kayleigh
Junior Member
Yes, I'm happy I'm Muslim. I'm not any more lonely than before. It's just that most of my friends aren't Muslim.
Salam Alyakum reverts :)
- Thread starter FreedomFighter
- Start date
Yes, I'm happy I'm Muslim. I'm not any more lonely than before. It's just that most of my friends aren't Muslim.
AyeshaL
Junior Member
Revert?
Salaams everyone,
I think there is confusion because non-Muslims dont use the word revert when refering to someone who has changed their religion - they use the word 'convert' as they would regardless of the religion the person converted to. Muslims use 'revert' because they believe the person is coming back to the truth. Non-Muslims dont have this perspective and just see a change. I use both depending on who i am talking to in order to avoid confusion. But perhaps I should use the word 'revert' more to encourage discussion - form of dawah?! I also think that born Muslims can revert back to the straight path but they havent converted - if you follow the above definition!!!
Anyway - my story is that when I 'reverted'
it was a time of great turbulance - I wanted to change everything straight away - alhamdulilla! If I understood and believed Allah was asking me to do something - pray, fast, change my name, not drink, dress more modestly - it would be immediate - alhamdulilla. In that 'honeymoon period' things changed rapidly. I was so happy and trusted in Allah. However, I think one of the main dangers when you revert is that you just want to be a Muslim - and then people from all sorts of groups try and convince you to take on another label. I have been approached from people ranging from Sufis to Hizb ut-Tahrir and I had to clue myself up pretty fast before I got swallowed up! I think reverts are more vulnerable than they realise. I made a lot of decisions very quickly about my life and I wish I'd taken some things more slowly to give me the chance to develop my deen and experience it properly. I feel some teachers misled me and should have been more aware that I needed someone to say it was okay to slow down.
The Muslim community have been fairly welcoming but I guess it has a lot to do with how willing you are to get involved - I've been employed by two Muslim organisations since reverting, alhamdulilla - which means I've made a lot of contacts and friends that way. My advice to other new reverts is to volunteer at a Muslim organisation and meet brothers and sisters while working towards a common, Islamic goal - like to raise money for a charity.
I must say though, the reality of how a lot of Muslims live Islam (and I include myself) is a real let down in comparison to how perfect Islam is. I think we should all be so ashamed that we are not representing this beautiful deen properly. It was an awful realisation to have and was a real thump back to earth for me! Perhaps I was just too optimistic!
Sometimes the loneliness comes from not feeling like you fit anywhere. As a revert you are asked to leave a lot of your own culture at the door, whereas other born Muslims have mixed culture with religion. It is confusing and seems unfair...and also means you dont feel at home with the community sometimes. On the other hand you go back to your non-Muslim family (inshaAllah) and you dont seem to fit there either - you have a different mindset etc. I am so aware that I talk about Islam too much in their eyes - but I cant help it!!! So you're stuck in this halfway house and I havent met many other reverts - so I lot of the time, you are on your own.
Thank you to the sister who reminded me that I should be more grateful to Allah for opening my eyes to Islam. Sometimes, when its tough, you forget how beautiful it is and how fortunate we are - JzkAllah for the reminder.
Wasalaam
Salaams everyone,
I think there is confusion because non-Muslims dont use the word revert when refering to someone who has changed their religion - they use the word 'convert' as they would regardless of the religion the person converted to. Muslims use 'revert' because they believe the person is coming back to the truth. Non-Muslims dont have this perspective and just see a change. I use both depending on who i am talking to in order to avoid confusion. But perhaps I should use the word 'revert' more to encourage discussion - form of dawah?! I also think that born Muslims can revert back to the straight path but they havent converted - if you follow the above definition!!!
