific number..or a *single* determined experience..and say...*yes..this marriage is this..and that marriage is that*

And even though I lived in my country until I was 11..and have lived here in the US until now (I will be 23 in about a month)..but I still interact with Arabs here..and have contact with my family back home..so I am aware of arranged marriages and such..it is not a new concept for me

Question 2:

Our Qura'an says *wala taqrabo al-zina* (and do not come close to zina)..

Which dictates that we *avoid* acts..emotions..and thoughts which may lead us to *it* to the best of our ability..because we may not always be able to make things "halal" (i.e. marry the person we want or love)

So in the shadow of such wisdom..I can say that I sense a preference towards *patience* and *endurance* regarding factors which may lead to marriage..meaning..we should not have our *want for marriage* be an execuse for *looking around* or *hooking up* with different people...we only need to ask Allah to aid us..and approach the issue in a sound manner not contradictive to the Qura'an and the Sunnah...so we may find that which satisfy us..inshallah

Now...the heart of man is in the hand of Allah (swt) and He turns it as He pleases..and He (swt) decrees an ample variation of destinies for His servants...in the case that one might feel an emotional attachment towards another (which sobhanallah..can happen with *anybody*)...they are to immediately seek marriage as its *seal*...if they are unable to accomplish such commitment..then they need to *battle* that emotion..or *lock it up*..until they are able to..because *again*..*love* is *never* an execuse to speak to another or interact with them because an *intention* of marriage is present

and the prophet (pbuh) had said:

“There is nothing for two who love one another like marriage.” [Ibn Majah]

So you see..though there is preference of a certain *way*..love is acknowledged as well..but with an emphasis on its *ending* result..in other words..should it exist..then it should have its *good reason* and its *honorable accompanying action*
Love is pure..until shaitan locates it within our hearts and he and begins to taint it with his evils..and though we are stronger than he is..he is *tricky* and he does not tire from trying to make us fall from grace..so we should seek refuge with Allah..and build the path of halal with bricks of taqwa and purity!

We should always rely on Allah when it comes to our qisma..never attempting to hasten it..or have it head in the direction that pleases us..those who seek what is halal will verily be encompassed by Allah's aid and success..so they should rely on Him (swt) and trust in Him..and accept what He chooses for us..for He knows everything...and we know nothing..and *patience* is divinely compensated according to its degree

 

[Rashadi]

Bahi....

I guessed you haven't realized where i am living...lol........i am trying to make my own life easy and also others...

The best way to get kafirs, and other jahileys off of ur back is to explain to them that what some people do has nothing to do with Islam. in Islam, forced marriage is haram. The other brothers and sisters on here did a great job explaining what an "arranged" marriage is in Islam. Marriage in Islam is different than a kafir marriage. I had a mushrik ask me at work how difficult it is for me as a Muslim to find a wife since I am not allowed to be alone with her as he(as a Christian) can. I told him that marriage is different for me than it is for him. If they continue buggin you, ask them why the western marriages almost all end up in divorces when they spent all the time alone, got to "know" each other and even did haram with one another? Islamic marriages don't end up that way but then again our marriages are not like theirs.

 

[Asja]

:salam2:

personally i feel there is no such thing as love marriage they just give infactuation the title of love, force marriages apn alot and parents sometimes don't realise that its against the Sunnah, parents are suppose to help not choose themselves its not their life,
arranged Alhamdulillah a big difference from force marriage, there is a whole proceedure if i write about it here i won't be able to explain it properly better a shiekh explains it. regarding some of the comment...anything that deviates from the Qur'an and sunnah is not a part of Islam, Allah has given us guidence in every matter, the so called LOVE marriages are not a part of the sunnah they were never a part of the sunnah and never will be, its all a bunch of rubbish,
to love someone before marriage means that you must've spent time with a stranger of the oppossite gender to have developed this feeling, and Allah says "do not go near Zinna..." La takrabu zina... beleive me...Prophet SAW didnt fall in love with Aisha RA before he married her neither did he with any of his other wives yet they had a successful marriage, and so did his companions so did the generation after and the one after that
Love does develop after marriage and not just any love... the highest form of LOVE which to love one another only for the sake of Allah

forgive me if i said anything wrong...i came out of a life that where filled with (i have to say) bogus thoughts such as love,
say for example a person comes along and you fall in love for a particular charecteristic or feature of this person,
what happens if another person comes along with the same charecteristic or feature but even better,
love is a word that replaces desire and lust, there is no such thing as love unless it is love for the sake of Allah

Mashallah dear brother,you said everything right Mashallah and according to Quran and Sunnah Alhamdulillah,and I comletely agree with you dear brother

May Allah bless you and all Muslims.



