Marriage plans: do others also think like this?

[ahmed_indian]

:salam2:,

there are many thoughts which make me feel to back away from marriage. eg. wht if she rejects my proposal or wht if i reject her (i dont want to break someone's heart or confidence).

and wht if the marriage life do not go as we think. wht if she dislikes me but just move on by compromising. how will it feel to be with someone forever.

are these thoughts natural or i m crazy-type ?

 

[munawarah]

Always think positive, keep smiling!!

Never get too attached to the person before He/she accepts or declines proposal.

be steadfast on dua!

 

[slave_of_Allah]

Put your trust in Allah! You will never go wrong! Have faith brother and no your not crazy.

 

[allah is with me]

i guess your a-bit crazy ...or i guess i am crazy..umm well, i never think like that...ya sometimes, i think, what if i reject someone, or some1 rejects me........but most of the time.....i get happy when i think of marriage......i have never experianced the life of marriage,, but seeing some good couple, in which a husband, treats his wife so good...i get happy seeing that , and i pray allah, that, even i get a pios husband like that, who cares of me soo much...but in this generation, this is not happening, this is all very rare...so, i get scared when i think that .......no,no, this is natural , your not crazy,i was

 

[Muslimah16]

But where are all the brothers answers.....?

 

[alkathiri]

Pray istikhara and then go with your heart.
Dont worry too much about the sister getting hurt...

 

[mufakkir]

i guess your a-bit crazy ...or i guess i am crazy..umm well, i never think like that...ya sometimes, i think, what if i reject someone, or some1 rejects me........but most of the time.....i get happy when i think of marriage......i have never experianced the life of marriage,, but seeing some good couple, in which a husband, treats his wife so good...i get happy seeing that , and i pray allah, that, even i get a pios husband like that, who cares of me soo much...but in this generation, this is not happening, this is all very rare...so, i get scared when i think that .......no,no, this is natural , your not crazy,i was

Wow! You've managed to capture your thougts quite well. Patience, inshaAllah. Dont lose faith in us men.

 

[mufakkir]

But where are all the brothers answers.....?

A friend of mine had asked his wife about dealing with rejections and she had explained that, "though it may hurt for a while, it is something you get over fairly quickly. Especially when you consider the number of boys you've rejected, or if not, then those you might reject." I think this is a pretty decent way of dealing with the issue.

 

[IHearIslam]

naaaaa, you are not crazy! it's natural, I am scared of the same things, especially the "REJECTION part" I think that would hurt loads!!! once you get rejected I think aloooooot of us would feel HOPELESS! astaqfuruAllah! but then like sister "Allah is with me" I also get excited and happy when I see good practicing Muslim couples...I murmer some dua loool, it's really important to trust in Allah because NOT every girl would REJECT you and not every girl would accept you. there is a win win and a lose lose. So, I would always look at the positive side and go with my guts. InshaAllah, you will find a nice, beautiful pious sister be happy and always keep smilling, evn when hurt because ultimately, we're gonna find happiness by the mercy and grace of Allah Azzawajal
Allah hafiz now and always

 

[thariq2005]

As salamu alaikkum, I suppose the whole rejection part is something that is a bit common nowadays and its not a big deal anyways. Pray to Allah T'ala, and do your salathul istikhara, and I suppose any so called 'bad' that may come towards you is for your own good and any 'good' that comes towards you then surely that is what Allah azza wa jal has decreed upon you. You do not want to accept a woman because you think she is not suitable for your life, and this is not something that breaks her heart, but rather it is something she must feel good about. Because your not marrying her since you think you both may not have a good married life, and so your doing a favour upon the woman by rejecting her. Remember this is your life, and you cannot really compromise and think about what the girl will feel if you reject her. And likewise if she rejects you, then you will have to be happy and praise Allah T'ala. She probably is doing a favour upon you by rejecting again. So yeah you will have to put aside all the emabarassing things that MIGHT happen, and put your shyness for gettin married away for a little while lol

 

[a_muslimah86]

Akhi...

If you think about how you're going to "hurt feelings"..you will probably end up getting married to every sister you propose to and soon after you'll be out of slots to fill (afterall..you're only allowed 4 wives!)..and it's all because you have so much sympathy in your heart!