Anyway - my story is that when I 'reverted'
it was a time of great turbulance - I wanted to change everything straight away - alhamdulilla! If I understood and believed Allah was asking me to do something - pray, fast, change my name, not drink, dress more modestly - it would be immediate - alhamdulilla. In that 'honeymoon period' things changed rapidly. I was so happy and trusted in Allah. However, I think one of the main dangers when you revert is that you just want to be a Muslim - and then people from all sorts of groups try and convince you to take on another label. I have been approached from people ranging from Sufis to Hizb ut-Tahrir and I had to clue myself up pretty fast before I got swallowed up! I think reverts are more vulnerable than they realise. I made a lot of decisions very quickly about my life and I wish I'd taken some things more slowly to give me the chance to develop my deen and experience it properly. I feel some teachers misled me and should have been more aware that I needed someone to say it was okay to slow down. The Muslim community have been fairly welcoming but I guess it has a lot to do with how willing you are to get involved - I've been employed by two Muslim organisations since reverting, alhamdulilla - which means I've made a lot of contacts and friends that way. My advice to other new reverts is to volunteer at a Muslim organisation and meet brothers and sisters while working towards a common, Islamic goal - like to raise money for a charity.
I must say though, the reality of how a lot of Muslims live Islam (and I include myself) is a real let down in comparison to how perfect Islam is. I think we should all be so ashamed that we are not representing this beautiful deen properly. It was an awful realisation to have and was a real thump back to earth for me! Perhaps I was just too optimistic!
Sometimes the loneliness comes from not feeling like you fit anywhere. As a revert you are asked to leave a lot of your own culture at the door, whereas other born Muslims have mixed culture with religion. It is confusing and seems unfair...and also means you dont feel at home with the community sometimes. On the other hand you go back to your non-Muslim family (inshaAllah) and you dont seem to fit there either - you have a different mindset etc. I am so aware that I talk about Islam too much in their eyes - but I cant help it!!! So you're stuck in this halfway house and I havent met many other reverts - so I lot of the time, you are on your own.
Thank you to the sister who reminded me that I should be more grateful to Allah for opening my eyes to Islam. Sometimes, when its tough, you forget how beautiful it is and how fortunate we are - JzkAllah for the reminder.
Wasalaam
I feel MUCH more lonely now than before I reverted. My family accepts, but they don't live anywhere near me (I am in California, they in the state of Washington). And I feel I have nothing in common with any of my "pre-Islam" friends. I've met many brothers at my masjid but as I've posted in another thread many of my brothers are happy to be my brother but not many are interested in being my friend. When it got out to a couple of them that both my roommates were gay, the brothers that will hang out with me stated they adamantly refused to come to my house until I kicked them out (they've both been given their vacate notice).
But on top of that, some things have been difficult to adjust to... Not that I am comparing, but growing up as a Muslim and living without things all one's life is much easer than living WITH something and then giving it up. For example: giving up pork. Oh my I DO love me some baby back ribs & pork breakfast sausage! LOL Giving up alcohol... I wasn't a heavy drinker but I did enjoy a glass of wine or absinthe here and there. And most recent, giving up music. I drive about 86 miles each way (about 138 KM) to and from work so I listened to music a LOT. Now I can't... that's a bit of a hardship (make dua for me please that I can find a job closer to home!).
The positive side is that among those brothers are a handful that will call me when I'm out ill to check on me, or will include me in events... and whatever I've given up for Allah He's given me something in return...I eat lamb now instead of pork and its much healthier.
I won't change my name...though out of fun I sometimes spell it differently (Daniel is my name, Danyal is the "Arabic" spelling).
Wa salaam..
But on top of that, some things have been difficult to adjust to... Not that I am comparing, but growing up as a Muslim and living without things all one's life is much easer than living WITH something and then giving it up. For example: giving up pork. Oh my I DO love me some baby back ribs & pork breakfast sausage! LOL Giving up alcohol... I wasn't a heavy drinker but I did enjoy a glass of wine or absinthe here and there. And most recent, giving up music. I drive about 86 miles each way (about 138 KM) to and from work so I listened to music a LOT. Now I can't... that's a bit of a hardship (make dua for me please that I can find a job closer to home!).