Your sister Asja

 

[*Sana*]

Assalamualaikum WaRahmatullahi WaBarakaatu,

And this is the result of too much MTV, too much Beyonce, too much RnB and Bollywood , Hollywood whatever rubbish people watch these days!

LOL!!! :lol: LOL!!! This is has got to be one of the funniest things I have read all week But unfortunately very true! I know it is totally off topic but why doesn't the Muslim youth use their time in wiser ways than this?!!?

What man is better than the one who wakes up in morning to pray tahajjud? Or who strives DAY and NIGHT to help people ? What man is better than the one who will wake you up for prayer? Who will encourage you to read the Quran and the Hadith? Who will listen to you and do what you say, if what you say is based on Islamic teachings and who will try his best to understand you?

What man is better than the one who obeys Allah in all his commands? Who is modest, who understands the deen and all its obligations. Who is frightened of nobody, NOBODY and keeps the beard as is obligation upon men, as commanded by the Prophet who works hard for his family? Who smiles and is kind not just outside infront of people! ! But, has the great Islamic character inside his home, and knows the value of patience and listening to all in his family.

What man is better than the one who lowers his gaze and thinks of just his wife? And who knows the obligations he has to keeping her happy and his family happy! ( this includes not rushing into polygamy!! As many of the Kibaar Ulema' ( such as Sh Ibn Baz, Ibn uthaimeen and Al-Albani (rahimahullah) have pointed out!). This is foolishness plaguing those who practice Islam and are too eager to understand that their first duty is with the one they marry and not to cause upset and resentment that can cause disruption. Men can marry upto 4, but it is not something to rush into and requires real thought, before even marrying one! Whenever, I go and meet with Shayukh in Middle East, sometimes they make fun of the Brothers in the West for these issues.

So many people can parade around in Muslim attire, putting on an "Islamic image" infront of the people, but their actions and what they tell people are so backwards and ignorant. Thats why it is important to be careful.

What man is better than the one who wants to shape his entire life around that of the Prophet Muhammad and his companions????

What woman is better than the one who will perhaps try to wake up earlier than her husband ! To be the one to wake him up! - Yes, thats right, why not they have a healthy Islamic competition! Who wakes up earlier and who does the most ibaadah for Allah, this is totally allowed in Islam, to encourage one another to do good! Which woman is better than the one who wants to sit and study the Quran and Hadith, to teach her family, her friends and all those around the real Islam?

Which woman is better than She, the One who is modest and dresses in a way that Allah teaches?

Which woman is better than the one that wants copy the Mothers of the Believers? Khadijah, Aisha and all the other great women from the time of the PRophet ? The women who gave their lives for Islam, who had the most patience and best hearts?

The answer is NONE, it is impossible for anyone to match them, but, the best are those who try their best to emulate them. Starting from Firm belief in Allah, Adherance to the Sunnah of the Prophet and love for all the Salaf-Salih, the Pious Predecessors!

Very well said brother. Although some would think that these issues are not of concern when it comes to marriage and the selection process, they actually play a very vital role in a successful married life. This is why the divorce rate is so high nowadays, particularly in the West. If I am not wrong, the last time I knew of the divorce rates in the West was 1 in every 3 marriages end up in divorce or seperation.

May Allah guide us all, Insha Allah.

Wasalaam

 

[safiya58]

Selam alejkum
I think so!
You said : "I can not imagine to get married with one I don´t love..... I don´t believe that love will come after marriage. wheter u love a person or not. I love my fiance alot even so he is complecated"
Now I have a question for you safiya58 and that question is
How do you can love one if you aren't married with him,how did you love him ,in first sight,or you have meet him before you have talked with him before or you have ....
You don't beleive that the love come after marriage,why ?
Selam alejkum

selam,

I don´t know what u meant with or you have...
well I don´t like to speak about my private things and I will also not.... Why is it something strange that two people can fall in love with eachother? I believe that real love is when u love one without expcting anything from him/her like material things or whatever.... when u love him/her just for his/her qualities and the sake of Allah... one should love Allah first and that´s why a muslim should marry a muslim......
Isn´t talking before marriage in order to get to know each other better allowed in Islam....? So what sense makes egagement then when it is not allowed to speak together?
Why is it not possible to love one without being married yet? Is Love all about money and romance... I don´t believe that and noone has to have the same opinion like me.... Love is something u can not describe with words u feel it only

 

[safiya58]

Assalamu alaykum,

Please please just marry as Quran and Sunnah tells you,

The Shaitan makes people think in wrong way, and that leads to problems!