Likewise..if you think about "getting rejected"..then you'll NEVER get married..because you'll drown in hesitation!..and you won't make a move..EVER

Best thing to do is...ask about the sister and her family...ask ask ask ask ask...get to know EVERYTHING you want to know..even try to send people to the sister and/or her family and *subtly* asking questions with the connotation of...*would you accept a man with such and such characteristics as a husband for your daughter?*...and then find out what they say..you'll eliminate..TONS of awkwardness and preoccupation..and gain..TONS of confidence when you take the *actual steps* towards the proposal

As for whether or not what you're thinking about is strange..I think it's not..it's completely natural to feel that way..the best of us out there will feel nervous and feel a bit of pressure (the degree of both varies of course)...

personally..I don't worry about getting hurt..because any guy proposing to me..I won't know..so there's no emotional bond to base *hurt* off of..and because I am a firm believer in *And you may like a thing and it is of evil to you*..and I do not worry about hurting the brother proposing either because there's nothing *binding* me to accept him and if he's mature he will surely understand..pray for the best for me..and move on with his life

 

[fada_all]

Pray istikhara and then go with your heart.
Dont worry too much about the sister getting hurt...

i do agree with you akhi this the right decision good answer masha allah:ma::ma:

baraka allaho feek

 

[Muslimah16]

akhi

No akhi, you're not crazzzi lol

Dont worry about hurting the girl when u refuse. Cos she's probably thinking the exact same thing when refusing the guy
And im sure people dont take the refusal bit to heart ...

May Allah bless u with a pious wife akhi .. Aameen

Wassalaam

:tti_sister:

 

[zbhotto]

i guess your a-bit crazy ...or i guess i am crazy..umm well, i never think like that...ya sometimes, i think, what if i reject someone, or some1 rejects me........but most of the time.....i get happy when i think of marriage......i have never experianced the life of marriage,, but seeing some good couple, in which a husband, treats his wife so good...i get happy seeing that , and i pray allah, that, even i get a pios husband like that, who cares of me soo much...but in this generation, this is not happening, this is all very rare...so, i get scared when i think that .......no,no, this is natural , your not crazy,i was

The problem is nowadays the Girls become very choosy. They also seep good appearance, character, piety, Good JOB Salary everythings. How come they would find so many combinations. The problem also lies in the man too. I am so desperate to marry. I believe I would treat woman very kindly, I am very loving, I have good job, and I am higher educated. But still girls dont like to marry me because I am not good looking........,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

[~Ali_]

The problem is nowadays the Girls become very choosy. They also seep good appearance, character, piety, Good JOB Salary everythings. How come they would find so many combinations. The problem also lies in the man too. I am so desperate to marry. I believe I would treat woman very kindly, I am very loving, I have good job, and I am higher educated. But still girls dont like to marry me because I am not good looking........,,,,,,,,,,,,

Assalamualaikum brother - I smiled at your post.

I fit in the exact same boat.

Minus the job and education :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

[ahmed_indian]

i guess your a-bit crazy ...or i guess i am crazy..umm well, i never think like that...ya sometimes, i think, what if i reject someone, or some1 rejects me........but most of the time.....i get happy when i think of marriage......i have never experianced the life of marriage,, but seeing some good couple, in which a husband, treats his wife so good...i get happy seeing that , and i pray allah, that, even i get a pios husband like that, who cares of me soo much...but in this generation, this is not happening, this is all very rare...so, i get scared when i think that .......no,no, this is natural , your not crazy,i was

mashallah..i think you have said it all

InshaAllah, you will find a nice, beautiful pious sister be happy and always keep smilling, evn when hurt because ultimately, we're gonna find happiness by the mercy and grace of Allah Azzawajal

jazaak Allah khair a lot for ur beautiful Dua'. may Allah give you goodness of both worlds.

May Allah bless u with a pious wife akhi .. Aameen

Wassalaam

:tti_sister:

Ameen. and may Allah bless you too.

 

[ahmed_indian]

The problem is nowadays the Girls become very choosy. They also seep good appearance, character, piety, Good JOB Salary everythings. How come they would find so many combinations. The problem also lies in the man too. I am so desperate to marry. I believe I would treat woman very kindly, I am very loving, I have good job, and I am higher educated. But still girls dont like to marry me because I am not good looking........,,,,,,,,,,,,

Assalamualaikum brother - I smiled at your post.

I fit in the exact same boat.

Minus the job and education :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

should we open a matrimonial site?

www.wewillbegoodhusbands.com

 

[Almeftah]

:salam2:,

are these thoughts natural or i m crazy-type ?

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته


This is definitely Shaytan messing with your mind..

1- The Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
`O young people! Whoever among you can support a wife should marry, for that is more modest for the gaze and safer for your private parts.'
( Marriage quote from Sahih Muslim, Sahih Bukhari)

2- Marriage quotation narrated by Anas bin Malik:
“A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet asking how the Prophet worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, "Where are we from the Prophet as his past and future sins have been forgiven." Then one of them said, "I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever." The other said, "I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast." The third said, "I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever." Allah's Apostle came to them and said, "Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers)."
( Marriage quote from Sahih Bukhari, Sahih Muslim)

3- The Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
"When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."
( Marriage quotation from Bayhqi)

4- The Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
“Nikah (marriage) is my Sunna. He who shuns my Sunna is not of me.”
( Marriage quotation from Muslim)

5- The Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
`The worst among you are your bachelors!'
( Marriage quotes from Abu Ya'la and Tabarani.)



Reconsider my brother..