The positive side is that among those brothers are a handful that will call me when I'm out ill to check on me, or will include me in events... and whatever I've given up for Allah He's given me something in return...I eat lamb now instead of pork and its much healthier.
I won't change my name...though out of fun I sometimes spell it differently (Daniel is my name, Danyal is the "Arabic" spelling).
Wa salaam..
FreedomFighter
Junior Member
alhamdulillah.. even though sometimes its feel lonely, but there is the happiness that you're Muslim. sometimes Muslims have to cope with the hardest things.
FreedomFighter
Junior Member
Salaams everyone,
I think there is confusion because non-Muslims dont use the word revert when refering to someone who has changed their religion - they use the word 'convert' as they would regardless of the religion the person converted to. Muslims use 'revert' because they believe the person is coming back to the truth. Non-Muslims dont have this perspective and just see a change. I use both depending on who i am talking to in order to avoid confusion. But perhaps I should use the word 'revert' more to encourage discussion - form of dawah?! I also think that born Muslims can revert back to the straight path but they havent converted - if you follow the above definition!!!
Anyway - my story is that when I 'reverted'
The Muslim community have been fairly welcoming but I guess it has a lot to do with how willing you are to get involved - I've been employed by two Muslim organisations since reverting, alhamdulilla - which means I've made a lot of contacts and friends that way. My advice to other new reverts is to volunteer at a Muslim organisation and meet brothers and sisters while working towards a common, Islamic goal - like to raise money for a charity.
I must say though, the reality of how a lot of Muslims live Islam (and I include myself) is a real let down in comparison to how perfect Islam is. I think we should all be so ashamed that we are not representing this beautiful deen properly. It was an awful realisation to have and was a real thump back to earth for me! Perhaps I was just too optimistic!
Sometimes the loneliness comes from not feeling like you fit anywhere. As a revert you are asked to leave a lot of your own culture at the door, whereas other born Muslims have mixed culture with religion. It is confusing and seems unfair...and also means you dont feel at home with the community sometimes. On the other hand you go back to your non-Muslim family (inshaAllah) and you dont seem to fit there either - you have a different mindset etc. I am so aware that I talk about Islam too much in their eyes - but I cant help it!!! So you're stuck in this halfway house and I havent met many other reverts - so I lot of the time, you are on your own.
Thank you to the sister who reminded me that I should be more grateful to Allah for opening my eyes to Islam. Sometimes, when its tough, you forget how beautiful it is and how fortunate we are - JzkAllah for the reminder.
Wasalaam
:salam2:
jazakAllah khayr for sharing. ya, its pretty hard for new Muslims, because other sects call them to join, and this does create confusion. its not your fault that you took things fast, being a revert, you maybe wanted to make sure you did everything correctly in Islam and wanted to try your best to experience it the right way. its not your fault that you didnt slow down, because having these different sects calling to you must have been confusing and you needed to get everything straight, sorted out. ya you'r right, sometimes you got get involved to feel that you fit in. and good advice you gave. i think in every religion you have those who practice it, and you have those who dont. you probably saw the other side, that kind brought you down, because as a revert you have faith that this is it, this is the truth and is the real thing. so when you see some things not as how you thought it would be, just know that islam is perfect, just that sometimes you have those who try best to represent it the way it should be, and you have those who you may think are not doing enough. but dont let that let you down, because in every religion, there is probably something like this. because i think as a revert that you leave a lot of culture behind, is because a lot of that culture is not in line with Islam. whereas those born Muslims, most of the Islamic culture had always been there, though not all. dont feel its unfair. dont forget that as new Muslims, you are like a new born, mashaAllah, whereas born Muslims are not like that. the thing i think is you should try to adopt the Islamic culture and just see how it goes, though i think as reverts you already adopt most of the Islamic culture. and ya sometimes when it gets tough, we may forget how beautiful is Islam.