Marry pious Muslim person, who has good character and behaviour. A person who lives strictly in accordance with Islam.

I have had to deal with so many problems from Muslim brothers and sisters over the past few years, some of the things that happen are truly shocking.... and the main reason is because people rushed into marriage!

People did not have patience, people did not look at the other partner from the lens of Quran and Sunnah! Mistakes do happen, but we can do our best to lessen and make our decisions inshaAllah better!!!

By all means QUESTION, QUESTION and QUESTION him or Her, but dont fall into the trap of wanting to "fall in love", or any other nonsense, because that will cloud your judgement!!! And this is the result of too much MTV, too much Beyonce, too much RnB and Bollywood , Hollywood whatever rubbish people watch these days!

Make sure the other person has the Right Belief, this at first requires you to do your own studies and have a good sense of Islam. How can you marry someone who perhaps gets his Islamic guidance from other than Quran and Sunnah? Who does Shirk or Bid'ah? Who has incorrect beliefs in Allah's Attributes? Perhaps, one day, you gain knowledge and he does not accept, perhaps he wants to teach your children those things?

So, you need to know enough to ask the right questions! - Its not just about marrying someone who Looks like a Muslim or has a Muslim name.. or says they want to be good Muslim
For those whose families are not Muslim or whose families do not practice Islam, then this is a very important issue.

It is also result of the society around us, who dont care about Quran and Sunnah and understanding Islam like the early Muslims.

What man is better than the one who wakes up in morning to pray tahajjud? Or who strives DAY and NIGHT to help people ? What man is better than the one who will wake you up for prayer? Who will encourage you to read the Quran and the Hadith? Who will listen to you and do what you say, if what you say is based on Islamic teachings and who will try his best to understand you?

What man is better than the one who obeys Allah in all his commands? Who is modest, who understands the deen and all its obligations. Who is frightened of nobody, NOBODY and keeps the beard as is obligation upon men, as commanded by the Prophet who works hard for his family? Who smiles and is kind not just outside infront of people! ! But, has the great Islamic character inside his home, and knows the value of patience and listening to all in his family.

What man is better than the one who lowers his gaze and thinks of just his wife? And who knows the obligations he has to keeping her happy and his family happy! ( this includes not rushing into polygamy!! As many of the Kibaar Ulema' ( such as Sh Ibn Baz, Ibn uthaimeen and Al-Albani (rahimahullah) have pointed out!). This is foolishness plaguing those who practice Islam and are too eager to understand that their first duty is with the one they marry and not to cause upset and resentment that can cause disruption. Men can marry upto 4, but it is not something to rush into and requires real thought, before even marrying one! Whenever, I go and meet with Shayukh in Middle East, sometimes they make fun of the Brothers in the West for these issues.

So many people can parade around in Muslim attire, putting on an "Islamic image" infront of the people, but their actions and what they tell people are so backwards and ignorant. Thats why it is important to be careful.

What man is better than the one who wants to shape his entire life around that of the Prophet Muhammad and his companions????

What woman is better than the one who will perhaps try to wake up earlier than her husband ! To be the one to wake him up! - Yes, thats right, why not they have a healthy Islamic competition! Who wakes up earlier and who does the most ibaadah for Allah, this is totally allowed in Islam, to encourage one another to do good! Which woman is better than the one who wants to sit and study the Quran and Hadith, to teach her family, her friends and all those around the real Islam?

Which woman is better than She, the One who is modest and dresses in a way that Allah teaches?

Which woman is better than the one that wants copy the Mothers of the Believers? Khadijah, Aisha and all the other great women from the time of the PRophet ? The women who gave their lives for Islam, who had the most patience and best hearts?