FreedomFighter
Junior Member
:salam2:
jazakAllah khayran for sharing. mashaAllah to have family accept you as a Muslim! i think a few have family that will accept compared to those that dont. hmm, the brothers that are willing to be your brother and not friend, seem to be keeping to themselves. oh that is sad roommates were gay, but that shouldnt stop the other brothers to hang out with you, though maybe they have some reasons for not wanting to come over your house because of the roommates. inshaAllah with time, you'l find good friends. sometimes growing up as a Muslim doesnt mean you have it easy and that there's nothing to give up, because the influence of others is sometimes strong, so you find some born Muslims doing things you have to give up. you were used to what you had to give up? then i think you can get used to giving up what you gave up. inshaAllah with time, you'l find its not so hard to live without the things you had to give up. inshaAllah you'l find a job near to home. i think somewhere you'l always find those Muslims that'l ask after you. and ya lamb is healthier, so thats good. and didnt know Danyal is Arabic spelling, Daniel and Danyal almost sound the same, but they dont.
Mujahideena
New Member
Wa Alaykom Assalam Wa RahmatuAllahi wa Barakatuh
I'm a revert and I can honestly say that my life was full of people and friends before I converted to Islam. But I was not happy. I was living a life of sin. Not doing big sins, wallahi I never even had a boyfriend. But still, doing the "small" bad things, which I considered to be completely ok. I was never happy. I was suicidal. I only was happy to hear something bad had happened to someone else. I could not think of another person without trying to find faults of her/him.
Now:
I have only couple friends, all muslimas, but they are my true friends. They make me happy, they care about me. I am happy. I know what is the purpose of life. I have a goal in life: to be a good muslima and inshaaAllah a good mother one day. I have abandoned the life of sin. I hate that old lifestyle of mine. I feel sick when I think about it. But the thing is. I don't think about it a lot. I think about this day. I think about Allah and I think about my reward in akhira inshaaAllah khayr. I think about death but not in the same way I was thinking about it when I wanted to kill myself. Now I am waiting for it to come so I can say laa ilaaha ila Allah. I could never think bad of another person anymore. I become happy when I hear something good happened to someone else. I am more supportive to people around me. I love my parents more ( it might sound like I didn't love them before, but I did, now I am just showing my love to them ). I cannot talk in a disrespective tone to my father or mother. I dress modestly. My life didn't change but it changed. It is difficult to explain. Because I am still the same girl as I was before, but still, I am completely different. Alhamdullillah.
I am happy. And I am PROUD to be a muslima who prays 5 times a day and wears hijab. I am not ashamed to say at uni: "I'm going to pray now, brb, inshaaAllah."
I could just go on and on about this for the next 5 hours, but I think you got the idea already.
Wasalaam,
Mujahida
I'm a revert and I can honestly say that my life was full of people and friends before I converted to Islam. But I was not happy. I was living a life of sin. Not doing big sins, wallahi I never even had a boyfriend. But still, doing the "small" bad things, which I considered to be completely ok. I was never happy. I was suicidal. I only was happy to hear something bad had happened to someone else. I could not think of another person without trying to find faults of her/him.
Now:
I have only couple friends, all muslimas, but they are my true friends. They make me happy, they care about me. I am happy. I know what is the purpose of life. I have a goal in life: to be a good muslima and inshaaAllah a good mother one day. I have abandoned the life of sin. I hate that old lifestyle of mine. I feel sick when I think about it. But the thing is. I don't think about it a lot. I think about this day. I think about Allah and I think about my reward in akhira inshaaAllah khayr. I think about death but not in the same way I was thinking about it when I wanted to kill myself. Now I am waiting for it to come so I can say laa ilaaha ila Allah. I could never think bad of another person anymore. I become happy when I hear something good happened to someone else. I am more supportive to people around me. I love my parents more ( it might sound like I didn't love them before, but I did, now I am just showing my love to them ). I cannot talk in a disrespective tone to my father or mother. I dress modestly. My life didn't change but it changed. It is difficult to explain. Because I am still the same girl as I was before, but still, I am completely different. Alhamdullillah.
I am happy. And I am PROUD to be a muslima who prays 5 times a day and wears hijab. I am not ashamed to say at uni: "I'm going to pray now, brb, inshaaAllah."
I could just go on and on about this for the next 5 hours, but I think you got the idea already.
Wasalaam,
Mujahida
TheKnowledgeSeeker
A Believer In Heart
Assalamu Alaykum,
Masha'Allah!! Thank you for sharing to all. I love reading your stories, very encouraging. May Allah SWT reward you for your patience, May Allah SWT bless you all with happines and more knowledge of this beautiful deen. Ameen!!!
Masha'Allah!! Thank you for sharing to all. I love reading your stories, very encouraging. May Allah SWT reward you for your patience, May Allah SWT bless you all with happines and more knowledge of this beautiful deen. Ameen!!!
FreedomFighter
Junior Member
I'm a revert and I can honestly say that my life was full of people and friends before I converted to Islam. But I was not happy. I was living a life of sin. Not doing big sins, wallahi I never even had a boyfriend. But still, doing the "small" bad things, which I considered to be completely ok. I was never happy. I was suicidal. I only was happy to hear something bad had happened to someone else. I could not think of another person without trying to find faults of her/him.
Now:
I have only couple friends, all muslimas, but they are my true friends. They make me happy, they care about me. I am happy. I know what is the purpose of life. I have a goal in life: to be a good muslima and inshaaAllah a good mother one day. I have abandoned the life of sin. I hate that old lifestyle of mine. I feel sick when I think about it. But the thing is. I don't think about it a lot. I think about this day. I think about Allah and I think about my reward in akhira inshaaAllah khayr. I think about death but not in the same way I was thinking about it when I wanted to kill myself. Now I am waiting for it to come so I can say laa ilaaha ila Allah. I could never think bad of another person anymore. I become happy when I hear something good happened to someone else. I am more supportive to people around me. I love my parents more ( it might sound like I didn't love them before, but I did, now I am just showing my love to them ). I cannot talk in a disrespective tone to my father or mother. I dress modestly. My life didn't change but it changed. It is difficult to explain. Because I am still the same girl as I was before, but still, I am completely different. Alhamdullillah.
I am happy. And I am PROUD to be a muslima who prays 5 times a day and wears hijab. I am not ashamed to say at uni: "I'm going to pray now, brb, inshaaAllah."
I could just go on and on about this for the next 5 hours, but I think you got the idea already.
Wasalaam,
Mujahida
:salam2:
jazakAllah khayran for sharing. mashaAllah, just the way to feel when you enter Islam. you sure are blessed
FreedomFighter
Junior Member
:salam2:
jazakAllah khayran for reading. ya beautiful stories and encouraging too, mashaAllah. ameen
I am a revert. I used to have lots of friends. Now I have just a few but not really any are muslims. Its hard. I am married. Got married to a muslim before I became muslim. I didnt lose my old friends because I became muslim, I lost them because my husband was abusive and controlling. He ran all my friends off. I found a few of them again and we talk sometimes but I feel we have nothing in common anymore. And they all tell me I'm boring now and I used to be a lot more fun. I still like to have fun, just not THEIR kind of fun because it's haraam. My dad is horrible and has always been horrible. He's worse now though, with me being muslim. He is so racist. My mom doesnt mind me being muslim at all. But she does tell me that I look like a chemotherapy patient and a nun when she sees me in hijab. Not nice. Neither of my parents like my arabic husband. My mom pretends to like him, though. My dad and my husband constantly talk bad about eachother to me and since I am still kind of a new muslim without too much knowledge, I dont know how to react to it properly. The way you react to something when you dont have religion is sometimes different than how you react when you are following religion, especially Islam. I dont know how to stop the bad-mouthing between my dad and husband. They both talk about killing each other (and my husband is MUSLIM!!! He should know better!). I dont have really any muslima friends and I need some. I need some nice women to hang out with. I am scared to go to the masjid to learn and meet people because I am shy and I feel like a burden. Most of what I learn is from the internet (yay TTI!). That's pretty much it, I think. =) I think the idea of a website linking new reverts with other muslims is a very good idea, by the way.