The answer is NONE, it is impossible for anyone to match them, but, the best are those who try their best to emulate them. Starting from Firm belief in Allah, Adherance to the Sunnah of the Prophet and love for all the Salaf-Salih, the Pious Predecessors!

There are many articles about Marriage and who is the best, just as the Ayah and Hadith that are shared here, people must read and stick to that .

selam,

brother I agree with u that one should only choose a good comitted muslim to get married with... but it is not enough for marriage............

just let me give an example: I had a sister ones I loved her alot and we hang up together alot. I liked her because she loooooooooved Allah and the messenger of Allah and we went together to mesjids and talked about Islam alot... but one day she told me that she don´t want to keep the contact with me anymore.... even when both of us are religious our qualities are not the same... for example she is very very sensitive and I can not really deal with it.... and I´can be stubborn sometimes which she can not deal with....

however the prophet (saw) said the souls are like a army wheter they attrect eachother or they go apart

vesselam

 

[Asja]

selam,

Assalamu Alaicoum sister Safiya.


According to Allah subha we tela and Sunnah of our Prophet Mohammed s.a.v.s. marriege is in the name of Allah and it is not permissible for Muslim girl or man free relationship betwen them Alhamdulillah because everything else is haram and zina.
For Muslim girl it is permissible only to talk with her future husband in presents of her mahram(someone older from family),and muslim girl and man can not be alone becasue it is zina and haram Alhadmulillah!!!

Sister you must understand that Islamic marrige is diffrent from western marrieges,and the most greatest love is in the name of Allah,and love with according to Allahs Holy Quran and Sunnah of our Prophet Mohammed s.a.v.s.!!!

And sister it would be better that you edit your post Inshallah.

May Allah guide us all.

Salam.

 

[safiya58]

Assalamu Alaicoum sister Safiya.

For Allah sake I need to say that I felt very shame of some words that you have used and your way of expressing but Allah is the greatest judge.
According to Allah subha we tela and Sunnah of our Prophet Mohammed s.a.v.s. marriege is in the name of Allah and it is not permissible for Muslim girl or man free relationship betwen them Alhamdulillah because everything else is haram and zina.
For Muslim girl it is permissible only to talk with her future husband in presents of her mahram(someone older from family),and muslim girl and man can not be alone becasue it is zina and haram Alhadmulillah!!!

Sister you must understand that Islamic marrige is diffrent from western marrieges,and the most greatest love is in the name of Allah,and love with according to Allahs Holy Quran and Sunnah of our Prophet Mohammed s.a.v.s.!!!

And sister it would be better that you edit your post Inshallah.

May Allah guide us all.

Salam.

selam sister,

ur post has broken my hear and it really made me cry. I can not describe with words how sad u made me .... cuz I´m muslim and I did not mention that free relationship is ok astagfirullah. I´m not a zaniya.... I said to talk is ok! but to talk does not mean to................
I don´t know why everyone is misunderstanding me I DID NOT SAY THAT A FREE RELATIONSHIP IS OK... I said it is ok to talk to get to know eachother better... I regret it that I said that I love my fiance.... I love him because of his qualities and for Allahs sake is that haram?

 

[helpinghumanity]

:salam2:

Now i guess its my turn to define question 1 the way i look at these things.

Arrange Marriage:

A marriage in which the help of parents or any other siblings is sorted out

For example:
1) If I (NOT NECESSARILY ME, BUT JUST USING FIRST PERSON PERSPECTIVE) saw a girl and i like her, then i will go to my parents and ask them for help. If agreed then they will go to the girls house (with my RESUME lol, just being funny) for proposal. If the girls parent and the girl agree ...then no worry ....A new couple will be formed....
if one of them disagree then bad news..no sweets....meaning no marriage

However it is not restricted to that. here is another case...

2) My mom and dad saw i girl some how, they like her and they want her to me my wife. Then they will go to her house and observe her (this will keep on going for a while). One day my mom approach me with a photo of her. If i like her then next time i will go with my mom or elders to her house. Observe her or probably talk to her for a while. If suitable then yes, if not then NO to marriage.....


FORCED MARRIAGE:

If the parents saw some girl and they think that she might be suitable for me. But i dont like her and they keep on insisting ..MARRY HER..MARRY HER....But i dont like her.........

That is an example of the forced marriage.....which should be restricted....