i'm also a revert coming from a catholic family and culture. if anybody knows how mexican culture is would know that the news for my parents were very shocking.
i told my parents after a long time of hiding it. they accepted but my mom seems ashamed of me. she hasn't told anyone else in our family or our close family friends. i also feel lonely because i don't have many muslim friends or people around who are muslim. the few muslim friends i have are very far away from me, like turkey and malaysia, but still help me as much as they can. they send me books, scarfs, and my very first quran. i thank Allah for such great people. my non muslim friends are still my friends and they understood completly alhamdulillah! but most people around me don't know about my conversion. really i feel so happy to have found islam
coming from a catholic family and culture. if anybody knows how mexican culture is would know that the news for my parents were very shocking.i told my parents after a long time of hiding it. they accepted but my mom seems ashamed of me. she hasn't told anyone else in our family or our close family friends. i also feel lonely because i don't have many muslim friends or people around who are muslim. the few muslim friends i have are very far away from me, like turkey and malaysia, but still help me as much as they can. they send me books, scarfs, and my very first quran. i thank Allah for such great people. my non muslim friends are still my friends and they understood completly alhamdulillah! but most people around me don't know about my conversion. really i feel so happy to have found islam
FreedomFighter
Junior Member
:salam2:
jazakAllah khayran for sharing. hmm with being Muslim comes sacrificies, especially when it comes to family. maybe regarding your dad and husband, you can try to somehow make them more friendly to each other. you can tell the other nice things about the other. sis dont feel like your a burden. your a revert, so i think if the sisters in the mosque know that, they will help you, and you'll make new friends, inshaAllah.
FreedomFighter
Junior Member
i'm also a revert
i told my parents after a long time of hiding it. they accepted but my mom seems ashamed of me. she hasn't told anyone else in our family or our close family friends. i also feel lonely because i don't have many muslim friends or people around who are muslim. the few muslim friends i have are very far away from me, like turkey and malaysia, but still help me as much as they can. they send me books, scarfs, and my very first quran. i thank Allah for such great people. my non muslim friends are still my friends and they understood completly alhamdulillah! but most people around me don't know about my conversion. really i feel so happy to have found islam
:salam2:
jazakAllah khayran for sharing. mashaAllah, what a struggle, like most the reverts go through. thats great you're friends are helping you out, even the distance and that your non-Muslims friends even understand, mashaAllah. alhamdulillah, am glad you did find Islam.
Asiya-sparkles
Junior Member
:salam2:
thanks for subscribing! hope to hear your story too
Assalamu alaikom wa rahmat allahi wa burrahktohu,
I have been a practising muslim now for 8 years Alhamdulillah, and it has been a mixture of good and bad...good from the perspective of being able to learn about Islam, Alhamdulillah, because knowledge and pious muslims have been placed in my path ma'shAllah! Bad, well, no, not really, but intensley lonely at times, Subhan Allah, but we should realise that everything that comes to us, or passes us by is with the permission of Allah, and as i have grown, I've realised that even in the most difficult trials, or lonely times there has been hiqma (wisdom) I may not know or realise all of that wisdom, but in reflection, I've appreciated being protected from fitnah, shirk, backbiting - including engaging in it, being put off Islam by the behaviour of some muslims (Astarghfirullah!) and finding out my areas of weakness and seeking the help of Allah to rectify myself inshAllah. So the bad, possibly has been the best of all!