LOVE MARRIAGE:
There are two examples of love marriage

One example of love marriage is FIRST EXAMPLE OF ARRANGE MARRIAGE.

2) The other example is not a good one

" i see a girl in the college. Observe some thing special in her and began to like her. However i want to know more about her. So i approach her and now the conservation begins. However the more i ask the more i want to learn about her..
slowly and slowly we begin to hang around alone both days and nights
Then shaytaan observes us and wanna play his trick. He (shaytaan) puts a thought in either of our mind that we gotta know each other physically.
The more we meet at night the more this though arise in our mind. So finally we commitZINA (astagfirallah).

Even after that i want to know more about her. So this desire of knowing her keeps on increasing. As a result we have haram relations going on for years.

And one year, i see another sharp and beautiful lady. Now i began to wonder in my head. Yo she is more beautiful then the previous one and she is smarter than her. So leave the first and go to this one. So this process keeps on going......."

Hence the LOVE TURNS IN TO LUST

This is what is happening in western culture. As a result of that they divorce rate is extremely high.


NOTE:

DO NOT THINK OF THIS AS MY STORY...THIS IS NOT MY STORY, I JUST MENTIONED IT.......(HOWEVER THIS DOES HAPPENS IN OUR SOCIETIES)


I will be back soon to write more....


:salam2:

 

[Asja]

selam sister,

ur post has broken my hear and it really made me cry. I can not describe with words how sad u made me .... cuz I´m muslim and I did not mention that free relationship is ok astagfirullah. I´m not a zaniya.... I said to talk is ok! but to talk does not mean to................
I don´t know why everyone is misunderstanding me I DID NOT SAY THAT A FREE RELATIONSHIP IS OK... I said it is ok to talk to get to know eachother better... I regret it that I said that I love my fiance.... I love him because of his qualities and for Allahs sake is that haram?

Allaicomu Salam sister.

Please my heart do not say that to me,wallahi i could never be able to hurt you becasue you are my sister in Islam.
And I was not saying about you like individulal dear sister,I was talking in general.
Alhamdulillah it is our duty to advise each others,and I was only saying Islamic rules and etics sister about marriege Alhamdulillah.
I felt shame sister also because some words that you have used but Allah is the greatest judge,I thought sister that you can use some oter words to express your selfe,and wallahi there is no any need to talk like that Alhadmulillah.

Please fogive me once again if I have hurted you on some way sister,Inshallah.

May Allah bless you and may Allah guide us all.

I love you for the sake of Allah.

Salam.

Your sister Asja

 

[helpinghumanity]

MARRY MY BLIND, DUMB AND DEAF DAUGHTHER??

One of the Salaf entered a field, hungry and tired, so he wanted to eat, and his stomach was 'rumbling'. He saw an apple tree, and picked an apple to eat. He ate half of it under the protection of Allah, then he drank from the river near the field. After that, he suddenly realised that he was not aware of what he did due to his hunger, and thought to himself: Woe to you! How can you eat someone else's provision without permission. In remorse he was determined not to leave the place until he found the owner of the garden, and confess to him that he had eaten his provision without his permission. He looked around and saw a house and went up to the door and knocked on it.

The owner came out and asked him what he wanted.

The Salaf said: "I was hungry and entered your garden and took this apple and ate half of it, then I remembered it was not mine, and I came to beg you to forgive me for this mistake."

The man replied, "I will not forgive you except on one condition?"

So the Salaf asked (and he is Thaabit bin Nu'maan), "What is your condition?"

The owner of the garden said: "I want you to marry my daughter."

The honourable Salaf without hesitation said: "yes, I will marry her". The father of the girl then said: "I want you to know that my daughter is blind and cannot see, dumb and cannot speak, deaf and cannot hear."

The revelation shocked Thaabit bin Nu'maan and thoughts flashed through his mind - what a disaster - what's he going to do? Then he remembered that the trials and tribulation he has to endure by accepting this woman as his wife, and taking care of her and serving her is better for him than to eat the food (sadeed) of hellfire due to the fact that he had eaten the apple without permission. He also realised that if he did not make amends, his days in the dunya are numbered. So he promised to marry the girl, and prayed for forgiveness and reward from Allah, the Lord of the Worlds.

The day of marriage came, and the man was nervous and very worried: "How will I enter upon a woman who does not speak, see, or hear?!" What a dilemma, and he wished the earth would swallow him before that happened (i.e. going the wedding ceremony), but he remembered Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala and said: "Laa Hawla wa laa quwata illa billah, wa inna lilah wa inna ilayhi raji'oon." He went off to the wedding ceremony and when he arrived, his future bride stood up and greeted him, saying, "Assalamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu."

When he saw her, it took his breath away and remembered what he had imagined of the hoor il-'ayn in paradise. Gaining his composure, he blurted out: "What is this? So you speak, see, and hear." Thaabit bin Nu'maan then informed her what her father had to told him.

She gave him the most beautiful smile and said: "My father spoke the truth and he didn't lie."

"But why did he tell me things about you which are untrue?

She replied, "My father said I am dumb, because I have never said a word which displeases Allah, nor have I ever spoken to a man whom it is not permissable to speak to. [He said] I am deaf, because I have never sat it in a place where malicious backbiting, gossip or tale-telling takes place. [He said] I am blind because I have never looked at a man who was not permissable for me to look."

So ponder how Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala united this pious woman to this pious man.

 

[AlQurtubi]

i have heared that as well.. Excellent stuff younger brother. From where you translated it?

 

[safiya58]

sister,

I know which words u mean but I really tried hard not to loose control after brother drimi asked me that: How do you can love one if you aren't married with him,how did you love him ,in first sight,or you have meet him before you have talked with him before or you have ....
You don't beleive that the love come after marriage,why ?

because I don´t like it when someone asks me a private question and also not when someone is judjing me or accusing me.......... all I wanted to say was Love and arranged marriage are not immpossible.. and that a muslim loves different than a non-muslim....... that´s all! First my heart was broken after I posted a thread about jihad and my own sister accused me of beeing a sucide bomber and now brother drimi has broken my heart and also you and this was to much............. u r right too I should take care what I write but still my heart is broken....... and u don´t have to feel guilty bec of me cuz ofcourse I forgive u... I really ask myself wheter I´m a bad person or not

 

[helpinghumanity]

sister,

I know which words u mean but I really tried hard not to loose control after brother drimi asked me that: How do you can love one if you aren't married with him,how did you love him ,in first sight,or you have meet him before you have talked with him before or you have ....
You don't beleive that the love come after marriage,why ?

because I don´t like it when someone asks me a private question and also not when someone is judjing me or accusing me.......... all I wanted to say was Love and arranged marriage are not immpossible.. and that a muslim loves different than a non-muslim....... that´s all! First my heart was broken after I posted a thread about jihad and my own sister accused me of beeing a sucide bomber and now brother drimi has broken my heart and also you and this was to much............. u r right too I should take care what I write but still my heart is broken....... and u don´t have to feel guilty bec of me cuz ofcourse I forgive u... I really ask myself wheter I´m a bad person or not

:salam2: Ukhti i appologize being the thread starter if some one had broken your heart?

Ukhti....You are right and you should be strong be strong about it.....

If some one asks you personal question, the all you need to say "MISTER/MISS you are exceeding your boundaries/limits" and thats it....You dont have to take it beyond that.

Please dont take it personal .....jazakumullah khair

 

[Asja]

sister,

I know which words u mean but I really tried hard not to loose control after brother drimi asked me that: How do you can love one if you aren't married with him,how did you love him ,in first sight,or you have meet him before you have talked with him before or you have ....
You don't beleive that the love come after marriage,why ?

because I don´t like it when someone asks me a private question and also not when someone is judjing me or accusing me.......... all I wanted to say was Love and arranged marriage are not immpossible.. and that a muslim loves different than a non-muslim....... that´s all! First my heart was broken after I posted a thread about jihad and my own sister accused me of beeing a sucide bomber and now brother drimi has broken my heart and also you and this was to much............. u r right too I should take care what I write but still my heart is broken....... and u don´t have to feel guilty bec of me cuz ofcourse I forgive u... I really ask myself wheter I´m a bad person or not

We Allaicumu Salam dear sister.

Dear sister I have only advise you accoring Allahs words SubhanAllah,and Sunnah of our beloved Prophet Mohammed s.a.w.s.,and that you shoul only talk with your future husband with presence of mahram(some elder of your family) Inshallah,and I pray to Allah that he guide you sister and all of us.
I saw sister reply of our brother Drimi,and do not worry Inhsallah I will reply him now and tell him that he understand your wrong,and may Allah fogive the one who called you a suicide bomber Atagfirullah.

Do not say please sister that you are bad persone,becasue you are Muslima Alhadmulilah and you can never be bad.

May Allah bless you dear sister.

Salam.

Your sister Asja

 

[Asja]

Selam alejkum
I think so!
You said : "I can not imagine to get married with one I don´t love..... I don´t believe that love will come after marriage. wheter u love a person or not. I love my fiance alot even so he is complecated"
Now I have a question for you safiya58 and that question is
How do you can love one if you aren't married with him,how did you love him ,in first sight,or you have meet him before you have talked with him before or you have ....
You don't beleive that the love come after marriage,why ?
Selam alejkum

Allaicoumu Salam dear brother Drimi.

Dear brother I need to comment your reply regarding sister Safiyas post.
I think you have misuderstand her and she is Muslima Alhamdulillah,and she only said that she is talking with her future husband,and I have advise sister that she should talk with her future husband only in the presence of someone elder and Inshallah Allah is the One who guide.

We need to be very carefull with our questions and with our comments and to use suitible words so that we do not hurt someone without intention,Inshallah.

May Allah bless you dear brother.

Salam.

Your sister in Islam,Asja.

 

[safiya58]

:salam2: Ukhti i appologize being the thread starter if some one had broken your heart?

Ukhti....You are right and you should be strong be strong about it.....

If some one asks you personal question, the all you need to say "MISTER/MISS you are exceeding your boundaries/limits" and thats it....You dont have to take it beyond that.

Please dont take it personal .....jazakumullah khair

:salam2:,

acki u don´t have to apologize! That´s me I get angry very quickly but I also qualm down very quickly.... we all make mistakes... specially me :shymuslima1: that´s why I don´t have the right to complain about others.... so plz forgive me cuz I started with the fitna :astag: brother drimi, sister asja plz forgive ur sister:shake:

 

[RabiALLAH]

Selam alejkum
I think so!
You said : "I can not imagine to get married with one I don´t love..... I don´t believe that love will come after marriage. wheter u love a person or not. I love my fiance alot even so he is complecated"
Now I have a question for you safiya58 and that question is
How do you can love one if you aren't married with him,how did you love him ,in first sight,or you have meet him before you have talked with him before or you have ....
You don't beleive that the love come after marriage,why ?
Selam alejkum

Drimi
brother, salam aleikum
your questioning to Safiya that way is not acceptable, if she spontaneously talked about her personal life, you should not focus on it word by word, i felt so uncomfortable reading your post
she is like your sister, i wonder if you will marry someone you do not like at all. in Islam a man should look at the woman ,if he likes her, if his heart felt her, then he will marry if not, then he should not marry!! so love is not wrong, with out love we will not be a united Ummah, brother.

i believe we are here not to judge each other, we are here at TTI to learn from each other. and do not forget to love each other.

salam aleikum brother Drimi
May Allah swt grant our mothes,fathers,sisters and brothers in Gaza more patient and hope to overcome these miseries Ameen

 

[RabiALLAH]

:salam2:,

acki u don´t have to apologize! That´s me I get angry very quickly but I also qualm down very quickly.... we all make mistakes... specially me :shymuslima1: that´s why I don´t have the right to complain about others.... so plz forgive me cuz I started with the fitna :astag: brother drimi, sister asja plz forgive ur sister:shake:

all my respect to you Safiya for your kindness

 

[helpinghumanity]

:salam2:,

acki u don´t have to apologize! That´s me I get angry very quickly but I also qualm down very quickly.... we all make mistakes... specially me :shymuslima1: that´s why I don´t have the right to complain about others.... so plz forgive me cuz I started with the fitna :astag: brother drimi, sister asja plz forgive ur sister:shake:

:salam2:

So UKHTI you are a like a metal ..who gets hot very quickly and cools down very quickly......just joking ..dont take too serious..

Yes i agree that all of us make mistakes but wise is he who doesn't make mistakes over and over again and learn from the mistakes of others...

Okay so lets make a peace deal here...

EVERY BODY FORGIVES EVERYBODY ELSE IF THE ACTIONS OF SOME ONE CAUSED PAIN TO SOME ONE ELSE....

So inshallah from now onwards no one will directly or personal attack any one else...INSHALLAH.....